Author's Note: There's a slight change to this story, I will begin adding in Kenshin's point of view to the way this will be told. This chapter begins with his thoughts to start out with and ~*~ will signify a change of character or scene. I apologize in advance if this becomes confusing to distinguish. Also, take note that Kenshin does not know that Michiru is female! Oh, and Kenshin and Sano will both be eighteen in this story…
Discliamer: Yay! I finally bought the Rurouni Kenshin manga for myself! And seeing as I don't remember all the little details from Mulan, I'm supposedly getting the DVD from my friend! And still, I can't say that I own either of them…
For HonorChapter 4: A Look Into His Mind
By CrismHeart
November 28, 2003
Hitokiri Battousai, the name that struck fear in people's minds, marked terror in the souls of all… Is he who they say he is, heartless and cruel?
Do they truly think that I cannot hear their constant whispers or see the frightened glances on their faces whenever there is mention of me? In the beginning, they felt this sick kind of admiration and respect for me, but the emotions were never seen without pity. I never want to see nor feel it.
They believe that I thrive on power, the ability to take away a person's life with God-like speed. That was never why I became the assassin whose skill in swordsmanship is beyond any in Japan. I had such foolish ideals, believing that bloodshed was necessary to maintain the peace within my homeland. In the end, it does not matter what justification is given, everything I do adds up to murder. Emotions have always been a man's greatest weakness, so I tried unsuccessfully to rid myself of them. I became the perfect murderer without a conscience, but not quite. Maybe I am what they say, a monster without a soul left to keep me human. I do not know how I had ever allowed myself to become as despicable as I am.
I have watched this scene countless times before and it still manages sadden me. The men ordered to fight in this war were merely innocents, novices in life who had never had to kill before. Once, I was like that, never knowing that the shadow of death would follow me for the rest of my life. Now, when new arrivals come in, I never notice their faces, yet one pair of eyes was able to mesmerize me. They were so familiar- that soulful blue that told of an inner strength that came with determination. I searched my memory for them, but could not remember to whom they belonged. I doubt I will ever understand why I was so drawn to them. As our eyes met, I saw a look of astonishment flash across his face. I was amazed as well. There was no sign of trepidation in him, nor any other sentiment that I have come to loathe, but the name that escaped his lips did not fail to reach me.
"Shinta…"
That name- it had been mine at some point in my life, but still, hearing it now did not make sense. No one knew me by that name, except… "Where did you hear that name?" I demanded. My voice sounded menacing and I immediately felt sorry for the boy. I was being irrational, something an assassin was never supposed to be. However, the boy only continued to gape at me before apologizing.
"I- I am sorry, I must have been mistaken. I was just thinking about someone from my past..."
I eyed him suspiciously for a minute, but decided to let the matter rest. Pretending that I no longer cared for an explanation, I resumed my prior position, but by the time I turned around to see what the boy would do, he had gone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Kaoru*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Never had I been more confused in my life. Shinta… was alive? An even more incomprehensible fact was that he was here, he really was. But no- how could that be? The man I had met was nothing like the boy I loved. His face held such an unreadable expression and his eyes had changed. It was not only because his gaze was now hard amber in color rather than Shinta's soft amethyst, but he also was different. Gone was the warmth he had always radiated and in its place stood a distant shell. Surely they could not be one and the same… Yet deep down, I know that I will carry that small spark of hope within me to hold on to.
Nevertheless, I could not withstand seeing Shinta this way, so indifferent. I fled from him as soon as I could. I had known that going to war in my father's place would be a difficult task for me, but I could not have predicted just how hard it would be. I cannot quite explain it, but so many feelings resurfaced as I looked at him. For almost ten years, I had thought he was gone, that I would never see him again. Everything would have been so much simpler if I could only continue to think that he had passed away…
I was so confused about the encounter, I still am. I was initially disappointed when he did not recognize me. At the same time though, I knew that all I should have felt was relief from not being discovered by him.
I decided that I was being too impractical. I was better off knowing more about the situation at hand so as to avoid future confrontations I would have with him, the Shinta look-a-like.
"Oi, what's your name?"
Suddenly aware that I was being addressed, I spun around to see who was asking me the question. Standing before me was a boy of eighteen years of age. Unfortunately, I was also conscious of the fact that the boy was over six feet tall with broad shoulders and muscles to prove his masculinity.
I sighed, knowing that this would be my first real conversation in which I had to pass as a man. I had to practice lowering my voice anyway; hopefully I would have enough talent as an actress to pull off this deception.
"Kamiya Michiru."
Seeing that he was wearing the uniform of one who was of a higher rank, I bowed.
He blinked in a fashion that demonstrated his bewilderment before his mouth curved in the unmistakable shape of a grin.
I was puzzled by his behavior. Was he laughing at me? I could not take knowing that I was being insulted.
My anger dissipated when I heard him say, "You're alright, Kamiya." He began to laugh heartily, "Hahaha, wait till Kenshin hears about this! This is priceless, I didn't think there could be a guy more girly-looking than the Battousai, but you- ahahaha! And you actually show your respect to your commanding officers, eh? By the way, the name's Sano, or Sagara Sanosuke."
I eyed the spiky-haired teenager strangely before his words sank in, "I do not look like a girl!"
His laughter only grew louder when I yelled. I took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp air around me to calm my nerves. It would not bode well to lose my temper so easily. I then thought back on what he had said moments ago.
"…who is Kenshin?"
I suppose the quick change of temperament was not what he was used to. After he recovered from witnessing my apparent mood swing, he answered, "He's my best bud, but he's also the deadly Hitokiri Battousai." His normally warm brown eyes grew distant as if he were remembering something of a darker past that I could not have known about.
"Hitokiri Battousai…" I repeated. I had heard of him, read of him- the legendary manslayer with a cross scar on his cheek, but I never could have imagined that he would be at the same camp I arrived at. Was he as ruthless as people had said? I was never able to picture such a person, who could kill and never feel anything afterwards. In my mind, it just was not possible for one such a man to exist. The way he was described, he was more like a beast than a human being.
Sano glanced at me, "Want me to show you around this place?"
I nodded and followed him as he led the through a small, but rowdy crowd. Because I was much shorter than most of the men there, I had to stand on the tips of my feet to see what was going on.
"Saitou is testing the skills of the newest recruits." Sano clarified. Sure enough, I could hear the clashing sounds of steel against steel.
I caught glimpses of the ongoing fight when the spaces in between those in front of me widened. Hajime Saitou, he was one of the great captains I had heard of since I was but a child. He was famous for his Gatotsu. I was lucky that I would have a chance to see it for myself. My father had always told his students to observe an opponent if given the opportunity so as to figure out which techniques would be most effective against him.
My thoughts were again interrupted when I heard Sano speak, "Oi Kenshin! Over here!"
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Author's Note: Hmm… less reviews than usual. Maybe my writing has been steadily worsening. *shrugs* Well, please review, so I know! I love receiving comments, outside opinions, and although I don't want to say the word "criticisms," I do pay attention to them as long as they are constructive! And I'm still in a relatively good mood, so I won't be hurt quite as easily.
It's Thanksgiving weekend! Less school, more time! Yay! And to all those who celebrate, I hope you had a wonderful one!
Also, for some odd reason, I forgot the order of rankings in an army, so if you know, please tell me! Oh, and I may have some mistakes that I will look over. It's just that I have to leave right now, so I'm trying to get this out as quickly as I can. Sorry!
ashcandy: Telepathy, huh? Well, my friends have always told me that I'm psychic, lol. And, I did know that Kaoru is a boy's name too. Um… I'm a bit confused, were you referring to my writing or my drawing? And thanks for telling me about the kendo info!
JML: Thank you for informing me about Kaoru's name. I did actually find that out, hehe… researching seemingly pointless information helps a great deal! However, I felt it was necessary to change her name. What if "Shinta" were to think that the name sounded familiar?
Miroku's-Best-Lover: Steph, I know you are proud of yourself for writing that intro for English! So am I! I think that in anime, the creators decide for the characters to not have parents in order to focus on the storyline, but that's just my theory. Yeah, Sailor Neptune! I still get to be her, right? You better not find someone else who's more like her! Yay! Manga, we're off to a good start, aren't we? Even if someone has not been working on it. And, why is it that I have to come up with an idea? Sorry, but there won't be a little red dragon, maybe next time. It's a bit complicated….
Rekka's Angel: Thank you so much! I don't mind if you have to write a short review. It's always quality over quantity, right? Besides, it means a lot to me that you even are reviewing since there are people that read, but don't review. I hope to continue hearing from you!
bootleg: Yes, of course Sano's going to be in the story. *smiles* Your wish has been granted, though seeing as how he's your favorite bishie, I'm a bit scared as to how to portray him. I hope you won't be disappointed! Oh yes, I would love it if you would help me with my web page! As I said, I don't know anything, hehe… I'm not very technologically advanced. I guess you can e-mail or IM me since I don't know how to get in contact with you.
Kitsune KeNsHiN: Yet another kind review from you! Thank you! And, I definitely will be including most of the cast of Rurouni Kenshin.
Lil-Sun-Rie: I definitely will check out your stories! I know it has taken me some time to. I'm sorry, I have had so much to do lately.
Haruko1: Yay! I'm so glad that you like my story! It is true that the Disney version of Mulan is not historically accurate, but hey, it still had a good storyline! I think I can say this because of my background. Oh, and I apologize, but I don't think
Mercses: I don't know whether to be angry with you or to be pleased with your response. Your favorite character is the horse- the horse? Hehe… animals aren't supposed to die in horror movies (well, not true in "The Ring," but still!) so I won't let any die in my story either! (not that it is a horror…fic?)