Hello everyone! Um... woah I haven't been on ff.net in a while. This is my newest fic. It's slashy, meaning it's about male/male relationship. Sorry to disappoint the nymphos like me, but you won't read a description of sex in this one. I put it PG just to be safe. I'm new to slash, so I'll take it slowly, but soon enough I might start writing R-rated stuff like I usually do. I'd love to get reviews, with constructive critism, or only with a nice word in them. Please, no flames, if you don't like the story, you can just stop reading it, no one's forcing you to read it. Finally, a quick word to mention that I'm a French canadian, so my english might suck sometimes. I tried to do my best, I hope you will appreciate it!

Huggles, Jess

FORGIVE ME

PG/Slash

The sky was a dark shade of grey and the sun was slowly hiding back the thin line of smokey clouds. It was winter. Powdery snoflakes were falling gracefully, melting into Harry Potter's ebony waves.  With his red scarf tightly wrapped around his neck, his old black gloves and his long grey winter cloak, he looked like any other wizard standing outside during a snowy late afternoon. His emerald eyes shone dully as he silently implored God not to let 'him'' go. Inhaling deeply, he blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall and turned back to Ron.

"Y'all right, mate?"

"Yes. Yes of course I'm alright."

"He's leaving, isn't he?"

"He is."

"Just don't worry about it, Harry. He's only leavin' for Christmas holidays. Can you believe it? That'll be one week where you won't be able to write 'shag Draco' in the year planner that 'Mione gave us."

Harry laughed mirthlessly. "He's not coming back."


For a second, Ron looked puzzled, but he slowly nodded and gave a smile of compassion to his best friend. He gave him a quick pat on the shoulder and pulled him closer into a tight hug.

"Thanks for being there, Ron."

"Isn't it what friends are for? C'mon, Dean and Seamus are having this huge snowfight against Parvati and Lavender. I think that the girls are beatin' the crap out of them. We wouldn't let them lose, would we?"

" You're right. Who knows after all? If I get hit by too many snowballs, my heart might just freeze forever." Then, he added, on a lighter tone " Where is that Lockhart prat when you need him? Right now I'd be more than happy if he tested his oblivion spells on me."

He smiled tentatively to the red haired guy next to him, before getting a freezing, hard snowball right in the neck. In less than two seconds the two guys had joined the fight, screaming like warriors and howling with laughter at the sight of two shrieking girls covered in snow.

Harry had just caught Parvati's leg, causing her to fall down in the snow, and he was about to put a handful of snow under her cloak when a figure he only knew too well slowly walked out of the Forbidden Forest and stood still under one of the gigantic Christmas trees decorated for the occasion.

He loosened his grasp on Parvati and stood up slowly, brushing the snow off his dark cloak. With a quick nod to the rest of the group, he tentatively walked towards the cloaked figure. As he progressivly advanced towards the other man, he could see his pain and sadness reflected into the steel grey eyes. His lover's figure was shaking softly even though it wasn't that cold.

Cool, damp lips descended upon Harry's warm ones, as he wrapped his arms tightly around the lithe, shaking figure of his lover and held him tight. The body against his was racking with sobs as he felt Draco's hands clutching onto the hem of his cloak, never wanting to let go.

Harry's voice was soft and barely a whisper when he spoke, tracing patterns on Draco's cold and tear-stained cheek.

"Hey… don't cry, you're going to be alright… everything's going to be alright, that's always how it turns in the end. You can go through this, I know you can."

He kissed the Slytherin's forehead and caressed the soft spot in the back of his neck. It had always managed to calm him a little, even during the hardest times. Draco's slender figure tensed against Harry, but soon relaxed, as he hid his crying face in the crook of the taller man's neck.

Some people started pointing at the sight of the two men; one, shorter, dressed with a forest green winter cloak over his black wizard dress, and the other one, taller, wind playing with his mussed brown locks, his lithe body covered with a grey cloak, and his strong arms embracing the smaller, quivering figure.

Normally, both would have minded, and they would have never even thought about touching each other in a public space… but right now, right now it didn't matter. Emerald green eyes were lost into steel gray ones, and the two wizards feared to break eye-contact, as if the Earth would shatter under their feet, and that they would drown into silent darkness. They were barely aware of the crowd around them, opening wide eyes at the sight of their bodies, tangled together.

None of the two young men wished to talk, as Harry started playing absently with Draco's platinum hair, wanting to remember how silky it felt between his fingers. His hand dropped to the marble white cheek, and he stroked it softly, reassuringly. His lover had stopped crying, and was now leaning into Harry's touch on his tear-stained face.

"What if I am not strong enough, Harry?" It was barely a whisper, but fear could be read into the blonde wizard's eyes, as he blinked slowly, tears escaping from the long, dark eyelashes.

"You will be. Malfoys may behave like a bunch of whimp sometimes, but I know you can be strong. Be strong for me, Draco. I will be with you, in mind and soul. It'll be alright."


However, Harry had to break eye contact as he replied. His worse fear had just been mentionned. What if… what if Draco couldn't resist? What if he was too scared to say no? To refuse? To be strong and have faith in what he believed was the right thing to do? It would crush him then. It would crush the both of them. The dark haired wizard was scared too, but he had to be strong. Draco had been his strength so many times before, it was now his turn to comfort his lover. But Harry was well aware that one word, one small word could change their relationship forever. A simple 'yes' and the love between them would vanish, in a cloud of smoke, forever. And the young man was well placed to know that Voldemort could be very convincing when he really wanted to.

His train of thought was interrupted as he felt Draco's grasp tighten around his waist, as the Slytherin's gaze filled with unshed tears once again. Looking up, he noticed that the 'Hogwarts Express' had arrived and that many students were lining to get into it.

"Oh, Harry…"

Harry silenced Draco by kissing him hard on the lips, biting the Slytherin's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. It wasn't a loving kiss, it was desperate, and their tongues fought for control, as they both clung to each other as if their lives depended of it. When Harry finally broke the kiss, both were breathless, and Draco had blood dripping from his lower lip, leaving a shiny red trail on his fair skin.

The taller wizard licked it softly away, and tasted Draco's lips quickly, once again.

"I love you, Draco Malfoy. Please be strong for me."

"I… I love you too, Harry." Draco lowered his gaze as he mumbled "I'll do my best."

And as he turned and started to walk away slowly, Harry knew that he had lost his lover. Forever. And that there was nothing to do. He simply couldn't do it at Draco's place; he couldn't be strong for him anymore. That was a mission Draco had to do alone. The Gryffindor felt the urge to run after Draco and repeat the tree words over and over 'I love you'. He would repeat it until the snow melted, until fall arrived again, he would repeat it until Draco, completely annoyed would tell him to stop with a sneer and run away from him. But he found himself glued to the ground and he gazed helplessly to his lover as he entered in the train and waved at him dully through the window. Harry felt tears burning behind his half-closed eyelids and fought the urge to look away. He had to keep hoping that Draco would come back after Christmas, as supposed, his cheeks pink from the cold winter wind, his long Slytherin scarf hanging loosely around his neck… his steel grey eyes bearing into Harry's as he would lean into his touch to kiss him softly on the lips.

But nothing would ever be the same. Draco knew it too, he realized it, as he sat on the old velvet red seat and clutched at the only thing he had left to remind him of Harry : a long striped scarf, smelling of mint, of fire and something else that was distinctly Harry's personal smell. Something seemed to shatter inside his soul but he didn't fight it, and he was shocked when no tears rolled on his cheeks. There was only a sharp pain, and then a great feeling of emptiness. Draco knew what would happen, once he would get back to the Malfoy's Manor. His father would tie his wrists together and use his sharp leather whip on him, lecturing him in an empty, emotionless voice about his relationship with The Boy Who Lived. He would have to promise not to see him again. Then, Voldemort would come and he would get the mark. He knew he would be unable to say no. And to finish, Lucius, exasperated, would send him off to Drumstrang, where he would finish the year, graduate, and work as a Death Eater during the rest of his live. And strangely enough, no sobs escaped his lips as he looked back into the window, one last time, to watch Harry's fade slowly, until it disappeared completely. The only thing he really hoped was that Harry would never ever forget him, and remember him as his old lover, Draco Malfoy, and not as a filthy, dark Death Eater.

One last tear made its way down Draco's cheek at the sight of the Malfoy's Manor, but it passed unnoticed, as heavy snowflakes fell into his face and melted on his warm skin. It was the last one that would fall for a long time to come.

" Please forgive me, Potter."