Disclaimer: I am not Joss Whedon, I am not Rowling... my alter egos are though... alas! I cannot claim any ownership of these characters, instead I'll rape the story lines of both an make a story that will ensnare the readers and bewitch the senses... http:www. morleysoft. html Go to if you want the background music to the lyrics... Have a sing-along on me!

Cut to Weasley Wheezing Wheezes shop in Hogsmead: Dumbledore: Good morning, Harry! We see Hermione and Ron standing by the counter, picking up fake wands and trying to hex a costumer whom at the moment was a giant canary. Ron: Hiya Harry! Harry: (distracted) What? Oh, uh, hi.
Harry walks farther into the store. We see Snuffles sitting at the multicolor table holding food in each hand, his tongue rapidly growing over a foot long and turning purple.
Sirus: Respect the pumpkin pastry. And tame the tongue ton toffee!
(or at least that's what one would have heard if he didn't sound like:
Wespct da pumpin pastie, an pam da pong pon potty) Remus passes by en route to the counter, pulls the offending candy from his grasp and shrinks his tongue to normal size and color. Remus: That's still funny, sweetie. . . SIRI! Not sweetie! Uh... I'm straight! Remus goes behind the counter, sulking and picks up a book entitled Beat the Habit: A Wearwolf's guide to Stop Humping the Legs of Chairs, Friends and Dark Overlords. Dumbledore looks in the box of candies, takes one out, takes a bite, and begins to hover a few feet off the ground. Harry: So, uh, no meetings? Nothing going on? Voldie or whatnot? Sirius shake their heads "no," continue eating pastry, stopping a moment to pat Remus on the head and shake him off his leg muttering something like "not now honey". Harry: Good! Good. (awkwardly) Uh, so, did anybody ... uh ... last night, you know, did anybody, um ... burst into song? Remus stops, gets off his knees and brushes himself off . Everyone stares at Harry for a moment. Sirius: Merciful Merlin! Hermione, Ron, and Remus rush over. Everyone talks at once. Hermione: We thought it was just us!
Dumbledore: Well, I sang but I thought that was because the Sorting Hat had slipped something into my tea again and wanted to get me to join him in some topless karaoke.
Remus: It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like-
Harry: Like you were in a musical! But who would ever find entertainment in that!
Cast stops for a moment and stares at the writer . . . Woo! Watch me break that 4th wall!
Remus: Yeah!
Dumbledore: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the house elves... again, nothing out of the ordinary for me.
Hermione: We did a whole duet about house points.
Sirius: And we were arguing and, and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dances with wolves.
Hermione: There was an entire verse about the Draco.
Ron: It was very disturbing. The above is everyone talking at once. Dumbledore: (to Harry) What did you sing about?
Harry: (pauses) I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal. . . If you're a wizard Remus: But disturbing. And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again? Dumbledore: I don't know. I should look into it.
Hermione: With the books.
Ron: Do we have any books on this?
Sirius: Well, we just gotta break it down. Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I for one- Dumbledore begins to sing, interrupting Snuffles.

Dumbledore:
I've got a theory That it's a Weasley A crazy Weasley!
No, something isn't right there.
Hermione:
I've got a theory Voldie was readin'
And stuck us all inside his wacky Broadway nightmare. Ron:
I've got a theory someone should work this out.
Remus/Hermione/Ron/Snuffles:
It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?
Ron: jumps up
It could be witches!
Some evil witches!
sees all the females in the room

Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted,
And could be Voldie and maybe Snape and woman power and I'll be over here. sits

Harry: I've got a theory! It could be Dobby! Silence. The others just stare at her. Sound of crickets chirping.
Sirus: I've got a- Suddenly the tune changes to a frantic hard-rock beat with electric guitar and a roving spotlight that waves crazily over Harry. Harry: (shrieking a la Alanis Morissette)
Dobby isn't just cute like everybody supposes!
He's got them magic powers and is crazy I know this!
And what's with all the house elves?
What do they need so much food for anyway?
playing air guitar
Dobby!
Dobby!
It must be DOBBY! Fireworks go off all around him, then the smoke clears away. The others continue simply staring. Harry: (back to original melody)
Or maybe Draco.
Hermione: (quickly sits down beside Dumbledore, who is still floating and opens a book)
I've got a theory we should work this fast.
Hermione/Dumbledore: Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed. Dumbledore begins to float up to the loft. Harry: I've got a theory. It doesn't matter. Dumbledore pauses, turns back. Everyone looks at Harry. Harry:
What can't we face if I am there?
What's in this place that we can't bear?
Voldermort?
I've been there.
The same old tricks We haven't got a prayer?

All except Dumbledore:
What can't he do if we force him?
He'll be killed within a minute. All:
We have to try He'll pay the price It's do or die Harry:
That's too concise. All: What can't we face if we send him in there?
Harry: (descant) What can't I face.
All: What's in this place that we can't bear?
Harry: ...I just can't bear.
All: There's nothing he can't face.
Harry: (sits) Except for Dobby.