A/N: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm soooo sorry I didn't review earlier!!! I know you don't want to hear my pathetic excuses, but I had exams and a TON of stuff over my head for the past month. I feel like a pooey writer, I'm sorry. But I PROMISE you that I will finish this, PROMISE. Even if I have to burn myself with and iron, I'll do it. And just for you guys.
Chapter 9: Things Aren't Always What They Seem
That annoying, pitiful, ugly - well not so ugly - liar! Hermione thought to herself, in bed that night. How dare he make up a lie about Josh like that? He'd never do something like that, she was sure of it. She turned and stared out the window at the full moon which was casting a blueish glow across the girl's dormitory. She watched as the clouds moved and the stars twinkled, thinking that life was very much like weather. You could never predict what was coming next; sometimes it was a gorgeous day and others were dark and gloomy. And sometimes, if you were lucky enough, you'd find shelter from the pouring rain. Right now her life was like rain clouds, it was dark and grey, but she couldn't yet figure out whether it was going to rain.
She pulled her blankets up to her chin and stared at the roof. The room was silent - until she heard the creaking of a door and muffled whispers. She strained her ears to listen, but she only could catch parts of conversation.
"I know-"
"-just remember what I said-"
"-don't worry. He's so-"
Hermione strained her eyes to see Lavender and Parvati changing out of their uniforms and into their pajamas, whispering almost inaudibly. But they stopped abruptly when they saw Hermion watching them.
"Uh - Hermione! We didn't expect you up so late!" Parvati said, looking surprised to see Hermione awake at midnight. True, it wasn't like Hermione, she just couldn't fall asleep, not with these thoughts of Ron and Josh running through her head.
"Same to you," Hermione replied, shocked at how icy her tone sounded. "What were you doing up so late?"
"We - we were . . . Studying!" Parvati said quickly, pulling back her sheets. Hermione smirked invisibly.
"Studying what?" Hermione quizzed, glaring at Parvati's back.
"Oh, you know, that test for Charms…"
"But that's not for a week! Besides, you guys don't study, unless there's a cute guy involved, that is," Hermione said thoughtfully. She began to wonder what they were doing, and why they wouldn't tell her. They were her friends, weren't they? "Come on you guys, you can tell me, I'm your friend."
Lavender and Parvati exchanged glances, and then Lavender spoke for the first time that evening.
"We are Hermione. Geez, you're starting to sound like your old self." The words struck Hermione like a bolt. Her old self. Her frizzy hair and large teeth. Her good grades and teacher's pet image. Harry and Ron. She swallowed hard. Her old self wasn't gone, it was just in storage. Why did she need it when she had friends like Parvati and Lavender, not to mention a boyfriend like Josh. Right? Hermione turned over and tried to fall asleep, but ended up listening to the breathing of her roommates for the next few hours.
"Hermione! Hey, how's my girl?" Hermione watched Josh approach her, his dark hair tousled, with his lopsided grin. He swung his arm around her waist and started walking her to her first class. She couldn't help but smile. But she also couldn't hide the feelings of worry that Ron had cast upon her the night before. She bit her nails nervously as Josh paused where they usually stopped to eat breakfast alone.
"Hey, is something bothering you?" Josh asked, his eyes full of concern. But Hermione could almost see behind the concern a presence of something else, something angry, something malicious. She pushed the thought aside.
"No - yes, actually, there is something worrying me." Hermione took a deep breath and paused, taking Josh's hand before beginning. "I was talking to Ron last night and - uh -" Hermione paused, fidgeting with the hem on her skirt. She could feel Josh's eyes focused on her. It was making her nervous. "He said that he caught you in the closet kissing Cho."
"Awww Hermione! You know me! I'd never do something like that, and I'd have to say that if you believe him it'd be like saying that you don't love me. I mean, come on, who do you trust most lately?" Josh answered in an honest manner, looking upset.
"Well, you - but I've known Ron forever and -"
"And what Hermione? Don't be silly! He hasn't been the best guy to you this year, has he? Why worry yourself over him? You've got me, now. There's nothing to worry about." Josh pulled Hermione into a hug and held her tight. She just nodded and let him hug her. But some part of her didn't believe him. Most of her did, but there was just something that was telling her something was wrong.
Hermione felt her head slip slowly off of her palm as she laid dozing in the the library. It was six o'clock in the evening, and she was dead tired. She had prefect duty tonight, which was a shame, because all she really wanted to do was sleep.
Forcing her eyes open, she stared down at the book she was taking notes out of. It'd been a long time since she'd been in the library. It seemed that she had forgotten the smell of the books, the wooden tables. And now, as she sat facing the window, she'd forgotten the view. She watched how the sun was setting - ever so beautifully - over the lake, casting colors across the glassy surface. Why had she stopped coming here anyway? She wondered to herself as she gazed out of the window. Oh yeah, because Parvati and Lavender don't like libraries.
But the truth for Hermione was, that she really enjoyed it here. It was quiet and peaceful, you had no fear of being bombarded with noise or people of lower intellect. She loved being surrounded by information. She remembered how she loved looking at a book, just thinking of how much information it held, ready to share with her. Books really are your best friends, Hermione thought, as she sat admiring the library for the first time since the end of fifth year. They share all their secrets with you, and you never have to worry about them getting mad or ignoring you.
She wasn't even sure what triggered the thought. She had awesome friends, Parvati and Lavender were the most popular girls in her year, and Josh was the best looking boy. They were really nice people, they gave her tons of advice, she learned how to do things she never would have dared before, like skipping class. It was new and exciting and -
It doesn't really feel like you, does it? The voice in Hermione's head asked her. No matter how many times she got the rush of adrenaline of not being so perfect, there was always that guilt lying underneath. Every time she saw the look on Professor McGonagall's face she wanted to explain to her, right there on the spot. To have her comfort her, like maybe she'd understand. But Hermione didn't even understand.
Hermione looked down at her prefect's badge. It shone with the one bold word, "Prefect." She remembered how she'd been, and what she'd done to receive this badge. She knew very well if she'd behaved like she had been lately that it wouldn't have been appointed to her. She'd done all her work, and treated her teachers with respect. She stood by those who were important, and used her creativity and resourcefulness for more than putting on her lip gloss and thinking of new hairstyles. Hermione suddenly felt at a loss.
"Hermione!" A surprised voice sounded behind her, causing her to jump from her thoughts back to reality. She turned around to see Parvati and Josh standing behind her. "Didn't expect to see you here!"
"Um… why?" Hermione asked. But it was obvious why. She never came here anymore.
"Because - Hermione, I thought we got you out of this library stuff," Parvati said crossing her arms. Hermione felt a surge of anger. It was like they were training her, training her to be another of their followers. Hermione swallowed her anger and smiled sweetly.
"Oh you did," Hermione replied. She'd decided to humor her. "But I was just catching up of some reading. I've got to keep my grades up you know. I think I should be asking you why you're here, you don't care about books."
Parvati blushed then said, "You can't get through school by never finding other resources of information." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and placed her hands on her hips.
"Oh and Josh, honey," Hermione said, standing up and taking him in her arms. "What were you doing here?"
"Looking for you actually," Josh replied truthfully. "I wanted to tell you I'm going to be a bit late for our rounds this evening, I have a load of homework larger than the Eiffel Tower."
"Oh that's okay. So what time do you want to meet?" Hermione asked, staring deeply into his eyes. He really was a cutie. Part of her mind was asking her why he'd shown up with Parvati, but most of it was admiring him.
"Is eight-thirty okay? We'll meet in the usual place," Josh said with a wink. Hermione smiled back.
"Alright, well I've really got to go. I left some of my work up in the Common Room so I might as well just finish it there." Hermione pecked Josh on the check and walked swiftly from the room, her bag draped over her shoulder.
At seven-twenty, Hermione finished her essay. She looked over at Lavender who was looking utterly bored on the couch next to her, staring glazedly at Ron and Harry's game of Wizard Chess. She pushed her books into her bag and poked Lavender.
"Guess what?"
"Huh - oh what?"
"I saw Parvati in the library today," Hermione replied. She pulled her book bag over her shoulder.
"Oh really?" Lavender asked, not looking in the slightest surprised.
"Yeah… she said she was studying." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Is there some guy she's going there for or something?"
"No… not that she's mentioned to me," Lavender said, fingering the locket on her necklace.
"Oh, well, I was just a little curious. I better be going, you know Prefect's duty and all." Hermione smiled and headed up to the dormitory to drop off her books. She then headed out into the halls to start her rounds. It was going to be a boring hour before Josh arrived, she could tell.
The halls were unusually empty, so she couldn't even keep herself preoccupied with getting people in trouble. Not that she liked doing it, it was just that when she wasn't it seemed pointless to be wandering around. Besides, she was a little afraid of Hogwarts, especially when she had to walk alone at night. She'd never told Harry or Ron this, but she'd really enjoyed patrolling last year, when her and Ron could spend hours talking together about everything. It was really too bad that they didn't have the same nights this year.
Not that they'd be speaking. With the way Ron had been treating her, and especially with that lie he'd said about Josh cheating on her. She didn't know exactly what was up with him lately. He was being very argumentive, even more so than he usually was. But she did miss him, there was no doubt about that. She had classes with Harry and they still talked in Potions, but that was about it. She wondered if Harry was worried about her as well. Maybe Harry had the same feelings as Ron, but was afraid to say anything?
She really didn't understand why Ron had been this way anyway. She'd tried to make him like her, she'd done all that she could. But why wasn't it working? She was spontaneous, her hair was no longer a thorn bush and she didn't drag herself to the floor carrying books. But the underlying question here was, not from Ron or Harry, but from herself; was she being who she really was?
Hermione found herself wandering the halls with no specific direction, no pattern, and no destination. If there were people around, she didn't notice. It was the first time in a long time that Hermione Granger had become completely lost in her thoughts. Besides, she hadn't really had any time for herself, save the few minutes she'd had in the library this afternoon.
She found herself wandering the library. She just looked over the books, studying their colors, shapes, sizes. She looked at the titles, the authors, the publication date. Everything that would lead you to ultimate success laid here, in the many old bookcases in Hogwarts' library. Her fingers grazed the polished surface of the tables, admiring how smooth and perfect they were, even after so many years of use.
Finally, she found herself in the restricted section. She didn't really know why. You couldn't get in here without a note, so it couldn't be expected that people would be getting into mischief here. Maybe she was there for the memories. She moved into the section where they'd found the Polyjuice Potion. Hermione smiled to herself, remembering he month it took to brew it, and how she'd really felt important in someone's life for one of the first times in hers.
Hermione suddenly heard a low moan coming from behind the bookcase. Cautiously she pulled out her wand, moving with her back against the shelf, not wanting to be seen or heard by whatever laid there. Besides, with all of the stuff with Voldemort going on, especially after the year before, there was no such thing as too much caution.
She turned to see a dark corner, and muttered "Lumos" under her breath. The wand lit up, and in a split of a second she saw two figures. One was Parvati, and the other was Josh. In the moment before they'd realized her presence, she was on top of him, and he was kissing her like he'd never kissed Hermione. She felt a large lump in her throat and tried to swallow it.
"PARVATI!" Hermione exclaimed in a high pitch, staring wide-eyed at the figures below her. She felt a surge of anger, and then one of sadness. Her eyes burned fiercely. "How - how could you!! And you," she said, turning to Josh, "how could you?"
"I - um - Hermione - I -" Josh stuttered, pulling himself out from under Parvati and wiping the lip gloss from his mouth. He turned slightly pink as he noticed the buttons on his shirt had been pulled apart, and his sweater and tie laid in a heap next to him.
"Look Hermione," Parvati said in a haughty tone. "I did like you, I really did. I thought you'd be the magical three in our group, but you were too afraid to do anything! I thought you'd just try to move away from us, but you didn't, so I had to do something! You were nothing like the girl I thought you'd be, besides, after you told me that Harry wasn't interested," Parvati turned and played with the collar of Josh's shirt, causing him to swallow hard. "I moved on to something more exciting, more daring than anything I've done before. And I loved it."
"But you were my friend!" Hermione cried, the tears streaming down her face. She'd thought that they liked her, that she was one of them! All the things they'd taught her, and they had even shown her Josh!
Parvati smiled sweetly, "All is fair in love and war. Besides, you'd think a smart girl like you could've snagged someone with more loyalty."
"So you did this to get rid of me?" Hermione sobbed. She pointed her wand at Parvati, not sure whether she wanted to curse her or frighten her. She turned to Josh. "And you, you two-timing liar! You'll pay for this! I should've known you guys were nothing but creeps! Especially you, Parvati. You and Lavender, all you worry about is boys and clothes! I'd like to see you get somewhere in life, get a job and make money. I bet you'll have to house with Professor Trelawney after Hogwarts cause you're not smart enough to get a real job! I can't believe I was friends with you low-lifes! I've got better things to do with my time, like get people like you in trouble! You'd better watch your back Parvati, you know what I can do to you!" Hermione wasn't sure why she was threatening her. She didn't intend to hurt her. She was just afraid of what Parvati would do. What she would say about her after this. She turned on her heel with the most dignity that she could muster and stormed out of the library. But once she was in the halls alone, she cried. She sobbed, and she ran. She didn't know where she was going. She just had to get out of here! She needed someone who could hold her and comfort her, someone who would listen, who would understand.
Before Hermione knew what happened, she found herself in the arms of a boy. A certain red-headed sixteen-year-old, who appeared more surprised than anything at her sudden grip around his neck. The red-headed boy who stood patting her back awkwardly as she cried endlessly into his, soft, warm, shoulder. She'd run to Ron.
"There there," He said awkwardly, pulling her down onto the couch next to him. "What's happened? Don't you have prefect's duties now?"
Hermione just nodded, and continued to be latched to Ron's neck.
"Hey, Harry," she heard Ron say, "can you go and patrol for Hermione? If anyone asks, tell them that she's suffered a bit of a trauma and can't patrol tonight."
"Yeah, okay."
Hermione heard the portrait swing open and shut and Harry's footsteps fade away into the school. Ron held her quietly for a moment, rocking her back and forth before pulling away and grasping her so he could look at her face. She didn't want to pull away from his warmth. He felt so safe, so secure.
"Hermione, what happened?" She looked up at him and fell into another fit of ceaseless sobs.
"I was - Parvati - and he - oh Ron, I'm so sorry!" Hermione collapsed back into his shoulder.
"It's okay, it's okay," He whispered into her hair. "Don't worry, I'm here for you."
Hermione sat curled next to Ron for a long time, not saying anything. She just liked the feeling of having him there for her. A feeling she hadn't had for a long time. A feeling she'd missed. After a while she spoke.
"Ron, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me, I just wanted to be something, and that something was being what I wasn't and I don't understand why I did all this and I wish I hadn't and - oh Ron! Please don't ever leave me again! Let's never fight!" All of Hermione's feelings spilled out in a long confused sentence.
"Okay Hermione, let's promise each other one thing," Ron began, looking Hermione straight in the eyes. "We'll never lie or part ever again!"
"I promise Ron! I can't believe I lived without you!"
And for the rest of the evening, Hermione sat cradled in Ron's arms, until only the coals glowed in the fire. Everything seemed whole.
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A/N: Dum dum dum!! Lol. I'm really glad that what happened in this chapter finally did. It just seemed to take forever! But don't go away just yet, this is not quite the end. Although the end is near, I'm foreseeing it with the next chapter. *Wipes a tear away* Anyway, I'm sad that I'll have to leave you guys, so just leave me a review and I'll make sure to honor you loyal reviewers at the end of the next chapter. I'm sorry this took so long, I really didn't want it to. But, here it is, and as poorly written as it may be, it's finally here. I hope you enjoyed it, and until next time, au revoir!
Love you always,
mycatjake J