I love all of you. Thank you so much for reading. I want to give a special
thanx to Kakarlena. She's my homie! Haha. She's also my constantly
reviewing friend, which is sooo cool! Anyway, I realize that this fic
didn't do as well as I thought it would. Still, I'm so happy. Yes there
will be a sequel. LOL. I kno I've mentioned this a million times, but trust
me, you're going to hate me for ending this way. In a few weeks I'll try
and put it out. It needs so much work, and I've been working on it for
forever too! Grr. Anyway, if u want me to e-mail u when I start posting the
sequel then leave ur e-mail address in a review. Also, soon I'm going to
put out another FushigiYuugi fic. =). Well, here it is, my second complete
fic. YAYAYAY!
~Life. Is Life really the reality we see? Can we escape it's troubles
without escaping it joys?~
I walked down the path towards the bridge. It was so close that I could see many people standing on it, and I again started to doubt if I would survive. I wasn't nervous about it, just kind of scared at the thought that I didn't really care. I reached the bridge after what seemed like an eternity. Standing on the bridge was Big J, his 4 bodyguards, a tall female with long black hair and a suit case in her hands, two men who looked to be there for no reason at all, and lastly there were two men holding guns to the heads of my parents, who had been gagged. I silently praised God that they were still alive.
"You were nearly late." Big J said, his eyes wide with amusement.
"But I wasn't. What's your point?" I said calmly, almost nonchalantly.
"You look great. Kaoru," He laughed. "I was going to ask you what it was you did for a living since my sources said you didn't have a job and yet you had a steady income. Now that I see those lovely guns by your side there's no need to ask. Who sent you to kill me?"
"None of your damn business."
"I suggest you cooperate before one of your beloved parents loses their lives."
"You wouldn't dare." My eyes narrowed.
"Oh, I really really would." He smiled.
"Who are you? Who are you really? What does the J stand for?"
"My real name. Sweetheart, why do you even care?"
"I'd rather call you by your real name. Big J is the most fucked up name I've ever heard. Who came up with the name, a three year old?" I said dryly. The amusement died in his eyes, which were now cold and hard. I had spoiled his fun. Boo hoo.
"You better shut that little mouth of yours if you want them to see tomorrow." He jerked a finger at my parents.
"They will see tomorrow. I'll make sure of it." I said still talking in an even voice. I felt like yelling, I felt like crying, I felt like... killing.
"You think you can save them?" His face lit up again.
"I will save them."
"You and what army?" Didn't someone ask me that already? I opened my mouth to say "Me," but was interrupted.
"This army fuck-face!" Someone yelled from behind me. I turned my head, and I saw Yahiko being hit over the head by Misao. The others with there too; sweat dropping at the scene Misao made. She was scolding Yahiko for cursing, and he was rubbing his head in pain.
"God damnit! Why are you here?" Now I really wanted to cry. I can't protect all of them. What if someone... someone... no! "GO, GO NOW!" I shouted angrily.
"Why turn away your friends? Afraid they might get hurt?" Big J chuckled.
"Very funny. It won't be so funny once my fist collides with you face." Sano said cracking his knuckles.
"Zanza. Didn't I employ you at one point?" Big J smiled at Sano. Everyone stopped, and turned to look at Sano. Sano looked just as clueless as us.
"No." Sano said unsure. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
"I look different I realize, so you don't understand. My name is Jineh."
"I remember you now." Sano smiled at being able to remember, but then frowned as the memory displeased him, "You didn't employ me; you tried to. You wanted me to kill, and I don't kill."
"Jineh?" My memory swirl around me, things I hadn't felt for a long time resurface as I realized who he was, "Plastic surgery?" My voice sounded distant, calm, collected, almost like I was a spectator questioning the show instead of being someone in it.
"Yes my darling. Works wonders."
"You will fucking pay, you know that?" My eyes were blazing. This scumbag that I actually danced with, that I actually FLIRTED with was Jineh. I shivered disgusted with myself.
"Come on now. Do you really think you can hurt me little girl?" Me laughed. That was the second time he had ever said that to me.
"I'm not going to hurt you I'm going to kill you." I hissed.
"Calm down, Miss Kaoru." Kenshin said from behind me. All of them were directly behind me now. All of them were looking at me like they had never seen me before, everyone except Kenshin.
"No." I stepped forward, and Jineh warned me not to step forward again, but I did, and a guy rushed me. I pulled out my gun and shot him, and everyone gasped. I step over the body, but didn't move any closer when I heard a gun cock. The gun that was pointed at my father's head was going to shoot if I walked any closer. "You bastard. Let them go, and fight me like a god damn man." I yelled.
"You killed one of my men with a gun. That isn't fair sport." Jineh frowned.
"Fair my ass. Unless you're willing to be fair, then I'm not getting rid of anything." I re-holstered my gun, but kept my hand close just in case I needed to shoot again.
"The big bad assassin can't relinquish her guns. How sad."
"Don't test me Jineh. I have had it up to fucking here with you. You have no clue how long I've wanted to kill you."
"You remember me little Kaoru. I was wondering when you would." He smiled.
"You're a fool you know that?"
"How do you know him?" Akira asked.
"He killed Yutaro." I stated it as if it didn't mean much, but inside I was trying to stop a well of tears that were threatening to flow.
"It was him?" Akira sounded more scared than angry, and I wanted to hurt him. How can he not be angry? Was he so cowardly that he couldn't at least be angry with the man who killed Yutaro? I was angry that Yutaro wasted his time looking up to a coward like Akira. And to think I was engaged to that coward at one point.
"Who's Yutaro?" Misao asked quietly. Her eyes were probably glued to the dead body. I felt like I was responsible for this sudden lose of part of her innocence, but I'd apologize later. If I survived; if she survived; If we all survived I'd apologize to everyone, and anyone.
"He WAS my brother." My hands were in fists so tight that my nails dug into my skin, probably piercing it.
"Jineh-sama. Why don't we leave her alone? Nothing good can come of this." The black haired woman begged.
"Shut up, Megumi. I'm having fun." Jineh smiled at me licking his lips.
"Well, I'm not. Please. Let us leave."
"Megumi shut your face, and hand me the serum." The black haired woman, named Megumi, opened up the suitcase, and handed him a syringe of something. He took the plastic off the needle, and tapped it lightly. "You're probably wondering what is in here." He said squirting some of the serum out.
"What are you going to do to my parents?" I nearly reached for my gun, but out of nowhere I felt Kenshin hold onto my elbow making sure I didn't do anything rash. If the touch wasn't so warm and comforting I might have drawn back.
"Nothing. Now to you, well, that's a different story. I propose a trade."
"What do you want?" I already knew his answer, and my heart began to beat in my throat. Oh God, Oh God.
"You." he sneered. Everyone around me said "No;" some even said "Hell no." I would have been touched if the situation had been different. They really cared about me.
"You may not have Miss Kaoru, that you may not. If you want you may have me instead." Kenshin stepped forward a bit.
"No. They may not have you!" I said angrily, stepping up so that I'd be beside Kenshin.
"I don't want you anyway." Jineh said to Kenshin, but then turned his attention back to me, "This syringe in my hand contains a memory eraser. If you allow me to have you then I'll allow your precious parents to live. It's a good trade."
"No it isn't." Kenshin's eyes were darkening so that they almost looked blue, and I could have sworn I saw a fleck of gold. A vision flashed before my eyes, and before I realized it I numbly mouthed Battosai. Battosai was Kenshin? Battosai was REAL? I shut my gapping mouth, and looked at the floor.
"Shocked that your little boyfriend wants to save you, so badly? I can almost choke on all this lovey dovey shit." Apparently Jineh didn't find Kenshin's eye color change as anything important. He should have. My confidence renewed itself when I thought of how even if I were to lose my memory, and go with Jineh, at least Kenshin would be able to kill him. I drew the sword out of the back sheath, and held it out to Kenshin.
"Take it." I ordered looking into his eyes, which widened and turned back to their normal light purple.
"No, Miss Kaoru. I do not touch swords anymore. I have left that behind me. I will not kill, that I won't" Kenshin said, "And neither should you." He added in. "That man did not deserve to die. No one deserves to die. No like that. Not before their proper time."
"Tell that to the mad man holding the gun to my mothers head." I pushed the sword towards him more, and he stepped back. "I don't kill for fun Kenshin. I kill because I have to, and because I need to. Because it's all I can do. Do this for me. Do this as a last wish."
"A last wish? You're not seriously thinking of going to that sonovabitch, Jou-chan?" Sano yelled out.
After a long silence I said, "I'm sorry." I was sorry that I was leaving, but also. I was sorry for trying to give Kenshin my sword. I placed my guns and knives and my sword onto the floor. No one was going to kill for me I realized, and for some reason I was relieved that they wouldn't. These people were not killers, fighters, yes, but not killers. They were still pure, still innocent, still untouched by the carnage that I represented, well that is if you didn't count the dead body lying behind me.
"You can't go!" Misao said tears traveling down her face.
"I will not let others die for me, and now I realized that I cannot make others kill for me either. I only ask that you find me. Find me and rescue me."
"They won't be able to find you. Trust me." Jineh smiled, "I don't have all day. Let's go."
"So Kaoru is gone I guess. Dead to the world now." I murmured, glancing at my parents. My father was obviously trying to yell no, but the gag had denied his words to be heard. The guy holding gun to his head kicked him in the back of his legs so that my dad tumbled to the floor. My mother had silent tears running down her face as she shook her head over and over again.
"Don't do this." Yahiko yelled. It was the first thing he had said since he had rudely yelled out 'fuck-face' earlier.
"I have to."
"Why do you say that?" Yahiko looked sad and angry at the same time. He knew I was going to leave for sure. "Busu, what will I do without your ugly face around?" I smiled weakly at the 16 year old. I loved him like a brother, and even though he was a pain in the ass. I'd miss him a lot.
"I don't know Yahiko. I just don't know." I turned back to Jineh, who seemed to be getting annoyed with all the sentimentality in the area. "I go with you, you leave them alone," I pointed behind me at everyone, "And they get to live." I motioned to my parents.
"Deal." Jineh smiled, and I didn't trust him, but what was I supposed to do? I began to walk towards him, but Kenshin caught my arm.
"I can't let you do this. I won't stand by and watch this." His eyes were frantic, and were swirling between amber and purple.
"Kenshin, haven't you ever heard of fighting for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?" I said, my eyes begging him to understand where I was coming from. (A/N: You can thank my textbook for that line)
"Yes Miss Kaoru, but not like this. It doesn't have to be like this, that it does not." He looked angry and helpless all in one. I could tell that he knew he couldn't change my mind. Funny thing, I wish he could.
"I will not let anyone die because of me. I won't let them die if I have the chance to save them. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold. Was I wishing death upon myself in some sick twisted way? I guess I was, maybe not my physical death, but the death of Kaoru, the death of whom I am inside.
"How will you protect the life of others if you lose your own in the process?" His hands flexed with the need to shake me. He looked absolutely miserable now. I don't blame him; I feel miserable too.
"I don't know." I said quietly. I cupped his cheek in my hand, and kissed his other cheek. I gave him a sad smile, and he frowned back. A feeling of loneliness washed over me, and I all of a sudden felt so lost. This was probably the last time I'd see Kenshin again.
I spun around, and walked towards Jineh with my head held high. Memories of everything and anything raced through my mind, all that would be gone, all the memories of pain, but also all the memories of joy, and love, and.Kenshin.
For the past couple of years I asked myself if I was the bad guy or good guy. Were assassins allowed to be good guys? But here I was, walking to Jineh, walking because I was going to be the heroin today. I was going to save everybody, almost like a martyr. So, I guess I am the good guy. But if I'm supposed to be the good guy then why did I feel so bad? Why did everything feel so wrong? Why? A tear slid down my face. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave Kenshin and my friends behind, but I had to. Like so many say, "Life isn't fair." I don't know about you, but I really hate that saying.
I stopped in front of Jineh. He lifted his hand and brushed my stray tear away. I couldn't help but flinch. I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him near me. He smiled at my flinch, and told Megumi to "do it." The black haired woman walked over to me slowly with the syringe in her hand cradling it carefully. Once close enough she whispered "Sorry" before injecting the memory erase into my arm. I felt a sharp pain, and then it was over. At first nothing happened; then my vision began to blur a bit, and my body began to feel numb. I turned to look at Kenshin one last time. Just, one more time.
~One moment, frozen in time. All is clear, yet my mind is foggy. I shift.
My mind blurs. I take a deep breath; I hear, see, and feel nothing. My
thoughts are empty~
Wrapped in a blanket of darkness I slipped to the ground. The last thing I heard as my consciousness ebbed away was the sound of a gunshot.
Good Bye Kaoru.
To be continued.
~Life. Is Life really the reality we see? Can we escape it's troubles
without escaping it joys?~
I walked down the path towards the bridge. It was so close that I could see many people standing on it, and I again started to doubt if I would survive. I wasn't nervous about it, just kind of scared at the thought that I didn't really care. I reached the bridge after what seemed like an eternity. Standing on the bridge was Big J, his 4 bodyguards, a tall female with long black hair and a suit case in her hands, two men who looked to be there for no reason at all, and lastly there were two men holding guns to the heads of my parents, who had been gagged. I silently praised God that they were still alive.
"You were nearly late." Big J said, his eyes wide with amusement.
"But I wasn't. What's your point?" I said calmly, almost nonchalantly.
"You look great. Kaoru," He laughed. "I was going to ask you what it was you did for a living since my sources said you didn't have a job and yet you had a steady income. Now that I see those lovely guns by your side there's no need to ask. Who sent you to kill me?"
"None of your damn business."
"I suggest you cooperate before one of your beloved parents loses their lives."
"You wouldn't dare." My eyes narrowed.
"Oh, I really really would." He smiled.
"Who are you? Who are you really? What does the J stand for?"
"My real name. Sweetheart, why do you even care?"
"I'd rather call you by your real name. Big J is the most fucked up name I've ever heard. Who came up with the name, a three year old?" I said dryly. The amusement died in his eyes, which were now cold and hard. I had spoiled his fun. Boo hoo.
"You better shut that little mouth of yours if you want them to see tomorrow." He jerked a finger at my parents.
"They will see tomorrow. I'll make sure of it." I said still talking in an even voice. I felt like yelling, I felt like crying, I felt like... killing.
"You think you can save them?" His face lit up again.
"I will save them."
"You and what army?" Didn't someone ask me that already? I opened my mouth to say "Me," but was interrupted.
"This army fuck-face!" Someone yelled from behind me. I turned my head, and I saw Yahiko being hit over the head by Misao. The others with there too; sweat dropping at the scene Misao made. She was scolding Yahiko for cursing, and he was rubbing his head in pain.
"God damnit! Why are you here?" Now I really wanted to cry. I can't protect all of them. What if someone... someone... no! "GO, GO NOW!" I shouted angrily.
"Why turn away your friends? Afraid they might get hurt?" Big J chuckled.
"Very funny. It won't be so funny once my fist collides with you face." Sano said cracking his knuckles.
"Zanza. Didn't I employ you at one point?" Big J smiled at Sano. Everyone stopped, and turned to look at Sano. Sano looked just as clueless as us.
"No." Sano said unsure. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
"I look different I realize, so you don't understand. My name is Jineh."
"I remember you now." Sano smiled at being able to remember, but then frowned as the memory displeased him, "You didn't employ me; you tried to. You wanted me to kill, and I don't kill."
"Jineh?" My memory swirl around me, things I hadn't felt for a long time resurface as I realized who he was, "Plastic surgery?" My voice sounded distant, calm, collected, almost like I was a spectator questioning the show instead of being someone in it.
"Yes my darling. Works wonders."
"You will fucking pay, you know that?" My eyes were blazing. This scumbag that I actually danced with, that I actually FLIRTED with was Jineh. I shivered disgusted with myself.
"Come on now. Do you really think you can hurt me little girl?" Me laughed. That was the second time he had ever said that to me.
"I'm not going to hurt you I'm going to kill you." I hissed.
"Calm down, Miss Kaoru." Kenshin said from behind me. All of them were directly behind me now. All of them were looking at me like they had never seen me before, everyone except Kenshin.
"No." I stepped forward, and Jineh warned me not to step forward again, but I did, and a guy rushed me. I pulled out my gun and shot him, and everyone gasped. I step over the body, but didn't move any closer when I heard a gun cock. The gun that was pointed at my father's head was going to shoot if I walked any closer. "You bastard. Let them go, and fight me like a god damn man." I yelled.
"You killed one of my men with a gun. That isn't fair sport." Jineh frowned.
"Fair my ass. Unless you're willing to be fair, then I'm not getting rid of anything." I re-holstered my gun, but kept my hand close just in case I needed to shoot again.
"The big bad assassin can't relinquish her guns. How sad."
"Don't test me Jineh. I have had it up to fucking here with you. You have no clue how long I've wanted to kill you."
"You remember me little Kaoru. I was wondering when you would." He smiled.
"You're a fool you know that?"
"How do you know him?" Akira asked.
"He killed Yutaro." I stated it as if it didn't mean much, but inside I was trying to stop a well of tears that were threatening to flow.
"It was him?" Akira sounded more scared than angry, and I wanted to hurt him. How can he not be angry? Was he so cowardly that he couldn't at least be angry with the man who killed Yutaro? I was angry that Yutaro wasted his time looking up to a coward like Akira. And to think I was engaged to that coward at one point.
"Who's Yutaro?" Misao asked quietly. Her eyes were probably glued to the dead body. I felt like I was responsible for this sudden lose of part of her innocence, but I'd apologize later. If I survived; if she survived; If we all survived I'd apologize to everyone, and anyone.
"He WAS my brother." My hands were in fists so tight that my nails dug into my skin, probably piercing it.
"Jineh-sama. Why don't we leave her alone? Nothing good can come of this." The black haired woman begged.
"Shut up, Megumi. I'm having fun." Jineh smiled at me licking his lips.
"Well, I'm not. Please. Let us leave."
"Megumi shut your face, and hand me the serum." The black haired woman, named Megumi, opened up the suitcase, and handed him a syringe of something. He took the plastic off the needle, and tapped it lightly. "You're probably wondering what is in here." He said squirting some of the serum out.
"What are you going to do to my parents?" I nearly reached for my gun, but out of nowhere I felt Kenshin hold onto my elbow making sure I didn't do anything rash. If the touch wasn't so warm and comforting I might have drawn back.
"Nothing. Now to you, well, that's a different story. I propose a trade."
"What do you want?" I already knew his answer, and my heart began to beat in my throat. Oh God, Oh God.
"You." he sneered. Everyone around me said "No;" some even said "Hell no." I would have been touched if the situation had been different. They really cared about me.
"You may not have Miss Kaoru, that you may not. If you want you may have me instead." Kenshin stepped forward a bit.
"No. They may not have you!" I said angrily, stepping up so that I'd be beside Kenshin.
"I don't want you anyway." Jineh said to Kenshin, but then turned his attention back to me, "This syringe in my hand contains a memory eraser. If you allow me to have you then I'll allow your precious parents to live. It's a good trade."
"No it isn't." Kenshin's eyes were darkening so that they almost looked blue, and I could have sworn I saw a fleck of gold. A vision flashed before my eyes, and before I realized it I numbly mouthed Battosai. Battosai was Kenshin? Battosai was REAL? I shut my gapping mouth, and looked at the floor.
"Shocked that your little boyfriend wants to save you, so badly? I can almost choke on all this lovey dovey shit." Apparently Jineh didn't find Kenshin's eye color change as anything important. He should have. My confidence renewed itself when I thought of how even if I were to lose my memory, and go with Jineh, at least Kenshin would be able to kill him. I drew the sword out of the back sheath, and held it out to Kenshin.
"Take it." I ordered looking into his eyes, which widened and turned back to their normal light purple.
"No, Miss Kaoru. I do not touch swords anymore. I have left that behind me. I will not kill, that I won't" Kenshin said, "And neither should you." He added in. "That man did not deserve to die. No one deserves to die. No like that. Not before their proper time."
"Tell that to the mad man holding the gun to my mothers head." I pushed the sword towards him more, and he stepped back. "I don't kill for fun Kenshin. I kill because I have to, and because I need to. Because it's all I can do. Do this for me. Do this as a last wish."
"A last wish? You're not seriously thinking of going to that sonovabitch, Jou-chan?" Sano yelled out.
After a long silence I said, "I'm sorry." I was sorry that I was leaving, but also. I was sorry for trying to give Kenshin my sword. I placed my guns and knives and my sword onto the floor. No one was going to kill for me I realized, and for some reason I was relieved that they wouldn't. These people were not killers, fighters, yes, but not killers. They were still pure, still innocent, still untouched by the carnage that I represented, well that is if you didn't count the dead body lying behind me.
"You can't go!" Misao said tears traveling down her face.
"I will not let others die for me, and now I realized that I cannot make others kill for me either. I only ask that you find me. Find me and rescue me."
"They won't be able to find you. Trust me." Jineh smiled, "I don't have all day. Let's go."
"So Kaoru is gone I guess. Dead to the world now." I murmured, glancing at my parents. My father was obviously trying to yell no, but the gag had denied his words to be heard. The guy holding gun to his head kicked him in the back of his legs so that my dad tumbled to the floor. My mother had silent tears running down her face as she shook her head over and over again.
"Don't do this." Yahiko yelled. It was the first thing he had said since he had rudely yelled out 'fuck-face' earlier.
"I have to."
"Why do you say that?" Yahiko looked sad and angry at the same time. He knew I was going to leave for sure. "Busu, what will I do without your ugly face around?" I smiled weakly at the 16 year old. I loved him like a brother, and even though he was a pain in the ass. I'd miss him a lot.
"I don't know Yahiko. I just don't know." I turned back to Jineh, who seemed to be getting annoyed with all the sentimentality in the area. "I go with you, you leave them alone," I pointed behind me at everyone, "And they get to live." I motioned to my parents.
"Deal." Jineh smiled, and I didn't trust him, but what was I supposed to do? I began to walk towards him, but Kenshin caught my arm.
"I can't let you do this. I won't stand by and watch this." His eyes were frantic, and were swirling between amber and purple.
"Kenshin, haven't you ever heard of fighting for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?" I said, my eyes begging him to understand where I was coming from. (A/N: You can thank my textbook for that line)
"Yes Miss Kaoru, but not like this. It doesn't have to be like this, that it does not." He looked angry and helpless all in one. I could tell that he knew he couldn't change my mind. Funny thing, I wish he could.
"I will not let anyone die because of me. I won't let them die if I have the chance to save them. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold. Was I wishing death upon myself in some sick twisted way? I guess I was, maybe not my physical death, but the death of Kaoru, the death of whom I am inside.
"How will you protect the life of others if you lose your own in the process?" His hands flexed with the need to shake me. He looked absolutely miserable now. I don't blame him; I feel miserable too.
"I don't know." I said quietly. I cupped his cheek in my hand, and kissed his other cheek. I gave him a sad smile, and he frowned back. A feeling of loneliness washed over me, and I all of a sudden felt so lost. This was probably the last time I'd see Kenshin again.
I spun around, and walked towards Jineh with my head held high. Memories of everything and anything raced through my mind, all that would be gone, all the memories of pain, but also all the memories of joy, and love, and.Kenshin.
For the past couple of years I asked myself if I was the bad guy or good guy. Were assassins allowed to be good guys? But here I was, walking to Jineh, walking because I was going to be the heroin today. I was going to save everybody, almost like a martyr. So, I guess I am the good guy. But if I'm supposed to be the good guy then why did I feel so bad? Why did everything feel so wrong? Why? A tear slid down my face. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave Kenshin and my friends behind, but I had to. Like so many say, "Life isn't fair." I don't know about you, but I really hate that saying.
I stopped in front of Jineh. He lifted his hand and brushed my stray tear away. I couldn't help but flinch. I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him near me. He smiled at my flinch, and told Megumi to "do it." The black haired woman walked over to me slowly with the syringe in her hand cradling it carefully. Once close enough she whispered "Sorry" before injecting the memory erase into my arm. I felt a sharp pain, and then it was over. At first nothing happened; then my vision began to blur a bit, and my body began to feel numb. I turned to look at Kenshin one last time. Just, one more time.
~One moment, frozen in time. All is clear, yet my mind is foggy. I shift.
My mind blurs. I take a deep breath; I hear, see, and feel nothing. My
thoughts are empty~
Wrapped in a blanket of darkness I slipped to the ground. The last thing I heard as my consciousness ebbed away was the sound of a gunshot.
Good Bye Kaoru.
To be continued.