Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, a photo surfaces of Paul Walker as a baby, wearing nothing more than a box. Or is it a brown paper bag?
Disclaimer: Rowling = Harry Potter. slytherinsRsexyer7283/beater#4 = Crazy.
Chapter Four: Paul Walker In A Box
Hello my future Girlfriend
This is what I sound like
I am 11 years old in the 6th grade
In New Mexico
Please PM me if I'm on Yahoo! Chat
Bye, thanks for stopping by!
- Micheal, "Hello My Future Girlfriend"
~
The very next day a Gryffindor student who was older than Harry and probably should have graduated 2 years ago and gotten a job in the real world and who was also Quidditch captain for the first year, strolled hummingly along the Astronomy Tower ledge.
"Do do do the Sailor dog..." Oliver Wood captained. He couldn't remember the whole song so he just kept singing this part over and over, wishing he knew where his Sailor Dog book was so he could find out the lyrics.
Today was the day that everyone decided that it was time for the Twin Experiment.
"So, which one are you?" Oliver Phelps asked Katie Bell. Everyone laughed at Oliver's joke, but nobody knew he asked her seriously, thinking she was one of the twins.
"Which one of you is the evil one?" Seamus probed.
"What's Seamus trying to do?" Harry asked. Ron popped out from behind the torturing device and made some handicapped noises. "*handicapped noise* Harry, yay *handicapped noise* duh Harry. Trying to turn water into rum *handicapped noise*."
Dean Thomas put up his West Side poster.
"Ouch. That hurt." Fred phelped.
"How do we know that YOU'RE," Dean Thomas pointed to Fred or George, "not really George and just pretending to be Fred? All these years you've fooled us! Foolery!" Dean Thomas jumped out a window.
"My dad said that sometimes with twins, one of them doesn't get enough oxygen in the womb. He's a Doctor you know. Doctor Bones!" Susan boned. Lee Jordan was screaming for joy and bouncing up and down like a vibrating cell-phone, with his mouth wide open.
"I know! lets hit Fred or George and see if George or Fred can feel it!" Harry lived. Neville thought this was a VERY good idea and he couldn't wait to get started. He even bought along his special cane, but sadly Fred intervened.
"Oh, no Lavender Brown, that's okay I bought George's beater club thingee that you can use."
"Don't hit him *too* hard" George grinned, who was being strapped onto a concrete slab next to his twin.
Seamus cackled.
"Do do do the Sailor Dog... do do do the Sailor Dog... do do do the Sailor Dog..." Oliver chanted in his own special way, signaling for the beginning of the experiment.
"And three.... two... one... GO!" Ron held up his arms holding a handkerchief in one of them, bringing them down on the last word.
SMACK!
The beater club thingee connected hard with Fred or George's leg. Crabbe howled in pain, clutching his finger.
"Well... that was interesting..." Adrian Puccey noted.
SMACK! Seamus turned on Crabbe with the club and a painful scream came from Lee Jordan's overly-over-sized mouth. Soon, Greenhouse 7 had turned into a huge Beating contest, with Ginny writing down all the details in her diary.
A couple of hours later when Gryffindor and Slytherin turned up for Herbology, they say that Greenhouse 4 had been smashed up completely much to everybody's dismay.
"Yay! Class is cancelled! Woo!" Professor Sprout grew.
Suddenly, in a hidden secret chamber- I mean... room, Harry, Ron and Hermione found themselves face to face with none other than Draco Malfoy and his clan consisting of two moss covered boulders.
The first boulder, who I suspect was Crabbe, grunted.
Chow didn't like the look of this and feeling a WWF smack down coming on, she scurried away but not before chowing a quick "Ciao!".
Seamus oinked.
"Um... I hate you.. Harry..." Draco winked.
"Yeah... erm... Dra- I mean Malfoy... I hate you too..." Harry lied.
"Uhh... I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll fight you" Draco nevilled.
"Err... okay... um... Hermione and Ron you guys had better... um go... yeah..." Harry pretended.
"Yeah... Crabbe and Goyle you should go to... we'll have a wizards duel... err..." Draco eviled Crabbe and Goyle and they both grunted off.
"Yeah... no seconds... haha..." Harry crabbily crabbed, watching Ron and Hermione leave.
An eerily haunting tune floated through the room, which sounded suspiciously like, 'Do do do the Sailor Dog...' but Harry and Draco ignored it.
"Wow look at the time gotta go bye!" Crabbe rolled down the stairs, landing at Draco's feet. Draco kicked the stupid git and waved his wand and said 'Avada Kedavra!'. Crabbe died. Or was it Goyle?
Shame Goyle.
And then suddenly a hidden secret was meanwhiled, but they didn't notice the hidden secret being meanwhiled because Draco and Harry were too busy playing tonsil-Quidditch! Ahe!
But their make-out session was interrupted by Chow, who burst in and rather hurriedly dragged Cedric's decomposing corpse across the floor, along to the other side of the room and through the door on the other side.
"Wow she looked like she was in a hurry." Draco stated.
"Yeah I wonder what she's doing"
"Lets follow her and see" Draco felt Harry's stomach rumble.
"Nah, I'm hungry. Lets get something to eat at the Great Hall. I reckon its dinner time." And with that the hidden secret of Chow and the corpse remained unsolved.
"What's Seamus trying to do?" Harry asked. Ron popped out from behind the pot of gold and made some handicapped noises. "*handicapped noise* Harry, yay *handicapped noise* duh Harry. Trying to turn water into rum *handicapped noise*."
Meanwhile at the Gryffindor table at the Great Hall, Neville was in the middle of telling everyone rather animatedly about his Grandmother and how she used to play with Trevor, when Harry and Draco arrived at the table at the same time.
"Where have you two been? I've been worried sick!" Adrian Puccey puked.
"Um.. we were busy..." Harry blushed, removing his mouth from Draco's.
"Busy wiggin'" Ron raped.
"Excuse me I did not wig!" Harry wigged.
"There was major wiggage!" Dean Thomas rudely butted into the convo!
"Every sit! I have an announcement!" Dumbledore heart-attacked. Everyone jumped up in excitement
"It has come to my attention that pumpkin juice is no longer accepted here. I am now proud to welcome a newcomer to our breakfast, lunch and dinner table..." Dumbledore paused for suspense. "Carrot juice!" Dumble clapped his hands once and raised them into the air and the juice was magicked onto everybody's tables.
Everyone stood up and threw their hats in the air. Lee Jordan was screaming for joy and bouncing up and down like a vibrating cell-phone, with his mouth wide open. Seamus shook somebody's hand rather enthusiastically, nearly pulling Susan's bones out of her socket- excuse the pun!!! Oliver sang the Sailor Dog song- or rather, what he knew of the Sailor Dog song.
"Yes, well done Carrot juice, well done Carrot juice.... however..." But nobody listened to what Dumbledore said next because they were all far too excited with the new member on the menu.
"Does anybody know where I could get some eye of rabbit?" Crabbe crabbed, grabbing some crab-meat.
Draco couldn't work out why the Irish sandy-haired boy Seamus was smiling at him oddly and winking. Suddenly he felt a cold Irish foot crawl up his robes. Draco screamed. Everyone screamed and threw down the food they were eating, pushing and shoving to get out of the hall as fast as possible.
"SILENCE!" Dumbledore clutched his heart gasping for air.
"Do do do the Sailor Dog... do do do the Sailor dog... do do do the Sailor dog... " Oliver Wood unsilenced.
Much to everyone's surprise, the old headmaster of Hogwarts magicked a TV screen, a sound-system and some microphones onto the stage.
"Kareoke finals! Get down with your bad selves and enroll! That is all!"
"Do do do the Sailor Dog... do do do the Sailor dog... do do do the Sailor dog... " Oliver Wood sung in celebration.
"Oh, for fucks sake, will you just SHUT UP OLIVER! Its SCUPPERS the damn Sailor Dog!! Its 'I am Scuppers the Sailor Dog'! SCUPPERS!!!!!!" Harry screamed, losing control. Oliver thanked his lucky stars that Harry knew the song and he could now rest in peace.
And with that everyone left for class, which happened to be Arithmacy which Gryffindor had with Slytherin.
A.N: I'm so excited about the Kareoke Finals! Aren't you? Thanks to all great reviewers! We're glad you ALL love this super fanfic! If you haven't already... PLEASE review! Review! Review!
A.N 2: Seriously (no, I'm Sirius!) What does everyone think is up with Chow and dragging the corpse everywhere? Is there some master plan at hand, or is Chow being... well... Chow?