Rating: PG-13 for Sensitive Material
*@*IMPORTANT- **This chapter deals with sensitive subject matter (rape). If that bothers you, please do not read this chapter. You have been warned. **
Howdy y'all! Back again...Hope y'all have a happy Thanksgiving. Thank you so much everyone for reviews, you all probably know how awesome it feels to get praise from other writers. Its very inspiring when compliments on my work come from other writers that I respect so much.
*There may be spoilers. Also, I don't know much about Mac's friend (Eddie?) so I am disregarding most things that may have been said in episodes about him. I think.
Thank you to JAGFreak for your offer to beta, I'll be sending an e-mail to you within (hopefully) the next week. I appreciate it.
Miran-I read your suggestion for a title, and after a few minutes thinking about where this story is going, I decided it would be absolutely perfect! But no more hints...
Any way, chapter two is here. As I just mentioned, I really liked Miran's title suggestion of 'Echoes'. That is the tentative title (though it has not been updated yet) of the story.
On with the show.
~~~~~~~~~~
1830 Local
Harm's Apartment
Mac knocked on the door hesitantly. She did not want to be there at all. About thirty seconds later, Harm opened the door and smiled, letting her into his apartment.
"Hey. Come on in, make yourself comfortable."
"Thanks." Mac replied and scooted past him into the living room.
"Can I get you anything? Water?" Harm offered, trying to get his partner to relax.
She shrugged, glancing at him. "That would be great, thanks."
Harm went into the kitchen to get bottled waters for them. When he came out, Mac was standing by the window, her arms folded across her chest. She was still acting fidgety, not meeting his eyes. As he held the water out towards her, she looked at his hand and seemed to shift back a bit. Harm noticed this and instead put the bottle on the coffee table and backed up to sit on the couch. Only after he was sitting did Mac move forward to grab the water. She snatched it up quickly then retreated once more to the window.
Harm did not want to say anything, knowing that trying to force information from her was not the way to go, but he got the distinct feeling that they would be there all night being silent.
"Mac?" Though his voice was soft, Mac jumped when she heard him. She kept looking at the floor.
"Mac, I know you probably don't want to talk, but you need to do it sometime. If you don't you and I both know that whatever is bothering you won't go away. I want to help, Mac. Talk to me."
She sighed. Shifting her weight again, she took a small sip of water and started pacing near the window. At this, Harm knew he was getting somewhere.
"You know some of what my early life was like. My father was an alchoholic, he beat my mother and I. My mother left me at 15. I became an alchoholic. Obviously in a little bit more detail. You are one of the few that know in detail what it was like. But some stuff, I left out. Nobody has ever heard it, nobody knows about it but me. Well, my father knew it, but he was so drunk it wouldn't have ever made a difference."
Mac paused, drawing a shaky breath and standing still, looking at the floor again. Harm stayed silent, not wanting to interupt and send her back into her shell.
She continued. "After my mother left, the drinking and the beatings got worse. I started drinking as a way to mask the pain, forget about what was going on around me. Big mistake. I came home one night, I had been out with my friends. We had a few drinks, which was enough for me. At that time, all it took for me to be drunk was three beers. I came home, and a half an hour later my father walked in the door. He was, as usual, trashed. He came up to my room..."
Mac looked out the window, turning her back on Harm and wiped a few tears from her face. Harm was still on the couch, listening carefully. He could immediately guess what had happened next. He knew she was struggling with herself over whether to continue or not, though she probably knew that he realized what happened.
"He raped me. I was fifteen. I was drunk, I couldn't do anything to stop it. He was so strong, and when he was drunk it always seemed that he had more strength. Me, I was drunk and new at it, I couldn't do anything even if I had tried. That was the first time. Every night after that, it continued. I started drinking more and more after that. It was harder to hide the pain. I always tried to get home early. If he came back and I wasn't home, I would be beaten severely as soon as I walked in the door, then he would drag me upstairs and force himself upon me."
She was slowly inching toward the couch as she talked. Her voice was emotionless now, like she wasn't feeling anything. She was still tense, ready to bolt. Harm was afraid to move and startle her. The fact that she was moving towards him was a big milestone, he did not want to do something to make her retreat at this point.
"I think Uncle Matt had an idea what was happening. I was not allowed to use the phone unless my father was listening to the conversation. I couldn't answer the phone. Mail sent to me would be intercepted by him, and he wouldn't let me send any letters. I am not sure why I was still allowed out of the house, my father knew I was going drinking. Maybe he knew I would be defenseless if I drank, and it would be easier for him to have his way. I became more withdrawn, friends always told me I needed to lighten up, have more fun. I didn't know how, drinking wasn't a hobby for me, it was an escape. They didn't seem to understand that."
Mac stifled a yawn. She was near the coffee table by now and put the water down. Harm could see that this was taking a lot out of her, but he strongly felt that it would be worth it in the end. She looked as if she wanted to sit, but was afraid it would make her more vulnerable.
Finally Harm spoke. "Sit down, Sarah. Nothing will happen to you here, I promise. I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."
She quickly glanced at him, she heard him, but she wasn't ready yet. She knew deep down he would never do anything to her, but she was consumed by fear and it was altering her ability to think properly. Her mind kept telling her not ot give in, that he was going to take advantage of her once she sat, though her heart was telling her that he would never touch her in a harmful way. Right now, her mind was winning the war.
"This wewnt on for years, until Eddie's accident. You know what happened after that. I wasn't able to trust anyone after that, even Uncle Matt. It took a while for me to trust him, especially since he had taken me away from the alchohol. I viewed him as an enemy after that. No one ever heard what I just told you. You are the first one. Do me a favor and don't let anyone else know either. I kept it to myself all these years, I had been able to hide it and push it way back. I don't need it getting out, Harm. Please." She was begging him.
"Come here." He requested. She finally looked him in the eyes and saw the caringness (lol) there. Her heart had managed to gun down her mind, and she was thinking somewhat rationally again, but still she was nervous. She cautiously walked towards him until she was within arms reach. He started to reach up to her, but quickly pulled back when she flinched. She sat on the couch close to him, but not touching.
He heard her sniffle and knew she was trying not to cry. Moving slowly, he turned toward her and reached for her again. He put him arms around her gently, and when he felt her tense up again he quickly loosened his grasp. After a minute she relaxed into his arms and he was able to hug her to him.
It was only then that she started to cry.
~~~~~~~~~
Written November 26th, 2003.
How was this, y'all?
"The future belongs to those who believe in the power of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt
More is still to come, provided that you give me feedback!
*@*IMPORTANT- **This chapter deals with sensitive subject matter (rape). If that bothers you, please do not read this chapter. You have been warned. **
Howdy y'all! Back again...Hope y'all have a happy Thanksgiving. Thank you so much everyone for reviews, you all probably know how awesome it feels to get praise from other writers. Its very inspiring when compliments on my work come from other writers that I respect so much.
*There may be spoilers. Also, I don't know much about Mac's friend (Eddie?) so I am disregarding most things that may have been said in episodes about him. I think.
Thank you to JAGFreak for your offer to beta, I'll be sending an e-mail to you within (hopefully) the next week. I appreciate it.
Miran-I read your suggestion for a title, and after a few minutes thinking about where this story is going, I decided it would be absolutely perfect! But no more hints...
Any way, chapter two is here. As I just mentioned, I really liked Miran's title suggestion of 'Echoes'. That is the tentative title (though it has not been updated yet) of the story.
On with the show.
~~~~~~~~~~
1830 Local
Harm's Apartment
Mac knocked on the door hesitantly. She did not want to be there at all. About thirty seconds later, Harm opened the door and smiled, letting her into his apartment.
"Hey. Come on in, make yourself comfortable."
"Thanks." Mac replied and scooted past him into the living room.
"Can I get you anything? Water?" Harm offered, trying to get his partner to relax.
She shrugged, glancing at him. "That would be great, thanks."
Harm went into the kitchen to get bottled waters for them. When he came out, Mac was standing by the window, her arms folded across her chest. She was still acting fidgety, not meeting his eyes. As he held the water out towards her, she looked at his hand and seemed to shift back a bit. Harm noticed this and instead put the bottle on the coffee table and backed up to sit on the couch. Only after he was sitting did Mac move forward to grab the water. She snatched it up quickly then retreated once more to the window.
Harm did not want to say anything, knowing that trying to force information from her was not the way to go, but he got the distinct feeling that they would be there all night being silent.
"Mac?" Though his voice was soft, Mac jumped when she heard him. She kept looking at the floor.
"Mac, I know you probably don't want to talk, but you need to do it sometime. If you don't you and I both know that whatever is bothering you won't go away. I want to help, Mac. Talk to me."
She sighed. Shifting her weight again, she took a small sip of water and started pacing near the window. At this, Harm knew he was getting somewhere.
"You know some of what my early life was like. My father was an alchoholic, he beat my mother and I. My mother left me at 15. I became an alchoholic. Obviously in a little bit more detail. You are one of the few that know in detail what it was like. But some stuff, I left out. Nobody has ever heard it, nobody knows about it but me. Well, my father knew it, but he was so drunk it wouldn't have ever made a difference."
Mac paused, drawing a shaky breath and standing still, looking at the floor again. Harm stayed silent, not wanting to interupt and send her back into her shell.
She continued. "After my mother left, the drinking and the beatings got worse. I started drinking as a way to mask the pain, forget about what was going on around me. Big mistake. I came home one night, I had been out with my friends. We had a few drinks, which was enough for me. At that time, all it took for me to be drunk was three beers. I came home, and a half an hour later my father walked in the door. He was, as usual, trashed. He came up to my room..."
Mac looked out the window, turning her back on Harm and wiped a few tears from her face. Harm was still on the couch, listening carefully. He could immediately guess what had happened next. He knew she was struggling with herself over whether to continue or not, though she probably knew that he realized what happened.
"He raped me. I was fifteen. I was drunk, I couldn't do anything to stop it. He was so strong, and when he was drunk it always seemed that he had more strength. Me, I was drunk and new at it, I couldn't do anything even if I had tried. That was the first time. Every night after that, it continued. I started drinking more and more after that. It was harder to hide the pain. I always tried to get home early. If he came back and I wasn't home, I would be beaten severely as soon as I walked in the door, then he would drag me upstairs and force himself upon me."
She was slowly inching toward the couch as she talked. Her voice was emotionless now, like she wasn't feeling anything. She was still tense, ready to bolt. Harm was afraid to move and startle her. The fact that she was moving towards him was a big milestone, he did not want to do something to make her retreat at this point.
"I think Uncle Matt had an idea what was happening. I was not allowed to use the phone unless my father was listening to the conversation. I couldn't answer the phone. Mail sent to me would be intercepted by him, and he wouldn't let me send any letters. I am not sure why I was still allowed out of the house, my father knew I was going drinking. Maybe he knew I would be defenseless if I drank, and it would be easier for him to have his way. I became more withdrawn, friends always told me I needed to lighten up, have more fun. I didn't know how, drinking wasn't a hobby for me, it was an escape. They didn't seem to understand that."
Mac stifled a yawn. She was near the coffee table by now and put the water down. Harm could see that this was taking a lot out of her, but he strongly felt that it would be worth it in the end. She looked as if she wanted to sit, but was afraid it would make her more vulnerable.
Finally Harm spoke. "Sit down, Sarah. Nothing will happen to you here, I promise. I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."
She quickly glanced at him, she heard him, but she wasn't ready yet. She knew deep down he would never do anything to her, but she was consumed by fear and it was altering her ability to think properly. Her mind kept telling her not ot give in, that he was going to take advantage of her once she sat, though her heart was telling her that he would never touch her in a harmful way. Right now, her mind was winning the war.
"This wewnt on for years, until Eddie's accident. You know what happened after that. I wasn't able to trust anyone after that, even Uncle Matt. It took a while for me to trust him, especially since he had taken me away from the alchohol. I viewed him as an enemy after that. No one ever heard what I just told you. You are the first one. Do me a favor and don't let anyone else know either. I kept it to myself all these years, I had been able to hide it and push it way back. I don't need it getting out, Harm. Please." She was begging him.
"Come here." He requested. She finally looked him in the eyes and saw the caringness (lol) there. Her heart had managed to gun down her mind, and she was thinking somewhat rationally again, but still she was nervous. She cautiously walked towards him until she was within arms reach. He started to reach up to her, but quickly pulled back when she flinched. She sat on the couch close to him, but not touching.
He heard her sniffle and knew she was trying not to cry. Moving slowly, he turned toward her and reached for her again. He put him arms around her gently, and when he felt her tense up again he quickly loosened his grasp. After a minute she relaxed into his arms and he was able to hug her to him.
It was only then that she started to cry.
~~~~~~~~~
Written November 26th, 2003.
How was this, y'all?
"The future belongs to those who believe in the power of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt
More is still to come, provided that you give me feedback!