Let's regroup. Evelyn's rich. She gets her own room in the clinic where the doctor is like an uncle to her. Rick is really safety-conscious and a man ahead of his times. Oh! Question: I had this planned as a six chapter thing (indeed, I have almost finished # 6) but I'm sensing it could wander for a while before it gets there... shall I digress and make it much, much longer? Let me know. Maybe I'll just integrate a few more chapters. Love you all, thanks for the reviews!!! :):):)

5. Point of No Return

I'm cold. It's not a temperature-induced cold. Cairo weather doesn't usually allow for that. This coldness drives ice into my bones. It's not a coldness that can be fixed by sweaters and a pile of blankets and hot cocoa. I need someone to hold me. It's just that. I need another human being to acknowledge my existence. I need someone to love me.

I can't stand this anymore. Nearly a week it's been, nearly a week since the party, since I could bring myself to speak to him. I see what it does to him, I see him change just a little more toward me everyday, I see him slipping farther and farther away. I wonder if he sees the change in me, too. I wonder if he sees me looking at him. It's driving me insane that he doesn't see.

I'm just wandering, up and down hallways, not sure what I am looking for. How is it that I feel so lost? I still have me. Nothing's changed in that respect; I'm the same as I always was. Aren't I? I wonder if I changed so much in the lost time that I'll never be the person he knew. I want to be her, I want to so badly, but she's gone, lost forever. And so is he. I've lost him. Why does this throw my world into such disarray? A few days ago I would have given anything to get away from this life, but now I so desperately wish I could have it back. I wish I could have him back.

Heat emanates from the library door as I pass it. Someone must have lit a fire. I open the door and walk in, but my stride is broken by the sight of Rick sitting on the couch. He is reading, and he looks up from his book with surprise. He doesn't say anything, just waits.

"I, uh..." I gesture with inarticulate hands. "I didn't know you were in here."

"Obviously." He puts the papers down, stares into the fire. "You would have avoided the library at all costs if you had."

"No, I--"

"Evy." He shakes his head. "Don't lie to me. Avoid me, whatever, I don't care. But don't lie to me."

"I'm not trying to make this hard for you. I'm the one who was in a Goddamn coma."

This makes him laugh, and whatever harsh tone had colored his words before is gone now. "Sit with me."

I hesitate for only a split-second, but the warmth of the room draws me in. Despite the couch being rather large, the moment I sit down I sink into the cushions with no hope of rescue from their depths. As we try to find an arrangement that doesn't involve physical contact, even the slight, innocent brushing of his hand against mine sends chills up and down my spine.

"Is something wrong?" he asks me, carefully noting my behavior with those stark blue eyes. "You don't seem quite as repulsed by me as usual."

"I'm not repulsed by you."

"Then why do you freak out when I so much as accidentally touch your arm? Why do you go out of your way not to speak to me?"

"Look, I..." I can't say what I really want to say to him. It's too hard. "I think you're very nice and all, and you're handsome, and rich, and probably quite perfect, but I don't..."

I can't continue. I might as well have stabbed him in the heart. "You don't feel anything for me."

"No!" What is this horrible emotion that torments me day and night, but holds me back whenever I look into those eyes? "No, that's not it. I'm sorry, I can't imagine how horrible it must be for you to have this person living in your house who looks exactly like your wife, and her being a complete stranger. I'm sorry you lost your wife, but I can't just accept a husband and a child and a life out of the blue without--"

"No," he interrupts. "I didn't lose anything. You're sitting next to me, living, breathing, carrying my child. I don't think I could have handled it if I'd really lost you. All that matters is that you're here. You're still here."

Such simple words, and they strike me in the chest as though the oxygen has suddenly been sucked out of the room. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For hurting you."

He doesn't have an answer to this, instead choosing an entirely different line of questioning. "How's your head lately?"

"It's fine. God." I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror above the fire place. I forgot to put my hair up, it's in an extreme state of disarray. "Not that the rest of my head couldn't use any help. My hair looks terrible."

"You're beautiful." He pauses, wincing at his own words. "Sorry."

I scoot forward and slide off the edge of the couch, my rear end hitting the hard wooden floor with a none-too-graceful jolt. "You okay?" Rick asks, and at my silence hands me a pillow, to cushion the hardwood, I suppose. "I used to wonder, sometimes..." he begins, then trails off.

"What?"

"It's nothing."
"Tell me."

"I just..." I don't have to look at him to know what I would see in his face. This is hard for him to say. "I used to wonder if we hadn't met the way we did, if we hadn't gone through everything we did... Whether you still would have loved me."

I close my eyes, swallowing a wave of panic. "You never told me about me, you know," I say, the tears nearly choking me. The heat of the fire is a lot more intense down here, and I can feel my cheeks flushing despite my earlier chill. "You said you were going to, the day I came home, but you stopped yourself."

I turn my head and look at him, waiting for an answer, but he just smiles that bemused smile again, baiting me. "You of all people should know about you."

"I know, but...I want to know what you know."

He ponders this for a moment, then drops down beside me on the floor. His nearness doesn't bother me; it's almost comforting, even as his knees brush against mine. It's tantalizing, just that hint of contact. His arm rests on the edge of the couch, forming a sort of cocoon around me without even meaning to. "You're just incredible," he says, and I remind myself to concentrate on his words instead of the distraction of his touch. "You're brilliant, smarter than any of those backwards board members they have the nerve to call scholars. You don't need them. You can do anything you set your mind to, even though sometimes you don't know it. You know exactly what you want, and you go after it. You're loyal, you're so protective of your brother, and the people you love. You look out for them. You don't let anyone fall through the cracks. I look at you and I can't even believe how lucky I was to find you. You saved my life in more ways than one, Evy. You saved me just by being alive."

Tears are prickling the backs of my eyes. "I'm not all that."

He smiles, cups my chin in his hand. "Yes you are. You're Evelyn."

My tears let loose. "I think I've fallen in love with you." That's it. No turning back. "I'm sorry I don't remember everything we had together. I don't know if I ever will. But these past few days, I can't think, I can't even breathe, when you're not around me. And I want more than anything to just start over. I want you to fall in love with me again. I want to find out who we used to be. I don't think I could stand it if I lost you, if somehow I've made you...stop loving me."

He rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes; the simple touch fills me with such contentment that I could never open my eyes again and be happy for the rest of my life. "Evy... I have always loved you. Nothing will ever change that. Not even if you try to get rid of me."

I can't suppress a nervous laugh, and I open my eyes. They meet his, and in them I see the sort of barely contained passion that I know will keep me warm for the rest of my life. We stay locked in that tableau for a few moments. "Rick? You know what you never told me?"

"What?"

"When was our first kiss?"

He skips a beat. "Now," he whispers, and I am barely given a chance to take a breath before my senses are completely thrown out the window. He kisses me softly at first, deliberately, as if testing the waters. This slow torment quickly gives way to a deeper passion, however, and suddenly I am swept up in a kiss so passionate I doubt any other first kiss could have surpassed it. I'm no longer cold, in fact the room seems to have become infinitely warmer than it had previously been. Even with that, little shivers run all up and down my body as his mouth moves against mine, as his hands caress my neck, my shoulders, drawing me close until I feel as though I have melted completely into him.

"Oh!" someone says in surprise.

Rick pulls away from me abruptly as we both turn to face the third presence in the doorway. "Err..." says Jonathan, face reddening, "sorry to interrupt, err..."

Rick stands, grabs his book off the couch. "Well, um, it's late. I have that meeting in the morning. I'd better, um...get to sleep. Goodnight."

He walks quickly out of the room, Jonathan eager to get out of his way. My brother turns back to me when Rick is gone and raises his eyebrows. "Uh, evenin', sis. How're you?"

I'm struck by the terrible hilarity of this conversation, and suppress the urge to laugh. "I'm fine, Jonathan, and how are you?"

"Great, great." He smiles. "Well, I'm off to bed as well. Goodnight, Evy."

"Jonathan?"

He turns back. "Yeah, Evy?"

"Even if I never get back my memory... I think we're going to be okay."

He smiles again, like infuriating older brothers do when they know they've been right all along. "I know, Evy. I know."

~*~*~*~