On This Spot
Lovely place, Hogwarts, but
you wouldn't want to live there.
Original story material is the property of the fanfic author; other material of Rowling et al. falls under the usual disclaimer.
1. Metes and Bounds.
in this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin, 1789
"Egad!" exclaimed Flitwick.
"Oh, dear," said McGonagall.
"Indeed," nodded Dumbledore.
The object of their confundity was a large sign, posted near Hogsmeade at the fringe of the charmed area, and facing toward the Muggle world.
By wand-light, they read:
GLEN ALETAN
~~~
Up to 210 family estates on individual lots
in cluster communities for modern rural living
~~
sized 2.5 ac. (1 h.) or larger for gardens and play
~~~
A L L - N E W !
Paved roads -- limited shop district -- common parklands
GOLF COURSE AND CLUBHOUSE
RIDING/BIKING/NATURE TRAILS
Fishing, boating and swimming on a large freshwater lake
OLD-GROWTH FOREST FOR HIKING AND CAMPING
Convenient to worship, tourism and rail
McGonagall finally broke the silence. "What does this mean, Albus? I thought the Ministry had taken Muggle title to this land centuries ago, to keep anyone else away."
"They did, Minerva," he replied. "It would appear that a disastrous mistake has been made. But if the mistake is on our part, then we are now tenants on someone else's land."
Cornelius Fudge was in a controlled rage. "CATASTROPHIC! An absolute disaster! Would someone explain how this travesty could happen?"
A half-dozen ministry underlings cringed as though Fudge was breathing flames. One of them, just a nameless face to Fudge, gathered his courage and tried explaining.
"Sir, there has never been any division in the Ministry specifically for property management . Ownership of charmed properties dates back centuries in most cases, and it's all arranged through Ministry connections with the PM's office. Usually a visible building occupies the spot -- the Leaky Cauldron, St. Mungo's, and like that -- and someone in the Muggle world is the theoretical owner and taxpayer.
"Hogwarts isn't a visible building. The Hogwarts property file has been handed around the Ministry as it was needed. The last one to need new building space at the school was the Office of House-Elf Relocation. The file's remained their responsibility for over 200 years. A very efficient new manager in that office saw no reason for Hogwarts' property taxes to be paid from his budget, and he posted the files to another division."
"And....?" said Fudge.
"In a word, it's lost, sir. He doesn't remember who he shipped the files to, and... well, no one seems to have them. And so, no one paid the Muggle taxes. As a result, Kent County of Scotland has sold the Hogwarts land to developers."
"UNFATHOMABLE!" shouted Fudge. "We must look like utter DOLTS! That property has been safe in our hands since Time Immemorial! Now you tell me we've lost the lot of it to UNPAID TAXES???"
The silence answered his rhetorical question.
"ABYSMAL!"
"Heeheeheeheehahahhahaaaaa!," chortled Seamus, reading the sign. Rumours of the Ministry's blunder had circulated through the school already, and the sign was becoming quite the weekend tourist attraction for students.
"Oh, no!" moaned Hermione. "What's going to happen when Muggles start wandering in here?"
"Fudge and his mental midgets," said Ron, shaking his head.
"What were they thinking???" said Neville, staring at the awful words.
"The scheme of things always sounded so secure," noted Harry. "If the muggles came near the enchanted area, they wouldn't be able to see the town or the school, and they'd go away. Right?"
"Right," agreed Hermione. "Aletan was an old word meaning 'forsaken'; they've always called it that. They say the lake appears to be a stinking swamp, and Hogwarts is just a dangerous old ruin on a craggy pile of rocks full of snakes. No one would be stupid enough to try walking in, and if they did, there would be all sorts of horrible stuff to scare them away.....or so they say."
"Sure," nodded Ron. "Fine. Great fun. Now they'll hire some poor punks to drain the swamp, but the squid will eat them. Aragog's kids will eat the ones blazing the hiking trail. And what about the buildings? Maybe they can't see Hogsmeade, but it'really there! What happens when the first bulldozer runs into Honeydukes at full tilt?"
Hermione pursed her lips. "Exactly. Still, what worries me right off are aerial surveys. I'm sure this place was so rural that no one has bothered to do GPS mapping, scanning it with ground-imaging radar, and all that."
"I love it when witches talk dirty," joked Seamus.
"Hermione," begged Ron, "could you translate that into non-Muggle English?"
"Ron, your 'bulldozer' might be a camera of some sort. Muggles wouldn't have to set foot in here to map it out. A thousand-year-old charm will fool the eye, maybe even a camera -- but will it fool radar on a plane, or a satellite 200 miles up? So, smile, Ron.... they might be taking our picture right now!"
"Odd picture, eh?" said David Mealy.
"Very much so," said Kiki Rankin, his boss, as she examined the satellite image.
"Ruins, do you think? There are lots of old castles in the Highlands."
"Strange details for a ruined castle. Almost none of the walls are down, and there are obvious courtyards, with not so much as a tree growing in them. Curious lines... those must be bridges, or flying buttresses.... perfect, not a break in them. The false-colour shots should show veggie climbing all over this place, but not a bit of it."
"And not a swamp in sight."
"Nope! It's a meticulously-kept medieval castle in pristine condition. The Queen should have a groundskeeper like this. And no 5-mile swamp in need of dredging and damming, but a glorious mountain lake."
"So, what do you make of it all?"
"Obvious, isn't it? The GPS data must have been off. This can't be the property we saw from the air. David, ring John up, and tell him to get new shots... and this time, aim at the right valley."