Disclaimer: Not mine.
Drown
*Angst Ending- These last two chapters have been redone!
The bed on which Kitsune lay was comfortable. She was aware of that and couldn't help but feel happy about it. There was more to it however.
The guilt.
It was coursing through her veins with the vivacity of a flower in its youth. She was guilty, she was dying and it was all her fault.
A few uncalled for tears made their way down her cheeks. The grooves were being used again. She sniffed as those paramedics around her hurriedly tried to control her coughing fits, internal bleeding and tears. Whispers of encouragement were given to her but Kitsune didn't hear them.
She heard congratulations. "Congratulations, Kitsune! You've gone and done a Grade A job of trying to kill yourself! No wait! You have killed yourself!"
It wasn't that easy, accepting the fact that this predicament was all her fault. If she had said yes to Kentaro's offer to go somewhere else, she wouldn't be here in a hospital bed. She wouldn't be absolutely still because of the pain that concentrated around her throat and liver. She wouldn't have blood lining her lips, or splayed over her hands or clothes. In fact, she would have clean clothes.
And she wouldn't feel as guilty.
Off to the side, Kitsune heard a pop. She looked over and saw a nurse shuffling through her purse, looking for identification. The paramedic found her work card and looked over it, taking in Kitsune's home phone number.
She reached for the phone set up in the ambulance and dialed. Kitsune waited expectedly. The pressure on Kitsune became enormous. How would the family react to this?
Shinobu, to whom she promised she'd abstain from alcohol, had just sent her off.
She had just sent off her biological family, to whom she'd promised she'd be safe.
Not any more.
The paramedic said a few words that were garbled to Kitsune. She couldn't make anything out. Nothing. Kitsune turned her head away from the female paramedic who was informing everyone. She didn't want another stranger disappointed in her.
As she was heaved up by the waiter in front of the eyes of many, Kitsune felt one thing from them. Disappointment. They knew that she had brought this upon herself. They didn't know her but they knew. And that knowledge was already available to Kitsune. The knowledge that if she went overboard, something drastic would happen to her. She would die.
That feeling probably got her most. She might die.
The fact that Kitsune would never see the family she had made at Hinata grow up, get on with their lives, have children and experience whatever life throws at you; never see Naru and Keitaro join in holy matrimony, overcoming the obstacles in their relationship that face them now; never the bride, always the bridesmaid.
The fact that she had wasted the time of many important individuals so that they could come and look after her for nothing; they had wasted time that could have been more wisely spent with family and with those that probably meant more.
The fact that all this might be blamed on a friend who only needed company on a day to celebrate but now it was her fault that he would be questioned by the police and his valuable friendship lost; this was no time to celebrate anymore because of her foolish mistake.
The fact that she broke a promise to one of the purest people ever to touch their feet onto the sacred ground of Earth, now and forever, all because of the temptation to seek something she had lost and never retrieved in the months preceding this.
The fact that Konno Mitsune, a woman of her own repute and intelligence had fallen into the clenching fingers of a vile liquid which would claw at her conscience because it wasn't in her body; making her become a slave to its order and in the end, succumb, only to prepare for an early appointment with Death.
The fact that…she was going to die…
.~.
Soon, Kitsune was wheeled into the doors of the hospital. As she lay on the bed, Kitsune couldn't help but count the large rectangular fluorescent lights that were lit overhead. It was like counting down the minutes, hours left in her life, just in reverse. It felt good when she hit thirty. At least she'd live for about another half hour.
But when Kitsune saw that she was being wheeled into intensive care, she flinched and waded through depression once again. Once again, she thought how this was all her fault. How that now that all their frolicking and fun was done, the whole Hinata crew had to shift their base over here to look after their new resident grave for a short while. It was all so depressing for Kitsune.
The doctors soon finished examining, poking and prodding Kitsune. None of the processes reached her brain. She was too deep in thought and wasn't responding to her situations. It was like a coma…but with your eyes open.
Kitsune was hooked up to a respirator and from there she was allowed to rest. The results of her examination had not been told to her. But Kitsune didn't care. What was it to her anyways? She was going to die so there was no need for her to know what was going on around her. No need at all.
With that thought and done, Kitsune lapsed into a light sleep. It would soon be interrupted but while it lasted, it did her befuddled mood good.
The Hinata crew arrived with the hustle and bustle of a regular large family. Upon entering Kitsune's room, there were bursts of emotion that had been censored. Naru rushed forward, as did Keitaro, but only to stop Naru.
Shinobu stood near Motoko, tears in her eyes. The dilapidated state that Kitsune was in wasn't normal. She was supposed to smile and laugh! Jump up out of the bed and say, "Ha, I fooled you!" She wasn't supposed to be grounded and weak…or hooked up to a machine…No…
Motoko looked away to shield the tears in her eyes. They wouldn't be allowed to fall. When had she started caring for this drunkard anyways? 'The girl brought this upon herself.' She thought. But it couldn't be kept that way. Motoko finally let the tears fall down her porcelain cheeks. The girl may have been stupid but she was a friend and a good one at that.
Haruka looked over at Motoko as she begun to cry, covering her mouth. Haruka had let her tears fall long ago. She made no show of them. There was to be not show of emotion except for tears. Kitsune was like a sister Strong, tough and determined! 'What happened to you Kitsune? What happened?'
Seta comforted those around him; doing the best he could to be strong. But it wasn't easy. He had known Kitsune for many years and felt for her. He loved her…like a younger sister. The emotion was too much. He let the stray tears fall down his tanned skin to meet the unforgiving ground below, where they shattered like glass. She couldn't go.
Both Su and Sarah stood there. They couldn't have a real reaction. They had never really interacted with the older female. However, the emotional wall that enclosed them brought out unknown emotions. Emotions of fear and regret. They were afraid of life without Kitsune. What would it be like? Who would encourage their pranks? Who would laugh at them when no on else did? And regret. Why didn't we entertain her more often? Why didn't we find out what she liked and go from there? Why does she have to die? Death was new to the girls…it was haunting and it couldn't happen to someone they knew.
Keitaro stood nearby Kitsune, holding a sobbing Naru. His eyes were trained on Kitsune who, to him, was a friend, a confidant…almost a mother. To him, he found that she had taught him almost everything he needed to know about the outside world. She showed him broken hearts, accepting Naru and being forward. She taught him persistence and courage to say what you feel you should say. She was a character…
Naru continued to sob on Keitaro's shoulder without halting. What was the use of halting? She would lose a best friend and sister if she did. That couldn't happen. Kitsune made her realize her love for Keitaro and the joys of life. Kitsune also helped her throughout high school…she protected Naru. For that, Naru would be eternally grateful. Eternally.
The swirling vortex of emotions was paused for a bit as a cell phone went off. Seta reached down into his pocket and retrieved it. He looked up and left the room to take the call.
All was silent, except for the continuous beep of the heart rate monitor and Naru's sobs. There was no effort made to go near Kitsune. They were all afraid. However, Kitsune wasn't. She needed to get a few things off her chest.
Slowly, she brought up her hand, one finger raised. Immediately, most of the group was at her side. She pointed to her respirator.
"Take it off?" Sarah questioned. Kitsune made a feeble thumbs-up sign.
"Let's as-ask the doctor fir-first oka-ay?" Naru managed. Kitsune gave yet another thumbs-up sign. Motoko and Shinobu were immediately dispatched to find the doctor. A few minutes after they left, Seta stepped back inside to have a word with Keitaro. He whispered a few words, and once Keitaro nodded, left. Su and Sarah followed him. This bombardment of emotion was too much for their young minds.
Dr. Kaji soon appeared and assessed the situation. She checked the heart rate monitor and other machines stationed in the room. With one final twist of a button she stood up and smiled.
"Kitsune, you can take off your mask, but not for long. If you do, you'll suffer a lack of oxygen in the brain." Dr. Kaji said softly. With that, she left the room. Kitsune slowly brought herself up, grinding her teeth together at the pain in such a simple task. Once she achieved her seated position, she removed the mask.
"I-I want to ap-apologiz-ze to you all. I'm-m so sorry for the troub-ble I caused."
"What trouble, Kits-" Kitsune brought up a hand, halting Naru in her tirade. Motoko came and placed a hand on Naru's shoulder.
"Just let her finish." Kitsune took a deep breath so she could speak.
"I-t's not Kent-ntaro's fault. All mine-" Kitsune couldn't continue. After relying on the respirator for keeping her coughing fits down, she needed the respirator to keep that up. Kitsune quickly scrambled for the mask and placed it over her mouth and nose. She took a deep breath and slowly lay down. She was exhausted.
Kitsune was soon asleep, the respirator mask being placed properly on her by Naru. Everyone gradually drifted away from the bad, finding their own resting places. However, a half hour after Kitsune fell asleep, Dr. Kaji came in. Everyone was immediately alert.
"Hello all. I have something to speak to you about."
"What is it? Does it have to do with Kitsune?" Naru asked urgently.
"Yes. It seems as though part of her liver has ruptured. She'll need a liver transplant. Does anybody here have the blood type AB?" Shinobu raised her hand slowly. Dr. Kaji looked her over. A sad smile formed.
"I'm sorry but you're too young. You're not Kitsune's immediate family, are you?" Shinobu shook her head.
"Well then, we can wait for her family to arrive but they'll have to come quickly. Her liver isn't working well at all. She'll be undergoing dialysis but she's losing a lot of blood from the rupture." Everyone nodded.
"You should all go home now." Another nod. Dr. Kaji left and soon, so did the Hinata crew.
.~.
The next day, Kitsune groggily awoke. 'I hate this.' She reflected. Once again she was depressed and her only friend right now was the beep of the heart monitor and her own pulse. Not very comforting.
Kitsune tried to lift herself up. It wasn't working. The pain shot through her and she jolted, causing even more pain. She was hurting. Kitsune laid herself back down and was about to close her eyes to sleep when in filtered friends and family. The real family.
Not everyone was there. Just her mother and brothers but that was enough for her. However, as she surveyed her brothers' faces as her mother fretted over her, she detected a small amount of disappointment. Her heart sunk.
She'd failed everyone and therefore hurt them. Why?! Why did she do this? Did she want to kill her mother from the stress and physical strain? Kitsune turned her head away from her mother and began to weep silently. Why couldn't she just die already? Why?
Kitsune's mother took her hand and smoothed it over Kitsune's forehead, crooning to her youngest child.
"You don't have to cry anymore. You poor thing. We found out that Seiji has your same blood type. He's going to give part of his liver to you." Kitsune turned her head to face her brothers all of whom were crying now. She managed a small smile, directed at Seiji. To all of them, she tried with her eyes, to apologize. It seemed to work.
A few hours passed like this. Everyone present was speaking to Kitsune. She was trying to stay awake but the strain on her fragile body was too much. Her eyes were about to shut when she heard a new voice enter the haze of voices around her. Lethargically, Kitsune opened her eyes to see the doctor speaking to Seiji. He was escorted out of the room.
With her remaining strength, Kitsune figured that he was going to go donate part of his liver to her now. She couldn't help a few tears before she fell into a light slumber.
.~.
Kitsune awoke in what seemed like minutes later. She opened her eyes to find herself once again looking at the flashing fluorescent lights above her head. She closed her eyes again. There was no need for the surgeon next to her to speak about the procedure she was about to undergo. She knew that it was to be painful. She didn't like pain.
Why couldn't it just end?
Kitsune felt the bed stop, and her senses were immediately invaded by the sterile smell of chemical cleaners. However, all that soon left her mind once she felt a gentle prick on her upper arm. Looking out of the side of her eye, Kitsune could make out an IV needle being inserted. 'No worries.' She figured. 'I'm going to die anyways.'
The anesthesia was soon administered to Kitsune. For her, the duration of the operation was black.
.~.
Pain.
It hurts.
Why?
Kitsune awoke slowly to her confusing surroundings. Her liver area was sore and she could feel the throbbing of her blood as it made its way through that area. Kitsune also became aware of the endless amount of wires that seemed to be stuck everywhere. All around her body, on her stomach, arms, face, chest, everywhere.
Slowly, Kitsune turned her head towards the heart monitor. With heavy eyes, Kitsune watched the spiking movement of her heart pulse. Once or twice she thought there was too much of a wait between pulses. But she didn't care. She was useless now.
Kitsune stayed awake and was soon greeted by her family and friends. She could feel the pity oozing from their bodies. Why did they have to pity her? Kitsune could feel her resentment towards them. How dare they pity her!
On the other hand, the family and friends didn't pity Kitsune much. Naru and Kitsune's mother were just heartbroken that she had to lay in a hospital bed, so restricted and alone. Her brothers pitied her slightly. But it was her poor decisions they pitied. Had she not made them, she would not be here. Keitaro and the rest of the crew were just worried. She was apart of the Hinata family and no one could take her place. No one.
Kitsune missed her brother Seiji and figured he must be resting. Her mother reinforced that. Her mother also updated Kitsune on her present condition.
"Well, your brother is resting. The surgery did take a lot out of him. As for you…" There was an ominous silence. Kitsune's mother wiped away tears that had threatened to fall. She looked back up at the people behind her and then continued.
"…You aren't doing…so well. The surgeon said that the liver, Seiji's that is, wasn't accepted, as it should have been. It didn't turn the right color. It took a while for the blood to cl-clot. So you m-may…You may n-n-n-not l-l-live." Kitsune's mother burst into tears and the other females around her let their tears fall.
Except Kitsune. She just stared at them blandly, without feeling. She didn't care if she died. Apparently they did. Kitsune blinked unhurriedly a few times before closing her eyes for rest. She was very sleepy.
All the others soon took noticed. Everyone left, leaving the gently sleeping Kitsune alone. It was unspoken for them, a taboo. No one wanted to say it and no one would. They were trying their best, but it was obvious and everyone knew.
Kitsune didn't want to live anymore.
Quietly, they all slipped out of the hospital, weighed down by their depressing thoughts. It wasn't fun, having that thought. It was almost like a blow to their pride and self-esteem. The person, who lived life and wanted to live it to its fullest, didn't anymore. It was hurtful.
Kitsune awoke later that night, being as uncomfortable as she was. That cycle would continue for the rest of her days.
.~.
Kitsune awoke later that month, her body and senses completely alert. She felt cold and she could feel the light layer of sweat coating her body. Her head was also throbbing. Kitsune was about to toss around when she felt a stab of pain in her liver as she tried to move. She immediately froze. Her heart began to beat irregularly, causing the heart monitor to send up an alarm. Immediately, nurses and doctors came running in, checking her vitals and temperature. It wasn't normal. Her temperature had reached 101.
"Her liver is being rejected!" Doctors and nurses immediately began to scurry around trying to figure out how to classify her rejection.
"It's acute rejection!" yelled one of the doctors. "Get me some more liquid immunosuppressants or steroids! High doses!" Nurses ran out of the room, trying to find some.
"I've got them! Immunosuppressants!"
"Put it into a syringe! We're going to have to inject it!"
"Quickly! She's going into shock!"
"Inject it! Now!"
The suppressant was injected into Kitsune, but nothing happened; her heartbeat increased its irregular path of beating, being pushed to the limits that any heart could be pushed to, only to be stopped…stalled…halted…quieted…forever…
The doctors abandoned her for a few seconds before wheeling in the defibrillator. The doctor immediately got to work, trying to start up her heart again. Again. Again. Again. Once more. Just for good measure, another. Sixth time's the charm.
Nothing.
She was dead.
"Who's going to call?" The head doctor whispered quietly. Everyone looked around until they all finally looked at Dr. Kaji, who stood near the door, eyes tearing up and beginning to sob.
"I'll do it-t." She managed.
The call wasn't easy. It was very late at night and Keitaro answered the phone. He took the news quietly, but the doctor could sense the underlying anguish in his voice. He quietly thanked her and hung up. Softly, Keitaro let the tears fall. He brought his hands to his eyes, sat down, and sobbed like a small child.
.~.
Keitaro had gone and woken everyone up, even Kitsune's own family. His eyes were still red from crying but not much could be told by the dim lighting in which they sat.
"What's going on Keitaro? Why did you call us all down here? It's real late too." Naru asked.
"I…I-uh-just got...this…ahem…call…"
"Really? Where from?" Kitsune's mother asked. She was trying to humor the poor boy.
"The hospital." He whispered.
A hush fell over the group. Kitsune's mother clenched her oldest son's hand and looked towards her younger two. The others in the group froze and straightened up. Something had to have had gone wrong.
"It's Kitsune. She's…ah…de-...de-dead…"
Silence. Then slowly, tears came down, dreams shattered as did the hope. The tiny ray of hope that everyone had hung onto while they had gone to visit Kitsune in the hospital. But now, it was gone…for good…
Kitsune's mother and the rest of the females slowly retreated to their rooms. The males sat for a bit, relishing fond memories of the lost fox in their minds eye. After a bit, they too retreated.
.~.
It was a beautiful day, with an azure sky dotted with clod oyster clouds. The effect of the slight breeze on the stately trees was much appreciated. It helped brighten the frightful day. The day of her cremation.
In following with the Shinto religion by which the Konno family followed, Kitsune was cremated. Her bones were carefully extracted from the ashes with chopsticks. The rituals of the funeral pyre were followed. For everyone present, it was a quick day. The whole Konno family was there, including Kitsune's young nieces and nephews.
The ashes were soon picked up in a golden urn and buried. The tears now fell. Here they were, saying goodbye to a life-long friend, love and companion. The leaving of the Konno family followed the funeral. Enough time had been spent in Hinata. They needed to distance themselves, even if it meant leaving their good friends.
Good shares of tears were dropped, but life must go on and the family soon left.
.~.
Naru stopped in front of Kitsune's room, a good few months after her cremation. After her passing, they never spoke of the fox, scared of what the consequences of the speaking may do. She had to be revered, they figured. Not speaking about her was the only way to do so.
Nothing had been moved or touched in there. Looking around, Naru slowly made her way inside. There she began to sort through her old friends' belongings, sobbing as she found something of ritualistic importance or just a small memento of her legacy.
Shinobu, who had come to ask Naru for help, soon joined her. Naru had turned on the shamisen music long ago and Shinobu now came and sat next to Naru, bathing in the sweet sound of the music.
That very music loved by Kitsune attracted the rest of the crew to the center of Kitsune's life. There they all congregated, becoming in tune with the reminiscing mood that Naru was in, and joined her.
Laughter was shared, at the antics with which Kitsune would torment Naru and Keitaro with, or the way she would get drunk right before going to the temple. It was all quite amusing.
In the end of all of this, the group realized one thing. Memories were meant to be shared, not hidden. Especially if the memories had to do with someone you loved. And here, the group finally discovered that not speaking about was ignoring her. They weren't revering her, as they had originally planned. They were trying to forget her. But that couldn't be allowed.
No one could forget the fox.
.~.
Wait…are you serious? Ten pages?? You people better like this one! I tried to pack it full of emotion but we'll see…I liked this ending. I'm not changing it. Special thanks to Mantis Man because without him, this would have remained a one-shot! Thanks so much!
Reviews:
mr-winkie- I redid it. Hope you liked. I thought the other endings were abrupt too. So here you are.
velocet-Thanks for taking off your gloves. It helped with the rewrites. I think these were better. Longer and I actually researched all of it. However, it felt like there were like…what…three chapters in one? Oh well. You all can just deal with it.
Kai5-No problem! It doesn't matter if you review or not. I just hope you're feeling okay and that you enjoy the story. I did a rewrite. The angst is what I originally had in mind but so many people want her to live. It was kind of disappointing but hey…what can you say?
dennisud- Here's the kind of epilogue thingie. I ended it with the reactions seen at the end. I didn't place the family's reaction because it would be odd to shift from Hinata to Kobe in one little swipe.
Gotenks01013-Hehe..You're good with confusing me. But I thin I got it. You were referring to the multiple endings, right? I took your transplant thing to heart because it worked. I was strapped for ideas and yours was just awesome!
Mantis Man- Glad you thought so! Did you notice how we're running out of things to talk about? Yup…we have…But once you get started on Cowboy Bebop * hint hint *, then we'll have stuff to talk about. That show is really philosophical. Oh and thanks to you, this story became what it did! You gave me the drive! Thanks so much!
Mozzarella- I like the cheese too! Tastes real good on pizza! Thank you for reading! I hope you continue to leave your awesome reviews!
The Claire Bible-I actually did most of this rewrite off of your review. Thank you so much! Without you, this probably wouldn't have been possible…You hit home with the masking of the emotions. That was what was missing and only you realized that. Thank you!
jennyjennai-Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked what you read so far!
red52- You made me blush! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed the rewrites!