A Discworld Mary Sue.
A/N: People have been requesting that I continue this and WHOA! LOOK AT THAT! *pokes screen disbelievingly* Haven't updated since October! *blinks* Well, I guess I should get round to this. Especially if some people are resorting to reading my other fics to only remind me in their reviews for me to update this . . . am thinking to write another Discworld fic, but it's hard to stay with Pratchett's awesome style. *shakes head* Well, then, on with the randomness!
Ah yes, I almost forgot: Discworld does not belong to me - the books OR the game.
Pfft. *grumbles*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ridcully was massaging his temples with his index fingers when the Patrician coughed politely from behind him.
"Argh!" the Arch Chancellor turned quickly and tried to use the chair in a defensive manoeuvre but let it go when he saw it was Vetinari. That, and the fact that he'd never been able to pick the thing up in the first place.
"My lord, what are you doing here? How . . ."
Vetinari arched his eyebrow high as he noted the lines on Ridcully's face.
"Oh come now, you remember my initial training?" Ridcully still looked in need of enlightenment, "Assassin?"
"Where?" yelped the wizard.
Vetinari sighed at the older man.
"Oh right, well. Risky job, being a wizard and all . . . Climb up from outside, now did you?" Vetinari didn't bother himself to answer that. "I could in my younger days, but alas, I have grown older . . ."
"Who is this princess?"
"Is that what she's calling herself now?" murmured Ridcully to himself.
Vetinari glared at the man.
"You wizards have brought this 'girl' here, and look what she's done! Or undone, as it happens. The entire city I being decorated for some sort of celebration for her 'coronation'. She's got Dibley catering the entire thing!" Ridcully's eyes widened and his face greened visibly as he remembered his first Dibley 'sausage inna bun'. "You have a responsibility to remove her!"
Ridcully cringed as the Patrician took his chair and sat down, leaning forward and placing his elbows against the desk with his fingers arching in a temple. The amn closed his eyes softly and rubbed the tips of his fingers against the bridge of his nose. The Patrician's cold eyes opened and seemed to pierce into Ridcully's conscience.
"As it happens, someone is already on the case. Nothing to worry about," he assured.
"Who?" the Patrician asked flatly.
"Errr, a very respectable and dependable wizard in deed! Yes, a model wizard of the University! Nothing to worry about." Ridcully repeated himself to be sure.
"It's Rincewind, isn't it?" sighed Vetinari despairingly.
Ridcully nodded mournfully.
"No one else would touch it. Have you seen what she did to the Bursar? The man's still going on about the moon and gold and pretty things . . . No wizard's prepared for that kind of embarrassment."
"Very well, he's saved . . . well, came close to saving the city with that dragon business a while back. I'd send a few men along to keep an eye on him if I were you."
"It eats them."
"What?"
"The men I send after him."
"No, what eats them?"
"His Luggage."
"Ah. Sapient pearwood, isn't it? Very loyal, they are. Ah well, that should help keep him out of mischief."
Ridcully nodded warily as Vetinari got up and moved to the window.
"I'd appreciate it if this didn't go beyond this room. I'll try and get a few . . . hiccups to cross the damn girl's path but I'm a wanted traitor to the throne now."
With that, the disposed leader swung out of the Arch Chancellor's presence to disappear into the city.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rincewind ran down into the library.
"Anything you've got on absurdly 'magical' young girls that can twist reality to their twisted little minds' delight," he yelled to the Libarian, tossing a banana to him as he went to a book and flipped madly though the pages.
"Ook ook ook?"
"Oh yes. But 'demonic' might be a bit much though."
"Ook."
"Don't get me wrong though, she's . . ." the wizard shuddered.
"Ook ook," the Librarian said sympathetically over his shoulder as he clambered into the deeps of the library.
A while later he returned, all except a missing tuft of hair off his right elbow.
"Ook."
The Librarian handed Rincewind a book. Rincewind turned to the first page.
"Mary Sue?" he asked the Librarian.
"Ook," the Librarian said shrugging.
"I guess . . . but anything could turn up in L-Space."
"Ook!" said the orangatan, jabbing at the book.
"Alright, alright. If that's the only book . . ."
Rincewind took it to a desk and sat down to read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Meanwhile, the palace was having a major pink upheaval. Bloody Stupid Johnson had left an odd heart shaped plan for the gardens to be put in after the ten-foot trench. The 'princess' had discovered these to the dismay of the city's gardeners who were subjected to wading through a bog full of crocodiles and mosquitos to get to the site.
Ruby was happily bouncing on the fluffy lavender pillows she'd put on her throne as they were doing this and was about to send in for her Advisor.
The Advisor came stumbling in, quite unprepared. This was due to the rather unfortunate majority vote from the rest of the palace - he'd been newly employed into the position.
"My l-l-lady . . ." he began nervously, he really didn't want to be in a room with a simple minded girl who could reduce you to a sack of pressed flowers singing something hideously upbeat with a single, simple thought.
Ruby coughed discreetly and glared at the man who trembled in front of her.
"Ah, Y-Y-Your Highness . . ." he amended.
"Better. Continue, now."
"I am to b-b-be your, ah, Advisor?"
"You are the palace Advisor, are you not?" she demanded of him.
"Yes?" his uncertainty bounced off the walls and knocked out the maid who was listening from behind the curtain.
Ruby blinked at the man.
"And?" she asked imperviously.
The poor little man whimpered.
"Advise US!!!" she screamed.
"Us?" he asked perplexed. Uh oh, wrong question, he thought.
"We are Royal, and so must we use the Royal We. Mustn't we?"
The red faced cooks who were listening at the large ornate door at the end of the hall heard an echo and collapsed into helpless giggles.
IThe Royal We . . . The Royal We . . . /I
Ruby glowered at the air then glanced back down to her Advisor.
"Y-Y-Your Ladyship," he began again.
"We've gone through this before," she reminded him, flatly.
"Your Highness, w-w-what do you w-w-wish for me to Advise you about?"
She glared at him, masking the confusion that raced through her mind.
"You are our Advisor, are you not?" she said.
"Yes, Your Highness," seems to get easier as he went along, thought the man. But he should have known it wasn't going to be that easy.
"Then Advise us what we should ask you to Advise us about!"
The man nearly rolled his eyes at the girl's incompetence, but caught himself before the girl levelled him with a smiling stuffed bear (she found them cuter dead). The Lord Vetinari was never like this. At least their fear of him was justly justified.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Commander Vimes sat at his desk and stared at the palace out of his office window.
His forefather had beheaded the last King, the last royal blood of Ankh Morpork. And up came another one. For him to finish off, he guessed sardonically.
Carrot was finishing up his report.
"I'm not sure how we can go about this, sir. But it looks we're in a right pickle, if you don't mind my saying so. Vetinari's not done anything technically wrong, but according to the Law, well . . ."
Vimes nodded absently.
"You're dismissed."
"But sir?"
"What is it, Carrot?" asked Vimes wearily. He was sick of all the blue blood everywhere.
"Do we act on this? Can we justly go and hunt down the Patrician?"
"Let's just say we'll . . . look out for him. And if you see him, you haven't."
Carrot nodded and left for the common room.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lord Vetinari listened to this with interest, but then dismissed it. He'd been worried about the young Corporal but Vimes had kept him in hand and would continue to, hopefully.
He'd considered holing up at a relatives but dismissed the idea before even trying to remember any of them. They'd sell him to the princess in a second.
Where could he go? The palace was too obvious. Everyone tries to hide where they're least likely to look for you. The girl would work that out soon enough.
She was a slippery one, she was. She bent people around to her will and had some sort of precognition on. The assassins he'd asked to get rid of her had failed miserably. She'd bend over or, water the plant instead of drinking the damnable poison. Why wouldn't she die?
Vetinari thought back to when he'd dropped by on Rincewind - not that he'd noticed, of course - he had muttered about the girl and certain death and something . . .
This did not bode well.
He leapt up to the roof and surveyed Ankh-Morpork. She couldn't have penetrated the Shades yet, surely? He made his way slowly across the rooftops and dropped into the shadows of the Shades.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Hmm, well. Good enough for you all? Hope it is. Not quite as random as I'd hoped but ah wells. A bit of plot development should be good for it. I should honestly be writing a Lotr fic cos I just saw Rotk today (it came out late in Australia so I saw it on it's opening day - no one tease me :( ). Hmm, will try to post this tonight but may be hard. Perhaps tomorrow.
Am off to finish off chapter of a Lotr Fic now. Knowing me however, I'll probably start playing a game of Hearts of AOE II instead. *sigh*
A/N: People have been requesting that I continue this and WHOA! LOOK AT THAT! *pokes screen disbelievingly* Haven't updated since October! *blinks* Well, I guess I should get round to this. Especially if some people are resorting to reading my other fics to only remind me in their reviews for me to update this . . . am thinking to write another Discworld fic, but it's hard to stay with Pratchett's awesome style. *shakes head* Well, then, on with the randomness!
Ah yes, I almost forgot: Discworld does not belong to me - the books OR the game.
Pfft. *grumbles*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ridcully was massaging his temples with his index fingers when the Patrician coughed politely from behind him.
"Argh!" the Arch Chancellor turned quickly and tried to use the chair in a defensive manoeuvre but let it go when he saw it was Vetinari. That, and the fact that he'd never been able to pick the thing up in the first place.
"My lord, what are you doing here? How . . ."
Vetinari arched his eyebrow high as he noted the lines on Ridcully's face.
"Oh come now, you remember my initial training?" Ridcully still looked in need of enlightenment, "Assassin?"
"Where?" yelped the wizard.
Vetinari sighed at the older man.
"Oh right, well. Risky job, being a wizard and all . . . Climb up from outside, now did you?" Vetinari didn't bother himself to answer that. "I could in my younger days, but alas, I have grown older . . ."
"Who is this princess?"
"Is that what she's calling herself now?" murmured Ridcully to himself.
Vetinari glared at the man.
"You wizards have brought this 'girl' here, and look what she's done! Or undone, as it happens. The entire city I being decorated for some sort of celebration for her 'coronation'. She's got Dibley catering the entire thing!" Ridcully's eyes widened and his face greened visibly as he remembered his first Dibley 'sausage inna bun'. "You have a responsibility to remove her!"
Ridcully cringed as the Patrician took his chair and sat down, leaning forward and placing his elbows against the desk with his fingers arching in a temple. The amn closed his eyes softly and rubbed the tips of his fingers against the bridge of his nose. The Patrician's cold eyes opened and seemed to pierce into Ridcully's conscience.
"As it happens, someone is already on the case. Nothing to worry about," he assured.
"Who?" the Patrician asked flatly.
"Errr, a very respectable and dependable wizard in deed! Yes, a model wizard of the University! Nothing to worry about." Ridcully repeated himself to be sure.
"It's Rincewind, isn't it?" sighed Vetinari despairingly.
Ridcully nodded mournfully.
"No one else would touch it. Have you seen what she did to the Bursar? The man's still going on about the moon and gold and pretty things . . . No wizard's prepared for that kind of embarrassment."
"Very well, he's saved . . . well, came close to saving the city with that dragon business a while back. I'd send a few men along to keep an eye on him if I were you."
"It eats them."
"What?"
"The men I send after him."
"No, what eats them?"
"His Luggage."
"Ah. Sapient pearwood, isn't it? Very loyal, they are. Ah well, that should help keep him out of mischief."
Ridcully nodded warily as Vetinari got up and moved to the window.
"I'd appreciate it if this didn't go beyond this room. I'll try and get a few . . . hiccups to cross the damn girl's path but I'm a wanted traitor to the throne now."
With that, the disposed leader swung out of the Arch Chancellor's presence to disappear into the city.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rincewind ran down into the library.
"Anything you've got on absurdly 'magical' young girls that can twist reality to their twisted little minds' delight," he yelled to the Libarian, tossing a banana to him as he went to a book and flipped madly though the pages.
"Ook ook ook?"
"Oh yes. But 'demonic' might be a bit much though."
"Ook."
"Don't get me wrong though, she's . . ." the wizard shuddered.
"Ook ook," the Librarian said sympathetically over his shoulder as he clambered into the deeps of the library.
A while later he returned, all except a missing tuft of hair off his right elbow.
"Ook."
The Librarian handed Rincewind a book. Rincewind turned to the first page.
"Mary Sue?" he asked the Librarian.
"Ook," the Librarian said shrugging.
"I guess . . . but anything could turn up in L-Space."
"Ook!" said the orangatan, jabbing at the book.
"Alright, alright. If that's the only book . . ."
Rincewind took it to a desk and sat down to read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Meanwhile, the palace was having a major pink upheaval. Bloody Stupid Johnson had left an odd heart shaped plan for the gardens to be put in after the ten-foot trench. The 'princess' had discovered these to the dismay of the city's gardeners who were subjected to wading through a bog full of crocodiles and mosquitos to get to the site.
Ruby was happily bouncing on the fluffy lavender pillows she'd put on her throne as they were doing this and was about to send in for her Advisor.
The Advisor came stumbling in, quite unprepared. This was due to the rather unfortunate majority vote from the rest of the palace - he'd been newly employed into the position.
"My l-l-lady . . ." he began nervously, he really didn't want to be in a room with a simple minded girl who could reduce you to a sack of pressed flowers singing something hideously upbeat with a single, simple thought.
Ruby coughed discreetly and glared at the man who trembled in front of her.
"Ah, Y-Y-Your Highness . . ." he amended.
"Better. Continue, now."
"I am to b-b-be your, ah, Advisor?"
"You are the palace Advisor, are you not?" she demanded of him.
"Yes?" his uncertainty bounced off the walls and knocked out the maid who was listening from behind the curtain.
Ruby blinked at the man.
"And?" she asked imperviously.
The poor little man whimpered.
"Advise US!!!" she screamed.
"Us?" he asked perplexed. Uh oh, wrong question, he thought.
"We are Royal, and so must we use the Royal We. Mustn't we?"
The red faced cooks who were listening at the large ornate door at the end of the hall heard an echo and collapsed into helpless giggles.
IThe Royal We . . . The Royal We . . . /I
Ruby glowered at the air then glanced back down to her Advisor.
"Y-Y-Your Ladyship," he began again.
"We've gone through this before," she reminded him, flatly.
"Your Highness, w-w-what do you w-w-wish for me to Advise you about?"
She glared at him, masking the confusion that raced through her mind.
"You are our Advisor, are you not?" she said.
"Yes, Your Highness," seems to get easier as he went along, thought the man. But he should have known it wasn't going to be that easy.
"Then Advise us what we should ask you to Advise us about!"
The man nearly rolled his eyes at the girl's incompetence, but caught himself before the girl levelled him with a smiling stuffed bear (she found them cuter dead). The Lord Vetinari was never like this. At least their fear of him was justly justified.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Commander Vimes sat at his desk and stared at the palace out of his office window.
His forefather had beheaded the last King, the last royal blood of Ankh Morpork. And up came another one. For him to finish off, he guessed sardonically.
Carrot was finishing up his report.
"I'm not sure how we can go about this, sir. But it looks we're in a right pickle, if you don't mind my saying so. Vetinari's not done anything technically wrong, but according to the Law, well . . ."
Vimes nodded absently.
"You're dismissed."
"But sir?"
"What is it, Carrot?" asked Vimes wearily. He was sick of all the blue blood everywhere.
"Do we act on this? Can we justly go and hunt down the Patrician?"
"Let's just say we'll . . . look out for him. And if you see him, you haven't."
Carrot nodded and left for the common room.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lord Vetinari listened to this with interest, but then dismissed it. He'd been worried about the young Corporal but Vimes had kept him in hand and would continue to, hopefully.
He'd considered holing up at a relatives but dismissed the idea before even trying to remember any of them. They'd sell him to the princess in a second.
Where could he go? The palace was too obvious. Everyone tries to hide where they're least likely to look for you. The girl would work that out soon enough.
She was a slippery one, she was. She bent people around to her will and had some sort of precognition on. The assassins he'd asked to get rid of her had failed miserably. She'd bend over or, water the plant instead of drinking the damnable poison. Why wouldn't she die?
Vetinari thought back to when he'd dropped by on Rincewind - not that he'd noticed, of course - he had muttered about the girl and certain death and something . . .
This did not bode well.
He leapt up to the roof and surveyed Ankh-Morpork. She couldn't have penetrated the Shades yet, surely? He made his way slowly across the rooftops and dropped into the shadows of the Shades.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Hmm, well. Good enough for you all? Hope it is. Not quite as random as I'd hoped but ah wells. A bit of plot development should be good for it. I should honestly be writing a Lotr fic cos I just saw Rotk today (it came out late in Australia so I saw it on it's opening day - no one tease me :( ). Hmm, will try to post this tonight but may be hard. Perhaps tomorrow.
Am off to finish off chapter of a Lotr Fic now. Knowing me however, I'll probably start playing a game of Hearts of AOE II instead. *sigh*