Endgame
Author: Isilaráto
Disclaimer: 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Sailor Moon' are property of their respective owners. I make no claim of ownership. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: When two people love, they risk their hearts for one another. When the daughter of Elrond and her father's seneschal love, the risks are all the greater…
Status: Complete
Part: 1/1
Prequel: 'Where My Heart Sings,' 'Holiday'
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It is strange, how rapidly events can move to change the world. When you believe yourself to be perfectly grounded and safe, suddenly you find yourself adrift and uncertain.
Glorfindel has been pursuing me for over twelve years now, ever since the night of Imladris's first Christmas festivity. What I had thought merely to be a case of temporary madness brought on by wine and the atmosphere of the Hall of Fire was actually a prelude to other, similar, moments.
He treated it as a game, at first, making light of his seduction skills. I followed his example, for lack of knowing naught else to do. What he was doing did not frighten me nor did it serve to make me feel uncomfortable. I did my best to ignore the feelings he was igniting in my body, nay, my *soul.* The part of me I thought had died with my Endymion.
This was the state of things for some time. Until it ceased to be a game to either of us. On this very day.
The chain of events began in an all too familiar way. I was in the gardens, gathering several herbs for the healing rooms, when he happened by me. I hailed him absently, my mind on the work before me, but I did not mind so much when he stopped to sit next to me, watching me work. He spoke of the ordinary goings-on of Imladris, Estel's growing skill with the blade, the conflicts between various Elves that he often had to mediate between, and so on. I listened with one ear, my eyes still on the herbs that I was working with, and thus I did not notice Glorfindel slowly moving closer to me until he had sidled up to sit on the grass on my immediate right.
When I noticed him, I turned to gaze at him, raising a questioning eyebrow. When he merely smiled guilelessly, I shrugged. 'Twas the first mistake I made, ignoring what my own instincts were telling me.
I continued my work and didn't even bat an eye when I saw, out of the corner of my vision, Glorfindel begin to finger the end of one of the ribbons of my dress. I sent him a withering look, informing him vocally I would not be pleased if he damaged a dress sent to me from Lothlórien as a gift from my sister and grandmother.
Glorfindel stopped amusing himself with the ribbon and just sat kneeling next to me. But even as I began to gather up the herbs and put them in the basket I had brought out with me, I felt Glorfindel's piercing gaze on me.
I fought to keep myself from meeting his eyes, to be sure. I had learned through experience that to look at him meant I would quickly begin to lose control of myself and the situation. I soon began to all but throw the herbs into the basket with no regard for neatness. As much as I'd come to enjoy our little game, this was not the time. I had many duties to attend to around Imladris, not to mention Estel would soon be in the library for his lessons.
Just as I was about to push myself to my feet, Glorfindel grabbed my hand, effectively stilling my erratic and half-panicked movements. I didn't try and free my hand, but I still did not look at him either. Instincts are hard to break.
"Elissien," he said. "Look at me."
Obligingly, my blue eyes darted towards him, but I still did not look at him directly in his eye. I heard him sigh, and then I felt his fingers brush my jaw and cheek. He gripped my chin gently, compelling me to turn to face him fully. When our gazes locked, I nearly flinched.
Many times in the past, I'd marveled at the remarkable resemblance of Glorfindel's eyes to my husband's own blue orbs. But at that moment, I could have sworn I was staring at Endymion. I could almost see the garden of Imladris fade into the transparent structures of Crystal Tokyo.
Still, that lasted but a moment, when Glorfindel spoke. His voice was smooth, running through me in a way that was different, but no less significant, than the emotions Endymion's voice caused. Glorfindel was similar to him, but still an entity unto himself.
"What are we doing," he murmured absently, his fingers now stroking my face.
I fought down a shiver of… something that ran through my body. My eyes still locked with his, I answered softly, "I know naught of which you speak."
In hindsight, that should have been the moment I pulled away from his grasp. But hindsight is rarely a true help in matters such as these. I stayed where I was, allowing his fingers to brush over my skin, awakening my nerves to feelings they had not felt in what seemed like an Age. I could not pull my eyes away from those two cerulean pools that seemed to gaze upon my very soul.
"This," Glorfindel attempted to clarify, waving his free hand vaguely before it joined its mate in the exploration of my features. Even in this change, I felt no compulsion to stop him. "This game we have been playing for the past twelve years. Why have we been doing so?"
I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat, and hoping my voice would not sound too terribly strained, I said to him, "Do you not know? You are the one who began it and pursued it over these years. I have not my grandmother's gift for reading the hearts of others. I cannot know what goes through your mind."
A small smirk twitched at his lips and I clamped down the urge to chase it away with my own mouth. "You have allowed the game to come this far, my Nimithil. If you truly had not wished it to come to this, putting a stop to it was something you would have done long ago."
His hands had been wandering during our strange conversing. Traveling from my face, one had lost itself in my hair, which I had left unbound earlier that morning. The other had brushed its thumb over my cheek before moving down to my shoulder and then my arm, creating a feeling of fire that followed in its path.
"*Your* Nimithil," I whispered hoarsely, still managing to arch an eyebrow. None had ever dared to call me that, not even Ada. Nimithil was my title, given to me at my birth for the large Hunter's Moon that heralded my arrival. Point in fact; it also foretold my own fate. Rarely did anyone even mention it.
And yet here was a man who was, for all intents and purposes, courting me, claiming me as his own. Even Endymion had known better than to attempt to make me into a possession to be obtained in a contest or some other foolishness.
All the same, however, I felt no anger. Instead, my eyes finally drifted down to his hand. It had ended its torturous journey at my own hand, manipulating it until our hands were entwined together. There was something in that one gesture, some implication that resonated deep within my heart. A surge of emotions took hold of me and for the first time since Endymion had fallen in my defense all those years ago, I felt complete.
While a cynical voice in my mind, borne of years of disappointments and tragedies, immediately questioned how I could feel like this, it was almost instantly brushed aside as inconsequential. A smile blossomed on my lips and as my eyes returned to his; I idly thought that if this was what would have happened if I'd made more eye-contact with him why had I waited so long?
"Yes," I murmured quietly, "Perhaps I am yours. But if this is so, then you are mine."
Glorfindel might have replied to my statement, had I let him. But I felt there had been enough of speaking. With a light giggle, I let myself fall back onto the grass beneath me, my momentum and our clasped hands pulling him down as well, right on top of me.
Our lips met in fevered haste, as if we had both been starved for an indefinite period of time. While our two hands remained tangled together, our free hands ran through one another's hair, caressing each other's faces. Soon, however, my free arm went around his back, attempting to pull him closer to me however I could.
Ai, I wonder if this is what it felt like to have the power of Mars flow through one's veins, for I felt as if I had been set ablaze in a holy fire. Our tongues touched and circled together in a dance as old as Eru himself and we clung to one another as if we had been set out in a turbulent sea with only each other to keep ourselves alive. I was torn between retreating from the feelings that churned inside of me or demanding more.
The choice was taken from me, however, when I faintly heard the sound of familiar voice calling for me.
"Nana? Are you out here? Nana!"
Glorfindel and I must have had the same thought, for we broke apart at the exact same moment. Almost instantly, my body cried out at the loss of his delicious weight atop me, but I stoutly ignored it as I avoided his gaze, quickly grabbing my herbs. Without a glance at him, I struggled to my feet and hurried away, following the voice of my son.
I found him rather quickly. The gardens were not so large that one could go for a length of time and not find the object of their search and I had no desire to explain to my own child why I was lying on the ground in Glorfindel's embrace.
Plastering a pleasant expression onto my face, I said with forced cheerfulness, "Yes, Estel? What is it?"
My son broke into a smile and he hurried toward me. He opened his mouth, obviously ready to speak his news, when he stopped and took in my appearance. My feigned ease had not fooled him.
"Nana, why is your dress covered with grass stains? And your face is as red as the tomatoes you force me to eat. Is something wrong," he fairly demanded, his beautiful eyes narrowed suspiciously. Internally, I shook my head. Ever since he had begun to train with a sword, he had appointed himself my protector, ready to fight everything from dragons and Dark Lords to the pesky oddities that plagued my steps as I aided in the administration of Imladris. It was sweet, but with his protectiveness came his keen observation skills being focused on me.
Scrambling for an excuse, I said as strongly as I was able, "Oh, I was just lying on the grass, enjoying the day. I'm rather afraid I dosed off for a brief time with nothing to shield my face from the sunlight. It is only temporary. It will fade," I assured him. "Now, what has sent you in search of me?"
Estel stared at me, processing my words, and then he straightened. "Ada sent me to find you," he informed me. "He says that several letters have arrived from Lothlórien, many of them for you. He also told me to tell you that he has received word from several of the Rangers-" here his expression grew with excitement- "Your brothers and mine are coming from their errand that took them to the Grey Havens! They should be here within the next day or so!"
I smiled indulgently as Estel took my hand and began to gently tug my arm, urging me to come with him. As he began to chatter on all he wanted to show Elladan and Elrohir that he had learned since their last visit to Imladris, I sought to bring my still rumbling emotions under control. If Estel had noticed my earlier unease in the space of moments, then Ada would undoubtedly notice before I was even granted entrance to his study.
Later, after I had escaped the inscrutable gaze of Ada with my letters in hand and Estel had been sent to the library with stern instructions to work on his mathematics, I retreated to my chambers, intent on reading what Grandmother, Grandfather, and Arwen had to tell me of Lothlórien.
I must say, I oft looked forward to reading Grandfather's letters. When I saw him after my return to Middle-earth, I found my childhood fears had little basis, for in the case of his family, he was as gentle as the evening breeze sweeping through my hair. In many ways, I think it was the blood I inherited from him that rang true in my veins. Many say I inherited my appearance from my Vanyar ancestress, Indis, the second wife of Finwë, but my personality came from Celeborn, kinsman of Thingol of Doriath, he who was the King of the Sindar Elves. It was his blood that caused me to have little interest in the Sea or jewelry, quite in contrast of the Noldor, who placed high importance on what lay beyond the Sea and on the jewels they crafted so eagerly.
So, when I found myself to have a letter from Grandfather, I was eager to read it. Setting the other two letters, one from my grandmother and one from my sister, aside, I opened the third.
And yet, when I held the parchment in my hand, my treacherous mind would not cooperate with my desire. Instead, my thoughts insisted on drifting back to what had occurred earlier in the day in the gardens. I could feel myself heating up once more, and not just in my face.
For goodness sake, I attempted to chastise myself. What is this acting like a fluttery, flighty school girl?! One kiss does not a proposal make! I was married for over a thousand years! I have known the pleasures of the flesh, and yet with one kiss and a small tumble in the grass, I am reduced to behaving like an innocent maid who knows nothing of the world! What is wrong with me?!
Sighing with both weariness and frustration, I chose not to attend supper in the dining room that night. Taking my meal in my room, I was able to avoid Glorfindel until I was in control of my rampant emotions. I wasn't about to face him-or anyone else-otherwise.
After I finished the food I had been brought, I placed the try by the door and seated myself behind my desk. I had yet to read the letters from Lothlórien and despite the many distractions I faced in the solace of my mind, I longed to see the familiar scripts of my kin.
Taking up the parchment that contained Grandfather's letter, I set it before me.
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To Elissien Nimithil, daughter of Elrond, Lady of Imladris, beloved grandchild, greetings.
Granddaughter, I write this with a sure hand, but an uneasy mind. Though for the past two years the Necromancer of Dol Guldur has been absent from his lair (I will not state his name, aloud or even on parchment), the shadows in the world continue to grow.
Orcs, Elissien, continue to prowl the borders of Lothlórien. The Marchwarden and the guards keep them from entering too far into the forest, but this in itself is disturbing. But a few hundred years before, they would not have come within a league of the Golden Wood for fear of the power of this place. They grow bolder with each passing year.
Rare is it to be known of Elves traveling to the South, into the kingdoms of Men, but the Istari still send news of what occurs there. Mordor and Gondor continue to battle one another ceaselessly, according to Mithrandir. I fear, at times, that the war will never end until all the world is covered in darkness.
Enough of my fears, however. Know, dear child, that you are sorely missed here in the Golden Wood. Your grandmother, I am certain, dearly misses your company, as does your sister. When time permits, please, come to us.
Farewell from Celeborn, Lord of Lothlórien, Grandfather
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I looked up, gazing at the lengthening shadows. Long had I attempted to pay no heed to the growing darkness in Middle-earth, in the vain hope of believing I had found a place of peace. Ada was right. The only place such as that would be Valinor itself.
Grandfather had never treated me as a child. He spoke of his fears and worries to me in this letter, showing his confidence in me as an adult. For that alone, I loved him wholeheartedly. I despised being treated as an ignorant child, incapable of understanding the world around me.
I would have to write to him of my growing fears as well. The Dúnedain often brought news to Imladris, when they came to see to look in on their future Chieftain. They spoke of the dangers on the roads that grew as each year passed. And while that was nothing new to me, I was still filled with anxiety. In but another decade, my Estel would be of age. Then, as promised, he would go with the Dúnedain to learn their craft, just as his forefathers did before him.
Biting my lip in an attempt to drive the fear from me, I took up Arwen's letter. As I hoped, her letter eased my fears. Her lighthearted words eased my soul as she spoke of her time amongst our mother's kindred. She delighted in the stories I had told her of my sweet Estel, biding that I congratulate him for her on his growing skills.
With a content smile on my face, I at last picked up the letter my mother's mother had written to me.
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To Elissien Nimithil of Imladris, I greet thee.
Your grandfather has undoubtedly written to you, grandchild, of his growing fears of the darkness that slowly climbs over the land. And rightly he should feel wary. But this is not what I wish to speak of to you.
Hope, for now, remains strong in those who stand against Sauron, daughter of my daughter. Though their numbers are small, the Dúnedain continue to guard the remains of the North-kingdom, waiting for the King to retake the throne of Arnor. Gondor continues to hold the forces of Mordor at bay, for now, and Rohan, ever watchful, continues to guard their flanks.
The pieces are being moved across the board, Elissien, but there are other pieces, not just the armies and weapons, that few would take notice or account of. And it is often these pieces that will tip the balance of power, for good or for ill.
I say this to you now because of the doubts and fears that most certainly plague you at this time. Estel's fate, his eventual departure from Imladris and the safety in which you keep him, as well as other things. But I tell you now, granddaughter, do not fear to take a chance upon these other pieces. Though they are unlooked for by you or by your opponent, they are there, waiting for their purpose to be revealed.
Take a risk, Elissien. If it succeeds, which I believe it will, then the rewards will be unimaginable. And you will gain a peace and contentedness you have been lacking for so long.
Trust these words. A very wise and knowing Maia spoke them to me long ago. I followed them and in so doing I have gained more than I have ever lost.
Trust in this risk, and in your opponent. He will not betray you.
Galadriel, Lady of Lothlórien, now closes this letter.
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My hands were trembling violently as I dropped the parchment onto my desk as if it had burned my hand.
I stared at the letter in shock. My mind swiveled in different directions, demanding first what Grandmother was talking about, then asking how she had known, and what business was it of hers? I closed my eyes against the onslaught.
Long has it been since anyone has called me a fool. The Valar must know that the Senshi thought me a fool in our early days together and had no restraints in telling me so. Perhaps even Endymion thought so at times. But after a time, they ceased to do so, knowing I would follow the course I chose no matter what they had to say in the matter.
But now, I felt like that young girl again, so unsure of everything around her, and yet strangely determined to follow a chosen route.
Did I love him? Did I love Glorfindel as I loved Endymion? That I desired his touch upon me had been established. With Endymion there were the great desires of the flesh, but also I was content to merely sit in his arms in peace and contemplate our surroundings.
But with Glorfindel, it was different. Or it seemed so, in any case. For so long we had played this little game, neither of us had ever attempted to sit in a comfortable silence. Too eager to play were we and we both failed to remember there is more to life than games.
Should I attempt to rectify this oversight, I thought. Should I attempt to discover if I was able to love another as I loved Endymion? No desire did I have to spend my long years ahead of me alone.
And yet I was afraid. I feared of hurting Endymion. Dead he was, but I knew he watched me. There were times I felt his presence nearby, a great sense of comfort to me. Thus I found myself at a fork in my path.
If I took the first path, the one I thought to be clearer, my memory of Endymion would have no rival and I would have remained devoted to a ghost, an echo of what was, for the rest of my days unto the ending of the world. But it was safe.
The other path, though, I saw to be more twisted than the first, its destination far from certain. Still, the rewards of this path are great, if all is to be well. Peace and love could very well await me on this path.
A risk this is, as Grandmother stated. O wise Lady of the Golden Wood! Would that you were here to guide me further! But your part in this competition has been played. Now it is for me to finish. But perchance it shan't be finished alone…
When the knock upon my door came, I jumped in shock, so deep my thoughts had been. Almost grateful for the interruption, I rose to answer the person waiting on the other side. I glanced at my surroundings to ensure I had everything on the tray I had left near the door, as I believed it was a servant come to return it to the kitchens.
I opened the door, words of thanks upon my lips. And immediately, they died. A servant did not stand before me, as I had expected. Instead, the one I had sought to avoid this evening was who I beheld before me.
Glorfindel's blue eyes held none of the gentle teasing that usually resided there. Instead they were dark in their somber appearance and seriousness. I froze like a frightened lamb under that gaze. It was different from what I had always seen from him, though I found it no less pleasing.
"May I have your leave to enter, Lady Elissien," he spoke formally. His words were reserved and smooth, but I could still hear their desperateness in them. It was something I found I could not refuse.
Opening the door wider, I silently bid him enter. As he swept past me, I noticed a piece of parchment being held tightly in his hand. I leaned against the now-shut door, eyeing him warily as he began to pace in front of me.
"I received an interesting note from Lothlórien," he informed me. "It appears the Lady had words for me. She also told me she had sent word to you as well."
I raised an eyebrow in surprise, my eyes once again falling on the parchment. Without having to be asked, Glorfindel immediately held it out to me. Taking it, I at once recognized the familiar writing style of my grandmother.
I did not bother to read it, already having some idea of the contents. Instead, my blue gaze traveled up to meet Glorfindel's. "And what wisdom," I asked softly, "Does the Lady of Light give to you?"
His eyes roved over my form and I did my best not to react. Soon enough, our eyes met again. Slowly, he spoke. "She bade me to be patient and gentle, since the one I desire, for all her good cheer and spirit, can be quite withdrawn due to the many losses she has suffered, no matter that she has made peace with them. The Lady said it must be her choice if this is to proceed any further. Only she can choose to risk all in this matter."
I stared at him for a moment, and then allowed my eyes to flicker down to the parchment in my hand. Wise was the Lady, to perceive my thoughts so clearly. Interesting. I would one day have to ask her how she had done so.
But now was not the time for such thoughts. I still had to be completely certain…
"What do you say of the Lady's words?"
He blinked, surprise coming across his handsome features. He remained silent, carefully appraising me. But at last, he answered. "I would agree with what the Lady has said to me. She is correct in saying the one I have come to care greatly for has been undergone great sorrows in the past, pains that can only heal under great care and gentleness. I would be the one to help her heal, if it be her will."
This was what I desired to hear. A small smile blossomed onto my lips and I carefully stepped closer to him. Glorfindel did not move, he himself now acting like the spooked animal. Slowly, I came closer until I stood toe-to-toe with him. When he did not back away from me, I drew my arms up to wrap themselves lightly around his broad shoulders. Glorfindel stiffened briefly, but soon returned the embrace, wrapping his own strong arms around my waist, pulling me close to him.
I closed my eyes, allowing his warmth, perhaps even the feelings he bore for me and I bore for him, to envelop my very being. As I clung to him, I suddenly felt, in the back of my mind, the appearance of someone nearby. A familiar presence.
Endymion. The Senshi.
Outwardly, I did not react. I merely waited, allowing them to make their own judgment. After what were either a few brief moments or hours, I do not know which, I felt approval surge through me. I could almost see Endymion smiling and almost hear Mars snort something about me taking long enough, as well as the dreamy sighs of Venus and Jupiter. Mercury must have been blushing, as she always did whenever faced with such a situation. Then their presences faded away, as they often did.
My smile growing larger on my face, I opened my eyes. My head resting securely against Glorfindel's chest, I whispered, "Thank you." And not only was I thanking Endymion and the Senshi.
"For what," I heard Glorfindel ask quietly.
"For so much," I replied, snuggling deeper into his embrace for a moment, then leaning back to stare into his eyes. "For caring. For being willing to put up with me. So much."
His chest rumbled as he laughed. I nearly joined him when I discovered it to be a ticklish sensation. "Then, my dear White Moon," he said to me, "I must thank you as well. For you are willing to endure me also."
Impulsively, I pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him, therefore muffling his laughter. Our lips easily molded themselves to one another, but this kissed did not emphasize the hunger that had plagued us earlier that day. At least, it did not at this time. A rather wicked part of me smiled deviously, but I did not chastise it.
The game had ended, not in a victory or a defeat for one side or the other, but in a mutual triumph shared by both sides. For that alone, I rejoiced.
And when Glorfindel slowly began to back up towards the door of my inner chamber, I did not stop him.
Author: Isilaráto
Disclaimer: 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Sailor Moon' are property of their respective owners. I make no claim of ownership. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: When two people love, they risk their hearts for one another. When the daughter of Elrond and her father's seneschal love, the risks are all the greater…
Status: Complete
Part: 1/1
Prequel: 'Where My Heart Sings,' 'Holiday'
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It is strange, how rapidly events can move to change the world. When you believe yourself to be perfectly grounded and safe, suddenly you find yourself adrift and uncertain.
Glorfindel has been pursuing me for over twelve years now, ever since the night of Imladris's first Christmas festivity. What I had thought merely to be a case of temporary madness brought on by wine and the atmosphere of the Hall of Fire was actually a prelude to other, similar, moments.
He treated it as a game, at first, making light of his seduction skills. I followed his example, for lack of knowing naught else to do. What he was doing did not frighten me nor did it serve to make me feel uncomfortable. I did my best to ignore the feelings he was igniting in my body, nay, my *soul.* The part of me I thought had died with my Endymion.
This was the state of things for some time. Until it ceased to be a game to either of us. On this very day.
The chain of events began in an all too familiar way. I was in the gardens, gathering several herbs for the healing rooms, when he happened by me. I hailed him absently, my mind on the work before me, but I did not mind so much when he stopped to sit next to me, watching me work. He spoke of the ordinary goings-on of Imladris, Estel's growing skill with the blade, the conflicts between various Elves that he often had to mediate between, and so on. I listened with one ear, my eyes still on the herbs that I was working with, and thus I did not notice Glorfindel slowly moving closer to me until he had sidled up to sit on the grass on my immediate right.
When I noticed him, I turned to gaze at him, raising a questioning eyebrow. When he merely smiled guilelessly, I shrugged. 'Twas the first mistake I made, ignoring what my own instincts were telling me.
I continued my work and didn't even bat an eye when I saw, out of the corner of my vision, Glorfindel begin to finger the end of one of the ribbons of my dress. I sent him a withering look, informing him vocally I would not be pleased if he damaged a dress sent to me from Lothlórien as a gift from my sister and grandmother.
Glorfindel stopped amusing himself with the ribbon and just sat kneeling next to me. But even as I began to gather up the herbs and put them in the basket I had brought out with me, I felt Glorfindel's piercing gaze on me.
I fought to keep myself from meeting his eyes, to be sure. I had learned through experience that to look at him meant I would quickly begin to lose control of myself and the situation. I soon began to all but throw the herbs into the basket with no regard for neatness. As much as I'd come to enjoy our little game, this was not the time. I had many duties to attend to around Imladris, not to mention Estel would soon be in the library for his lessons.
Just as I was about to push myself to my feet, Glorfindel grabbed my hand, effectively stilling my erratic and half-panicked movements. I didn't try and free my hand, but I still did not look at him either. Instincts are hard to break.
"Elissien," he said. "Look at me."
Obligingly, my blue eyes darted towards him, but I still did not look at him directly in his eye. I heard him sigh, and then I felt his fingers brush my jaw and cheek. He gripped my chin gently, compelling me to turn to face him fully. When our gazes locked, I nearly flinched.
Many times in the past, I'd marveled at the remarkable resemblance of Glorfindel's eyes to my husband's own blue orbs. But at that moment, I could have sworn I was staring at Endymion. I could almost see the garden of Imladris fade into the transparent structures of Crystal Tokyo.
Still, that lasted but a moment, when Glorfindel spoke. His voice was smooth, running through me in a way that was different, but no less significant, than the emotions Endymion's voice caused. Glorfindel was similar to him, but still an entity unto himself.
"What are we doing," he murmured absently, his fingers now stroking my face.
I fought down a shiver of… something that ran through my body. My eyes still locked with his, I answered softly, "I know naught of which you speak."
In hindsight, that should have been the moment I pulled away from his grasp. But hindsight is rarely a true help in matters such as these. I stayed where I was, allowing his fingers to brush over my skin, awakening my nerves to feelings they had not felt in what seemed like an Age. I could not pull my eyes away from those two cerulean pools that seemed to gaze upon my very soul.
"This," Glorfindel attempted to clarify, waving his free hand vaguely before it joined its mate in the exploration of my features. Even in this change, I felt no compulsion to stop him. "This game we have been playing for the past twelve years. Why have we been doing so?"
I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat, and hoping my voice would not sound too terribly strained, I said to him, "Do you not know? You are the one who began it and pursued it over these years. I have not my grandmother's gift for reading the hearts of others. I cannot know what goes through your mind."
A small smirk twitched at his lips and I clamped down the urge to chase it away with my own mouth. "You have allowed the game to come this far, my Nimithil. If you truly had not wished it to come to this, putting a stop to it was something you would have done long ago."
His hands had been wandering during our strange conversing. Traveling from my face, one had lost itself in my hair, which I had left unbound earlier that morning. The other had brushed its thumb over my cheek before moving down to my shoulder and then my arm, creating a feeling of fire that followed in its path.
"*Your* Nimithil," I whispered hoarsely, still managing to arch an eyebrow. None had ever dared to call me that, not even Ada. Nimithil was my title, given to me at my birth for the large Hunter's Moon that heralded my arrival. Point in fact; it also foretold my own fate. Rarely did anyone even mention it.
And yet here was a man who was, for all intents and purposes, courting me, claiming me as his own. Even Endymion had known better than to attempt to make me into a possession to be obtained in a contest or some other foolishness.
All the same, however, I felt no anger. Instead, my eyes finally drifted down to his hand. It had ended its torturous journey at my own hand, manipulating it until our hands were entwined together. There was something in that one gesture, some implication that resonated deep within my heart. A surge of emotions took hold of me and for the first time since Endymion had fallen in my defense all those years ago, I felt complete.
While a cynical voice in my mind, borne of years of disappointments and tragedies, immediately questioned how I could feel like this, it was almost instantly brushed aside as inconsequential. A smile blossomed on my lips and as my eyes returned to his; I idly thought that if this was what would have happened if I'd made more eye-contact with him why had I waited so long?
"Yes," I murmured quietly, "Perhaps I am yours. But if this is so, then you are mine."
Glorfindel might have replied to my statement, had I let him. But I felt there had been enough of speaking. With a light giggle, I let myself fall back onto the grass beneath me, my momentum and our clasped hands pulling him down as well, right on top of me.
Our lips met in fevered haste, as if we had both been starved for an indefinite period of time. While our two hands remained tangled together, our free hands ran through one another's hair, caressing each other's faces. Soon, however, my free arm went around his back, attempting to pull him closer to me however I could.
Ai, I wonder if this is what it felt like to have the power of Mars flow through one's veins, for I felt as if I had been set ablaze in a holy fire. Our tongues touched and circled together in a dance as old as Eru himself and we clung to one another as if we had been set out in a turbulent sea with only each other to keep ourselves alive. I was torn between retreating from the feelings that churned inside of me or demanding more.
The choice was taken from me, however, when I faintly heard the sound of familiar voice calling for me.
"Nana? Are you out here? Nana!"
Glorfindel and I must have had the same thought, for we broke apart at the exact same moment. Almost instantly, my body cried out at the loss of his delicious weight atop me, but I stoutly ignored it as I avoided his gaze, quickly grabbing my herbs. Without a glance at him, I struggled to my feet and hurried away, following the voice of my son.
I found him rather quickly. The gardens were not so large that one could go for a length of time and not find the object of their search and I had no desire to explain to my own child why I was lying on the ground in Glorfindel's embrace.
Plastering a pleasant expression onto my face, I said with forced cheerfulness, "Yes, Estel? What is it?"
My son broke into a smile and he hurried toward me. He opened his mouth, obviously ready to speak his news, when he stopped and took in my appearance. My feigned ease had not fooled him.
"Nana, why is your dress covered with grass stains? And your face is as red as the tomatoes you force me to eat. Is something wrong," he fairly demanded, his beautiful eyes narrowed suspiciously. Internally, I shook my head. Ever since he had begun to train with a sword, he had appointed himself my protector, ready to fight everything from dragons and Dark Lords to the pesky oddities that plagued my steps as I aided in the administration of Imladris. It was sweet, but with his protectiveness came his keen observation skills being focused on me.
Scrambling for an excuse, I said as strongly as I was able, "Oh, I was just lying on the grass, enjoying the day. I'm rather afraid I dosed off for a brief time with nothing to shield my face from the sunlight. It is only temporary. It will fade," I assured him. "Now, what has sent you in search of me?"
Estel stared at me, processing my words, and then he straightened. "Ada sent me to find you," he informed me. "He says that several letters have arrived from Lothlórien, many of them for you. He also told me to tell you that he has received word from several of the Rangers-" here his expression grew with excitement- "Your brothers and mine are coming from their errand that took them to the Grey Havens! They should be here within the next day or so!"
I smiled indulgently as Estel took my hand and began to gently tug my arm, urging me to come with him. As he began to chatter on all he wanted to show Elladan and Elrohir that he had learned since their last visit to Imladris, I sought to bring my still rumbling emotions under control. If Estel had noticed my earlier unease in the space of moments, then Ada would undoubtedly notice before I was even granted entrance to his study.
Later, after I had escaped the inscrutable gaze of Ada with my letters in hand and Estel had been sent to the library with stern instructions to work on his mathematics, I retreated to my chambers, intent on reading what Grandmother, Grandfather, and Arwen had to tell me of Lothlórien.
I must say, I oft looked forward to reading Grandfather's letters. When I saw him after my return to Middle-earth, I found my childhood fears had little basis, for in the case of his family, he was as gentle as the evening breeze sweeping through my hair. In many ways, I think it was the blood I inherited from him that rang true in my veins. Many say I inherited my appearance from my Vanyar ancestress, Indis, the second wife of Finwë, but my personality came from Celeborn, kinsman of Thingol of Doriath, he who was the King of the Sindar Elves. It was his blood that caused me to have little interest in the Sea or jewelry, quite in contrast of the Noldor, who placed high importance on what lay beyond the Sea and on the jewels they crafted so eagerly.
So, when I found myself to have a letter from Grandfather, I was eager to read it. Setting the other two letters, one from my grandmother and one from my sister, aside, I opened the third.
And yet, when I held the parchment in my hand, my treacherous mind would not cooperate with my desire. Instead, my thoughts insisted on drifting back to what had occurred earlier in the day in the gardens. I could feel myself heating up once more, and not just in my face.
For goodness sake, I attempted to chastise myself. What is this acting like a fluttery, flighty school girl?! One kiss does not a proposal make! I was married for over a thousand years! I have known the pleasures of the flesh, and yet with one kiss and a small tumble in the grass, I am reduced to behaving like an innocent maid who knows nothing of the world! What is wrong with me?!
Sighing with both weariness and frustration, I chose not to attend supper in the dining room that night. Taking my meal in my room, I was able to avoid Glorfindel until I was in control of my rampant emotions. I wasn't about to face him-or anyone else-otherwise.
After I finished the food I had been brought, I placed the try by the door and seated myself behind my desk. I had yet to read the letters from Lothlórien and despite the many distractions I faced in the solace of my mind, I longed to see the familiar scripts of my kin.
Taking up the parchment that contained Grandfather's letter, I set it before me.
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To Elissien Nimithil, daughter of Elrond, Lady of Imladris, beloved grandchild, greetings.
Granddaughter, I write this with a sure hand, but an uneasy mind. Though for the past two years the Necromancer of Dol Guldur has been absent from his lair (I will not state his name, aloud or even on parchment), the shadows in the world continue to grow.
Orcs, Elissien, continue to prowl the borders of Lothlórien. The Marchwarden and the guards keep them from entering too far into the forest, but this in itself is disturbing. But a few hundred years before, they would not have come within a league of the Golden Wood for fear of the power of this place. They grow bolder with each passing year.
Rare is it to be known of Elves traveling to the South, into the kingdoms of Men, but the Istari still send news of what occurs there. Mordor and Gondor continue to battle one another ceaselessly, according to Mithrandir. I fear, at times, that the war will never end until all the world is covered in darkness.
Enough of my fears, however. Know, dear child, that you are sorely missed here in the Golden Wood. Your grandmother, I am certain, dearly misses your company, as does your sister. When time permits, please, come to us.
Farewell from Celeborn, Lord of Lothlórien, Grandfather
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I looked up, gazing at the lengthening shadows. Long had I attempted to pay no heed to the growing darkness in Middle-earth, in the vain hope of believing I had found a place of peace. Ada was right. The only place such as that would be Valinor itself.
Grandfather had never treated me as a child. He spoke of his fears and worries to me in this letter, showing his confidence in me as an adult. For that alone, I loved him wholeheartedly. I despised being treated as an ignorant child, incapable of understanding the world around me.
I would have to write to him of my growing fears as well. The Dúnedain often brought news to Imladris, when they came to see to look in on their future Chieftain. They spoke of the dangers on the roads that grew as each year passed. And while that was nothing new to me, I was still filled with anxiety. In but another decade, my Estel would be of age. Then, as promised, he would go with the Dúnedain to learn their craft, just as his forefathers did before him.
Biting my lip in an attempt to drive the fear from me, I took up Arwen's letter. As I hoped, her letter eased my fears. Her lighthearted words eased my soul as she spoke of her time amongst our mother's kindred. She delighted in the stories I had told her of my sweet Estel, biding that I congratulate him for her on his growing skills.
With a content smile on my face, I at last picked up the letter my mother's mother had written to me.
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To Elissien Nimithil of Imladris, I greet thee.
Your grandfather has undoubtedly written to you, grandchild, of his growing fears of the darkness that slowly climbs over the land. And rightly he should feel wary. But this is not what I wish to speak of to you.
Hope, for now, remains strong in those who stand against Sauron, daughter of my daughter. Though their numbers are small, the Dúnedain continue to guard the remains of the North-kingdom, waiting for the King to retake the throne of Arnor. Gondor continues to hold the forces of Mordor at bay, for now, and Rohan, ever watchful, continues to guard their flanks.
The pieces are being moved across the board, Elissien, but there are other pieces, not just the armies and weapons, that few would take notice or account of. And it is often these pieces that will tip the balance of power, for good or for ill.
I say this to you now because of the doubts and fears that most certainly plague you at this time. Estel's fate, his eventual departure from Imladris and the safety in which you keep him, as well as other things. But I tell you now, granddaughter, do not fear to take a chance upon these other pieces. Though they are unlooked for by you or by your opponent, they are there, waiting for their purpose to be revealed.
Take a risk, Elissien. If it succeeds, which I believe it will, then the rewards will be unimaginable. And you will gain a peace and contentedness you have been lacking for so long.
Trust these words. A very wise and knowing Maia spoke them to me long ago. I followed them and in so doing I have gained more than I have ever lost.
Trust in this risk, and in your opponent. He will not betray you.
Galadriel, Lady of Lothlórien, now closes this letter.
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My hands were trembling violently as I dropped the parchment onto my desk as if it had burned my hand.
I stared at the letter in shock. My mind swiveled in different directions, demanding first what Grandmother was talking about, then asking how she had known, and what business was it of hers? I closed my eyes against the onslaught.
Long has it been since anyone has called me a fool. The Valar must know that the Senshi thought me a fool in our early days together and had no restraints in telling me so. Perhaps even Endymion thought so at times. But after a time, they ceased to do so, knowing I would follow the course I chose no matter what they had to say in the matter.
But now, I felt like that young girl again, so unsure of everything around her, and yet strangely determined to follow a chosen route.
Did I love him? Did I love Glorfindel as I loved Endymion? That I desired his touch upon me had been established. With Endymion there were the great desires of the flesh, but also I was content to merely sit in his arms in peace and contemplate our surroundings.
But with Glorfindel, it was different. Or it seemed so, in any case. For so long we had played this little game, neither of us had ever attempted to sit in a comfortable silence. Too eager to play were we and we both failed to remember there is more to life than games.
Should I attempt to rectify this oversight, I thought. Should I attempt to discover if I was able to love another as I loved Endymion? No desire did I have to spend my long years ahead of me alone.
And yet I was afraid. I feared of hurting Endymion. Dead he was, but I knew he watched me. There were times I felt his presence nearby, a great sense of comfort to me. Thus I found myself at a fork in my path.
If I took the first path, the one I thought to be clearer, my memory of Endymion would have no rival and I would have remained devoted to a ghost, an echo of what was, for the rest of my days unto the ending of the world. But it was safe.
The other path, though, I saw to be more twisted than the first, its destination far from certain. Still, the rewards of this path are great, if all is to be well. Peace and love could very well await me on this path.
A risk this is, as Grandmother stated. O wise Lady of the Golden Wood! Would that you were here to guide me further! But your part in this competition has been played. Now it is for me to finish. But perchance it shan't be finished alone…
When the knock upon my door came, I jumped in shock, so deep my thoughts had been. Almost grateful for the interruption, I rose to answer the person waiting on the other side. I glanced at my surroundings to ensure I had everything on the tray I had left near the door, as I believed it was a servant come to return it to the kitchens.
I opened the door, words of thanks upon my lips. And immediately, they died. A servant did not stand before me, as I had expected. Instead, the one I had sought to avoid this evening was who I beheld before me.
Glorfindel's blue eyes held none of the gentle teasing that usually resided there. Instead they were dark in their somber appearance and seriousness. I froze like a frightened lamb under that gaze. It was different from what I had always seen from him, though I found it no less pleasing.
"May I have your leave to enter, Lady Elissien," he spoke formally. His words were reserved and smooth, but I could still hear their desperateness in them. It was something I found I could not refuse.
Opening the door wider, I silently bid him enter. As he swept past me, I noticed a piece of parchment being held tightly in his hand. I leaned against the now-shut door, eyeing him warily as he began to pace in front of me.
"I received an interesting note from Lothlórien," he informed me. "It appears the Lady had words for me. She also told me she had sent word to you as well."
I raised an eyebrow in surprise, my eyes once again falling on the parchment. Without having to be asked, Glorfindel immediately held it out to me. Taking it, I at once recognized the familiar writing style of my grandmother.
I did not bother to read it, already having some idea of the contents. Instead, my blue gaze traveled up to meet Glorfindel's. "And what wisdom," I asked softly, "Does the Lady of Light give to you?"
His eyes roved over my form and I did my best not to react. Soon enough, our eyes met again. Slowly, he spoke. "She bade me to be patient and gentle, since the one I desire, for all her good cheer and spirit, can be quite withdrawn due to the many losses she has suffered, no matter that she has made peace with them. The Lady said it must be her choice if this is to proceed any further. Only she can choose to risk all in this matter."
I stared at him for a moment, and then allowed my eyes to flicker down to the parchment in my hand. Wise was the Lady, to perceive my thoughts so clearly. Interesting. I would one day have to ask her how she had done so.
But now was not the time for such thoughts. I still had to be completely certain…
"What do you say of the Lady's words?"
He blinked, surprise coming across his handsome features. He remained silent, carefully appraising me. But at last, he answered. "I would agree with what the Lady has said to me. She is correct in saying the one I have come to care greatly for has been undergone great sorrows in the past, pains that can only heal under great care and gentleness. I would be the one to help her heal, if it be her will."
This was what I desired to hear. A small smile blossomed onto my lips and I carefully stepped closer to him. Glorfindel did not move, he himself now acting like the spooked animal. Slowly, I came closer until I stood toe-to-toe with him. When he did not back away from me, I drew my arms up to wrap themselves lightly around his broad shoulders. Glorfindel stiffened briefly, but soon returned the embrace, wrapping his own strong arms around my waist, pulling me close to him.
I closed my eyes, allowing his warmth, perhaps even the feelings he bore for me and I bore for him, to envelop my very being. As I clung to him, I suddenly felt, in the back of my mind, the appearance of someone nearby. A familiar presence.
Endymion. The Senshi.
Outwardly, I did not react. I merely waited, allowing them to make their own judgment. After what were either a few brief moments or hours, I do not know which, I felt approval surge through me. I could almost see Endymion smiling and almost hear Mars snort something about me taking long enough, as well as the dreamy sighs of Venus and Jupiter. Mercury must have been blushing, as she always did whenever faced with such a situation. Then their presences faded away, as they often did.
My smile growing larger on my face, I opened my eyes. My head resting securely against Glorfindel's chest, I whispered, "Thank you." And not only was I thanking Endymion and the Senshi.
"For what," I heard Glorfindel ask quietly.
"For so much," I replied, snuggling deeper into his embrace for a moment, then leaning back to stare into his eyes. "For caring. For being willing to put up with me. So much."
His chest rumbled as he laughed. I nearly joined him when I discovered it to be a ticklish sensation. "Then, my dear White Moon," he said to me, "I must thank you as well. For you are willing to endure me also."
Impulsively, I pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him, therefore muffling his laughter. Our lips easily molded themselves to one another, but this kissed did not emphasize the hunger that had plagued us earlier that day. At least, it did not at this time. A rather wicked part of me smiled deviously, but I did not chastise it.
The game had ended, not in a victory or a defeat for one side or the other, but in a mutual triumph shared by both sides. For that alone, I rejoiced.
And when Glorfindel slowly began to back up towards the door of my inner chamber, I did not stop him.