A/N: If your preferred username is used in the course of the fic, please
let me know, and I will withdraw it.
If you wish to enrol in the Mary Sue Academy of Tolkien, then send an email, or place a request in your review for a form.
* * * * *
Before Gala took Chloe anywhere near resembling a dormitory, the short woman, Estar, handed the tall, and willowy Elf the clipboard.
"Thems the list," she said gruffly. "All of 'em are in Celebrian dorm." A group of ten or so stood behind Estar, glancing at one another nervously, then away. Chloe met the eyes of one or two, and smiled shyly at them.
Gala nodded gravely, and swept away, gliding across the floor, the clipboard tucked under her arm. Like a trail of ducklings, all of 'them' followed her, as she led them through the hidden door beside the great throne, and along a narrow, chilly corridor.
Thick oak doors lined the corridor, and Gala stopped before one on the left, and opened it. Chloe and the others shuffled in.
It was a large room, with twelve beds, with a lumpy looking mattress, and thin blanket on each. There was a low table beside each bed, on which stood a water goblet, and at the far end of the room was a long chest, on which stood twelve laptops. It was stark, except for a woven hanging on the wall above the beds, with the same strange words embroidered across it.
"This is Celebrian dormitory," Gala said solemnly. "On the Angst corridor. You each have a computer assigned to you," she gestured to the rank of laptops, "You will use them for each assignment. There is a meeting in the Hall at nine."
She drifted out, pulling the door closed behind her.
A few moments of silence passed by, before anyone spoke. Then a girl with short, spiked red hair smiled a little.
"I think we're kinda supposed to get to know one another. Hi, I'm Lu. Lutheniel."
"Moondancer," volunteered another, raising her hand. Moondancer dropped onto a bed, bouncing on it a little.
"Wormlip," another chipped in. They all turned to look at her. She shrugged.
"Chloe," Chloe said, glancing at the rank of laptops. Lu followed her gaze.
"I've been thinking about getting my own," she said happily, walking over and picking up a shiny new laptop. "Maybe they'll let us keep them, afterwards." She flipped it over. "Oh."
On the bottom of the laptop, in large, swirly pink letters, was engraved, 'Property of MSA of Tolkien. Do not remove'. Lu sat down on the bed, with a sigh of regret. "Guess not, then."
"So, what kind of fic have you been hauled in for?" Wormlip addressed Chloe. It reminded Chloe distinctly of prison-movie type dialogue.
"I don't know. I don't write that badly, you know. I'm still a little confused on what this whole project is," Chloe confided. Wormlip gave a short laugh.
"Never heard of fanfiction academies, universities and such before, then?" she drawled, with a wry smile on her face. She shook her head regretfully. "I've been around a few flamers who have seen the places. We're in hell."
"Hell?" Chloe queried, looking at Lu. The redhead nodded, slowly.
"Learning through pain," Lu said, her voice soft. "Motto of the universities." She shivered.
The door opened onto the room once more, and Gala stood there, her clipboard in hand.
"You'd better get some sleep," she advised, in her low voice. "Classes and scheduling begin tomorrow."
Chloe, pulling the thin blanket over her, tried dismally to make it more effective, and failed, gave up, and fell asleep, very grateful that on her fiction-mission, she'd been wearing her thick flannel pyjamas.
Armelle paced the floor, her hands clasped behind her back as she strode, her face creased in thought. Gala and Estar, the two deputy heads of staff waited calmly. They were well used to the woman's pattern of behaviour.
"You've sent off the rest of the letters, then?" she directed the question to Gala. The elf nodded.
"Good. And the fanfiction universities are aware of our presence, and the dangers of getting too near?" this time, the question was addressed to Estar. The semi-hobbit cleared her throat.
"Miss Cam of the Official Fanfiction of Middle-Earth has acknowledged us. We've managed to get the main wards up around the grounds, to keep the num- dust in, and the Mary Sues, but if the students start plot-digging like mad, we're going to come up against a crisis. We can stop them spawning, but if those hard drives get anywhere near a plot hole, we'll be finished. Crossovers are tricky enough without letting canon-less writers near it, particularly in a high-Sue area."
Armelle considered it. The problem was, as far as the assignments went, when Sues would be spawned, but under controlled circumstances, with precautions taken, the ground had been secured in such a way, that any Suvian influence could not leak out. The quarantine barriers needed to be strong, to stop num-dust infecting the surroundings, but it meant that if feed-back built up, the Academy would become too explosive to maintain.
"What we really need is a day a week, where the Mary Sues are destroyed. Hmm," she mused, thinking it over. "Or some way of getting rid of it all, a hole in the barriers. It's potentially risky, and at this stage, stopping Mary Sue-age is impossible. The breeds they're producing are dangerous, far more so than the ones they'll produce in a month or so. I'll have to look it over. How are the students settling in?"
Gala's smile was a bit too satisfied for an elf, and her eyes glinted with amusement. "The Angst corridor's thermostat is set to 'bleak'. We'll turn it up as it comes. Romance across the hall-" Gala gave a shudder. "We'll need to keep all Elf staff away. Female staff patrolling only, and it would be better to stick to the humans."
Armelle smiled in approval. "All right. I'll send out a memo. Canon characters have been reminded not to come near the main grounds except the restricted zones, haven't they? I'd hate to have to write to Miss Cam, to see if I could borrow the Balrogs for our writers."
Her mind roved over the ranks of the unsuspecting authors. Some of them had come across fanfiction universities before, no matter. The Academy was an entirely different prospect.
"I think that's all. Eru, I hope this works," she muttered, suddenly nervous. Unleashing the authors' potential would be very, very difficult. She glanced up at the banner, hanging in the staff-room, as it did everywhere in the school, re-reading it. It was the perfect addition to the school, after all, since when could semi-literate Suvian-authors read Westron?
The clang of a very, very loud bell was the wakening call of the students of MSAT. Chloe groaned, and pulled the pillow over her head, trying to ignore it. Estar strolled into the room, looking extraordinarily happy for her, they would discover, as she rang the bell triumphantly inside their dorm room.
"Up," she ordered. "Breakfast, then orientation."
It is a well-known fact amongst fanfiction authors that few can exist without caffeine. Therefore, it was with shock that the sleepy, and primarily dead-looking writers discovered that coffee was a dream that would not be materialising in MSAT's cafeteria.
"Why?" a short girl, with shoulder-length curly hair bewailed, (someone whom Chloe had a sneaking suspicion had put down 'hobbit' as her species) looking in horror from the jugs of water, milk, and ale on the long table that served as a counter, to the serene Elf Lady behind it. Ravana's expression remained unchanged as she replied, in the same low, sweet tones as the other Elvin members of staff,
"Because."
"How are we supposed to survive?" Moondancer said aghast, examining a glass of milk as if it were poison.
"Your characters do not have coffee," Armelle said brightly, from just behind them, making Moondancer and Chloe jump. "They seem to be able to cope."
"That's fiction!" Moondancer exclaimed. "They're not writers." Armelle merely smiled, and made her way over to the staff table, on a dais above the long tables and benches of the students, saying something under her breath that Chloe could have sworn was, 'Neither are you, dear."
As they were all coming to a halt, Armelle stood up, and waited for silence.
"Students," she began, looking from one table to another. "Welcome again, to the Academy. I am Miss Armelle, head of staff, and courses here at MSAT. You can see the staff here. This is Gala," she indicated the tall, blond elf, who stood up, bowed her head, and sat down again, "And Estar," the half-hobbit rose, nodded briefly, and sat back down, "Deputy heads. Once breakfast is over, make your way to the office, where copies of your schedule are obtainable. Classes begin at ten this morning, nine normally. Do not be late, or you will be on clean-up duty, in the Creature section, and I am informed this is not pleasurable."
She smiled once more. "Dismissed."
A/N: Next chapter, classes begin. A few clarifications.
OFUM - Original Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth, by Camilla Sandman, referred to as "Miss Cam". Various spin offs are referred to as 'OFU', Original Fanfiction Universities.
MS- Mary Sues.
Num-dust- said to be the powdered bones of a variety of infamous Sues, num- dust is very difficult to define, due to its ever changing colour. Produces a Mary-Sue effect on anything in contact with it, and is highly dangerous.
Balrogs- creation of Miss Cam, mini creatures that like to cause pain.
If you wish to enrol in the Mary Sue Academy of Tolkien, then send an email, or place a request in your review for a form.
* * * * *
Before Gala took Chloe anywhere near resembling a dormitory, the short woman, Estar, handed the tall, and willowy Elf the clipboard.
"Thems the list," she said gruffly. "All of 'em are in Celebrian dorm." A group of ten or so stood behind Estar, glancing at one another nervously, then away. Chloe met the eyes of one or two, and smiled shyly at them.
Gala nodded gravely, and swept away, gliding across the floor, the clipboard tucked under her arm. Like a trail of ducklings, all of 'them' followed her, as she led them through the hidden door beside the great throne, and along a narrow, chilly corridor.
Thick oak doors lined the corridor, and Gala stopped before one on the left, and opened it. Chloe and the others shuffled in.
It was a large room, with twelve beds, with a lumpy looking mattress, and thin blanket on each. There was a low table beside each bed, on which stood a water goblet, and at the far end of the room was a long chest, on which stood twelve laptops. It was stark, except for a woven hanging on the wall above the beds, with the same strange words embroidered across it.
"This is Celebrian dormitory," Gala said solemnly. "On the Angst corridor. You each have a computer assigned to you," she gestured to the rank of laptops, "You will use them for each assignment. There is a meeting in the Hall at nine."
She drifted out, pulling the door closed behind her.
A few moments of silence passed by, before anyone spoke. Then a girl with short, spiked red hair smiled a little.
"I think we're kinda supposed to get to know one another. Hi, I'm Lu. Lutheniel."
"Moondancer," volunteered another, raising her hand. Moondancer dropped onto a bed, bouncing on it a little.
"Wormlip," another chipped in. They all turned to look at her. She shrugged.
"Chloe," Chloe said, glancing at the rank of laptops. Lu followed her gaze.
"I've been thinking about getting my own," she said happily, walking over and picking up a shiny new laptop. "Maybe they'll let us keep them, afterwards." She flipped it over. "Oh."
On the bottom of the laptop, in large, swirly pink letters, was engraved, 'Property of MSA of Tolkien. Do not remove'. Lu sat down on the bed, with a sigh of regret. "Guess not, then."
"So, what kind of fic have you been hauled in for?" Wormlip addressed Chloe. It reminded Chloe distinctly of prison-movie type dialogue.
"I don't know. I don't write that badly, you know. I'm still a little confused on what this whole project is," Chloe confided. Wormlip gave a short laugh.
"Never heard of fanfiction academies, universities and such before, then?" she drawled, with a wry smile on her face. She shook her head regretfully. "I've been around a few flamers who have seen the places. We're in hell."
"Hell?" Chloe queried, looking at Lu. The redhead nodded, slowly.
"Learning through pain," Lu said, her voice soft. "Motto of the universities." She shivered.
The door opened onto the room once more, and Gala stood there, her clipboard in hand.
"You'd better get some sleep," she advised, in her low voice. "Classes and scheduling begin tomorrow."
Chloe, pulling the thin blanket over her, tried dismally to make it more effective, and failed, gave up, and fell asleep, very grateful that on her fiction-mission, she'd been wearing her thick flannel pyjamas.
Armelle paced the floor, her hands clasped behind her back as she strode, her face creased in thought. Gala and Estar, the two deputy heads of staff waited calmly. They were well used to the woman's pattern of behaviour.
"You've sent off the rest of the letters, then?" she directed the question to Gala. The elf nodded.
"Good. And the fanfiction universities are aware of our presence, and the dangers of getting too near?" this time, the question was addressed to Estar. The semi-hobbit cleared her throat.
"Miss Cam of the Official Fanfiction of Middle-Earth has acknowledged us. We've managed to get the main wards up around the grounds, to keep the num- dust in, and the Mary Sues, but if the students start plot-digging like mad, we're going to come up against a crisis. We can stop them spawning, but if those hard drives get anywhere near a plot hole, we'll be finished. Crossovers are tricky enough without letting canon-less writers near it, particularly in a high-Sue area."
Armelle considered it. The problem was, as far as the assignments went, when Sues would be spawned, but under controlled circumstances, with precautions taken, the ground had been secured in such a way, that any Suvian influence could not leak out. The quarantine barriers needed to be strong, to stop num-dust infecting the surroundings, but it meant that if feed-back built up, the Academy would become too explosive to maintain.
"What we really need is a day a week, where the Mary Sues are destroyed. Hmm," she mused, thinking it over. "Or some way of getting rid of it all, a hole in the barriers. It's potentially risky, and at this stage, stopping Mary Sue-age is impossible. The breeds they're producing are dangerous, far more so than the ones they'll produce in a month or so. I'll have to look it over. How are the students settling in?"
Gala's smile was a bit too satisfied for an elf, and her eyes glinted with amusement. "The Angst corridor's thermostat is set to 'bleak'. We'll turn it up as it comes. Romance across the hall-" Gala gave a shudder. "We'll need to keep all Elf staff away. Female staff patrolling only, and it would be better to stick to the humans."
Armelle smiled in approval. "All right. I'll send out a memo. Canon characters have been reminded not to come near the main grounds except the restricted zones, haven't they? I'd hate to have to write to Miss Cam, to see if I could borrow the Balrogs for our writers."
Her mind roved over the ranks of the unsuspecting authors. Some of them had come across fanfiction universities before, no matter. The Academy was an entirely different prospect.
"I think that's all. Eru, I hope this works," she muttered, suddenly nervous. Unleashing the authors' potential would be very, very difficult. She glanced up at the banner, hanging in the staff-room, as it did everywhere in the school, re-reading it. It was the perfect addition to the school, after all, since when could semi-literate Suvian-authors read Westron?
The clang of a very, very loud bell was the wakening call of the students of MSAT. Chloe groaned, and pulled the pillow over her head, trying to ignore it. Estar strolled into the room, looking extraordinarily happy for her, they would discover, as she rang the bell triumphantly inside their dorm room.
"Up," she ordered. "Breakfast, then orientation."
It is a well-known fact amongst fanfiction authors that few can exist without caffeine. Therefore, it was with shock that the sleepy, and primarily dead-looking writers discovered that coffee was a dream that would not be materialising in MSAT's cafeteria.
"Why?" a short girl, with shoulder-length curly hair bewailed, (someone whom Chloe had a sneaking suspicion had put down 'hobbit' as her species) looking in horror from the jugs of water, milk, and ale on the long table that served as a counter, to the serene Elf Lady behind it. Ravana's expression remained unchanged as she replied, in the same low, sweet tones as the other Elvin members of staff,
"Because."
"How are we supposed to survive?" Moondancer said aghast, examining a glass of milk as if it were poison.
"Your characters do not have coffee," Armelle said brightly, from just behind them, making Moondancer and Chloe jump. "They seem to be able to cope."
"That's fiction!" Moondancer exclaimed. "They're not writers." Armelle merely smiled, and made her way over to the staff table, on a dais above the long tables and benches of the students, saying something under her breath that Chloe could have sworn was, 'Neither are you, dear."
As they were all coming to a halt, Armelle stood up, and waited for silence.
"Students," she began, looking from one table to another. "Welcome again, to the Academy. I am Miss Armelle, head of staff, and courses here at MSAT. You can see the staff here. This is Gala," she indicated the tall, blond elf, who stood up, bowed her head, and sat down again, "And Estar," the half-hobbit rose, nodded briefly, and sat back down, "Deputy heads. Once breakfast is over, make your way to the office, where copies of your schedule are obtainable. Classes begin at ten this morning, nine normally. Do not be late, or you will be on clean-up duty, in the Creature section, and I am informed this is not pleasurable."
She smiled once more. "Dismissed."
A/N: Next chapter, classes begin. A few clarifications.
OFUM - Original Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth, by Camilla Sandman, referred to as "Miss Cam". Various spin offs are referred to as 'OFU', Original Fanfiction Universities.
MS- Mary Sues.
Num-dust- said to be the powdered bones of a variety of infamous Sues, num- dust is very difficult to define, due to its ever changing colour. Produces a Mary-Sue effect on anything in contact with it, and is highly dangerous.
Balrogs- creation of Miss Cam, mini creatures that like to cause pain.