*Hey guys! It's Saturday, and you know what that means! UPDATE DAY! Here is
the newest chapter for you, and I must say something about one of the
conversations in this chapter: it's a real conversation. Almost every word,
minus a couple things are real and true. Anyway, here's the fic, and
things are starting to get down to the end. There should be maybe one
chapter after this, maybe two.*
Reviews: Star Cherry, amber-eyez, the nadja, anjuliet, Cherry Jade, sweet- captor, & Kikakai
Every New Day
"Sakura." Syaoran breathed, relieved to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. He sighed, sinking back against the softness of his bed with contentment. The one thing that could salvage his day was there to rescue him; now everything would be okay.
"What's wrong, Syaoran? You sound . . . upset." Sakura asked. Syaoran smiled; Sakura was the only person he knew who could tell when he was feeling down or depressed.
"I'm fine, really. Just tired from . . . training." Syaoran lied. He eyed his bandaged arms, feeling the sting of his actions.
"I see. Do you want me to come over tonight still?" Sakura asked. Syaoran's eyes widened. He had forgotten she was planning on coming over.
"No. Don't worry about it." Syaoran answered, trying to formulate an excuse for Sakura not to come over.
"Too late, Syaoran. I'm already here and I'm right outside the door." Sakura replied with a laugh. Syaoran's face lost all color as panic set in.
'Damnable cell phones!' Syaoran shrieked inside his head. He hastily threw on a red long sleeved shirt and rushed to the door, opening it to find Sakura standing on the other side.
"I hope you don't mind . . . I just wanted to see you." Sakura stated, closing her cell phone and smiling sweetly at Syaoran, who looked like he would throw up at any moment. His heart was throbbing as he allowed Sakura into his room.
'What am I going to do?! She's going to find out about . . . that, and she's going to hate me forever. I'm going to lose her again, and it's all my fault!' Syaoran's mind raced. His amber eyes shifted from one object in the room to another, trying to gain some sort of inspiration-driven excuse.
"I'm sorry you had a rough day, Syaoran." Sakura whispered into Syaoran's ear. Dragged from his frantic thoughts, Syaoran looked down at Sakura as she cocked her head to the side and smiled sympathetically.
"It's ok. I'm ok. Don't worry about it." Syaoran stammered, still trying to make up an excuse of some sort to get Sakura out of his room. Sakura wandered to the french windows and sighed, enjoying the view.
"You know, I'm really tired, Sakura. I was planning on going to bed soon. I'm sorry." Syaoran finally spat, elated he had come up with something at last. Although he was beating himself up for actually wanting to kick Sakura out of his room in the first place, he had to get her out before she figured him out.
"Okay, Syaoran. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow." Sakura replied. She started walking when her foot hit something. The object went sailing under Syaoran's bed, landing in front of his feet. Syaoran nearly gagged in horror as his knife lay at his feet, his own dried blood still sticking to it. Sakura walked around the bed before Syaoran could manage to cover the weapon, and her look of disappointment was all he needed.
"Syaoran . . . you didn't." Sakura whispered. Syaoran nodded, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his slashed arms. Sakura gasped; it was the worst she had ever seen.
"Let me explain-" Syaoran started. Sakura cut him off as she ran past him, out of his room. Syaoran tried to follow, but Sakura had already run out of the house into the night. Finding himself defeated for the last time that night, Syaoran collapsed on the floor outside his room and started to let the tears roll. There was nothing left, everything was gone.
Syaoran didn't attend school the next day. He lied to his mother, telling her he was feeling ill. Yelan didn't argue, in fact she felt sorry for being so coarse with her son the night before. She left the house to her son while she went to the airport to pick Syaoran's cousin Meilin up from Hong Kong.
Bitterly depressed, Syaoran stayed in bed. His messy brown hair was even messier from a sleepless night. Syaoran's handsome amber eyes were clouded with grief over the images of Sakura's upset face. He rolled over to his side, trying to erase the thoughts from his tortured mind.
'Why did I have to do it again? I was doing so well without it . . . I had Sakura, I was gaining strength. And now it's all gone.' Syaoran thought resentfully. He kicked off the covers and walked into the bathroom, getting into the shower to clear his mind.
Water, no matter the degree of temperature, can calm and soothe even the most sorrowful soul. Syaoran turned the water up to its hottest and stood under the shower head, letting the spray of heat pelt his worn body. Steam rose from the shower, lifting with it Syaoran's depression. For a moment the world cleared, and Syaoran knew what was going on. He could get Sakura back if he got help himself.
The decision hit him like a ton of bricks. Get help himself? He couldn't do it all this time, but when it came to losing Sakura, Syaoran was prepared to do anything to prevent that from happening. He got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Before he could slip into some clothes, the phone in his room rang.
"Hello?" Syaoran said into the receiver. The voice on the other end made his heart stop completely.
"Syaoran, I need to talk to you."
"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked, knowing perfectly well what was wrong. He heard a sigh on the other line, followed by a short silence.
"Sakura, let me in. I want to talk to you." Syaoran stated, drawing the towel around him tighter as he sat down on the bed.
"Why should I let you in when you never let me?" Sakura asked, her voice starting to quaver slightly. Syaoran cringed; that statement alone stung like a thousand cuts.
"I don't know. Please, don't do this." Syaoran replied, his voice becoming quiet as he prayed for a miracle to come and make things better.
"I cant. I won't. I can't believe you did something like that last night!" Sakura suddenly cried. He could hear her trying to keep herself calm, and his heart felt like a hurricane was tearing through, ripping it to shreds.
"Like what? Did I finally do something drastic enough to make you realize that our friendship didn't get like this overnight? This is months and months of pent up frustration for me." Syaoran spouted. The emotions were coming to the surface, after a year of waiting. He was about to explode.
"I don't know a lot of it . . . and I don't know if I need to . . . but you and I can't expect things to be the same as they were anymore. Not after all this. I love you, Syaoran, but if we're going to be together, you have to stop doing this to yourself."Sakura answered. He could hear the sincerity in her voice, the desperate want for him to stop being what he had turned out to be.
"You don't understand." Syaoran muttered. He ran a hand through his wet hair in frustration. He had to tell her, but how could he make her understand?
"You're right, I don't . . . but I'm trying to, can't you see that?" Sakura asked, allowing the tears to start forming. Syaoran could hear her holding back her sobs.
"I've been to Hell and back in the past year, and you have no idea!" Syaoran yelled into the phone. He shuddered at his tone; he was so angry and frustrated, but the release of his emotions was too much. He couldn't stop.
"I'm sorry." Sakura muttered into the phone. Syaoran's amber eyes glowed with a new energy he couldn't get a grip on.
"You just can't toss around apologies and think it's going to make up for all the pain I've been going through. You don't know what has been going through my head." Syaoran bit back. Silence filled the line for a moment, followed by a haggard breath.
"No, I don't." Sakura answered, her voice quiet like a mouse.
"I just can't do this anymore." Syaoran sighed. He leaned against the headboard of his bed, his amber eyes deeply focused on his thoughts as they came crashing back.
"Do what?" Sakura asked, her tone becoming a bit more concerned. Syaoran laughed slightly and shook his head.
"I can't sit here and be all happy when on the inside I am just filled to the brim with animosity and anger. And sadness. And jealousy. I can't do it anymore." Syaoran finally admitted, feeling a rush throughout his body.
"I know that . . . that's why I'm trying to fix this . . ." Sakura murmured. Syaoran could hear her breathing, her slow rhythmic breaths cutting into the silence like a knife. Ha, a knife.
"You can't fix everything." Syaoran said simply. His mind was reeling with weightlessness; for the first time in a year he was feeling again. It was wonderful.
"Is this what you WANT things to be like . . . forever bitter?" Sakura asked, her tears falling like rain. Syaoran could hear her sniffle on the other end, and he sighed. The release felt good, but the pain was still there, settled deep in his heart.
"I just can't do it. I can't live up to what my mother wants me to be, I can't be good enough for you. I can't." Syaoran whispered. His gaze started moving, taking in the sights in his room. A glimmer of steel caught his eye, and Syaoran's mind started to dizzy with euphoria. That was it, his ticket to happiness.
"Syaoran . . . are you there?" Sakura asked into the phone. Syaoran snapped out of his trance and sighed heavily.
"I've been treading water this whole time, and now I'm tired. I'm ready now." Syaoran said slowly, listening to Sakura as she gasped slightly.
"Okay, my turn then. Don't move, I'm coming over." Sakura cried, hanging up the phone. Syaoran listened to the dial tone on the other end for a moment, then hung up the phone. He changed into a pair of jeans and sat back down on the bed, the knife in his hand.
'There's just too much.' Syaoran thought as he lowered the knife to his skin once again.
Sakura rushed up to Syaoran's room, pushing past Wei as he looked on curiously. She pounded on the door, but there was no response. Sakura turned the knob and burst into the room, falling to her knees at the sight before her.
*And . . . . CLIFFIE! Sorry ya'll but you're going to have to review for me to get another chapter. Thanks!*
Reviews: Star Cherry, amber-eyez, the nadja, anjuliet, Cherry Jade, sweet- captor, & Kikakai
Every New Day
"Sakura." Syaoran breathed, relieved to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. He sighed, sinking back against the softness of his bed with contentment. The one thing that could salvage his day was there to rescue him; now everything would be okay.
"What's wrong, Syaoran? You sound . . . upset." Sakura asked. Syaoran smiled; Sakura was the only person he knew who could tell when he was feeling down or depressed.
"I'm fine, really. Just tired from . . . training." Syaoran lied. He eyed his bandaged arms, feeling the sting of his actions.
"I see. Do you want me to come over tonight still?" Sakura asked. Syaoran's eyes widened. He had forgotten she was planning on coming over.
"No. Don't worry about it." Syaoran answered, trying to formulate an excuse for Sakura not to come over.
"Too late, Syaoran. I'm already here and I'm right outside the door." Sakura replied with a laugh. Syaoran's face lost all color as panic set in.
'Damnable cell phones!' Syaoran shrieked inside his head. He hastily threw on a red long sleeved shirt and rushed to the door, opening it to find Sakura standing on the other side.
"I hope you don't mind . . . I just wanted to see you." Sakura stated, closing her cell phone and smiling sweetly at Syaoran, who looked like he would throw up at any moment. His heart was throbbing as he allowed Sakura into his room.
'What am I going to do?! She's going to find out about . . . that, and she's going to hate me forever. I'm going to lose her again, and it's all my fault!' Syaoran's mind raced. His amber eyes shifted from one object in the room to another, trying to gain some sort of inspiration-driven excuse.
"I'm sorry you had a rough day, Syaoran." Sakura whispered into Syaoran's ear. Dragged from his frantic thoughts, Syaoran looked down at Sakura as she cocked her head to the side and smiled sympathetically.
"It's ok. I'm ok. Don't worry about it." Syaoran stammered, still trying to make up an excuse of some sort to get Sakura out of his room. Sakura wandered to the french windows and sighed, enjoying the view.
"You know, I'm really tired, Sakura. I was planning on going to bed soon. I'm sorry." Syaoran finally spat, elated he had come up with something at last. Although he was beating himself up for actually wanting to kick Sakura out of his room in the first place, he had to get her out before she figured him out.
"Okay, Syaoran. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow." Sakura replied. She started walking when her foot hit something. The object went sailing under Syaoran's bed, landing in front of his feet. Syaoran nearly gagged in horror as his knife lay at his feet, his own dried blood still sticking to it. Sakura walked around the bed before Syaoran could manage to cover the weapon, and her look of disappointment was all he needed.
"Syaoran . . . you didn't." Sakura whispered. Syaoran nodded, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his slashed arms. Sakura gasped; it was the worst she had ever seen.
"Let me explain-" Syaoran started. Sakura cut him off as she ran past him, out of his room. Syaoran tried to follow, but Sakura had already run out of the house into the night. Finding himself defeated for the last time that night, Syaoran collapsed on the floor outside his room and started to let the tears roll. There was nothing left, everything was gone.
Syaoran didn't attend school the next day. He lied to his mother, telling her he was feeling ill. Yelan didn't argue, in fact she felt sorry for being so coarse with her son the night before. She left the house to her son while she went to the airport to pick Syaoran's cousin Meilin up from Hong Kong.
Bitterly depressed, Syaoran stayed in bed. His messy brown hair was even messier from a sleepless night. Syaoran's handsome amber eyes were clouded with grief over the images of Sakura's upset face. He rolled over to his side, trying to erase the thoughts from his tortured mind.
'Why did I have to do it again? I was doing so well without it . . . I had Sakura, I was gaining strength. And now it's all gone.' Syaoran thought resentfully. He kicked off the covers and walked into the bathroom, getting into the shower to clear his mind.
Water, no matter the degree of temperature, can calm and soothe even the most sorrowful soul. Syaoran turned the water up to its hottest and stood under the shower head, letting the spray of heat pelt his worn body. Steam rose from the shower, lifting with it Syaoran's depression. For a moment the world cleared, and Syaoran knew what was going on. He could get Sakura back if he got help himself.
The decision hit him like a ton of bricks. Get help himself? He couldn't do it all this time, but when it came to losing Sakura, Syaoran was prepared to do anything to prevent that from happening. He got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Before he could slip into some clothes, the phone in his room rang.
"Hello?" Syaoran said into the receiver. The voice on the other end made his heart stop completely.
"Syaoran, I need to talk to you."
"What's wrong?" Syaoran asked, knowing perfectly well what was wrong. He heard a sigh on the other line, followed by a short silence.
"Sakura, let me in. I want to talk to you." Syaoran stated, drawing the towel around him tighter as he sat down on the bed.
"Why should I let you in when you never let me?" Sakura asked, her voice starting to quaver slightly. Syaoran cringed; that statement alone stung like a thousand cuts.
"I don't know. Please, don't do this." Syaoran replied, his voice becoming quiet as he prayed for a miracle to come and make things better.
"I cant. I won't. I can't believe you did something like that last night!" Sakura suddenly cried. He could hear her trying to keep herself calm, and his heart felt like a hurricane was tearing through, ripping it to shreds.
"Like what? Did I finally do something drastic enough to make you realize that our friendship didn't get like this overnight? This is months and months of pent up frustration for me." Syaoran spouted. The emotions were coming to the surface, after a year of waiting. He was about to explode.
"I don't know a lot of it . . . and I don't know if I need to . . . but you and I can't expect things to be the same as they were anymore. Not after all this. I love you, Syaoran, but if we're going to be together, you have to stop doing this to yourself."Sakura answered. He could hear the sincerity in her voice, the desperate want for him to stop being what he had turned out to be.
"You don't understand." Syaoran muttered. He ran a hand through his wet hair in frustration. He had to tell her, but how could he make her understand?
"You're right, I don't . . . but I'm trying to, can't you see that?" Sakura asked, allowing the tears to start forming. Syaoran could hear her holding back her sobs.
"I've been to Hell and back in the past year, and you have no idea!" Syaoran yelled into the phone. He shuddered at his tone; he was so angry and frustrated, but the release of his emotions was too much. He couldn't stop.
"I'm sorry." Sakura muttered into the phone. Syaoran's amber eyes glowed with a new energy he couldn't get a grip on.
"You just can't toss around apologies and think it's going to make up for all the pain I've been going through. You don't know what has been going through my head." Syaoran bit back. Silence filled the line for a moment, followed by a haggard breath.
"No, I don't." Sakura answered, her voice quiet like a mouse.
"I just can't do this anymore." Syaoran sighed. He leaned against the headboard of his bed, his amber eyes deeply focused on his thoughts as they came crashing back.
"Do what?" Sakura asked, her tone becoming a bit more concerned. Syaoran laughed slightly and shook his head.
"I can't sit here and be all happy when on the inside I am just filled to the brim with animosity and anger. And sadness. And jealousy. I can't do it anymore." Syaoran finally admitted, feeling a rush throughout his body.
"I know that . . . that's why I'm trying to fix this . . ." Sakura murmured. Syaoran could hear her breathing, her slow rhythmic breaths cutting into the silence like a knife. Ha, a knife.
"You can't fix everything." Syaoran said simply. His mind was reeling with weightlessness; for the first time in a year he was feeling again. It was wonderful.
"Is this what you WANT things to be like . . . forever bitter?" Sakura asked, her tears falling like rain. Syaoran could hear her sniffle on the other end, and he sighed. The release felt good, but the pain was still there, settled deep in his heart.
"I just can't do it. I can't live up to what my mother wants me to be, I can't be good enough for you. I can't." Syaoran whispered. His gaze started moving, taking in the sights in his room. A glimmer of steel caught his eye, and Syaoran's mind started to dizzy with euphoria. That was it, his ticket to happiness.
"Syaoran . . . are you there?" Sakura asked into the phone. Syaoran snapped out of his trance and sighed heavily.
"I've been treading water this whole time, and now I'm tired. I'm ready now." Syaoran said slowly, listening to Sakura as she gasped slightly.
"Okay, my turn then. Don't move, I'm coming over." Sakura cried, hanging up the phone. Syaoran listened to the dial tone on the other end for a moment, then hung up the phone. He changed into a pair of jeans and sat back down on the bed, the knife in his hand.
'There's just too much.' Syaoran thought as he lowered the knife to his skin once again.
Sakura rushed up to Syaoran's room, pushing past Wei as he looked on curiously. She pounded on the door, but there was no response. Sakura turned the knob and burst into the room, falling to her knees at the sight before her.
*And . . . . CLIFFIE! Sorry ya'll but you're going to have to review for me to get another chapter. Thanks!*