Title: Waiting For Heaven

Author: willowwood

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the shows Buffy the vampire slayer or Angel; they belong to the god Joss Whedon, Fox, UPN and the WB

Summary: Just another Anya POV piece, set around the episode Chosen.

Spoilers: Chosen

Email: willowwood@postmaster.co.uk

Waiting For Heaven

"All good things in time" D'hoffryn had said, so should I have been expecting this some how? Prepared for it? No, nobody could be prepared for something like this, for this amount of pain reverberating through there body, however much notice they had been given about the fact that there upper body was going to be almost separated into two pieces.

It's a peculiar feeling, I can't even see the cut and yet I know that it's there, I distinctly know where it begins and where it ends, and I know that there's a lot of blood too, slowly forming into a puddle around me. I imagine that it's warm and wet against the areas of exposed, pale flesh, but I don't know this for certain after all I am surrounded by darkness – void of all feelings and yet my mind is full of racing images, thoughts and questions.

I can't help thinking about the others, Giles, Buffy, Willow, Dawn? About what happened to them? Whether or not they're still alive? If they've even noticed that I'm gone?

I don't worry about Spike though, cause I know perfectly well what happened to him, I saw it in his eyes the last time we were face to face, that knowing look of accomplishment, he new what was to come that he had done everything he was put on this earth to do -  both the good, and the bad.

Xander, I don't worry about him either because deep down in my heart, although it no longer beats, I know that he's safe and well. He'll miss me, I'm sure of it, after all isn't that what all humans do? Stupid emotions causing them to pine with grief, for there loss.

I remember once whilst we were trying to bring Buffy back, Tara and I were separated from the others, I was frantic desperately wondering if Xander was hurt and the only comfort Tara had for me was "You'd know", and she was right I did know, deep down I did anyway and I still do.

I wonder if they'll have a proper burial service for me. Like they had for Joyce and Buffy – my very own block of cement cast into the ground, that people pay far too much for, just to carve in to it a pointless message of endearment. But what would they put on mine?

Anya Jenkins

Should be beloved Wife and Ex-Vengeance Demon?

What should I be remembered for?

If I could, I'd tell them not to bother, after all what's the use of having it standing out in a field all by itself, its only point to encourage people to visit, but if there's nobody within a near enough vicinity to visit, what's the point in it being there at all?

I don't think I could stand the thought, of having one that was never visited, in stead I'd rather not have one at all.

If I was given the chance of one last wish, it'd have to be to see Xander again, just one last time so that I could answer some of the questions that are undoubtedly running through his head, so I'd have the power to take away his worries and fears.

"Did it hurt?" he'd ask

To which my reply would be no, truthfully because it was all over and done with before the pain was given the chance to register. Instead it was just like passing out, falling asleep, a simple quick sudden blackness surrounding you. Yeah it hurts now, well something does anyway although I'm not entirely sure what it is, Whether it's physical or mental, that I'm merely imagining it cause shouldn't this be what I'm feeling - Pain, deep and unbearable?

I won't tell him this of course, to him it was simple quick and painless, like falling asleep and knowing you're never going to wake up. Cause that's what he'd want to hear.

"Are you in heaven?"

No well not that I can make out anyway. Not like Buffy made out there was anyway, unless of course this was how it was for her, in which case we seriously underestimated her life if this is what gave her so much peace, that she never wanted to come back to the land of the living.

To me this is just boring, too many thoughts swimming around in my head. Maybe it's just me, maybe I think too much. When I was alive I had a way to express these thoughts, even though people always rolled there eyes at them.

Or maybe only heroes get to go to heaven, with the pearly gates, clouds and Angels with harps flying about, all the usual nonsense, and the rest of us are simply lost in between it all.

Suddenly, I can hear this voice calling out to me from a distance.

"Anya, Anya"

Oh great now I'm hearing voices, fantastic – not only dead but going insane too. I get the feeling I should know the voice……..It's Spikes, what the? Huh? Why the hell can I hear Spike?

That's when I see it, a tiny spec of light floating above me, within the darkness, I don't know how long it's been there, and I never noticed it before.

It's getting closer….I think, either that or it's growing bigger. Hmmm it reminds me of a fairy buzzing around like it is. It's definitely getting closer, and I can still hear Spikes voice.

"Anya luv, come on, what are you waiting for?"

I imagine him standing in front of me, a mischievous glint in his sparkling blue eyes, that playful smirk curving the edges of his lips. It's comforting, a familiar image of home.

Then, there's a bright flash, blinding me momentarily.

Xander, I'd like to re-evaluate my answer if you'd let me, cause you should know the truth.

There is a heaven, it's nice and clean with people all over the place – walking, not flying, and we don't have wings – from all different times. Our house is here too, exactly the way we left it, just waiting for its owner to show up and be with me.

Spikes here too, somewhere I see him now and then but not very often, he's probably living the good life somewhere though, enjoying the finer things in life, cause that's all there is here, the things that everybody loved, and nothing that everybody hated, thankfully there's no bunnies here – ugh.

Although when it is your turn, don't sit around rambling about stupid insignificant things, look around for the little white dot within the darkness, like they say to on TV, don't wait for it to come to you like I did.

And I'll see you soon my love, in heaven…..Whenever your time may be.

The End