TOM AND LUCY
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter, all I own is the
whacked-out story formed by my own twisted mind!
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world! Lucius: Hey Earth, what do you have against us anyway?! Voldemort: Hey, I'm Tom! Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom! And whatever he said. Earth: Well, you Lucius, torment my favorite character in the books. ( Raises nose and 'hmph's) Lucius: Who would that be, Potter? Storm: NO! I like Harry, she likes Draco. Earth: ( nods head rapidly) Ouch! Whiplash! Tom: Hey! You still haven't told us why you don't like ME of all people! Earth: Would've thought THAT was obvious.
Storm: You're trying to kill my Harry! No one kills ANY of my boyfriends!
Earth: Here, here Sis! Harry: (crestfallen) You have other boyfriends? Storm: Um. well. Earth: Obliviate!
Harry, Tom and Lucius: What was I doing? ( they swagger a little)
Storm: You were going to starting the fourth chapter of the story. Earth: Oh man! Storm, do I HAVE to write the fourth part NOW? ( whines) Storm: Yes, and take Draco out of your closet, I know he's hiding in there! Earth: NO! NOT MY MUSE! WAAH!
Storm: Type.
Earth: Okay. ( smiles as she types on) Storm: Too easy.
Well here I go.
Chapter four: The Supermarket Scene
" My Lord, I really must insist you stop wearing such, unusual clothing combinations." " Nonsense! I'll wear pink leggings and a tube top any day I please, Malfoy, now take me to the groceries!" " Oh brother." Lucius muttered as he pushed Tom in the cart.
" Why does HE have to come again, Petunia?" Uncle Vernon was very upset at the prospect of taking Harry with him to the grocery store. " Because, Vernon, my book club will be here soon and I will not have HIM ruin my reputation as a hostess!" She stuck up her skinny, lengthy nose and her overly large neck protruded from the collar of her dress prominently. " Fine, boy, get in the car." " Yes Uncle Vernon." He reluctantly followed the big man out the door and into Vernon's new company car. " This'll be a hoot." He muttered as they drove off. " Let's see, we need. milk!" Lucius grabbed for the last container of milk at the same time as a burly man with blonde mustache that was so dangerously ugly. " That's my milk!" Vernon hollered. " No way! I saw it first you muggle fool!" " Mr. Malfoy?!" " Harry Potter?!" Tom shrieked. " AHH! RUN PEOPLE RUN! THAT GUY WANTS TO KILL ME!" Harry pointed to the disguised Lord Voldemort. " Shut up boy, you are causing a scene!" Vernon hit Harry sharply on the head. " That's your Uncle?" Voldemort asked. ( TOM! Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom!) Sorry! " Yes." Harry was trying to be brave, although his legs shook more than fat old ladies arms when they do the gardening. ( All the fat and skin wobbling. get the picture?) " I pity you." Lucius and Vernon were getting into the lamest insult fest ever, due to the fact that Vernon's a duffer and all the muggle comments Lucius had didn't make sense to his opponent. " Gee, that means sooo much coming from the guy who wants to KILL ME!" Harry roared. " Didn't Dumbledore teach you any anger management?" Tom shook his head and clucked. " Hey, you think I need anger management?! Who's the person who kills others because he hates his father?!" Harry snapped. " That hits deep, Harry, real deep." Tom whined, clutching his chest. " Um. I'm sorry?" Harry suggested. " Thank you, even us super villains have feelings. Oh, and Harry?" " Yes?" Harry was so bewildered by what was going on. " I'm still going to kill you." " I figured you'd say that." He sighed. " Come Boy! I got the milk!" Vernon yelled in triumph. " Not for long you ugly gorilla!" Lucius jumped on top of Vernon and the carton tumbled to the floor, exploding its contents all over the four people. " YOU BROKE THE MILK!" Both roared. "ME?! YOU DID IT! DID NOT! STOP COPYING ME!" " It's so hard to find good minions nowadays." Tom sighed. " Lucius, let us depart!" " Yes My Lord." Lucius reluctantly followed his master to the check out line.
" Will that be paper or plastic Sir?" The checkout lady asked. " Plastic, please." Lucius responded. Tom took one look at the plastic bags and let out a girlish scream. " No! Not the plastic bags! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" " What's wrong, My Lord?" Lucius asked hurriedly. " They're evil." He began. " One year at the orphanage where I grew up, they gave me a bag just like that one for Christmas and I nearly choked to death!" He shuddered. "Uh, paper please?" Lucius was very embarrassed. "Wait 'till I tell the others that the great Lord Voldemort is afraid of bags!" Harry shouted with glee. " Happy birthday to me!" "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Author's Note: Yayness! Chapter four is totally finished! ( Storm came up with the concept to make Voldemort afraid of plastic bags and I made up a story to go along with it, as per the custom. She'll be writing some of her own soon too! Sorry to anyone who didn't like how much Harry freaked out (Storm'll probably have a thing or two to say about this one), it just made things all the more funny! I'm going to take a break from this fic for a little while (i.e. an hour or two) and work on some other stuff, lest my head shall explode with Harry humor and Voldemort bashing. ( Not necessarily a bad thing, but still.)
Peace Out peeps,
Authors of Doom: Earth And Storm
By Authors of Doom: Earth and Storm
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter, all I own is the
whacked-out story formed by my own twisted mind!
Now that he has finally regained a physical form, Voldemort attempts to hide from Dumbledore until he regains his strength. Along with the help of his faithful minion, Lucius Malfoy, he discovers what happens when you live in a muggle apartment. Find out about the hassles of everyday living for the two ugliest, most evil jerks in the world! Lucius: Hey Earth, what do you have against us anyway?! Voldemort: Hey, I'm Tom! Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom! And whatever he said. Earth: Well, you Lucius, torment my favorite character in the books. ( Raises nose and 'hmph's) Lucius: Who would that be, Potter? Storm: NO! I like Harry, she likes Draco. Earth: ( nods head rapidly) Ouch! Whiplash! Tom: Hey! You still haven't told us why you don't like ME of all people! Earth: Would've thought THAT was obvious.
Storm: You're trying to kill my Harry! No one kills ANY of my boyfriends!
Earth: Here, here Sis! Harry: (crestfallen) You have other boyfriends? Storm: Um. well. Earth: Obliviate!
Harry, Tom and Lucius: What was I doing? ( they swagger a little)
Storm: You were going to starting the fourth chapter of the story. Earth: Oh man! Storm, do I HAVE to write the fourth part NOW? ( whines) Storm: Yes, and take Draco out of your closet, I know he's hiding in there! Earth: NO! NOT MY MUSE! WAAH!
Storm: Type.
Earth: Okay. ( smiles as she types on) Storm: Too easy.
Well here I go.
Chapter four: The Supermarket Scene
" My Lord, I really must insist you stop wearing such, unusual clothing combinations." " Nonsense! I'll wear pink leggings and a tube top any day I please, Malfoy, now take me to the groceries!" " Oh brother." Lucius muttered as he pushed Tom in the cart.
" Why does HE have to come again, Petunia?" Uncle Vernon was very upset at the prospect of taking Harry with him to the grocery store. " Because, Vernon, my book club will be here soon and I will not have HIM ruin my reputation as a hostess!" She stuck up her skinny, lengthy nose and her overly large neck protruded from the collar of her dress prominently. " Fine, boy, get in the car." " Yes Uncle Vernon." He reluctantly followed the big man out the door and into Vernon's new company car. " This'll be a hoot." He muttered as they drove off. " Let's see, we need. milk!" Lucius grabbed for the last container of milk at the same time as a burly man with blonde mustache that was so dangerously ugly. " That's my milk!" Vernon hollered. " No way! I saw it first you muggle fool!" " Mr. Malfoy?!" " Harry Potter?!" Tom shrieked. " AHH! RUN PEOPLE RUN! THAT GUY WANTS TO KILL ME!" Harry pointed to the disguised Lord Voldemort. " Shut up boy, you are causing a scene!" Vernon hit Harry sharply on the head. " That's your Uncle?" Voldemort asked. ( TOM! Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom!) Sorry! " Yes." Harry was trying to be brave, although his legs shook more than fat old ladies arms when they do the gardening. ( All the fat and skin wobbling. get the picture?) " I pity you." Lucius and Vernon were getting into the lamest insult fest ever, due to the fact that Vernon's a duffer and all the muggle comments Lucius had didn't make sense to his opponent. " Gee, that means sooo much coming from the guy who wants to KILL ME!" Harry roared. " Didn't Dumbledore teach you any anger management?" Tom shook his head and clucked. " Hey, you think I need anger management?! Who's the person who kills others because he hates his father?!" Harry snapped. " That hits deep, Harry, real deep." Tom whined, clutching his chest. " Um. I'm sorry?" Harry suggested. " Thank you, even us super villains have feelings. Oh, and Harry?" " Yes?" Harry was so bewildered by what was going on. " I'm still going to kill you." " I figured you'd say that." He sighed. " Come Boy! I got the milk!" Vernon yelled in triumph. " Not for long you ugly gorilla!" Lucius jumped on top of Vernon and the carton tumbled to the floor, exploding its contents all over the four people. " YOU BROKE THE MILK!" Both roared. "ME?! YOU DID IT! DID NOT! STOP COPYING ME!" " It's so hard to find good minions nowadays." Tom sighed. " Lucius, let us depart!" " Yes My Lord." Lucius reluctantly followed his master to the check out line.
" Will that be paper or plastic Sir?" The checkout lady asked. " Plastic, please." Lucius responded. Tom took one look at the plastic bags and let out a girlish scream. " No! Not the plastic bags! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" " What's wrong, My Lord?" Lucius asked hurriedly. " They're evil." He began. " One year at the orphanage where I grew up, they gave me a bag just like that one for Christmas and I nearly choked to death!" He shuddered. "Uh, paper please?" Lucius was very embarrassed. "Wait 'till I tell the others that the great Lord Voldemort is afraid of bags!" Harry shouted with glee. " Happy birthday to me!" "NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Author's Note: Yayness! Chapter four is totally finished! ( Storm came up with the concept to make Voldemort afraid of plastic bags and I made up a story to go along with it, as per the custom. She'll be writing some of her own soon too! Sorry to anyone who didn't like how much Harry freaked out (Storm'll probably have a thing or two to say about this one), it just made things all the more funny! I'm going to take a break from this fic for a little while (i.e. an hour or two) and work on some other stuff, lest my head shall explode with Harry humor and Voldemort bashing. ( Not necessarily a bad thing, but still.)
Peace Out peeps,
Authors of Doom: Earth And Storm