TOM AND LUCY
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry potter or other related material, nor Wal-Mart or anything else overly familiar. All I own is the
insanity in my head that you have chosen to read- yay for you!
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world!
Chapter Three: Chop-Suey No Goody
" Lucious!" " Yes Master?" Lucius came into the living room to find Voldemort staring at the T.V. with a can of beer n the table. He had his bunny footie pajamas on, ones that he had picked out himself on his little excursion to Wal- Mart. (Note: This is another trip not mentioned previously.) Lucius cringed as he saw the scene and instantly moved the can to a coaster. Voldemort belched. " You've been cooking all week, Malfoy, and I have to say. YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT IT!" Lucious was near to tears. " I try, My Lord! I really do! Would it kill you to help?!" " What are you a Woman?!" Voldemort sneered and Lucius sniffed. " I want you to order me something called Chinese Food." Malfoy raised a brow. " Chinese Food? Are you sure, My Lord?" " Yes! And besides, Lucius, I told you to call me Sir Tom, the torturer of flies!" " Alright, Sir Tom, torturer of flies. Here's the delivery menu." He hands Vol- I mean Sir Tom, a purple folded piece of paper. " Was that sarcasm?" Tom snapped. " No, that was a Chinese food menu." Lucius responded. " Ha, Ha. You are sooo witty Lucius!" Tom said with evident sarcasm. " So, what shall we order?" Lucius said in the signature Malfoy 'I'm bored with this' drawl. " I don't have all day, My Lord. There is much yet to be done." He was filing his nails while he waited for Tom's response. " Yes LUCY, whenever you finish doing your nails, you can order me some chop-suey. It sounds interesting." " Yes My Lord Tom of the flies." Malfoy sneered. " What the bloody Hell is wrong with you, Lucius?! I am Sir Tom, torturer of flies!" He snapped. Lucius rolled his eyes. " Yes, Master, whatever you say. I shall use the felly tone to order us some Chinese food." " Good minion, now let Sir Tom watch his rugby like a good little wife." " I am NOT anyone's wife!" " Good, Lucius, I am keeping you on your toes." Tom took a swig of beer.
Lucius looked at the strange contraption in his hand and raised his eyebrow. " Hello?" He asked the earpiece. " I'd like some Chinese food. BLAST YOU STUPID FELLY TONE, WHY DON'T YOU WORK?!" He starts to bang the contraption on the table in his rage. Then he discovers the buttons. " Oh, Ooopsie. let's see. this button says 'on'." He pushes the 'on' button. " It works! Hello? I would like some Chinese food. DAMN YOU PHONE! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO?!" He raged. He was about to crumple the menu in his anger when he saw the sentence ' Call us at 555-1111'. " Maybe I have to push the number buttons." He heard a ring tone and then a woman with a heavy Chinese accent ( think of 'Dude, where's my car') answered the phone. " Hello, howcanIhelpyou?" " Pardon me?" " I said, howcanIhelpyou?" "Um. I would like some Chinese food." " Yes, Sir, that is why you call us. What kind Chinese food you want?" " Uh, two orders of chop-seuy and two egg rolls please for delivery." " Okay, that will be two order hopping doodie and two leg bowls?" " What?! I asked for chop-seuy and egg rolls!" " That what I say, hopping doodie and leg bowls." " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Listen Lady, I want you to deliver two orders of chop-suey and tow egg rolls to this address right away!" " Okay Sir, we be there twenty minute, your total is $23. 98." 'CLICK' the other line went dead and Lucius scowled.
" Here's your bloody Chinese food Tom!" Lucius said angrily as he handed Tom a container and an egg roll. " Thank you Lucius. What are these?" He held up a pair of chopsticks. " I think they are for eating utensils." He reads the instructions on the package and attempts to do it properly. " YEOWIE!" he snapped his finger between the two sticks. " Oh you moron, let Sir Tom show you how it is done." He attempted as well. " Die, die, die!" He used the chopsticks to stab his food. " My Lord, I think you are a genius." Lucius did the same thing. The two evil morons ate until they were content. " Now My Lord, tell me more of this 'rugby' thing."
Author's Note: Hello, hello again! It's me, Earth and I finally finished this one at home. I originally was thinking of how they would handle chopsticks, but this is what I came up with! I tried to post these yesterday but it was giving me a hard time logging in ( I promise the next chapter will be posted soon after this is up! (
Peace out!
Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry potter or other related material, nor Wal-Mart or anything else overly familiar. All I own is the
insanity in my head that you have chosen to read- yay for you!
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world!
Chapter Three: Chop-Suey No Goody
" Lucious!" " Yes Master?" Lucius came into the living room to find Voldemort staring at the T.V. with a can of beer n the table. He had his bunny footie pajamas on, ones that he had picked out himself on his little excursion to Wal- Mart. (Note: This is another trip not mentioned previously.) Lucius cringed as he saw the scene and instantly moved the can to a coaster. Voldemort belched. " You've been cooking all week, Malfoy, and I have to say. YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT IT!" Lucious was near to tears. " I try, My Lord! I really do! Would it kill you to help?!" " What are you a Woman?!" Voldemort sneered and Lucius sniffed. " I want you to order me something called Chinese Food." Malfoy raised a brow. " Chinese Food? Are you sure, My Lord?" " Yes! And besides, Lucius, I told you to call me Sir Tom, the torturer of flies!" " Alright, Sir Tom, torturer of flies. Here's the delivery menu." He hands Vol- I mean Sir Tom, a purple folded piece of paper. " Was that sarcasm?" Tom snapped. " No, that was a Chinese food menu." Lucius responded. " Ha, Ha. You are sooo witty Lucius!" Tom said with evident sarcasm. " So, what shall we order?" Lucius said in the signature Malfoy 'I'm bored with this' drawl. " I don't have all day, My Lord. There is much yet to be done." He was filing his nails while he waited for Tom's response. " Yes LUCY, whenever you finish doing your nails, you can order me some chop-suey. It sounds interesting." " Yes My Lord Tom of the flies." Malfoy sneered. " What the bloody Hell is wrong with you, Lucius?! I am Sir Tom, torturer of flies!" He snapped. Lucius rolled his eyes. " Yes, Master, whatever you say. I shall use the felly tone to order us some Chinese food." " Good minion, now let Sir Tom watch his rugby like a good little wife." " I am NOT anyone's wife!" " Good, Lucius, I am keeping you on your toes." Tom took a swig of beer.
Lucius looked at the strange contraption in his hand and raised his eyebrow. " Hello?" He asked the earpiece. " I'd like some Chinese food. BLAST YOU STUPID FELLY TONE, WHY DON'T YOU WORK?!" He starts to bang the contraption on the table in his rage. Then he discovers the buttons. " Oh, Ooopsie. let's see. this button says 'on'." He pushes the 'on' button. " It works! Hello? I would like some Chinese food. DAMN YOU PHONE! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO?!" He raged. He was about to crumple the menu in his anger when he saw the sentence ' Call us at 555-1111'. " Maybe I have to push the number buttons." He heard a ring tone and then a woman with a heavy Chinese accent ( think of 'Dude, where's my car') answered the phone. " Hello, howcanIhelpyou?" " Pardon me?" " I said, howcanIhelpyou?" "Um. I would like some Chinese food." " Yes, Sir, that is why you call us. What kind Chinese food you want?" " Uh, two orders of chop-seuy and two egg rolls please for delivery." " Okay, that will be two order hopping doodie and two leg bowls?" " What?! I asked for chop-seuy and egg rolls!" " That what I say, hopping doodie and leg bowls." " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Chop seuy and egg rolls!" " Hopping doodie and leg bowls!" " Listen Lady, I want you to deliver two orders of chop-suey and tow egg rolls to this address right away!" " Okay Sir, we be there twenty minute, your total is $23. 98." 'CLICK' the other line went dead and Lucius scowled.
" Here's your bloody Chinese food Tom!" Lucius said angrily as he handed Tom a container and an egg roll. " Thank you Lucius. What are these?" He held up a pair of chopsticks. " I think they are for eating utensils." He reads the instructions on the package and attempts to do it properly. " YEOWIE!" he snapped his finger between the two sticks. " Oh you moron, let Sir Tom show you how it is done." He attempted as well. " Die, die, die!" He used the chopsticks to stab his food. " My Lord, I think you are a genius." Lucius did the same thing. The two evil morons ate until they were content. " Now My Lord, tell me more of this 'rugby' thing."
Author's Note: Hello, hello again! It's me, Earth and I finally finished this one at home. I originally was thinking of how they would handle chopsticks, but this is what I came up with! I tried to post these yesterday but it was giving me a hard time logging in ( I promise the next chapter will be posted soon after this is up! (
Peace out!
Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm