It was hard to deny what he felt at that moment...it was harder to deny what his emotions were doing to him at the present.
Glorfindel was in a secluded part of Imladris, where the river was met with many large rocks before it fell down the mountain. Many thought it to dangerous to go there and, at any other time, he would have agreed with them. But now, he wasn't exactly thinking straight.
With tears slipping down his face, he watched Anar sink behind the mountains of the valley and turn the Misty Mountains into towering black spires in the night. Clenched tightly in his fist was the tiny copper ring he had given his friend when he was still a child by elven standards.
So young and yet the elder elf Lord had taken him in not as a child but a friend. He had told him of his plans, his dreams...his love for the daughter of the rulers of Lorien...and trusted him without question not to speak a word of it to anyone else. In turn, he had sought shelter with his friend during times such as the Last Alliance and found it. Nearly an age of friendship.
And now a bond was broken. More than a friend was lost. He was missing his brother.
The moon caused his tears to sparkle in the dark as surely as his hair and the elf leaned back, looked up and wished for something more than what was.
~*~
The blade was cutting deeply into his hands and he still pressed it tighter into his palms. He hadn't ground down the notches from his fight with his father...he doubted he ever would. To him, the wounds they caused to his flesh mirrored the wounds he'd done to his father's body in his last moments of life. The exhaustion he caused was what drove life from his father.
Blood dripped down to the stone as he gripped it tighter.
He felt strong, comforting arms encircle him and he instantly melted into the embrace. His mother pulled him close as she had done when he was a baby.
"I didn't mean to nana...I almost thought he was mending...that somehow they were wrong...."
Celebrían looked at her son in confusion before it dawned on her that he felt responsible.
Her arms tightened about her first born and she was silent for a moment before speaking.
"Your adar made his own decision...no one can take blame for his passing to Mandos. As much as I wanted to think that he was mending as well...I felt him slipping from us."
As she ended in a whisper, Elladan gave a small hiccup, the result of a long night spent crying in his room. Smiling lightly and smoothing her son's hair, Celebrían kissed his forehead and helped him off the bed.
He stood before her, an almost mirror image of his father with all his strength and gentleness. "Are you alright nana?"
She nodded and it seemed it was true as she poured him a glass of water. Elladan gave a rather loud hiccup as she handed it to him and smiled gratefully.
~*~
Stepping from Elladan's room, she peaked into his brother's room directly across from his only to find it empty. Her brows knitted in worry until she heard his soft voice coming from the room at the very end of the hallway, Arwen's.
The younger twin was reading to his sister whose head was resting on a pillow in his lap. Ages ago, when she was only a few years of age, he would read her to sleep just like he was now when their father was off in battle. He would calm her fears with tales of brave elves such as the High Kings. She would eventually be called to sleep but now, it was sheer exhaustion which claimed her.
But Elrohir was still reading, though rather quietly. The tale was of the brave Herald of the King who marched at his side until he was struck down. Tears slowly slipped down his face as his hand made it's way to his sister's forehead and lay there.
"Did she have trouble sleeping again tonight?"
Looking up, Elrohir smiled bleakly and wiped the tears from his face. "She's not the only one."
Much as his brother had been a few moments before, Elrohir was enveloped in his mother's arms. He rested his head in the dip of her neck and was still as he allowed the comfort to wash over him.
Celebrían took the book from her son's hand and looked at the illustration which accompanied the tale...her heart sunk. He looked as he had when he returned to Lorien after close to ten years of war. The same as when he told her he wished more time to enjoy her company.
Closing her eyes tightly, she took in a deep breath and closed the book, placing it on the bedside table. She looked down to see that Elrohir had also been taken by exhaustion and was asleep on her shoulder.
She laid her son down on the bed next to his sister and covered them both in a thick blanket to shield them from the chill of the open window.
~*~
The hallways of Imladris seemed more hollow now that she walked them alone. As she did, she fingered the thin gold band on her right hand's ring finger. The delicate elvish inscription proclaimed unending love for a beautiful silver haired woman as the thin gold band on her left hand proclaimed love for a handsome, dark haired Noldor.
Her composure slipped away within an instant of thinking the words which she had spoke to him that night, when she had promised all of her life to him.
She stepped into their room, closed the door and leaned against it before sliding down to the ground. Her eyes spilled over with tears as she curled her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly.
The child which still dwelled in the deeps of her mind was waiting for him too. Waiting for that tall Noldor, dark and handsome, to sweep her off of her feet and bring her to their bed. To lay with her and stroke her hair and whisper to her that after all these years...he couldn't wait to see tomorrow with her.
When the hardened adult in her finally kicked the child's presence away, she arose slowly and went to his side of the bed, picking up his nightclothes from the post of their bed as she did. Still crying forcefully, she curled up on his side of the bed, inhaling the sent of the clothing he had worn only nights ago.
"Oh, El..." She whispered, her voice ragged.
The house of Elrond was eerily quiet that night, the only sound being the countless waterfalls and rivers trickling and roaring but even their noise seemed muted. There had been many visitors to Imladris when they returned home. Dwarves, Elves and Men alike. All had found common ground there, shelter given freely by a half-elven.
Non their seemed to truly grasp that he was gone. The dwarves sank deeply into their armor, their faces shadowed and barely visible. The men, ordinary men and kings, far off kin to the Lord of Imladris, had stood solemnly and gazed over the burial mound and stone carving which accompanied it. The elves, from the rulers of the great realms to those who roamed about of their own account, were all enveloped in grief.
Galadriel had shed few tears but her pain was evident as it was in her husband who stood close to his daughter and grandchildren at all times, never too far if needed
Arador, chieftain of the Dúnedain, stood with his wife and son by his side. There were moments, when Celebrían would look to him and, in the right light, would see the face of a man she had cared for, though aged. In those moments, she would cast her eyes to the ground and battle against the part of her that wished to break down and leave the responsibilities before her.
Eventually, the day ended and the part of her soul she had fought was given reign to grieve freely. No children to console, no rulers and visitors casting her pitied glances. She did then as she was doing now. Collapsed to the ground and whispered his name while her face was dampened continuously with tears.
But every morning, she would compose herself and conduct the meetings her husband normally would have. But she was not without help.
Erestor and Glorfindel had been with her. Anything she had needed, any matter which she required advice on in her political inexperience, they would offer what they could and go in search of what they couldn't.
It was because of this that Celebrían found little surprise in the fact that is was Glorfindel who appeared in her doorway.
"Brí?" He asked softly, afraid using the full volume of his voice would cause it to crack.
She didn't respond, merely kept her face buried Elrond's shirt. But she didn't turn away from Glorfindel when he wrapped an arm over her shoulder.
He had found out about her nightly ritual of breaking down a few nights ago but had not sought to interrupt her by offering cold comfort. But now, he was in need of the presence which had guided and comforted him from the time when he was a child to the time when he stood at the same height as his oldest friend.
Elrond's presence was not there but Glorfindel was quickly learning to come to Celebrían when he needed to talk or simply wished to not be alone. He was comforted when she raised her arm and hugged him back.
"It's going to be alright Glorfindel. Ilúvatar cannot keep us from him forever." She said evenly through her choked back tears.
He didn't respond, he didn't think he could.
They remained in the embrace until they found it uncomfortable and quietly said goodnight to one another.
Celebrían sat on her bed, still holding Elrond's bedclothes. Her eyes were dry now, calmed from her moment of clarity in Glorfindel's presence.
~*~
As the weeks passed, the family of Imladris grew into a daily routine which helped them to deal with the sense of loss. The twins were becoming more and more involved with the security of the land while their sister became something of an unofficial ambassador to the realms of Mirkwood and Lothlorien.
Gradually, Celebrían became accustomed to her responsibilities and restored Imladris to the calming shelter her husband had made it. Her greatest test, however, came upon a rainy night in the form of a woman and child.
Celebrían was with Glorfindel, discussing the fortification of Imladris' borders when a tiny flicker of torchlight caught her eye out the window.
She came with a small band of Dúnedain on horse, having ridden through the night; they were all of them sopping wet. Celebrían took the child from Gilraen's arms before she was helped down by Glorfindel.
"It was barely a fortnight ago...I knew I could not stay there. I needed to get Estel away from..."
Celebrían put on the steadying face Elrond had used to calm anyone in a state as she placed a hand on Gilraen's shoulder. "The house of Elrond has always been shelter to any who sought it, you may stay here as long as you feel you need to."
Gilraen smiled but it was clear to Celebrían that she was in desperate need of rest. It seemed almost an automatic response that the elven lady should reach for the child. Gilraen kissed the baby of two years before handing him to Celebrían.
She walked with the babe in her arms, soothing him to sleep, reflecting on how much she missed the days when her children could be held in her arms such as this.
When she and Glorfindel had listened to the woman's words, she had considered turning her away for the safety of Imladris, if for only a split second.
'This is not the proper course' a voice had seemingly whispered to her, reassuring and warm. 'Shield them, fear not for Imladris.'
So she waved the thought away and here she was, with a human child whom she should consider kin. Young Estel squirmed and Celebrían smiled.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Nana-mommy...aww
Been a while since the last update but here it is. Again, keep faith, if I have to rouse Morgoth from the depths of his imposed hell, I will bring back your (and my;) favorite half-elf.