A Discworld Mary Sue.
A/N: That ending of the first chapter wasn't that good, I admit. Poor Ruby, thinking she was falling to her death – but she wasn't of course. And yes, I am taking reviews so by pressing the button below, you won't offend me or anything, in fact, I'd be grateful if you did. I might even read some of your stories…
I kind of took it for granted that you knew what a Mary Sue was but here is a quick and snappy explanation….
The common Mary Sue originated from the fandoms of Lord of the Rings: such as the "tenth" member of the fellowship or Elrond's "second" daughter. Mainly, they disrupt plots and character personifications twisting them into their own "perfect fantasy". Also classified as "evil" and many original fanfic writer's despise them.
Cool, got all that? Now, on with the story!!!!
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Sprrrrrrrrooooiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
Ruby felt herself pause for a moment before being launched into the air again by a giant toadstool trampoline.
She screamed once more until she felt some strong muscular arms hauled her out of the air.
She rested her head against her rescuer's leather jacket, sighing happily, "Thank you so much, you saved my life," and promptly faked a faint.
She had time to notice then, a strong smell in the air and a hairy quality to the jacket she was leaning on. She also noticed that her feet were brushing the floor and her rescuer had a strange limping gait as he walked.
Squinting through her eyes she saw a large moony face loom above her . . .
"Gyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she yelled and jumped out holding a threatening finger at the . . . a monkey?
"Please, lady, do not be alarmed, we mean you know harm!" someone squeaked.
"Errm yes, there is nothing to be afraid of, my dear!" another man piped up.
"Her? Afraid? I think you mean us, don't you Dean?"
"Shut up, she doesn't need to know that!"
Ruby started towards the huddle of voices.
"Sssh, look! She's coming towards us!"
"We're all going to die!"
"No, we are not going to die, now shut up!"
Ruby went closer, "You . . . you . . . err, why are you wearing dresses for?"
As one, the group of elderly men straightened considerably, "Young lady, these dresses, as you call them, are called wizard's robes."
"Ah well, that explains it. Where am I?" she moved closer to the wizards and each of them caught a fruity scent mingle around them.
"Ahem, you are at the, ahem, Unseen University," said the one second row to the left, self-importantly.
She blinked.
"In Ankh-Morpork," he continued.
She blinked.
"On err, Discworld?"
The silence that followed was so heavy that some of the older wizards collapsed.
"Discworld?" she said at last.
"Yes! On the Great Atuin!" the Bursar said, fervently.
"Bless you."
No, the Great Atuin!"
"Bless you again."
"What?"
"You sneezed."
"No I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
An inevitable argument began. Fortunately, the Bursar got close to Ruby . . .
" My dear, your hair is so wavy and sassy that the gentle caress of the moonlight's sweet conditioner would only ruin the image of divinity in which your hair creates. Your eyes shine blue-grey, and glitter in the noon's rays. My soul is lost within the swirling depths of your deep, meaningful soul behind those sweet, luscious lips of thine…"
The rest of the wizard entourage stared at the Bursar in amazement. Why, that must have been the most words he had ever uttered without stumbling and tripping on the various consonants and conjunctions. Also, his vocabulary seemed to have increased.
" . . . the orbit of your hips, they elevate my soul! I'm losing self-control! Digging like a mole, now, digging down, excavation, I can find, in the sky, you make me feel like I can fly, so high, elevaSHUN! . . . " the Bursar had also seemingly developed a passion for singing.
Everyone except Ruby covered their ears and writhed on the floor in agony.
"Awww, your so sweet!" squeeed Ruby, clapping her hands in excitement.
Ridcully pulled the Bursar down by the leg and several other wizards piled on top of him but the little man seemed to have a super-human strength as he fought off those who sort to shut him up.
"My love . . . I shall fight and conwuer all for you!" shouted the Bursar.
The continuing struggle was soon turning to the Bursar's favour to the amazement of the onlooking and not so energetic wizards.
Ruby went to the window and spied the great Walls of the University. Longingly she gazed over the rooftops and into the Heart of Ankh-Morpork.
"How I wish I could pass those walls and walk among the people . . ." she sighed, longingly.
The Bursar immediately blasted the walls with an impossible amount of fire-power from his wand. The Bursar and the other wizards stared at the wand in amazement.
"I've never ever seen that much power come about from a single wand . . . " murmured the Dean.
"Perhaps," ventured another wizard, "Perhaps she is a sourceror or maybe something of a witch . . . you never know what those witches can do."
They turned to Ruby . . . who had just flown off on the back of a winged unicorn.
Hang on, mused Ridcully, we don't have any winged unicorns around here, I'm sure. How did she . . . ?
Ruby urged the horse forward and jerked towards the streets of Ankh-Morpork.
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Yeurk. I don't like this chapter… hopefully I'll improve from now on, though. Once I get a frickin plot going… no wait, Pratchett hardly ever has any plots, does he? Not until the end, anyway.
Hmmm…