TOM AND LUCY
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Harry potter or Wal-Mart. Anything unfamiliar to you, along with the plot line, is a result of my messed-up
brain.
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world!
Chapter two: Voldemort Vs. The Fly
Lucius smelled the first cup of coffee he had made in his life and gagged. It smelled like tar, and he had a suspicious feeling it would taste as such as well. Reluctantly, he downed the thing as quickly as possible- he needed the caffeine. " Master, we need to act more like muggles, My Lord." He frowned. " I've been watching these strange creatures through the window, and we will be caught." Voldemort frowned as he sipped his coffee. " I suppose I'll have to alter my appearance , there must not be very many muggles as ghoulishly handsome as I am." He preened, while slicking back the one miniscule hair on his bald head. Lucius hid a chuckle. " That they haven't, My Lord." He sighed as he read a paper he had stolen from a neighbor's doormat. " I'll have to go out today and purchase us some muggle clothes. Maybe you can go through that box of stuff left over by the old resident?" He suggested to his master. " Very well, very well. Go on Malfoy. Get me my muggle attire." He said sophisticatedly. Lucius left the room and Voldemort heard the front door close. He shrugged and pulled the box onto the coffee table, seating himself on the musty sofa. " Let's see what do we have here." He pulled out a bent fork and tossed it carelessly behind him. "Useless. A crayon?! What vile being would keep such a happy tool in his domicile?!" He destroyed it on the table while shouting, " Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!" Then regaining his composure, he turned back to the box, where out flew- a fly! " What?! A fly! A fly has invaded my threshold! You shall be punished!" he searched frantically through the box until he came upon the desired item. " Ah! A fitting weapon for such a duel! Alas, my flyswatter! Together we shall be victorious!" It was quite a sight to see Voldemort chasing the fly with a pink, rubber, foot-shaped flyswatter while yelling in old English. " Ye shall be defeated, sir fly! Justice shall at last be mine!"
Lucius got some pretty strange looks as he walked around the Wal- Mart chain store. He had been baffled by the automatic entrance in the front and had run in quickly behind a muggle with short brown hair, looking neither male nor female. He had accepted the cart bequeathed to him by a Vaseline-enduced smiling teenager with black hair and a nose ring. After observing the other customers, Lucius quickly caught on and wheeled the blue basket down the aisles. " This is actually not so bad." He thought aloud as he walked through the aisles, placing food into the cart. " Excuse me, sir? Where is the men's department?" A pimply-faced, runny-nosed teenager turned around, causing Lucius to gasp in shock. " It's in the back left if the store, sir." He replied in a nasally voice, pushing up coke-rimmed glasses. " Uh, thank you." Lucius said hurriedly and rushed off to the male clothing aisles. His shock was not yet over when he saw what awaited him there- Bermuda shorts and vile looking T- Shirts. " Oh this is just SO bloody fantastic." He sighed as he placed several items into the cart and walked over to the checkout line. " What the bloody Hell?!" All the lines were insanely long and there were only two lanes open. He waited for almost an hour before he finally reached the front. " Hello sir, thank you for shopping Wal-Mart." A perky blonde boy who seemingly had Terret's syndrome started to scan his items. " How was your. MONKEY ORGY!" " Uh, I'm sorry? I didn't catch that." " Oh, I asked if you. LICK THOSE BALLS PROFESSOR HORNY MAN!" Lucius was in shock and his pale cheeks turned slightly red as the passersby looked at him like he was a huge zit on Rebecca Romain-Stamos's nose. ( The super- model who plays Mystique from X- MEN.) " Um. can we speed this up please?" He asked in a shy voice. " Sure thing Sir, let me just. CODDLE YOUR FEET AND POUR MILK ON YOUR LEGS!" Lucious ran like a bat out of Hell as soon as he paid. " Come again!" The doorman with one eye yelled after him in a voice not so much unlike a woman's. " What a freak show!" He panted, after having run four miles back to the apartment. " I'm home Master!" He called out and then screamed as he was hit in the head with a flyswatter.
" Die you vile fly! I shall have your head for my snack!" Voldemort yelled. " My Lord, are you alright?" Lucius asked, while rubbing his head in pain. " This despicable creature has taunted me all day! It must die!" He screeched. " My Lord, wouldn't it be more. effective to just use Avada Kedavra?" Lucius suggested, giving his leader as cautious look. " No Malfoy! It is the principle of the thing! Aha! Gotcha!" He smacked the wall with the flyswatter. " Victory is mine! Fear me! I am Lord Voldemort- destroyer of flies!" " I've gotten us some clothing, you still should transfigure your appearance, Sir. I will start lunch. YOWIE!!!" He shrieked as he stepped on the discarded fork. " Sorry, Malfoy, I must've gotten too caught up slaying the beast to remember that was there." He came into the kitchen. " What do you think of this?" Lucius dropped the cup he was holding and opened his mouth wide. Voldemort looked like a fair-skinned, lanky redhead with a big nose and squinty red eyes. He wore a pair of glasses Lucius had stolen from an old man who had insulted him on the street. He had on a pair of orange shorts and a puke green sweater vest over a bright yellow T-Shirt that read, " My hot dog is for sale". He also had on a pair of red high-tops, a white scarf and one blue latex glove he had found in the box. " What are you wearing?!" He said in shock. " You like?" Voldemort twirled. " Just call me Tom the fly torturer!" He made a super-hero pose. "You really hated that fly, didn't you?" He said in exasperation. "It tormented me with it's constant buzz buzz buzzing!" Lucius paled as another fly flew in through the open window. " DIE!" " Not again." Lucius took out a flask of scotch and took a deep swig.
Author's Note:
Hello again everyone! Earth here typing for your enjoyment (I hope () Well that was chapter two, let us know what you think ( ! Storm insisted that I write this as the first event chapter. The whole fly thing came from a dream we both had and I came up with the freaky Wal-Mart part to give Lucius something to do. I hope you all like it! Chapter three is going to be in the works soon, just so you're all aware, I'm typing the first few chapters out before I send them, that way you get more chapters at a time (!
Until later,
Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm (
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Harry potter or Wal-Mart. Anything unfamiliar to you, along with the plot line, is a result of my messed-up
brain.
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world!
Chapter two: Voldemort Vs. The Fly
Lucius smelled the first cup of coffee he had made in his life and gagged. It smelled like tar, and he had a suspicious feeling it would taste as such as well. Reluctantly, he downed the thing as quickly as possible- he needed the caffeine. " Master, we need to act more like muggles, My Lord." He frowned. " I've been watching these strange creatures through the window, and we will be caught." Voldemort frowned as he sipped his coffee. " I suppose I'll have to alter my appearance , there must not be very many muggles as ghoulishly handsome as I am." He preened, while slicking back the one miniscule hair on his bald head. Lucius hid a chuckle. " That they haven't, My Lord." He sighed as he read a paper he had stolen from a neighbor's doormat. " I'll have to go out today and purchase us some muggle clothes. Maybe you can go through that box of stuff left over by the old resident?" He suggested to his master. " Very well, very well. Go on Malfoy. Get me my muggle attire." He said sophisticatedly. Lucius left the room and Voldemort heard the front door close. He shrugged and pulled the box onto the coffee table, seating himself on the musty sofa. " Let's see what do we have here." He pulled out a bent fork and tossed it carelessly behind him. "Useless. A crayon?! What vile being would keep such a happy tool in his domicile?!" He destroyed it on the table while shouting, " Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!" Then regaining his composure, he turned back to the box, where out flew- a fly! " What?! A fly! A fly has invaded my threshold! You shall be punished!" he searched frantically through the box until he came upon the desired item. " Ah! A fitting weapon for such a duel! Alas, my flyswatter! Together we shall be victorious!" It was quite a sight to see Voldemort chasing the fly with a pink, rubber, foot-shaped flyswatter while yelling in old English. " Ye shall be defeated, sir fly! Justice shall at last be mine!"
Lucius got some pretty strange looks as he walked around the Wal- Mart chain store. He had been baffled by the automatic entrance in the front and had run in quickly behind a muggle with short brown hair, looking neither male nor female. He had accepted the cart bequeathed to him by a Vaseline-enduced smiling teenager with black hair and a nose ring. After observing the other customers, Lucius quickly caught on and wheeled the blue basket down the aisles. " This is actually not so bad." He thought aloud as he walked through the aisles, placing food into the cart. " Excuse me, sir? Where is the men's department?" A pimply-faced, runny-nosed teenager turned around, causing Lucius to gasp in shock. " It's in the back left if the store, sir." He replied in a nasally voice, pushing up coke-rimmed glasses. " Uh, thank you." Lucius said hurriedly and rushed off to the male clothing aisles. His shock was not yet over when he saw what awaited him there- Bermuda shorts and vile looking T- Shirts. " Oh this is just SO bloody fantastic." He sighed as he placed several items into the cart and walked over to the checkout line. " What the bloody Hell?!" All the lines were insanely long and there were only two lanes open. He waited for almost an hour before he finally reached the front. " Hello sir, thank you for shopping Wal-Mart." A perky blonde boy who seemingly had Terret's syndrome started to scan his items. " How was your. MONKEY ORGY!" " Uh, I'm sorry? I didn't catch that." " Oh, I asked if you. LICK THOSE BALLS PROFESSOR HORNY MAN!" Lucius was in shock and his pale cheeks turned slightly red as the passersby looked at him like he was a huge zit on Rebecca Romain-Stamos's nose. ( The super- model who plays Mystique from X- MEN.) " Um. can we speed this up please?" He asked in a shy voice. " Sure thing Sir, let me just. CODDLE YOUR FEET AND POUR MILK ON YOUR LEGS!" Lucious ran like a bat out of Hell as soon as he paid. " Come again!" The doorman with one eye yelled after him in a voice not so much unlike a woman's. " What a freak show!" He panted, after having run four miles back to the apartment. " I'm home Master!" He called out and then screamed as he was hit in the head with a flyswatter.
" Die you vile fly! I shall have your head for my snack!" Voldemort yelled. " My Lord, are you alright?" Lucius asked, while rubbing his head in pain. " This despicable creature has taunted me all day! It must die!" He screeched. " My Lord, wouldn't it be more. effective to just use Avada Kedavra?" Lucius suggested, giving his leader as cautious look. " No Malfoy! It is the principle of the thing! Aha! Gotcha!" He smacked the wall with the flyswatter. " Victory is mine! Fear me! I am Lord Voldemort- destroyer of flies!" " I've gotten us some clothing, you still should transfigure your appearance, Sir. I will start lunch. YOWIE!!!" He shrieked as he stepped on the discarded fork. " Sorry, Malfoy, I must've gotten too caught up slaying the beast to remember that was there." He came into the kitchen. " What do you think of this?" Lucius dropped the cup he was holding and opened his mouth wide. Voldemort looked like a fair-skinned, lanky redhead with a big nose and squinty red eyes. He wore a pair of glasses Lucius had stolen from an old man who had insulted him on the street. He had on a pair of orange shorts and a puke green sweater vest over a bright yellow T-Shirt that read, " My hot dog is for sale". He also had on a pair of red high-tops, a white scarf and one blue latex glove he had found in the box. " What are you wearing?!" He said in shock. " You like?" Voldemort twirled. " Just call me Tom the fly torturer!" He made a super-hero pose. "You really hated that fly, didn't you?" He said in exasperation. "It tormented me with it's constant buzz buzz buzzing!" Lucius paled as another fly flew in through the open window. " DIE!" " Not again." Lucius took out a flask of scotch and took a deep swig.
Author's Note:
Hello again everyone! Earth here typing for your enjoyment (I hope () Well that was chapter two, let us know what you think ( ! Storm insisted that I write this as the first event chapter. The whole fly thing came from a dream we both had and I came up with the freaky Wal-Mart part to give Lucius something to do. I hope you all like it! Chapter three is going to be in the works soon, just so you're all aware, I'm typing the first few chapters out before I send them, that way you get more chapters at a time (!
Until later,
Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm (