Mr. Rurouni Kenshin Contest

By Anime no Miko

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Disclaimer: Even though AnM sings better than Tomo Sakurai and can probably beat T.M Revolution, The Yellow Monkeys or Le'ArcEn Ciel (and etc.) in a hand to hand RK acapela singing (jokin', you guys rock! I do pretty well though, hey I try! -;;), she does not own a single chord/note/lyric. Romanji Lyrics and translations taken from Smile Your Best! --

AnM had the explanatory meeting with the bishies. And after that ... Sanosuke and Yahiko fought over another ice cream, with Yutaro joining. Hiko made Kenshin fetch a pail with water while he drank the promised ten bottles of sake. Shougo and Shozo prayed the rosary twice, one for Sayo. Aoshi took a tablet of extra strong aspirins before going back to his temple-style-redocorated room to meditate. Captain Sagara fixed his head to his body and planned the Sekihoutai's revenge against the Meiji government. Saitou smoke his second package of cigarettes and Okita, standing next to him, coughed for the hundredth time, some blood included. Tsunan pestered Shishio with an interview, and Shishio tried brainwashing Soujiro into his 'the strong lives, the weak dies'philosophy again. Enishi talked with Tomoe's ghost trying to make her smile again. And Soujiro, he smiled the whole time.

Finally after a few extenous practices, the day of the contest arrived ...

Studio crowded. Lights and camera on ...!

.. On stage, Judy and Mary play 'Sobakasu' ..

Daikirai datta sobakasu wo chotto

Hitonadeshite tame iki wo hitotsu

Hebi ikkyuu no koi wa migoto ni

Kakuzatou to isshoni toketa

Mae yori mo motto yaseta mune ni chotto

"Chiku" tto sasaru toge ga itai

Hoshiuranai mo ate ni naranai wa

I touched those hated freckles lightly and sighed,

My "heavy class" love has dissolved clearly

Just like a sugarcube.

The thorn stuck in my thin breast went in further

And hurt much more than before.

Astrology didn't predict that at all

AnM goes crazy and joins Judy and Mary on stage, and there she remained 'cause she's the host -. Audience accompanies.

Motto touku made isshoni yuketara nee

Ureshikute sore dakede

I wished we could go together farther,

It would be joyful enough to...

Omoi de wa itsumo kirei dakedo

Sore dake ja onaka ga suku wa

Honto wa setsunai yoru nanoni

Doushite kashira? Ano hito no egao mo omoi dasenai no

Memories are always beautiful,

But with only that you can't live.

Tonight should be a really sad night,

But why? Actually I can't remember his smiling face

RK bishies walk out onto stage at AnM's signal. Fangirls go crazy jumping up and down and throw every kind of gifts imaginable. O.o The judges fume at this but the fangirls got even wilder. Security staff has to intervene.

Omoi de wa itsumo kirei dakedo

Sore dake ja onaka ga suku no

Honto wa setsunai yoru nanoni

Doushite kashira? Ano hito no namida mo omoi dasenai no?

Omoidasenai no

Doushitenano?

Memories are always beautiful,

But with only that you can't live.

It was a really tough night

I wonder why though? Why can't I remember that person's tears?

I can't remember,

Why can't I?

Euphoria in the studio. Judy and Mary bow, AnM thanks them, and they leave. The white smoke clears up and the RK bishies appear again. More screaming and drooling from the fangirls, and more fuming from the judges. AnM puts order ...

AnM: "Welcome, RK devote fans! Arigatou-gozaimasu for coming! I'm AnM, your host for this first Mr. Rurouni Kenshin Contest. ovation! hey, it is the almighty AnM here! To my left, behind this glass (like those they have in the police stations where suspects of a crime stand for identification) the pannel of judges, the bunch of guys responsible for choosing our bishiest RK bishie! applauds And to my right drums our fifteen bishies!"

The bishies salute (some are forced to -;;), each one in his manner, and audience goes heart-eyes drooling.

AnM: "Ahem. Let's get started with the first sub-contest in which we'll choose the bishie with the sexiest smile! But of course, the eyes play a major role too! Grading scale of ten, judges." puts on special glasses and sees the them nod behind the screen

The bishies walk into backstage. audience whistles, throwing more gifts at the bishies

AnM: "Guys, one come out please."

.. Backstage or behind the curtais ..

Saitou: "Rooster, you go first."

Sanosuke: really not minding, but not liking Saitou's imperative tone "With what right are you ordering me around? You bastard."

Saitou: takes cigarette from his mouth "With the right I have for being able to kick that sick ass of you whenever I feel like."

Sanosuke growls, hands fisted. Saitou motions for his sword.

Kenshin: intervening "Maa..Maa Sano, Saitou, calm down. Decide who goes out first, but without fighting."

Sanosuke: "This is none of your business, Kenshin!"

.. On stage ..

One minute passes and nobody comes out. Audience gets impatient and threatening. AnM gulps down.

AnM: "Guys? Someone come put know !"

.. Backstage or behind the curtais ..

Hiko: clears his throat, the rest looks at him "I was wondering, why don't Kenshin go out first? After all, the contest is named like my baka-desshi." the rest, minus Kenshin, goes all "o" like and agrees

Kenshin: "Wait...Minna-dono. I don't think this is a good idea, that I think. Why don't we---"

Shishio: "Oh it is!" pushes Kenshin out onto stage

.. On stage ..

AnM: sighs in relief "Good boy, Kenshin. Now, smile us your sexiest smile." winks

Kenshin: "Oro.." 'Whats's sexy? Battousai: 'I'll take care of this, you baka-self of me. Kenshin: 'Iie, I shouldn't let you out!' Battousai: 'You want to win or not?' Kenshin: 'Hai...demo---' Battousai takes possesion of Kenshin's body

AnM: whispers to Kenshin "Kenshin, like you practiced, remember?"

Kenshin/Battousai-mode: "I needed no practice. Let me fix this first." unties his hair and ties it in a high ponytail, looks up with amber assasin's eyes when done, tears off Kenshin's old pink gi, unawarely revealing a good amount of flesh before bishie-eating piranhas "I hate pink! Where's my dark blue gi?"

Judge #2 gasps in fear, #11 salutes Ken-battou (short for Kenshin/Battousai-mode from now on ) and smiles, #5 looks very intrigued in the Battousai-mode, and the rest goes eyes wide. The boldest fangirls in the audience, shouts demanding streaptease!

AnM: red rising to her cheeks, coughs "Err...Kenshin dear, as much as I'ld like to, this is not the sub-contest for streaptease yet. You'ld have to wait for that."

Ken-battou: "Oro?" (A/N: lol! Battousai can also be found clueless!") "I want my dark blue

gi."

#11 hands AnM Battousai's dark blue gi, and AnM hands it to him, who puts it on hurridely, having noticed the hungry looks in the thousands of fangirls in the studio.

AnM: "Ahem ... Now that we are all coughs properly dressed coughs Kenshin, please show us your sexiest smile."

Cameras take a close-up, Ken-battou's image is projected on the big screen. Ken-battou's fans cheers. AnM hols her breath. Expectation's in the air. And Ken-battou smiles his best ...

Fans sighs, dreamy looks all around.

AnM: "Any questions, jury? Iie? Alright, let's see what you've got, Kenshin."

#1: giggling excessingly girlish like "Not 10 because he isn't as sexy as my Shishio-sama, but a 9 for the Battousai's effort, and his taste for blood."

#2: still gasping, know almost crying too "Kenshin, Kenshin, come back. sobs What have you done to Kenshin? sobs"

AnM: "Judge #2, how many points you give him? Please. no answer If you are not telling when I count three, I'll take that as a zero. One ... more sobs Two ... more 'bring Kenshin back ...

Ken-battou: glares "That's not fair. Quit sobbing and give me my points before I start cutting off heads!"

AnM: "And three! ... Gomen, Kenshin dear, no points from judge #2 for you." Ken-battou growls.

#3: "Ohohoo! 10, Ken-san is the best, Battousai or not."

#4: "Hmmm... he's not blond. His eyes are not blue, but because we're grading his smile, and he did more than good, 9."

#5: "Wowww! He looks scarier than Himura when he's mad! Sexy smile? Sexy eyes! 9!"

#6 and #7: "He's too short but since this is not the height contest, 10. He's got a devilish smile."

#8: "He looks evil and violent. That gi could have been donated to thr poor, you know. 3."

#9: "If he's Kenshin, 10. Remember my proposal for you to joining my gang is still open."

#10 and #12: #12 trying to cover blushed cheeks "#12 gives him 8, I give him the same."

#11: "10."

#12: "Breath-taking, but not fully. 8."

#13: "He's Shishio's enemym, but the boy has got such a sexy smile and eyes that I give him 9."

AnM: "Well well, our judge of honor is not here yet, so you end up with 113 points! Ken-battou walks out into backstage still glaring at #2 for not giving him any points Your turn, Sanosuke."

Almost kicked out on stage by Saitou, Sanosuke comes out chewing a ... fishbone!

AnM: "Sano, please." takes the fishbone from Sano with a handkerchief and throws it unawrely to the audience. Sano's fans starts a fight over the piece of bone.

Sanosuke: "Kuso! AnM gives him a look Alright, alright. Sexy smile, ne?"

Sano runs his hand over his spiky hair, casts a seductive look at the jury and the audience with his hazel brown eyes, and smiles sexily.

#1: "I think I'ld fall in love with him, but alas I'm in love already so 9."

#2: 'Never thought Sano was so...so...hot.' "er...10."

#3: 'Damn! That roosterhead does know how to seduce.' "10"

#4: "Not blond either, but 8."

#5: 'Wow! Roosterhead is hot! smacks herself What am I saying? I only have eyes for Aoshi-sama, or not? Oh my Oh my!'

AnM: "Judge #5? Hello? One..Two...and ..."

Sanosuke: "Hey you! Wake up! AnM's counting!"

#5: "Huh? Ah three is next..."

AnM: "O.K. Three more points for you, Sano."

Sanosuka: "Baka!"

#6 and #7: "He's looks soooo sexy! sighs 10!"

AnM: 'Seems #6 and #7 will be giving 10's for all bishie.'

#8: "Sanosuke, I'm happy we meet again. 10."

#9: "And who's this? Sexy though, 9."

#10: 'This will teach Sanosuke to pay for his meals.' "3 because there are little fishbones in the corner of his mouth." indeed there were

#11: 'Ridiculous.' "2."

#12: scarcely audible "I---I give Sagara-san te--10."

#13: "Hmm...he's a major baka. 5."

#14: "Hmm...for that baka ..er...6, I would say."

AnM: "Alright, Sano has 105 points. Not our winner, but thanks Sano. He leaves looking for a mirror 'fishbones? where?' "Tsunan, come out."

Tsunan comes out but asks to talk with AnM in private.

.. In a corner ..

AnM: "What's it, Tsunan?"

Tsunan: "AnM, I would love to continue in the contest, but I'ld prefer to cover the contest. You know, I'm a reporter right? Come on! Please?"

AnM: "Hmmm... thinks 'this is taking too long, besides Tsunan is a good reporter...' Alright, Tsunan, but just because you're asking so fervently."

Tsunan: "Arigatou-gozaimasu!" takes out his notepad and starts walking down to sit in the audience, his fans notice him!

AnM: "Err..Tsunan, that's not a good idea. Come back here. You can watch from the balcony over there." Tsunan nods, waves and goes to the balcony across the studio.

.. On stage ..

AnM: "Gomen minna-san. Tsunan has retired from the contest because he's going to cover the contest, and can't possibly do both at the same time."

AnM: "But here comes Saitou!"

Saitou walks in with another cigarette in hand. Saitou's fans throw packages of imported cigarettes onto stage.

AnM: "No smoking though, Saitou. Too many cigarettes would dyed your teeth yellow, and you are already rekilling Okita. You have no idea of how much I'm spending in his medicines."

Saitou: "Aaaa.." puts away his cigarette

AnM: "Arigatou. Smile then. No, not like that. You're smirking! Yeah...that is better, keep it up. Jury please."

#1: "Know that I look closely, he looks sexy smirking. 10."

#2: "I don't like him, er...it, 3."

#3: "His smirk is sexy, ohohohoo... 8, though."

#4: "I like those thin lips, just like someone's ...10."

#5: "He's still smirking." 'Besides I don't like the way he calls me. I'm not what he calls me!' "5."

#6 and #7: "That smirk is sexy! 10! And see, his teeth are impecable, cigarettes do nothing to them!"

#8: "He might be 'smiling,' but his eyes has an evil glint ... 3."

#9: "Sexy smirk, good try ... 8."

#10: nods "8."

#11: 'That's better than before's' "5."

#12: "He--He's scary. 3."

#13: "He's got to have something for me to -- er...10."

#14: "Not bad ... 7."

AnM: "Let's see ... starts doing math ..."

Saitou: "107, not as good as Battousai, but better than Sanosuke though as always." walks out to backstage ready to remind Sanosuke just how he has to improve in order to defeat him

AnM: "uhh...yea...107 points! Kenshin's winning with 113!" looks at the audience noticing they have all taken out a pair of cool mini-rounded dark eyeglasses, as Enishi walks out "Alright Enishi, you're next!"

Enishi: "I can see my sister behind there." points to where the judges are sitting "Oneesan, are you happy? I'm participating in the contest as you asked me."

One of the judges...nods?

AnM: "Heheh...we all know, Enishi. Here. hands him his dark eyeglasses"

Enishi: to AnM now "Oneesan! You're smiling!"

AnM: "Hai, Enishi. But you have to smile sexily or I won't smile again. Did you understand?"

Enishi: "H--Hai!" puts on his dark eyeglasses, scans his surroundings a little bit lost, but smiles ... and what a smile!

#1: "Psychothic smile. giggles I love it! 10!"

#2: 'I really don't like him ... Oh but he looks ... smacks herself What are you thinking! "5"

#3: "Too pyshco-like for my taste, 5."

#4: "Scary ... 3."

#5: "Yukishiro is hot, even with that psychotic smile! 9!"

#6 and #7: "10! Sexy psychotic smile!"

#8: "He looks so ... so sad. 7."

#9: "Weird look. 5."

#10: eyes closed "Hmm...Hmm...8."

#11: "10." 'Of course.'

#12: "He--He's twice as scary. 2."

#13: "Hmm...6."

#14: "Too psycho-like, but I looveee psycho-like. 10!"

AnM: takes out a calculator "100 for you, Enishi!"

Enishi: "Oneesan, what do you want me to do now? I can kill him, if you want."

#2 and #3: "Never!"

#11: "Iie.."

AnM: "What did she say? Ah...Iie? Iie, Enishi dear. Go backstage now, I'll join you later. And tell Soujiro to come here, please."

Enishi looks at AnM, nods, and walks out not paying attention to the whistles and bold insinuations of many fangirls.

Soujiro: "I'm here, AnM." smiles

AnM: "Good! Smile sexily, Sou-chan. Like the models in the magazine I showed you, remember?"

Soujiro: "Hai. Like this, ne?" smiles very cheerily, eyes closed in half-moon shape

Audience sweat drops, jury sweat drops, AnM double sweat drops, and Soujiro continues smiling!

AnM: "Iie, Sou-chan ... Not like that. First you have to ... stands in front of Soujiro, blocking his face from the auidence and jury, and forces his eyes open yea...eyes open, the look is important Sou-chan ... now move your lips like this and this starts molding poor Soujiro's face! ... Parfait! Stay like that ..." turns around facing the audience, Soujiro's face muscles in the process of getting back to his cheery-smile state "Here it is minna-san, Soujiro's sexy smile! notices audience sweat drop

#1: "Nice try, Soujiro. Shishio-sama prefers you over me, but I'll give you 10. laughs You aren't getting much points this round." laughs

#14: "Leave the boy alone. That's him. 10."

The rest judges: "For his weird smile, we give him 50 points."

AnM looks at Soujiro. His eyes are partially open and his face is contorted in the weirdest smile. AnM is about to faint and Soujiro shrugs and walks out, Soujiro's fans protesting on the jury's decision.

AnM: "Only 70 points for Soujiro! Oh well, let's move on. Aoshi, it's your turn, come out. And please, try to smile at least."

Aoshi: "..." 'I don't smile. How am I suppose to smile sexily?'

AnM: "Aoshi? Did you hear me?"

Aoshi: "Aaa..." 'Hope this'll do.' according to him, smiles

AnM: "Aoshi, you aren't even smiling!"

Aoshi: 'What! That's as best as I can do. And Himura's winning ...! Let's try harder. We, Onniwabanshu are the best.' "Aaa...Is this any better?" according to him, smiles, again

Everyone, except judge #5, sweat drops.

AnM: "Iie, Aoshi. Try harder."

#5: "What! Sexier than that, we don't have! He's the best! 10!"

Aoshi's fans: "Sexy ice blue eyes he has got! Give him all ten's"

#5: "Can I vote twice?"

AnM: "Iie... #5 gives Aoshi 10, what about the others?"

More than one murmur something like 'How on earth can I grade him if he didn't even smile!' Judge #5 orders out #6 and #7, who agrees on giving Aoshi ten's.

AnM: "Alright, 30 for Aoshi."

#11: "Some of us are not used to smiling ... 10."

AnM: "40. The rest?"

The rest judges: "He didn't smile, leave alone a sexy smile. His eyes were cool though, 50 points."

AnM: "Well, well, Aoshi, you get 90. Not this time, gomen. Kenshin's still to the lead! Who's next? What about you, Shishio?"

Shishio walks out very confident, threatens all the judges, and smiles his sexiest smile. Shishio's fans jumps up and down, some offer Shishio to help him put on new bandages.

#1: with heart-eyes "Ohh Shishio-sama, you take my breath away! You've got the sexiest smile of all! 10!"

#14: rolls eyes at #1 "Oh Shishio! 10!"

The rest judges: "We can't see ... he's got bandages all over his face ... er.. body too! Just 30 points this time."

AnM: "Very well, 50 points for you, Shishio. Guess Kenshin beat you again, sorry!"

Shishio: growling at the jury "Why you! You lowly weaklings! How dare you! I'm Shishio!"

AnM: "Maa maaa, Shishio. 50 is not that bad, just 63 points below Kenshin. Shishio glares errr heheheh... You're next, Hiko."

Shishio walks out cursing, planning the assasination of the the judges who gave him, the great Shishio, just 40 points because of his bandaged face, and it wasn't even his fault!

Hiko: "Live with it, Shishio. See and learn. You've got to smile like this." smiles his sexy trademark smile

Everyone's eyes turn heart-like, judges #6 and #7 the bigger.

AnM: "Did you see it, guys? His teeth shone!"

Each judge give Hiko 10 points, he ending up with 130! Dreamy sighs escape everyone's mouths when he smiled again, very seductively (A/N: and arrogantly, ne? -)

AnM: coming out of her trance "Who--Who's next? Shougo?"

.. Backstage or behind the curtais ..

Shougo: "I'm not going."

Shozo: "Yea..that's indecent. Besides, seems that he's already won."

Okita: coughs blood "I can't as much as I want to try, I'm having coughs more a cough-attack."

Captain Sagara: "That looks back. takes out some herbs and starts crushing them inside a small bowl I'll help you."

AnM excuses herself and goes backstage.

AnM: "What's going on, guys? Shougo, it's your turn."

They explain AnM their reasoning, she thinks it for a second, and nods.

.. Back on stage ..

AnM explains the situation to the fans and the jury. Shougo, Shozo, Okita, and Captain Sagara's fans starts making noises in protest. AnM promises they'll perform in the next contest, and they applaud.

AnM: "Well ... Saitou ends third with 107 points, applauds, cheers Kenshin ends second with 113, Battousai devotees make a party our Sexiest Smile Bishie is drums Hiko Seijuro!"

Hiko: "Of course, I'm the sensei. I already let my baka-desshi win back when I teach him the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki, wasn't going to make it easy for him this time."

AnM: "Whatever you say, Hiko ---"

Hi minna! Thanks for reading and reviewing! This was too long, ne? Gomen! I promise I'll make it shorter for the next contest, a talent time suggested by aki , with karaoke included, suggested by Chibigreen Tanuki. hands Chibigreen Tanuki her Shishio cookie

Leave a review with your opinion on Hiko as the Sexiest Smiling Bishie, and your suggestions for a winner in the talent time contest, with the performance (you'ld like to see your bishie do) of your favorite bishie.

Can you guess the judges? Heheheh! - Ja!