Title: Checkerboard Squares

Fandom: Discworld

Author: Mistress Arion

Rating: R (right now)

Spoilers: None (If you know who they are, you've already read the books!)

Warnings: This story will contain FEMSLASH and SLASH. If you do not like the

idea of two women or two men in a sexual relationship, RUN AWAY

NOW!

Disclaimer: The mighty Terry Pratchett owns them folks; I have no rights to either

the characters or situations in this story, and am making no money from

this.

Challenge: This is a response to Kleenexwoman42's "Weird Pairings" challenge.

Come on, you all knew I'd try it! Each "Square" will be one of the

Suggested pairings- I hope to survive the flames to do them all!

SQUARE ONE: Sybil and Angua

At the sound of the front door, Lady Sybil Vimes closed her dragon breeding book with a sigh. Sam was home at last. It wasn't that she minded the late hours and stained clothes, not as such, anyway. At least he still came home, eventually.

It was the silence.

The palpable absence of another breathing body in her bed.

The nights when there were no stains, or just no Sam.

The meals broken only by Willikens' gentle cough (and the occasional boom of an exploding dragon).

She stood up and shook out her dress. Maybe it was time to borrow that black silk negligee Nobby kept raving about…

One of the interchangeable Emmas or Sarahs opened the library door.

"Excuse me, my Lady," said Sarah (or Emma). "There's a watchman at the door for you." The chambermaid giggled. "Actually, she said to say watchman, but she looks like a proper girl to me."

Not Sam after all.

Sybil sighed again.

If Sam had been hurt she felt certain Havelock would come himself, and since Nobby in a dress looked like anything but a "proper girl", it had to be Corporal Angua.

Without realizing it, Sybil hesitated slightly.

Lady Vimes was large and kind, and went out of her way to know and love the watchmen in her husband's care. She gave Colon advice on appropriate gifts for Mrs. Colon (gently discouraging the thing with feathers and jiggly bits), and had once met Nobby's mum (admittedly it was while stopping by the cells, but still they had met).

Corporal Angua was, different.

Sybil's several attempts at including Angua in her democratic acceptance of the rank and file, especially after the Uberwald fiasco, had been met with a knowing gaze that made her shrink small and hot inside her wig.

She thinks I'm a simpering prattling, overweight, over-wealthy fool, thought Sybil. What is she doing here? I hope she's not looking for Sam.

She swallowed heavily.

Or Carrot.

Plastering a smile on her face, Sybil swept into the hallway.

"Corporal Angua, how nice to see you again," said Sybil.

Angua stood at attention.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you at this hour," said Angua. She looked down at the floor, and then up again with bright, defiant eyes.

"Is Sir Samuel here?"

"Is there a problem?" said Sybil. She suddenly hoped with all her might that Sam would not choose this moment, or any of the ones which lived near it, to open the door.

"Is he here?" Angua asked again.

"No, he isn't," said Sybil quietly.

Angua bit her lip.

"Have you seen Carrot tonight?"

Sybil nodded.

"When?" The word was clipped, almost barked.

"Before dinner," said Sybil, hesitantly. "He stopped to ask Sam to review some clacks with him this evening."

Angua took a step forward, and without meaning to Sybil stepped back, and then blushed red. She froze as the werewolf grabbed her arm.

"Corporal!" said Sybil.

"Where are they Lady Sybil?" said Angua. "I can smell a lie."

Sybil looked at the floor, her face flaming.

Angua had been raised properly, aside from the quite forgivable (culturally speaking that is) bits about eating others. Why was she asking such a darned… such a damned inappropriate question?

"I don't know where they go," mumbled Sybil.

She glanced at her arm, which was beginning to bruise in the werewolf's grip, and said more firmly, "Could you release me, Corporal? I daresay it would not do your career any good to assault your Commander's wife."

Angua's eyes blazed orange, but before she could speak Sybil added softly, "And you're frightening me, dear."

Angua dropped her arm and stepped back. "Sorry," she said tonelessly.

Sybil watched as Angua began to pace the marble tiles.

"How long have you known?" said Angua, her hair hanging in her face.

"Perhaps we should go into the library?" said Sybil. She held the door open and gestured the other woman in before her.

Angua grabbed the nearest chair and sat; her normally effortless self-control fractured into shimmering bits.

Sybil watched as she sniffed the air, her claws… No, her nails, twitching at the wood.

"I've known since the first time," said Sybil. "Sam came home, and we… talked."

"You knew?" said Angua. She propelled herself from the seat directly at Sybil.

For an instant Sybil could not move. Had she misjudged the young woman that badly? Visions of Wolfgang danced in her head as the werewolf's face dipped to her throat.

There was a sniff she both heard and felt, and a rush of breath across her jugular.

Sybil shivered as Angua tasted the air around her.

"You knew," said Angua in a hopeless voice. "He bloody well came home and told you." She sat bonelessly on the floor.

"And you let him stay?" said Angua. "Why in the hells would you keep him after he… he.. he bloody well started shagging my… Carrot?"

Sybil picked at an interesting thread which was currently requiring all of her concentration.

"In three-hundred generations of Ramkins, there has been no divorce," she said.

"Bloody bullshit," said Angua. "I bet no Ramkin has ever married a commoner, but that never stopped you. Is it the money? You know the Commander would never take anything from you." She gave a disgusted chuckle, "The only thing that bastard would steal is a bedmate."

"I love him," whispered Sybil.

"Still?" said Angua. "How could you?"

"He's the only one who ever saw me, and he didn't laugh," said Sybil. Her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry," said Angua. She reached to pat the woman's hand, and jumped when Sybil snatched it away.

"Sorry?" said Sybil. "You don't know what sorry is." She wiped viciously at the tears streaming across her face. "Let me tell you about sorry." She grabbed Angua's shoulder with the grip she normally used for escaping dragons.

"Sorry is owning one eighth of the city, and still not being able to find an escort to a ball. Sorry is weighing twenty stone by the time you are sixteen, no matter what you eat or how much exercise you take."

"I know, I'm…" Angua began.

"You don't know!" said Sybil. She pulled off the magnificent mass of auburn curls atop her head, revealing a crop of gray and white spikes of hair, each spike less than an inch long. "He saw me, saw this, and he didn't laugh. And the first time we… we…"

She paused and took a shaky breath. "He was my first, and he told me I was beautiful."

Sybil glared at Angua through tear-swollen eyes. "How can I blame him for going to someone else for things I can't do? He still comes home, to me."

Angua buried her face in her hands, and felt the death-grip on her shoulder relax.

"I love him," said Sybil.

"And I love Carrot," said Angua's muffled voice. "Though some days I really, really wonder why."

"We live in an uncertain world," Sybil said. "I would not begrudge him comfort, where ever he might find it."

Angua sat up a little straighter, and brushed the hair out of her eyes. Slowly, appraisingly, she looked at Sybil.

"What is it, my dear?" asked Sybil, sniffing into an oversized handkerchief. "What?"

"You are beautiful you know," said Angua softly.

Sybil drew herself up to her full height and breadth. "Really, Corporal. If you are trying to be cruel those particular types of insults lost their sting years ago." Red patches rose on her cheeks. "I suppose you were going to say for an elephant?"

Angua rose to her knees. "No, I wasn't." She ran a hand across Sybil's hair and smiled. "It feels soft."

"What are you doing?" asked Sybil in a deadly voice. Warriors in full armor would have recognized the tone, using it as an invitation to remember unreturned library books several continents away.

"I love Carrot," said Angua, "But what I need the most is someone who understands how lonely an empty bed can be." She feathered her fingers across Sybil's cheek and down her neck. "Maybe you are right, maybe I can love Carrot even with the Commander, involved." She sighed. "But I still need someone warm, and loving, and there on the nights when it would be too easy to let the wolf run."

"Me?" said Sybil. "You must be mad."

"Why not?" said Angua. "It's not like our schedule would conflict with theirs." Sybil opened her mouth to find Angua's fingers firmly pressed against it. "And no, I'm not saying this because you're convenient. I'm not married to Carrot, I could go anywhere I chose."

"Why me then?" said Sybil, pulling the hand away from her mouth. "Look at me. And I'm old enough to be your mother- I was at school with her!"

"I won't hold that against you," said Angua. She smiled. "Remember, deep inside, I'm still a wolf. We like things that are warm, and soft, and smell good."

Sybil felt the blush burn through her, and she had to look away from the woman kneeling in front of her.

"You're teasing me," she said firmly. "Trying to make a fool of me for what Sam's done to you. If you just leave now I won't mention this at all, but you need to leave. NOW."

"And if I say no?" asked Angua.

"I won't let you make a fool of me," said Sybil. "No matter what Sam's done."

In one fluid movement Angua stood, and pressed her lips to Sybil's. The kiss went on and on, the younger woman licking and nibbling at first one lip then the other.

At last Sybil pulled away, gasping for breath.

"Did that feel foolish?" asked Angua.

Sybil looked at her with eyes filled with fear and longing.

"If this is a joke," she whispered, "I will spend every penny to destroy you."

"I don't hear anyone laughing," said Angua. "Did you ever do this before, even a little? In school maybe?" She held out a hand to help the other woman up from the chair.

"No one ever wanted to, with me," said Sybil. She let Angua pull her to her feet.

"I want to," Angua said. "Where?"

"The guest rooms are in the south wing," said Sybil. "No one is there right now."

"Take me there," Angua said. She squeezed Sybil's fingers reassuringly.

Trying to calm her nerves and desperately hoping she wouldn't cry, Sybil led the way.

*****************************************************

Sybil closed the door to the Slightly Rose guest room, and flipped the lock. Shivering, she turned.

Angua sat on the bed, eyeing her speculatively.

"Did you have to light the candles?" asked Sybil. "I thought…"

"I want to see you," said Angua.

Sybil shivered again, and put her hands behind her back, like a child who had been naughty at school.

"Don't laugh at me," she said softly.

Angua patted the bed beside her. "Never," she said.

Sybil sat down, staring straight ahead. She closed her eyes slowly as Angua slid behind her and began to drop soft kisses at her hairline.

"Do you like that?" asked Angua.

"Yes," Sybil said. Her shivering increased as Angua let her hands slide along her back, and began to lap gently at her ear.

Sybil moaned softly as nimble fingers undid the buttons of her dress and pushed it from her shoulders. The camisole and corsets followed.

"Lay back," said Angua.

Keeping her eyes firmly closed, Sybil lay back against the pillows, and felt her house slippers join the growing pile on the floor. There was a tug at her waist.

"Raise your hips so I can get these blasted things off," Angua said.

Obediently, Sybil lifted, feeling the rush of cool air as the other woman pulled away her petticoats and knickers.

Now, now the laughing would begin. At least Sam had had the sense to keep the room dark.

There was a glink of springs as Angua stretched out.

Sybil moaned again as a pair of warm lips covered her own. Angua kissed her deeply, running her fingers along her neck and down to circle the large plum nipples and tease them into tight peaks.

"You are beautiful," Angua said.

Sybil opened her eyes. There was no laughter on the woman's face, no malice. Tentatively, she allowed her own hand to skim across the front of Angua's shirt, pausing to trace the swelling of one small breast.

"Teach me," Sybil said. "Please."

**********************************************

Angua snorted as a hand shook her shoulder.

" 't's too early," she moaned.

"Will the Corporal be wanting breakfast?"

Angua's eyes flew open.

Willikens stood at the bedside, his face expressionless.

"Oh bloody hell, I went to sleep." She glanced around the room. "Where is Sy…. Lady Vimes?"

"Sir Samuel and her Ladyship are in the dining room," Willikens said. "They would like for you to join them when you are ready."

The look on Angua's face was one of pure horror.

"Sir Samuel- he's here?" she said.

"And waiting for you, Corporal," said Willikens. "Will you be wanting a bath?"

Angua's only response was to toss a blanket over the butler's head as she lunged for her trousers and shirt.

"I assume I shall not be required to fill the tub," said Willikens, his voice muffled by the cloth.

"No, cheers," said Angua. She tugged on her boots and whipped the blanket back on the bed.

"Thank you, Corporal," said Willikens.

Angua only grunted as she pulled her hair back into a lace and left the room at at trot.

***************************************

"Corporal, we were just starting on the eggs. Sit down and have some or the cook will doubtless think up something worse to do."

Angua took a hesitant step into the dining room. The Commander sounded right but…

"It's quite all right, you know," said Sybil, smiling. "Sam and I have talked."

Sam and Angua shared a look which covered all major points of embarassment, Lady Sybil's faith in both of them, and the fact that they both were rather hungry.

"They look good," said Angua, contrary to all available evidence. She slid into the seat facing Sybil, and was rewarded with a gentle smile.

"I'm going to say this once, Corporal, because you're a damned.."

"Sam!"

"A fine watchman and I don't intend to lose you," amended Vimes.

Angua tilted her head and fixed him with a look of distilled interest.

"And don't try to shake me, girl, 'cause I know that staring trick you use," said Vimes. "We're not going to go elbows and teeth on the floor unless you feel a need."

Angua grinned a bit and waved him on, forking eggs into her mouth. This was vintage Vimes, not the Beast ready to spring. She felt her insides uncoil a little.

"I love my wife," said Sam, his face going red. "No matter what you might think."

"Sam," said Sybil, "I told you you don't…"

"But I do," said Vimes.

"I love my wife, Corporal, even if I have other needs." His face turned even redder here, going the shade of the last tomato on the vine. "And if she gets hurt, if there's talk, if there's even whispers, because some bloody bastard is trying to get to me…"

"Sam!"

"Sorry dear," Vimes said, not sounding a bit sorry. He went on, "Then that will be the last thing the bloody bastard…" He paused and looked directly at Angua, "Or bitch as it may be, will ever do, on account of my running them through with a silver sword. Do you follow me, Corporal?"

"I follow you, Sir," said Angua, "And I would never hurt your wife. But I do have one question, Sir."

"Ask," said Vimes.

"Do you love Carrot?"

There was a long pause, and Sam Vimes covered his face with his hands. Sybil looked away from the table, her lips tight.

"No," said Vimes. "And before you ask the next damned question, yes, he knows that."

"I wasn't going to ask, Sir."

"Bingly-bingly beep- It's 7:30 AM and you have a meeting with the Patrician at 7:45." The head of a tiny demon, wearing an eyepatch, thrust itself from Vimes pocket and snatched a bite of eggs off his plate. "And you haven't fed me for two days either, you manky git." It's visible green arm bore the tattoo "Mum"- with a dagger through it.

Vimes rolled his eyes and thrust a sausage into his pocket. Observing Angua's silent laughter, he said, "It's the Disorganizer Mark 666, it not only tells you about your appointments but will give you a thump along the ear if you don't go." He glared at Sybil accusingly, "For some reason she felt I needed it."

"Corporal, I will see you later," said Vimes. "And Sybil, I will be home in time for the reception at the Lancre embassy."

"Of course dear," said Sybil, ignoring the small demon limb now whacking Vimes repeatedly in the back with a minature cosh.

The women sat in silence as Vimes made his way out the door, then burst into peals of laughter.

Maybe, just maybe, thought Angua, it would be all right after all.

*fin*

oh yeah- square two will be death/albert- even I'm getting squicked at that!