*To clear up a little confusion: The first chapter is in different tenses.
The beginning where Syaoran cuts his arm is present time. The middle where
Sakura is involved is past tense, a year to be precise. The end goes back
to the present as Syaoran falls asleep. It's a flashback without all the
flashing, basically. Anyway, thanks to my reviewers, ya'll rock!*
Reviewers: sweet-captor anjuliet kikakai Star Cherry Aiko Ayla da 1 n onli macadamia nut
Numb
The dawn was breaking, Syaoran was waking, and the beginning of another day was upon the drowsy teen. He got out of bed and gingerly took off his bandage, revealing bright red cuts. He touched them gently, wincing when they stung with pain. Syaoran got into the shower, letting the hot water run over his body.
'Hooray for another perfect day.' Syaoran thought sarcastically, reaching for his towel as he finished his shower. He dried off, then walked out into his room once again to change. Fifteen minutes later Syaoran was dressed in his school uniform, a blue blazer over a light blue shirt. Blue dress pants and black shoes finished off his outfit along with a simple blue tie.
As he was walking to school, he noticed Landon at Sakura's door. After she had started dating him a year ago, Sakura walked to school with him, not Syaoran. At first it offended Syaoran; she was his friend after all, they had walked to school together since he moved to Tomoeda seven years ago.
Syaoran watched with his usual dark glare as Landon waited for Sakura to come out, his hands behind his back as he rocked on his heels. The door opened, and Sakura walked out, taking time to kiss Landon's cheek before walking down the walk with him. For a brief moment, Syaoran couldn't see anything else. She was beautiful.
Sakura's hair fell just past her shoulders, the golden brown locks curled slightly at the ends. She wore a similar uniform to his own, replacing the pants with a blue plaid skirt. As she walked, with the sun falling softly on her skin, Sakura looked like a veritable angel. She threw a sweet smile to Syaoran as she walked past him with Landon, and Syaoran found himself smiling back. He reached into his pocket and gently fingers the small charm in his pocket. Yep, it was still there, after a whole year.
The school was practically buzzing with chatter as Syaoran walked up the stairs. People were busily gossiping as Syaoran pushed his way through the halls. This wasn't unusual, except it was more intense today, excitement seeming to hang in the air. Syaoran stopped at his locker and listened as two girls talked incessantly.
"That's right, he did it right over there!" one girl exclaimed, her eyes filled with stars. The other girl sighed and smiled as she dreamily looked into space.
"That's so romantic, you know? Proposing out of the blue like that?" the other girl added. The first girl nodded, then leaned against the locker.
"Sakura's so lucky!"
Syaoran almost dropped his books with the last statement. Sakura?! Engaged?! There had to be some sort of mistake! Sakura and Landon's relationship wasn't THAT advanced, was it? Syaoran turned to talk to the girls he had been listening to when his worst fear came to life.
There stood Sakura and Landon, just down the hall from Syaoran. Sakura had her hand in the sandy blonde's hand, and she was showing her friends a small ring on her left ring finger. Her face was beaming with happiness as she showed off her hand. Syaoran's heart dropped out of his chest once again. He had always thought that they wouldn't last, that he would have a chance to tell Sakura he was in love with her after they had broken up. Now, there was no chance; Sakura was getting married.
"Syaoran!" Sakura cried, taking notice of the boy on the other side of the hall. Syaoran tried his best to mask his upset demeanor by smiling. Sakura bounded over to him and showed him the ring. It glimmered in the light, every sparkle seeming to stab Syaoran right in the chest.
"That's . . . that's great, Sakura." Syaoran murmured quietly, avoiding her eyes as he spoke. Sakura's eyes clouded over with confusion mixed with worry.
"Syaoran, is everything okay?" Sakura asked. For a moment, Syaoran considered telling her that everything wasn't okay. Things were terrible now that he knew she would never ever be his. Reconsidering, Syaoran nodded slowly.
"I'm fine, Sakura. I'm happy for you." Syaoran said, turning and walking down the hall to his first class. Sakura watched him walk away, worry written on her young face.
In class, Syaoran couldn't concentrate at all. His mind kept moving from his notes to the beautiful girl sitting in front of him. He couldn't stop thinking about her, and soon the pain was too much.
"Sensei, may I please?" Syaoran called from the back of the room, bringing the class out of their trance. All eyes fell on Syaoran, Sakura's included. She mouthed something to him, looking like 'are you okay?' but Syaoran didn't make a sound. He got out of his seat and dashed out of the class, making his way to the restroom.
Syaoran locked himself in a stall and threw off his blazer, tossing it over angrily. He hit the door with his fist, then rested his head against the cold metal as he breathed heavily. His eyes widened in realization as he reached in his pocket and pulled out his knife. He was so thankful he brought it that he almost cried out with happiness.
He sat on the toilet, the knife in his grip. Sleeve rolled up and ready, Syaoran teased himself by running the dull side of the knife against his scarred skin. His mind began flooding with thoughts of Sakura's engagement, and his eyes darkened.
'She's gone.' Syaoran thought, slicing hard against his skin.
'I'll never get to tell her I love her, to kiss her and hold her. Never.' Syaoran thought bitterly as he sliced again.
'Why couldn't I have been faster to tell her? How could I let her go like that?!' Syaoran's mind raced as he slashed furiously. Pain pulsed through his body, erasing the anguish he felt over Sakura for the moment. He looked down and noticed he was bleeding quite profusely.
'Dammit . . . I must have gotten a little carried away.' Syaoran cursed to himself, trying to stop the blood with toilet paper. He heard the door to the bathroom open, and he froze.
'Shit . . . I'm gonna get caught.' Syaoran thought, furiously trying to make the blood stop pouring through his wounds. He saw a pair of legs walk in, and his amber eyes widened in horror as he noticed something very wrong.
These legs were bare.
'Could I have gone into the fucking girl's bathroom without knowing?!' Syaoran hissed to himself, putting a hand to his head with a panic.
"Syaoran?" he heard a voice call. He recognized the voice, and his eyes widened as much as humanly possible. Sakura!
"What do you want, Sakura?" Syaoran said weakly. He heard Sakura's feet move toward where he was, and her hand knocking on his stall.
"Are you alright? Sensei sent me, I have no idea why . . . this is the boy's restroom, you know." Sakura joked. Syaoran let out a sigh of relief. His heart started beating, and he calmed down.
"I'm fine." Syaoran answered. He heard Sakura gasp and back away from the door. He looked down at the floor and noticed it; bright crimson drops of blood dotted the white tile floor. Defeated, Syaoran opened the stall door to see Sakura, staring at him with a mix of shock and horror.
"Sakura . . . " Syaoran started. Sakura stopped him by rushing to him and removing the reddened toilet paper.
"Holy . . . . Syaoran why did you do this?" Sakura cried, trying to keep her voice down. Syaoran shrugged and turned his head away as Sakura tried to stop the bleeding. He had three deep cuts on his arm, all of them trickling blood.
"There are cuts all over your arms!" Sakura exclaimed, noticing the other slashes on his biceps and shoulders. Her green eyes filled with tears as she moistened a paper towel and applied it to Syaoran's arm. He grimaced, scowling at her as she tried to help him.
"Why did you . . . do this?" Sakura asked, her voice sounding heartbroken.
"I'm in pain. All the time. I don't know how to make it stop, to forget all about it. This is all I know." Syaoran replied. Sakura had managed to stop the bleeding, and was now searching for band aids in her purse. Like that was going to work.
"What's hurting you?" Sakura asked. She hadn't had time to notice her friend's state, she was too busy with Landon. She admonished herself for ignoring her friend as she looked into Syaoran's wounded face.
"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go back to class." Syaoran answered, rolling down his sleeve. Sakura protested, but he had slipped his blazer back over his dress shirt and was staring at her with a 'let's go' face.
"I won't tell anyone, Syaoran. But if you ever think about doing this again, you get me." Sakura whispered. Syaoran nodded, his amber eyes still filled with pain. The two seventeen year olds walked out of the bathroom and back to class.
At lunch, Syaoran was sitting at his table in the corner when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He looked up to see Sakura with a horrified look on her face.
"They're bleeding!" Sakura hissed, dragging him into the bathroom once again. Syaoran removed his blazer, revealing a big red stain on his shirt. His blazer was soaked through with blood, and he began cursing.
"Dammit . . . what am I going to do?" Syaoran asked, not directing the question to Sakura. Sakura rolled up his sleeve, an almost angry glare on her pretty face. She pressed a cold paper towel against Syaoran's bleeding arm, making him wince in pain and glare.
"That hurts!" Syaoran admitted angrily. Sakura glared up at him, her green eyes now filled with hurt and anger as well.
"That's what you wanted, is it not?" Sakura spat, half whispering. Syaoran was taken aback; she was angry at him for cutting. He looked away, at the mirror where he saw Sakura busily trying to stop the bleeding.
"Go home. I'll tell sensei you were ill, and then I'll be over with your homework. You can't go to school with blood all over your shirt." Sakura instructed.
"Alright. I'll go." Syaoran replied, almost biting in his tone. Sakura wrapped some toilet paper around Syaoran's wound before rolling the sleeve back down and replacing his blazer.
"Thank you." Syaoran muttered. Sakura didn't say anything for a moment, she just looked into Syaoran's eyes as she searched for something he couldn't figure out.
"Just go. I'll see you in a couple hours." Sakura whispered, turning and walking out of the bathroom. Syaoran's head fell as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair with frustration.
At home, Syaoran hid away his blood soaked garments. He would have to take them to the cleaners himself to avoid questions later. He bandaged his arm, muttering curses as the pain coursed through him. He was sitting in bed later when someone knocked on his door.
"Come in." Syaoran called, not bothering to get up. The heavy oak door opened, and Syaoran came face to face with Sakura, who was carrying her books along with his.
*And . . . . I'm gonna stop right there. Next chapter will contain lemon, just a little forewarning. Also, I changed the title of this fic to 'Numb' because I was planning on using a song to write the last chapter called 'Every New Day' until I decided what was going to happen in the end. So I have decided to use Linkin Park's song for the end, and thus the name has changed.*
Reviewers: sweet-captor anjuliet kikakai Star Cherry Aiko Ayla da 1 n onli macadamia nut
Numb
The dawn was breaking, Syaoran was waking, and the beginning of another day was upon the drowsy teen. He got out of bed and gingerly took off his bandage, revealing bright red cuts. He touched them gently, wincing when they stung with pain. Syaoran got into the shower, letting the hot water run over his body.
'Hooray for another perfect day.' Syaoran thought sarcastically, reaching for his towel as he finished his shower. He dried off, then walked out into his room once again to change. Fifteen minutes later Syaoran was dressed in his school uniform, a blue blazer over a light blue shirt. Blue dress pants and black shoes finished off his outfit along with a simple blue tie.
As he was walking to school, he noticed Landon at Sakura's door. After she had started dating him a year ago, Sakura walked to school with him, not Syaoran. At first it offended Syaoran; she was his friend after all, they had walked to school together since he moved to Tomoeda seven years ago.
Syaoran watched with his usual dark glare as Landon waited for Sakura to come out, his hands behind his back as he rocked on his heels. The door opened, and Sakura walked out, taking time to kiss Landon's cheek before walking down the walk with him. For a brief moment, Syaoran couldn't see anything else. She was beautiful.
Sakura's hair fell just past her shoulders, the golden brown locks curled slightly at the ends. She wore a similar uniform to his own, replacing the pants with a blue plaid skirt. As she walked, with the sun falling softly on her skin, Sakura looked like a veritable angel. She threw a sweet smile to Syaoran as she walked past him with Landon, and Syaoran found himself smiling back. He reached into his pocket and gently fingers the small charm in his pocket. Yep, it was still there, after a whole year.
The school was practically buzzing with chatter as Syaoran walked up the stairs. People were busily gossiping as Syaoran pushed his way through the halls. This wasn't unusual, except it was more intense today, excitement seeming to hang in the air. Syaoran stopped at his locker and listened as two girls talked incessantly.
"That's right, he did it right over there!" one girl exclaimed, her eyes filled with stars. The other girl sighed and smiled as she dreamily looked into space.
"That's so romantic, you know? Proposing out of the blue like that?" the other girl added. The first girl nodded, then leaned against the locker.
"Sakura's so lucky!"
Syaoran almost dropped his books with the last statement. Sakura?! Engaged?! There had to be some sort of mistake! Sakura and Landon's relationship wasn't THAT advanced, was it? Syaoran turned to talk to the girls he had been listening to when his worst fear came to life.
There stood Sakura and Landon, just down the hall from Syaoran. Sakura had her hand in the sandy blonde's hand, and she was showing her friends a small ring on her left ring finger. Her face was beaming with happiness as she showed off her hand. Syaoran's heart dropped out of his chest once again. He had always thought that they wouldn't last, that he would have a chance to tell Sakura he was in love with her after they had broken up. Now, there was no chance; Sakura was getting married.
"Syaoran!" Sakura cried, taking notice of the boy on the other side of the hall. Syaoran tried his best to mask his upset demeanor by smiling. Sakura bounded over to him and showed him the ring. It glimmered in the light, every sparkle seeming to stab Syaoran right in the chest.
"That's . . . that's great, Sakura." Syaoran murmured quietly, avoiding her eyes as he spoke. Sakura's eyes clouded over with confusion mixed with worry.
"Syaoran, is everything okay?" Sakura asked. For a moment, Syaoran considered telling her that everything wasn't okay. Things were terrible now that he knew she would never ever be his. Reconsidering, Syaoran nodded slowly.
"I'm fine, Sakura. I'm happy for you." Syaoran said, turning and walking down the hall to his first class. Sakura watched him walk away, worry written on her young face.
In class, Syaoran couldn't concentrate at all. His mind kept moving from his notes to the beautiful girl sitting in front of him. He couldn't stop thinking about her, and soon the pain was too much.
"Sensei, may I please?" Syaoran called from the back of the room, bringing the class out of their trance. All eyes fell on Syaoran, Sakura's included. She mouthed something to him, looking like 'are you okay?' but Syaoran didn't make a sound. He got out of his seat and dashed out of the class, making his way to the restroom.
Syaoran locked himself in a stall and threw off his blazer, tossing it over angrily. He hit the door with his fist, then rested his head against the cold metal as he breathed heavily. His eyes widened in realization as he reached in his pocket and pulled out his knife. He was so thankful he brought it that he almost cried out with happiness.
He sat on the toilet, the knife in his grip. Sleeve rolled up and ready, Syaoran teased himself by running the dull side of the knife against his scarred skin. His mind began flooding with thoughts of Sakura's engagement, and his eyes darkened.
'She's gone.' Syaoran thought, slicing hard against his skin.
'I'll never get to tell her I love her, to kiss her and hold her. Never.' Syaoran thought bitterly as he sliced again.
'Why couldn't I have been faster to tell her? How could I let her go like that?!' Syaoran's mind raced as he slashed furiously. Pain pulsed through his body, erasing the anguish he felt over Sakura for the moment. He looked down and noticed he was bleeding quite profusely.
'Dammit . . . I must have gotten a little carried away.' Syaoran cursed to himself, trying to stop the blood with toilet paper. He heard the door to the bathroom open, and he froze.
'Shit . . . I'm gonna get caught.' Syaoran thought, furiously trying to make the blood stop pouring through his wounds. He saw a pair of legs walk in, and his amber eyes widened in horror as he noticed something very wrong.
These legs were bare.
'Could I have gone into the fucking girl's bathroom without knowing?!' Syaoran hissed to himself, putting a hand to his head with a panic.
"Syaoran?" he heard a voice call. He recognized the voice, and his eyes widened as much as humanly possible. Sakura!
"What do you want, Sakura?" Syaoran said weakly. He heard Sakura's feet move toward where he was, and her hand knocking on his stall.
"Are you alright? Sensei sent me, I have no idea why . . . this is the boy's restroom, you know." Sakura joked. Syaoran let out a sigh of relief. His heart started beating, and he calmed down.
"I'm fine." Syaoran answered. He heard Sakura gasp and back away from the door. He looked down at the floor and noticed it; bright crimson drops of blood dotted the white tile floor. Defeated, Syaoran opened the stall door to see Sakura, staring at him with a mix of shock and horror.
"Sakura . . . " Syaoran started. Sakura stopped him by rushing to him and removing the reddened toilet paper.
"Holy . . . . Syaoran why did you do this?" Sakura cried, trying to keep her voice down. Syaoran shrugged and turned his head away as Sakura tried to stop the bleeding. He had three deep cuts on his arm, all of them trickling blood.
"There are cuts all over your arms!" Sakura exclaimed, noticing the other slashes on his biceps and shoulders. Her green eyes filled with tears as she moistened a paper towel and applied it to Syaoran's arm. He grimaced, scowling at her as she tried to help him.
"Why did you . . . do this?" Sakura asked, her voice sounding heartbroken.
"I'm in pain. All the time. I don't know how to make it stop, to forget all about it. This is all I know." Syaoran replied. Sakura had managed to stop the bleeding, and was now searching for band aids in her purse. Like that was going to work.
"What's hurting you?" Sakura asked. She hadn't had time to notice her friend's state, she was too busy with Landon. She admonished herself for ignoring her friend as she looked into Syaoran's wounded face.
"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go back to class." Syaoran answered, rolling down his sleeve. Sakura protested, but he had slipped his blazer back over his dress shirt and was staring at her with a 'let's go' face.
"I won't tell anyone, Syaoran. But if you ever think about doing this again, you get me." Sakura whispered. Syaoran nodded, his amber eyes still filled with pain. The two seventeen year olds walked out of the bathroom and back to class.
At lunch, Syaoran was sitting at his table in the corner when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He looked up to see Sakura with a horrified look on her face.
"They're bleeding!" Sakura hissed, dragging him into the bathroom once again. Syaoran removed his blazer, revealing a big red stain on his shirt. His blazer was soaked through with blood, and he began cursing.
"Dammit . . . what am I going to do?" Syaoran asked, not directing the question to Sakura. Sakura rolled up his sleeve, an almost angry glare on her pretty face. She pressed a cold paper towel against Syaoran's bleeding arm, making him wince in pain and glare.
"That hurts!" Syaoran admitted angrily. Sakura glared up at him, her green eyes now filled with hurt and anger as well.
"That's what you wanted, is it not?" Sakura spat, half whispering. Syaoran was taken aback; she was angry at him for cutting. He looked away, at the mirror where he saw Sakura busily trying to stop the bleeding.
"Go home. I'll tell sensei you were ill, and then I'll be over with your homework. You can't go to school with blood all over your shirt." Sakura instructed.
"Alright. I'll go." Syaoran replied, almost biting in his tone. Sakura wrapped some toilet paper around Syaoran's wound before rolling the sleeve back down and replacing his blazer.
"Thank you." Syaoran muttered. Sakura didn't say anything for a moment, she just looked into Syaoran's eyes as she searched for something he couldn't figure out.
"Just go. I'll see you in a couple hours." Sakura whispered, turning and walking out of the bathroom. Syaoran's head fell as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair with frustration.
At home, Syaoran hid away his blood soaked garments. He would have to take them to the cleaners himself to avoid questions later. He bandaged his arm, muttering curses as the pain coursed through him. He was sitting in bed later when someone knocked on his door.
"Come in." Syaoran called, not bothering to get up. The heavy oak door opened, and Syaoran came face to face with Sakura, who was carrying her books along with his.
*And . . . . I'm gonna stop right there. Next chapter will contain lemon, just a little forewarning. Also, I changed the title of this fic to 'Numb' because I was planning on using a song to write the last chapter called 'Every New Day' until I decided what was going to happen in the end. So I have decided to use Linkin Park's song for the end, and thus the name has changed.*