Author's Note: I did say that this was based loosely on Mulan, right?  So, of course I couldn't resist putting in some twists here and there.  I don't think it will detract from the storyline, so I hope you can put up with them!  And if you don't normally read author's notes, I suggest that you do!  They might be pointless at times, but I just don't want readers to miss out on anything.

Disclaimer:  Neither Rurouni Kenshin nor Mulan belong to me, but I will be "borrowing" them for a little longer!

For Honor

Chapter 2:  Beyond the Horizon

By CrismHeart

November 6, 2003

I ran an index finger along the smooth metal, tracing the edges of the blade, before lifting it up towards my hair.  In one swift slice, the raven tresses that my mother treasured were no longer there.  I know it may sound superficial, but I just could not help watching the dark locks as they fell to the wooden floor.   It was as if my appearance had been my confinement and I had finally been released from it.  After a few seconds, I shook myself out of my trance.  I took out a leather strip to secure what remained of my now mangled hair in a bun, the way the other soldiers did.

Destiny… is that what they call this internal struggle within my heart, that difference between having to do what is demanded of me and what I expect of myself, the same notion as having to let go of the past?

The expanse of enigma unfolding before me makes me feel as if I am standing at the edge of the earth and time no longer matters.  In my eyes, the night sky has always held so much promise.  Though the stars may be minuscule in size, gazing up at them has somehow never failed to reassure me.  The lights of the stars twinkle like tiny glimmers of hope, guiding fools, dreamers, and travelers alike, through the depths of darkness and into the unknown.  I know not which of these categories I fall into.  Maybe, I can be considered to be all three, depending on who is speaking of me.  Perhaps I can refer to myself as just a person, someone who wants nothing more than to find out what is on the other side of destiny's path…

I would have departed promptly after my discovery that I had to go on this quest, but I kept making excuses.   How could I leave the place that I have lived in since I was born, my family and friends?  There are no words to describe the throbbing ache I feel inside.  As it is, I am leaving behind the only sense of identity I ever had to create one on my own.  However, it is not quite the same for I am not merely creating an identity for myself, but rediscovering who I am… who I once was.

I have never been fond of farewells, but I suppose that as long as I did not say it aloud, I could continue to deny the fact that I would be gone.  I believe that if I do acknowledge it, I will only have mere memories to hold on to.  I will return one day.  I want to know that I will have something to come back to. 

Although I am going in my father's place, what I am afraid of most is that when I leave, it will be as if I had never existed.  I wish I were able to place a glass wall around my home to ensure that nothing would change.  I lingered in front of all the rooms I had known forever, and finally stopped in front of the gates that had had greeted me when I returned home from my errands each day.  This time, however, the gates closed noiselessly.  To me, they already looked like they had never opened for me before.

"Sayonara…" that word is tainted with such finality.  It makes me feel as if nothing is ever to be the same again.  And though I know that it is true, I still want to dream…  He never did say goodbye to me.  Could it be that our paths will cross once more?  I always ask myself that, but find myself doubting.  No matter how much I wish it could happen, it is an impossibility.

I often find myself wondering whether there are soul mates in this world and if they do, where is mine?  Could there really be one person out there who can make this emptiness go away?  And most importantly, what if you had known him, but then lost him?

I suppose if others could hear my thoughts they would be laughing.  My father always did remind me how curious I was as a child.  According to him, I never stopped asking questions.

I still remember my childhood friend.  How could I not?  He will always be the same, the only boy I ever did love.  There are times when I do wish I could forget him though, because then I would not have to feel this emptiness inside.  In spite of this, I can see his face when I close my eyes.  He had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, the soft violet color of the sky when the sun rises, but it was more than that, when I looked in his eyes I could see the stars.

I have always heard that you never truly realize how much someone means to you until they are gone.  It must be true, for although I knew that I cared for him, I did not know that he held so much of my heart.  It was then when I first began to fade away…

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I trudged along the weathered trail that had been worn down by the feet of so many others.  By dawn, the fatigue was beginning to overpower me.  I placed a hand to my forehead to shield myself from the intense sunlight, hoping to make out some indication of life.  Fortunately, luck was on my side for I spied a village in the distance.

Living where I had and being female, I had never been given the privilege of traveling and had never strayed too far from home.  The terrain had long ceased to be familiar to me.  Although I was weary from walking for such an extensive period, I felt a sudden surge of energy and quickened my pace.  The thought that I had found a place to rest was sufficient motivation for me.

I slowed down to observe my new surroundings as I neared the outskirts of the town.  The area was more rural than what I was used to in Tokyo and I was not sure what to make of the inhabitants.  Would they welcome a stranger?  Looking down, I saw that my uniform was wrinkled and had a few dirt stains on it.  If my clothes were in this awful of a condition in less than a day's walk, I could not imagine what the rest of me would look like to an ordinary townsperson.  Why would they accept someone who did not even have the advantage of a good first impression?

Questions flooded my mind, but they were soon dismissed when I discovered that I was standing in front of what appeared to be an inn.  I tried my best to smooth out the creases on my gi and then took a deep breath before knocking.  It was still early, but perhaps the innkeeper would be awake by now.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing for someone to come to the door.  As if in response to my silent pleas, I heard the door slide open.  I opened my eyes cautiously, hoping that they were not deluding me.

A girl with a kind face stared curiously at me, but I was too relieved to mind.  She was about my age, with emerald green eyes and chestnut curls, but she somehow managed to remind me of Tae in that they were both prepared to help those in need.  I sighed softly to myself; I would not permit myself the satisfaction of sulking in self-pity.

"A traveler?  You must be exhausted!" she exclaimed as she took in my present state.  She ushered me into her dwelling lead me to a small room.  She then told me to wait there while she prepared some tea.

I stayed where she left me, but I must have fallen asleep sometime shortly after for when I woke, it was almost noon.  Oddly, I also was in a futon, rather than on the floor where I had been.  I hurriedly pulled myself up and went toward the doorway.  Because I was not acquainted with the interior of the inn, I did not know where to go.  There were several doors along the hallway and I did not want to disturb anyone if it was not necessary.

"Ohayou!  Did you sleep well?"

I jumped, startled by the sound of a person's voice.  I regained my composure as I saw that the voice belonged to the girl who had been thoughtful enough to let me in her home.

"Sumimasen, I didn't mean to frighten you!" she apologized.

"Daijoubu, I only wanted to thank you for allowing me to sleep here."

"Oh, it was no problem.  I know it's none of my business, demo… if I may ask, why are you wearing the clothes of a soldier?  It's very dangerous these days."

I was slightly confused as to why would she would ask such a thing.  "N-nani?  I don't understand."

"Ano… you are a girl, are you not?"

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Author's Note:  And guess who will be here next time!  Don't worry, I will have the next chapter out soon!

*sighs* I'm so sorry I have not updated in such a long time…  I've been a bit depressed lately, mostly due to the fact that I constantly rediscover how much worse my writing is than everyone else's.  I've been a little paranoid of getting flames or bad reviews whenever my yahoo messenger would alert me.  See, I'm quite sensitive about my work…  what can I say?  I have so many aspirations I haven't reached, but with some luck creative writing won't be one of them.  I wish I could change my "style" for a more sophisticated one, but it's a lost cause.  Anyways, I want to express my gratitude to all of you!  I was having a hectic day until I saw your reviews and they really cheered me up!

Also, here's a question: who should be in the army?  Of course there are some characters that will be automatically be included, but I know you guys will have great ideas to contribute, so please tell me in a review!

JML:  Thank you for the clarification!  I'll try to do my best with the history, but as of right now I haven't figured it all out yet.  I tend to make facts up as I go along since I can't base this on Japanese or Chinese history, unless you could help me somehow.  I doubt that my setting conveniently fits any time period, but I do try to research and check out facts so I don't write anything that's exceedingly inaccurate. Namiko-Daughter of Sekhmet:  Thanks, I hope you keep reading!

Kitsune KeNsHiN:  That was a very sweet review!  I'm glad to have talked to you because you seem like a nice person, though I hope I didn't give too much away during our interesting conversation about soul mates!

Califpinay3001:  Thank you!
ashcandy:  Yes, Kaoru is supposed to be good at sword fighting.  I don't know about having her actually kill… we'll see.  Anyways, I know I have made mistakes, but I think I can manage without an editor.  Sometimes I just update before I finish editing because I'm so tired!  I'm sorry, I really will watch out for them, but there are times when switching tenses is necessary to distinguish from when the story is being narrated and when an event is happening in the present.
kibou eien:  Thanks!  It's not so much talent as… well, what I spend my free time doing.  I just recently learned that I like to write for fun, so I've been trying to make time for myself!  Okay, that was a lie, I've always enjoyed writing, I just never spent time doing so until now.
Lynis Paris:  *smiles* Your review was so touching, one of the kindest yet!  I doubt that I don't need corrections, but it was still nice of you to say!  And, I should hope that this is the only Rurouni Kenshin/Mulan crossover you've ever read since I opted for an original idea.  I have the strange need to be unique; it's so hard to be these days.
simple-addiction:  Thanks, I like Mulan too!  (Not that you couldn't tell.)
tocole:  Thank you!  I'm so pleased that you like my idea!
Venus Smurf:  Wow!  That has got to be one of the best reviews I've ever received!  I'm amazed that you're an English major because it means even more to me since I know my writing can't be compared to what you're probably used to reading!  It is true that well-written fics are hard, and I'm delighted that you would place my insignificant work in the same category as them!  It's not in any way inconvenient for me to tell you when I update.  I'm looking forward to those "absurdly long reviews" you promised!

Koneko Battousai:  Actually, I'm more of a humor person myself too!  It used to be the only genre I wrote.  One of my friends tells me that it's not like me to be serious while another one says that I'm the most serious on of them all, lol, but I wanted to try writing all kinds of stories, but I'll always make them romance.  It's funny really, because that's what I'm worst at.  Even if you do like humor better, will you please continue reading?

Nitogumi:  You've got terrific taste!  Hehe… it's obvious that I like both Rurouni Kenshin and Mulan too, isn't it?

Mercses:  *laughs* A chick with an anger management problem!  You and your weird sense of humor!   Just like "use it!" at lunch!  Anyways, I hope the characters do seem real since as I have said, there's a lot of myself in them!  Sakura blossoms?  Hehe… you have to be kidding me, not with you asking for them!  Just kidding!