Chapter 7
Instead of going back to L.A. like he was planning to, Angel couldn't bring himself to leave Sunnydale. It was hard enough coming here, he thought, but why is it even harder leaving? He didn't want to admit to himself that he couldn't make a trip to Sunnydale without seeing her face.at least just for a moment.
He was sure that right now the slayer and the rest of her gang were having a meeting at Giles, or somewhere, about the news that he had brought to Giles very late the previous night. He thought of how she would react if Giles had told her the truth, had told her that it was Angel that warned him of the demons, and Angel that was in Sunnydale last night. He thought of how her face would probably just contort into an angry expression, or maybe it would remain stoically blank. Maybe she wouldn't care. It caused pain deep down in his soul when he realized that he didn't really know anymore. He didn't know how she would react, and he didn't really know her. Did he? He wished he did. He hadn't even been gone for a year and already the distance between them seemed to be growing, crawling, seeping darkness into the corners of his soul. He practically lived for her. When he found her, he felt like he had found life. He had not only found the only woman he knew he would ever love, but he had found a way to redeem himself. Then he had just thrown it away. All for her own good. Or at least that's what he had once thought.
Angel wandered towards one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. His thoughts controlled his mind, but his body led his footsteps. It was the cemetery where they had spent many moments together. Times of love and laughter, lust, and then later on, tears and heartbreak. He wasn't sure why he was going in this direction, but he didn't really care. It's not like she would be there anyway, not with a major Scooby meeting going on. He could just picture all of them absorbing the information about the new evil in town, and then setting into research mode. Willow would probably be hacking into information on the computer, while Giles would have his nose buried in his old books, probably urging Xander to do the same. Angel stopped once he entered the cemetery. What would Buffy do? Then he felt that familiar feeling deep inside, the one he felt only for her, when she was near. Buffy went to patrol, he realized. She's here.
He followed the feeling deep inside somewhere, knowing that it would lead him toward her. He stopped, hidden from view in the shadows, when he heard soft sobbing. There she was, collapsed in a trembling, weeping heap in the middle of the cemetery. Seeing her like that shattered his heart into a million different pieces again and again. He was frozen in his place, not knowing what to do. He wanted to run over to her, take her in his arms, and hold her until her crying stopped. He wanted to make whatever was distressing her go away. He wished he could just make everything better. Alas, they hadn't even spoken in months, basically not since he had left, and he knew that she was harboring some hostile feelings towards him. He tried to convince her that his leaving was the right thing to do, but she didn't seem to see things from his point of view. I only wanted her to have a normal life, and be happy. The girl on the ground in front of him certainly wasn't happy.
*******
Buffy lost herself in a world of misery and tears. She had been holding everything inside herself, and the weight on her shoulders was gettign so immense that she couldn't bear it anymore. So she gave in, and all of her feelings came pouring out as the tears rolled down her face. When she finally started to get control of herself again, she realized that that familiar feeling was there again. Something or someone was watching her. She didn't feel like it was anything threatening, and she didn't really care even if it was. The feeling was different. It was the feeling she got when he was around. This wasn't the first time since he had left that she had felt this way, either.
She slowly stood up, and searched the shadows and darkness that surrounded her, looking for something.anything. And there he was.
*******
As she stood up, she looked around and finally met his eyes through the darkness. He stepped forward, his presence now almost painfully recognized the familiar dark figure-her Angel? Were her eyes deceiving her through her tears? No. She sensed him, too, she realized now. He was here.
*******
Buffy and Angel stood in the middle of the cemetery, neither one moving to close the distance in between them. There was an almost painful silence, while neither could quite think of anything to say. Finally Buffy spoke, her voice cold and quiet, "What are you doing here?"
There were so many things running through her head. There he was, in so many ways the cause of all her anguish, standing right in front of her. Part of her wanted to scream at him, hit him, make him feel the pain that she was feeling, and then run away. The other part of her wanted to run into his arms, be held like she was highly fragile, and have him love and kiss all of her problems away. God, why do I always feel like I'm ripped apart inside when I think of him. I hate him for leaving me, but I don't think that I will never stop loving him. And now he's right in front of me.and I don't know what to think.
"No, wait," she continued, gaining strength as she spoke, her feelings beginning to spill out through the words she spoke, "Let me guess.there's a new bad in the works, and you thought you would warn me."
"..Buffy, I." he couldn't finish what he was saying because she cut him off.
"I'm not done." Her face was suddenly void of any real expression, and her eyes were cold. "You didn't come to warn me," she was figuring it out as she was speaking, "You went to Giles. Last night. I should have known. Instead of letting me see you, you decided it would be better if you just went behind my back?!" Her voice was gaining emotion, her feelings of anger and resentment making themselves evident. "You have no idea what this is like! Angel, you don't even know me anymore! Oh, and I know that you've been here before, lurking, watching me. You can see me but I can't see you! That's really fair, Angel. I'm glad one of us is keeping in touch!" She laughed a little bit at the last remark, her face contorting into a sneer.
Angel stood there, realizing that interrupting her right now would be futile, but the words she was saying were causing him to feel a rising fury. How can she just assume that she is the only one here that's in pain! When it became apparent that she was at a break in her rampage, he made it his turn to speak. "Buffy, how can you even say that?! You think you're the only one here who's hurting?! I've been in hell, too. You're not the only one. You think I can stand being without you?! Buffy, you are the only thing in this world that I really care about, and you are the only one I have ever, and will ever love!"
"Then why, Angel? Why did you leave me?" Her face contorted from cold and angry, to despairing, pained. Fresh tears stained her cheeks, and she was struggling to maintain some resemblance of composure.
"Because I wanted you to be happy." His words were like stones, thudding heavily as they hit.
"Do I look happy?! Do you think I'm happy? I'm here, struggling college student by day, cemetery girl by night, and no matter how hard I try, I can't find anything else in this in this hellish life to fill the void.nothing can take the place.since you left." She became overcome with sobs, her body convulsing and shaking as she stood there. For all her strength, she looked weak, helpless, small.
Angel couldn't take it anymore, seeing her like this. Instantly he closed the distance between them in a couple of strides, taking her in his arms, trying to comfort her. She just stood there for a few moments, sobbing into his shirt. Finally he could feel a wave of tension leave her body, and he tightened his arms around her. He gently rubbed her back, and leaned down a little so his face was near hers. "Shh, don't cry."
"Angel."
"I'm sorry, Buffy.I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered to her, "I just wanted you to have a normal life.to have everything that I can't give you.I."
"Angel, I don't want anything else. All I could ever want is you.."
They sunk down to the ground, Buffy leaning into him as he held her tightly in his arms.
"What are we going to do?" She asked tentatively. She didn't think she could bear it again if he left. He in many ways her strength, as well as her weakness, and when he was gone, well, it was awful.
"I guess we start over..?" His statement was almost a question. The only thing that he could think of that he wanted was to hold her in his arms forever.but he was afraid that things would be too different.
She reassured him, knowing what he was thinking, by turning to face him. She moved her face closer to his, and kissed him softly. He kissed her back immediately, and little by little all of their locked away feelings came pouring out, and into their kiss. Minutes later Buffy broke away, taking in much needed air. She just looked at him, into his eyes, and without words the were able to communicate everything. I guess that's what happens.when you're soulmates.
"Stay." She said.
"As long as you want."
"How's forever?"
He looked directly into her eyes, and she could see all of the love that he felt for her, all of his emotions lay just beneath the surface of the warm brown depths. They just watched each other for a moment, enraptured, unable to speak. Angel finally drew in an unneeded breath and replied, "Forever could not possibly be long enough.but what about the other reasons that I left? Buffy, you know that the curse is still there, and that I can't ever give you a family.
"Angel," she cut him off, placing a finger to his lips, "I already told you, I don't care about a family, not if it can't be with you. And the curse.well, we'll figure something out. We'll make it work. We have to. I can't live without you anymore." Her lower lip began to tremble as she once again became overwhelmed with emotion, "Promise me we'll make it work?"
"I promise." And with all that was needed temporarily said, Vampire and Slayer continued to hold each other in the middle of the cemetery, their cemetery, and simply basked in each other's presence as light droplets of rain continued to fall from the sky, as if the very heavens were shedding tears for them.
Instead of going back to L.A. like he was planning to, Angel couldn't bring himself to leave Sunnydale. It was hard enough coming here, he thought, but why is it even harder leaving? He didn't want to admit to himself that he couldn't make a trip to Sunnydale without seeing her face.at least just for a moment.
He was sure that right now the slayer and the rest of her gang were having a meeting at Giles, or somewhere, about the news that he had brought to Giles very late the previous night. He thought of how she would react if Giles had told her the truth, had told her that it was Angel that warned him of the demons, and Angel that was in Sunnydale last night. He thought of how her face would probably just contort into an angry expression, or maybe it would remain stoically blank. Maybe she wouldn't care. It caused pain deep down in his soul when he realized that he didn't really know anymore. He didn't know how she would react, and he didn't really know her. Did he? He wished he did. He hadn't even been gone for a year and already the distance between them seemed to be growing, crawling, seeping darkness into the corners of his soul. He practically lived for her. When he found her, he felt like he had found life. He had not only found the only woman he knew he would ever love, but he had found a way to redeem himself. Then he had just thrown it away. All for her own good. Or at least that's what he had once thought.
Angel wandered towards one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. His thoughts controlled his mind, but his body led his footsteps. It was the cemetery where they had spent many moments together. Times of love and laughter, lust, and then later on, tears and heartbreak. He wasn't sure why he was going in this direction, but he didn't really care. It's not like she would be there anyway, not with a major Scooby meeting going on. He could just picture all of them absorbing the information about the new evil in town, and then setting into research mode. Willow would probably be hacking into information on the computer, while Giles would have his nose buried in his old books, probably urging Xander to do the same. Angel stopped once he entered the cemetery. What would Buffy do? Then he felt that familiar feeling deep inside, the one he felt only for her, when she was near. Buffy went to patrol, he realized. She's here.
He followed the feeling deep inside somewhere, knowing that it would lead him toward her. He stopped, hidden from view in the shadows, when he heard soft sobbing. There she was, collapsed in a trembling, weeping heap in the middle of the cemetery. Seeing her like that shattered his heart into a million different pieces again and again. He was frozen in his place, not knowing what to do. He wanted to run over to her, take her in his arms, and hold her until her crying stopped. He wanted to make whatever was distressing her go away. He wished he could just make everything better. Alas, they hadn't even spoken in months, basically not since he had left, and he knew that she was harboring some hostile feelings towards him. He tried to convince her that his leaving was the right thing to do, but she didn't seem to see things from his point of view. I only wanted her to have a normal life, and be happy. The girl on the ground in front of him certainly wasn't happy.
*******
Buffy lost herself in a world of misery and tears. She had been holding everything inside herself, and the weight on her shoulders was gettign so immense that she couldn't bear it anymore. So she gave in, and all of her feelings came pouring out as the tears rolled down her face. When she finally started to get control of herself again, she realized that that familiar feeling was there again. Something or someone was watching her. She didn't feel like it was anything threatening, and she didn't really care even if it was. The feeling was different. It was the feeling she got when he was around. This wasn't the first time since he had left that she had felt this way, either.
She slowly stood up, and searched the shadows and darkness that surrounded her, looking for something.anything. And there he was.
*******
As she stood up, she looked around and finally met his eyes through the darkness. He stepped forward, his presence now almost painfully recognized the familiar dark figure-her Angel? Were her eyes deceiving her through her tears? No. She sensed him, too, she realized now. He was here.
*******
Buffy and Angel stood in the middle of the cemetery, neither one moving to close the distance in between them. There was an almost painful silence, while neither could quite think of anything to say. Finally Buffy spoke, her voice cold and quiet, "What are you doing here?"
There were so many things running through her head. There he was, in so many ways the cause of all her anguish, standing right in front of her. Part of her wanted to scream at him, hit him, make him feel the pain that she was feeling, and then run away. The other part of her wanted to run into his arms, be held like she was highly fragile, and have him love and kiss all of her problems away. God, why do I always feel like I'm ripped apart inside when I think of him. I hate him for leaving me, but I don't think that I will never stop loving him. And now he's right in front of me.and I don't know what to think.
"No, wait," she continued, gaining strength as she spoke, her feelings beginning to spill out through the words she spoke, "Let me guess.there's a new bad in the works, and you thought you would warn me."
"..Buffy, I." he couldn't finish what he was saying because she cut him off.
"I'm not done." Her face was suddenly void of any real expression, and her eyes were cold. "You didn't come to warn me," she was figuring it out as she was speaking, "You went to Giles. Last night. I should have known. Instead of letting me see you, you decided it would be better if you just went behind my back?!" Her voice was gaining emotion, her feelings of anger and resentment making themselves evident. "You have no idea what this is like! Angel, you don't even know me anymore! Oh, and I know that you've been here before, lurking, watching me. You can see me but I can't see you! That's really fair, Angel. I'm glad one of us is keeping in touch!" She laughed a little bit at the last remark, her face contorting into a sneer.
Angel stood there, realizing that interrupting her right now would be futile, but the words she was saying were causing him to feel a rising fury. How can she just assume that she is the only one here that's in pain! When it became apparent that she was at a break in her rampage, he made it his turn to speak. "Buffy, how can you even say that?! You think you're the only one here who's hurting?! I've been in hell, too. You're not the only one. You think I can stand being without you?! Buffy, you are the only thing in this world that I really care about, and you are the only one I have ever, and will ever love!"
"Then why, Angel? Why did you leave me?" Her face contorted from cold and angry, to despairing, pained. Fresh tears stained her cheeks, and she was struggling to maintain some resemblance of composure.
"Because I wanted you to be happy." His words were like stones, thudding heavily as they hit.
"Do I look happy?! Do you think I'm happy? I'm here, struggling college student by day, cemetery girl by night, and no matter how hard I try, I can't find anything else in this in this hellish life to fill the void.nothing can take the place.since you left." She became overcome with sobs, her body convulsing and shaking as she stood there. For all her strength, she looked weak, helpless, small.
Angel couldn't take it anymore, seeing her like this. Instantly he closed the distance between them in a couple of strides, taking her in his arms, trying to comfort her. She just stood there for a few moments, sobbing into his shirt. Finally he could feel a wave of tension leave her body, and he tightened his arms around her. He gently rubbed her back, and leaned down a little so his face was near hers. "Shh, don't cry."
"Angel."
"I'm sorry, Buffy.I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered to her, "I just wanted you to have a normal life.to have everything that I can't give you.I."
"Angel, I don't want anything else. All I could ever want is you.."
They sunk down to the ground, Buffy leaning into him as he held her tightly in his arms.
"What are we going to do?" She asked tentatively. She didn't think she could bear it again if he left. He in many ways her strength, as well as her weakness, and when he was gone, well, it was awful.
"I guess we start over..?" His statement was almost a question. The only thing that he could think of that he wanted was to hold her in his arms forever.but he was afraid that things would be too different.
She reassured him, knowing what he was thinking, by turning to face him. She moved her face closer to his, and kissed him softly. He kissed her back immediately, and little by little all of their locked away feelings came pouring out, and into their kiss. Minutes later Buffy broke away, taking in much needed air. She just looked at him, into his eyes, and without words the were able to communicate everything. I guess that's what happens.when you're soulmates.
"Stay." She said.
"As long as you want."
"How's forever?"
He looked directly into her eyes, and she could see all of the love that he felt for her, all of his emotions lay just beneath the surface of the warm brown depths. They just watched each other for a moment, enraptured, unable to speak. Angel finally drew in an unneeded breath and replied, "Forever could not possibly be long enough.but what about the other reasons that I left? Buffy, you know that the curse is still there, and that I can't ever give you a family.
"Angel," she cut him off, placing a finger to his lips, "I already told you, I don't care about a family, not if it can't be with you. And the curse.well, we'll figure something out. We'll make it work. We have to. I can't live without you anymore." Her lower lip began to tremble as she once again became overwhelmed with emotion, "Promise me we'll make it work?"
"I promise." And with all that was needed temporarily said, Vampire and Slayer continued to hold each other in the middle of the cemetery, their cemetery, and simply basked in each other's presence as light droplets of rain continued to fall from the sky, as if the very heavens were shedding tears for them.