Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Flitwick puts a special spell on Dumbledore and makes his beard molt everywhere! What a calamity!
Disclaimer: All songs mentioned are copyrighted by their respective owners! Woo! And B-Rock TM is trademarked by the B-Rocker TM himself from the Backstreet Babes! slytherinsRsexyer7283/beater#4 own the plot.
Chapter Six: The Tao Of Dawson
If I told you, I needed you
Would you break my heart again?
If I told you, I'd die for you
Would you break my heart again?
Would you break my heart...
- Enmasse, "Break My Heart"
~
The next day, Ron emptied his Jumbo Hagrid Jellies onto Seamus's bed. Little did he know, Seamus was having fun wiggling around in Harry's bed....
"What's Seamus trying to do?" Harry asked. Ron popped out from behind the jiggling purple Hagrid jelly and made some handicapped noises. "*handicapped noise* Harry, yay *handicapped noise* duh Harry. Trying to turn water into rum *handicapped noise*."
Hagrid pulled out his Draco doll and made him 'battle' with Harry. "Abur!" Ernie Macmillan clowned.
"...my brother CHARLIE in ROMAINIA went as a DRAGON in ROMAINIA yeah my brother CHARLIE..." Ron blended.
"Um... ok Flitwick..." Flitwick flitted.
"Oh no, we have Art with Professor Sirius Black aged... Age! Adrian Puccey!" (A.N That was especially for MiakaMalfoy!)
Goyle did something dodgy.
"Oh no, we have that class with Slytherin!" Dean Thomas howled, putting up his West Wing poster.
Suddenly the Gryffindors and the Slytherin's growled and were on there way to Art class, jogging down the road- I mean, hall.
Popping out of nowhere in particular, but what seemed to be suspiciously from underneath Justin Finch-Fletcherly's orange beard, was a frantic looking short and ugly guy with big hairy feet.
"Get off the road!!!!!!!!!" Elijah hobbitted, knocking over Oliver Wood's wooden puppet. But before the Hufflepuff Badger could extend a long finger and scratch Frodo's head, the Hobbit darted back in amongst the trees.
Everyone laughed at Susan Bones because she was still wearing her Pajamas- or her Halloween costume.
Meanwhile, in Art class everyone was seated behind easels or big tables piled with clay.
"Hello class..." the dog barked. "I need a volunteer model because today we are studying the anatomy. Human, anatomy that is or else I would GLADLY volunteer!!!!"
Seamus frantically jumped up and down, waving one of Susan's bones, trying to get the dogs attention.
Sirius Black happily caught the bone, wagging his tail and buried Susan's............... bone!
Cedric Diggory digged it back up.
So Seamus took off all his clothes and ran around the class like a madman, molding pieces of clay to various body parts and donning his face with Irish war paint.
"Now now Seamus, you need to stay still so the class can paint, sketch, or sculpt you...." Hermione grangered.
Harry leaned in close- but not too close to a Mr Draco Malfoy. "I think Snape's going to steal the Philosophers Stone!" Harry whispered, getting excited. Ron rolled some clay into a ball for Seamus's... well... yeah.
"Look Harry, you're my best friend, you can tell me anything... I'm here for you." George twined.
Draco filled his canvas with beautiful Irish colors for Seamus's... well... you know... yeah. "That a good song for you too sing at the Kareoke Finals, which, I might add are coming up! Tonight!"
"You're my brother Ron!" Susan cried.
"What song are you going to sing Susan?" Frodo bagginsed.
"It'll be a surprizzzze!" Susan groped Ron in response.
Suddenly the class finished, due to Seamus not being able to stand still, as he kept trying to... well.... you know.
Later on, Harry went to Hagrid's hut for "tea" and "rock cakes".
"Are you sure you don't want us to come? I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything!" Ron burped, wanting to follow Harry.
"Um..." but Harry never answered because their friendly convo was rudely interrupted by Chow dragging Cedric's body up the steps to the main entrance, which she did several times because whenever she got near the top she'd accidentally let go of Cedric's knee socket and he'd go tumbling to the bottom again, which left a trail of rotting flesh.
Suddenly it was night-time and everyone was in the Great Hall for the Kareoke finals!
Dumbledore had really gotten into the swing of things and was dressed as his favorite drag-queen, and had Dean Thomas help him put up some posters.
Everyone was sitting at their house tables, waiting in anticipation for the Finals to begin.
The Gryffindor and Slytherin tables were especially excited...
"Our job is to make sure-" Fred started.
"Yyyyyyyyou don't get-" George finished.
"Bloodied up to much!" Fred guffawed, finishing his brother's sentence.
George caught Buckbeak in his Pokeball, which he still had left-over from his Halloween costume.
Draco felt a small but annoying Irish feathery tickle on the back of his neck. Whirling around in surprizzzze, he saw that Seamus had been batting his eyelashes over Draco's neck.
"Ok, THATS IT SEAMUS!!!!!! I WANT A RESTRAINING ORDER!!!" Draco roared like a dragon and Seamus was taken to court and Draco got a Restraining order against the sandy-haired Irish Gryffindor the boy who lived friend. If Seamus came within 2000 meters of Draco, he got immediately thrown into jail. Not the Irish jail, because Seamus liked it there, but the real jail which was a tryhard Azkaban. It was called Azlanbakankebab.
And then Dumbledore dimmed the lights and winked to Snape who was up on the enchanted ceiling which was bewitched to look like the night sky doing the lights. Dumbledore smiled because he could see up Snape's robes.
The opening bars to 'Lady Marmalade' blared harshly into the hall, filling everyone's ears.
A very skanky and very old man- Dumbledore, strutted onto the stage, wearing nothing but a red thong and tight red corset topped off with bright red platforms. Madam Pince had done the old headmasters make-up, caking his wrinkles with foundation and blush. His usually purpley-colored lips were a bright shade of red, matching his red fishnet tights. I suspect a red theme going on here.
"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge, strutting her stuff on the street... she said, 'Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?'" Dumbledore wheezed, trying his best to dance like a prostitute. The crowd went wild and threw various undergarments and flowers at him. A large white thing hit the old man in the face and he saw that this certain undergarment belonged to a smiling Irish fellow in the crowd.
"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up, boy drank all that magnolia wine. On her black satin sheets is where he started to freak..." The 150 year old man made his way down into the crowd and sat upon a very suprised but very happy Ravenclaw student and propositioned him, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Ce soir?"
Ernie MacMillian grinned triumphantly and skipped off with Dumble clutching his heart as the song faded out.
The crowd hushed in anticipation, as Dean Thomas walked along the catwalk sporting the latest cowboy fashion. Everyone wondered what song this West-lover was going to sing.
"Wicked wild, wicked, wicked wild, wild, wicked wild, wicked, wicked wild, wild, wicked wicked wicked, wild, wild, wicked wild, wild west!" Everyone screamed at Dean Thomas's gunning pelvic moves.
"Jim West, desperado, rough rider, no you don't want nada, none of this 6 gunnin this brother running, this buffalo soldier, look it's like I told ya; any damsel that's in distress, be out of that dress when she meet Dean T, roughneck so go check the law and abide, watch your step worth flex, and get a hold of your side, swallow your pride, don't let your lip react..." Dean said just before Ron's lip reacted... hahahahaha.
The song ended and the stage was graced with many fine young and old singers including Percy who did a rousing 'Thong Song' wearing nothing BUT a thong! Then there was Adrian Puccey, who started a Great Hall sing-a-long with the famous Full House theme song, as everybody knew the words to this hit TV show. Neville wowed the crowd as he crawled along the stage, belting out 'Crawling' by Linkin Park. The Weasley Twins did an entertaining Hand Song, singing about how Fred's hand was George's hand and so on.
Next up was Susan Bones. Wearing her bone costume, or bone Pajamas- she walked up onto the stage carrying bone a skeleton chart bone and a pointer. "The knee bone's connected to the- thigh bone!" she sung, pointing to the appropriate bone on bone the chart. "The thigh bones connected to Susan bone" Hermione laughed at bone this cool logic as Susan continued, now bobbing up bone and down in time to bone the music. "The hip bone's connected to the- neck bone! The neck bone's connected to the- toe bone! The toe bone's connected to eye bone! Go bones go! Dun dun dun..." She was boned off stage and the next act bone begun.
"Ooo a slow tune..." said Seamus, rubbing up against Dennis Creevy- his NEW Draco, and making sure he was 2460 meters away from Draco.
"What's Seamus trying to do?" Harry asked. Ron popped out from behind the speakers and made some handicapped noises. "*handicapped noise* Harry, yay *handicapped noise* duh Harry. Trying to turn water into rum *handicapped noise*."
Madam Pince turned on the smoke machines and pressed play on the stereo. Draco and Harry walked in slow motion onto the stage, wearing billowy white shirts and pants. There were two microphones in there stands at the front of the stage and Draco walked up to his. "Before we say goodbye, before we turn and walk away... lets give it one more try, before we say goodbye..." Draco sung like a dragon.
"Before we close the door, before we go our separate ways... stop and find out why, before we say goodbye" Harry crooned, and they both pulled the microphones off the stands and faced each other.
"We've been down this road before..." Draco sung.
"And we've always made it through, ooh-ooh" Harry harmonized.
"But incase we break up," Draco sung again.
"Can I still have sex with you?" Harry joined in with Draco and they both sung in perfect harmony and looked into each others eyes and Harry whispered something crappy like, "My dragon..." and they both shimmied off stage.
Much to everyrons surprizzzze Adrian jumped back onstage and did an acoustic version of 'What's My Age Again?'... get it... Age.... AGE... Adrian.... (A.N That was especially for MiakaMalfoy!). Then Ron jumped up wearing some sort of hand-me-down robes or some shit and sung a song about money... or lack of it. Next up, Hermione wowed the crowed with 'Nigga Wit A Badge' getting everyone to sing the 'freeze muthafucka' bits, as everybody had the Fast and The Furious Soundtrack and were all big Ja Rule fans. The Hufflepuff Badger and Colin Creevy did a photogenic roll of film of the camera developing 'Dirty Pop' complete with trashy NSync dance moves, perfected by the badger himself. "Dirty pop, yo, J. T." Creevy raped, pointing to the badger, a.k.a. 'J.T' in a homie-like way.
"Dirty pop, baby you can't stop, I know you like this dirty pop... this must be...." the badger himself badgered, growling and giving the crowd a good bodgering. Chow and Hagrid did an X-rated performance of Hawksley Workman's 'Striptease'. Sirius Black, an unregistered Animagi man who escaped from Azkaban in book 3 sung 'How much is that doggy in the window?' and transformed into a dog for all the 'woof woof' bits.
Next was Flitwick, who wowed to crowd with that annoying 'Its a Small World After All' song, charming a whole bunch of leppy leprechauns to sing and dance like puppets along to the song. Even the Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor team, Oliver Wood participated and was booed off stage after a very short 'Scuppers The Sailor Dog' verse. People even threw tomatoes, and bones left over from Susan's Bones song.
Seamus was up next, but had to perform at the back of the stage because he had to stay 250 meters away from Draco and he didn't want to go to Azlanbakankebab. The music for 'Picture of You' started up and Seamus did some hard-out Stephen Gateley leg wiggling dance. The music slowly faded into 'Flying Without Wings' and Seamus literally flew without wings over the crowd and landed back on stage just in time for the new Irish Popstars song, fronted by the famous Irish Singer Ronan O'Feeley. Everyone threw four leaf clovers at the end of Seamus's medley and pots of gold as well. Ron ran around trying to catch all the gold because he was poor and he hoped this time the gold wouldn't disappear.
And now for the grand finale! In matching costumes; Oliver Wood, Ginny, Millicent, Dean T, Vin, Ernie MacMillan, Blaise, Penelope Clearwater and Age took their positions on the stage. Oh my god they were S Club 7! The 13 students bounded around the stage, singing happy pop crap in the S Club way! Everyone screamed for Vin- or Crabbe as he was known on the street- the loudest!
What a great way to end the Kareoke Finals!
A.N: I wonder who's going to win the Kareoke Finals? Keep reviewing! Woo! Thanks to all the reviewers and fans of our story!!!!!