Disclaimer: Discworld is funny, Discworld is cute, but ownership is
something that I must refute.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rincewind flicked over the last few pages of the book, closed it with a definitive shut. He looked up and found a candle lit next to him he looked out the window to the moon that shone softly through the glass.
He blinked once, twice and then rubbed his eyes.
The moon was HUGE
Then he heard a sound.
It sounded like a warble.
But with a little something that seemed to scream upbeat.
He shook his head to dislodge the whine.
It didn't work.
He looked up, puzzled, to see the Librarian banging his head hopelessly against one of the bookshelves. The bookshelf itself had books that jumped up and down violently. The papers rustled and acted jittery. Rincewind rubbed his eyes again and then cleaned out his ears for good measure.
For a moment he listened carefully. And then his face crumpled. His body jerked uncontrollably into a foetal position.
His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his mouth opened to let out a moan . . . His hands scrabbled for something to stick in his ears to block out the noise.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Well, I will go down with this shiiip
And I won't put my hands up and surrendeerrrrr
There will be NO white flag above MY door
I'm in lurrrrve and always will beeeeee!!!!"
This was the 'noise' that Rincewind and the rest of Ankh-Morpork was trying to dispel from their ears. It grated like nails against a blackboard. It shredded their eardrums to something pink and unhealthily akin to a hair ribbon.
The chords of Dido were being mutated into something terrorizing. Not unlike Godzilla or the trolley's of old. This mutation reared it's head and roared. . .
No wait . . .
Hang on.
The young girl under Carrot's window looked towards the manifestation.
"Yes?" she asked imperviously.
The thing roared its displeasure.
Princess Ruby, however, seemed unfazed and tilted her head to the side.
"Are you quite finished? I've got some serenading to do, you know."
The fiend stopped mid-roar confused with the girl below. She wasn't running away. This was a new development. It was getting angry with this. The girl should be running away screaming. He liked screams.
The girl seemed to be tapping her foot impatiently.
"Wizaaaaaaaard!!!!!" she yelled. The population of Ankh-Morpork shuddered and tried to dig themselves deeper into the river's gmuck.
Reg Shoe took note of this strange development and wrote down a few notes before scampering off to run off some flyers and petitions for the new princess. Then he came back to check the princess' speech bubble, his mouth clearly mouthing some numbers . . . Nodding to himself, he was ready to go back and report.
The Bursar hurried forward anxiously.
"Your highness! Mayeth I spake on how breathtaking thou art this evening? The moon, in its rather corpulent sizeth can holdeth no candle to thy beauty! Forsooth, methinks they . . ."
"Whatever, sweetie," the girl said, "Just get rid of this thing, ok?
The Bursar nodded quickly and literally skipped up to the beast that was still staring at the girl in confusion, trying to decide whether it was too stupid to run or actually was a threat.
The Bursar lifted his wand.
"Bibbidi . . . Bobbidi . . . Boo!"
The beast seemed ready to sneer at the little man who was trying to send him back to the Dungeons Dimension. They could have at least tried doing the dispelling spell properly. He wasn't going to let ANYONE get in the way between him and revenge on the girl who had disturbed slumber . . .
Its rapidly downsizing and turning a bright shade of orange disrupted this thought.
The Bursar looked with pride on his work for a moment before turning quickly and bowing extravagantly to his mistress.
"Please grace us, my lady," he said courteously.
She gave an impervious sniff before turning back to the window.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Angua was meanwhile trying to hold Carrot down. He was writhing in agony but at the same time, straining for the window.
"Angua . . . help me. She calls me. She knows," his eyes widened as his legs tried to push away from Angua and his arms held her tight around the neck.
Angua gave a grunt of superhuman effort (being more than a human, of course) and threw Carrot over her shoulder. The screeches had stopped for a moment and she could hear the Princess yelling for her wizard. Immediately, she headed for the door with her quarry and ran down the streets.
Where could she go? Where would the Princess not go?
There was only one answer, though she hated to admit it.
She turned south and headed for the Shades.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Susan Sto-Helit had had quite enough. The squealing had gone on through the night and was now disrupting her class.
The children looked to her from under their desks.
"This may not be an earthquake," she said, "But close enough. I'll be right back."
Moving next door, she told the teacher in the next classroom to keep an eye on her own class before marching purposefully towards the high-pitched yells.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ruby was not pleased by the fact that her true love had been stolen away from her by the werewolf that seduced every man she met. How dare that wolf take her man!
Ruby's brow furrowed as she tried to think of something . . .
She was nudged in the knees by a strangely large bloodhound. After berating it for making her lose her posture she promptly sent it after the werewolf and her husband to be. She sent with express instructions to mangle the werewolf no matter what. Somehow the bloodhound understood this through sheer terror of being summoned from nothing into Ruby's presence and bounded off into the dankness of Ankh Morpork.
Satisfied her quarry would be caught, albeit bloodied, Ruby still felt slightly slighted by the man she had chosen to be hers.
She had heard him scream "Don't let her get me!" and had ignored it at first. But this new development changed things completely.
She sighed. She would just have to find a play thing to satisfy her until the man was caught and could be suitably punished.
She grinned as she remembered the Horseman.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Only minutes later, she found herself confronted with a rather ugly picture.
Not a picture as such, more of what could have been a portrait in real life but nonetheless ugly.
Her bony old grandfather was sitting on the Ankh Morpork throne, looking rather bored out of his skull, as it were. But it was not he who made the scene so indescribably ugly and cringeworthy.
The girl on his knee was . . .
Susan let a tremble run through her body.
At that, Death noticed her and with the girl still bouncing on his lap, made wide sweeping "Get out of here" gestures.
The girl didn't notice. She was having too much . . . well, it certainly was not what you would call fun but it may have been something slightly more perverse for her.
Susan fumed, caught alight and put herself out before she took a step forward.
But then took a step back as the girl abruptly stopped, leapt down from the skeleton's legs and scurried out a side door.
"Grandfather!" she hissed.
"SUSAN" he stated.
Susan ran up to him, furious. About to abate him, she had to stop as her grandfather let out a barrage of words.
"BEFORE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD SUSAN. I MUST TELL YOU THAT THIS IS NO MERE HUMAN NOR MORTAL."
"What do you mean? She just . . ." Susan shuddered. Let's all remember that it takes a lot to make this woman shudder and the mental scarring she had just undergone counts towards this. But let's not dwell on that. There are far worse things that could have happened. Or will.
"SHE CHEATED CERTAIN DEATH. YOU MUST LEAVE BEFORE SHE COMES BACK. I AM TRAPPED HERE SINCE SHE PEFORMED THE RITE OF ASHKENTE."
"But that's not right . . . she can't!"
"SHE DID. AND SHE WILL DO WORSE TO YOU IF SHE CATCHES YOU. YOU MUST FIND COUNSEL WITH THE WIZARDS IN THIS . . . "
Susan snorted.
"DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THEM. YOU MUST FIND OUT A WAY TO RID THIS WORD OF HER."
"What is she?"
"I HAVE HEARD OF HER ONLY ONCE BEFORE . . . OR AFTER" he admitted, "SHE IS THE MARY SUE."
Susan blinked but then left quickly as she heard footsteps.
Death sat forlornly on the throne of Ankh Morpork as Ruby returned to perform something she had found in a book in the library.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*cringes* Argh! That was horrible! But have no fear. She WILL suffer pain. Lots of pain . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rincewind flicked over the last few pages of the book, closed it with a definitive shut. He looked up and found a candle lit next to him he looked out the window to the moon that shone softly through the glass.
He blinked once, twice and then rubbed his eyes.
The moon was HUGE
Then he heard a sound.
It sounded like a warble.
But with a little something that seemed to scream upbeat.
He shook his head to dislodge the whine.
It didn't work.
He looked up, puzzled, to see the Librarian banging his head hopelessly against one of the bookshelves. The bookshelf itself had books that jumped up and down violently. The papers rustled and acted jittery. Rincewind rubbed his eyes again and then cleaned out his ears for good measure.
For a moment he listened carefully. And then his face crumpled. His body jerked uncontrollably into a foetal position.
His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his mouth opened to let out a moan . . . His hands scrabbled for something to stick in his ears to block out the noise.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Well, I will go down with this shiiip
And I won't put my hands up and surrendeerrrrr
There will be NO white flag above MY door
I'm in lurrrrve and always will beeeeee!!!!"
This was the 'noise' that Rincewind and the rest of Ankh-Morpork was trying to dispel from their ears. It grated like nails against a blackboard. It shredded their eardrums to something pink and unhealthily akin to a hair ribbon.
The chords of Dido were being mutated into something terrorizing. Not unlike Godzilla or the trolley's of old. This mutation reared it's head and roared. . .
No wait . . .
Hang on.
The young girl under Carrot's window looked towards the manifestation.
"Yes?" she asked imperviously.
The thing roared its displeasure.
Princess Ruby, however, seemed unfazed and tilted her head to the side.
"Are you quite finished? I've got some serenading to do, you know."
The fiend stopped mid-roar confused with the girl below. She wasn't running away. This was a new development. It was getting angry with this. The girl should be running away screaming. He liked screams.
The girl seemed to be tapping her foot impatiently.
"Wizaaaaaaaard!!!!!" she yelled. The population of Ankh-Morpork shuddered and tried to dig themselves deeper into the river's gmuck.
Reg Shoe took note of this strange development and wrote down a few notes before scampering off to run off some flyers and petitions for the new princess. Then he came back to check the princess' speech bubble, his mouth clearly mouthing some numbers . . . Nodding to himself, he was ready to go back and report.
The Bursar hurried forward anxiously.
"Your highness! Mayeth I spake on how breathtaking thou art this evening? The moon, in its rather corpulent sizeth can holdeth no candle to thy beauty! Forsooth, methinks they . . ."
"Whatever, sweetie," the girl said, "Just get rid of this thing, ok?
The Bursar nodded quickly and literally skipped up to the beast that was still staring at the girl in confusion, trying to decide whether it was too stupid to run or actually was a threat.
The Bursar lifted his wand.
"Bibbidi . . . Bobbidi . . . Boo!"
The beast seemed ready to sneer at the little man who was trying to send him back to the Dungeons Dimension. They could have at least tried doing the dispelling spell properly. He wasn't going to let ANYONE get in the way between him and revenge on the girl who had disturbed slumber . . .
Its rapidly downsizing and turning a bright shade of orange disrupted this thought.
The Bursar looked with pride on his work for a moment before turning quickly and bowing extravagantly to his mistress.
"Please grace us, my lady," he said courteously.
She gave an impervious sniff before turning back to the window.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Angua was meanwhile trying to hold Carrot down. He was writhing in agony but at the same time, straining for the window.
"Angua . . . help me. She calls me. She knows," his eyes widened as his legs tried to push away from Angua and his arms held her tight around the neck.
Angua gave a grunt of superhuman effort (being more than a human, of course) and threw Carrot over her shoulder. The screeches had stopped for a moment and she could hear the Princess yelling for her wizard. Immediately, she headed for the door with her quarry and ran down the streets.
Where could she go? Where would the Princess not go?
There was only one answer, though she hated to admit it.
She turned south and headed for the Shades.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Susan Sto-Helit had had quite enough. The squealing had gone on through the night and was now disrupting her class.
The children looked to her from under their desks.
"This may not be an earthquake," she said, "But close enough. I'll be right back."
Moving next door, she told the teacher in the next classroom to keep an eye on her own class before marching purposefully towards the high-pitched yells.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ruby was not pleased by the fact that her true love had been stolen away from her by the werewolf that seduced every man she met. How dare that wolf take her man!
Ruby's brow furrowed as she tried to think of something . . .
She was nudged in the knees by a strangely large bloodhound. After berating it for making her lose her posture she promptly sent it after the werewolf and her husband to be. She sent with express instructions to mangle the werewolf no matter what. Somehow the bloodhound understood this through sheer terror of being summoned from nothing into Ruby's presence and bounded off into the dankness of Ankh Morpork.
Satisfied her quarry would be caught, albeit bloodied, Ruby still felt slightly slighted by the man she had chosen to be hers.
She had heard him scream "Don't let her get me!" and had ignored it at first. But this new development changed things completely.
She sighed. She would just have to find a play thing to satisfy her until the man was caught and could be suitably punished.
She grinned as she remembered the Horseman.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Only minutes later, she found herself confronted with a rather ugly picture.
Not a picture as such, more of what could have been a portrait in real life but nonetheless ugly.
Her bony old grandfather was sitting on the Ankh Morpork throne, looking rather bored out of his skull, as it were. But it was not he who made the scene so indescribably ugly and cringeworthy.
The girl on his knee was . . .
Susan let a tremble run through her body.
At that, Death noticed her and with the girl still bouncing on his lap, made wide sweeping "Get out of here" gestures.
The girl didn't notice. She was having too much . . . well, it certainly was not what you would call fun but it may have been something slightly more perverse for her.
Susan fumed, caught alight and put herself out before she took a step forward.
But then took a step back as the girl abruptly stopped, leapt down from the skeleton's legs and scurried out a side door.
"Grandfather!" she hissed.
"SUSAN" he stated.
Susan ran up to him, furious. About to abate him, she had to stop as her grandfather let out a barrage of words.
"BEFORE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD SUSAN. I MUST TELL YOU THAT THIS IS NO MERE HUMAN NOR MORTAL."
"What do you mean? She just . . ." Susan shuddered. Let's all remember that it takes a lot to make this woman shudder and the mental scarring she had just undergone counts towards this. But let's not dwell on that. There are far worse things that could have happened. Or will.
"SHE CHEATED CERTAIN DEATH. YOU MUST LEAVE BEFORE SHE COMES BACK. I AM TRAPPED HERE SINCE SHE PEFORMED THE RITE OF ASHKENTE."
"But that's not right . . . she can't!"
"SHE DID. AND SHE WILL DO WORSE TO YOU IF SHE CATCHES YOU. YOU MUST FIND COUNSEL WITH THE WIZARDS IN THIS . . . "
Susan snorted.
"DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THEM. YOU MUST FIND OUT A WAY TO RID THIS WORD OF HER."
"What is she?"
"I HAVE HEARD OF HER ONLY ONCE BEFORE . . . OR AFTER" he admitted, "SHE IS THE MARY SUE."
Susan blinked but then left quickly as she heard footsteps.
Death sat forlornly on the throne of Ankh Morpork as Ruby returned to perform something she had found in a book in the library.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*cringes* Argh! That was horrible! But have no fear. She WILL suffer pain. Lots of pain . . .