Title: How come your arms are not around me (2/?)
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Lorelai/Christopher
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Christopher rides into town everyone is affected
in their own different way.
AUTHORS NOTE: Title is from a song by Kristoffer Astrom.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------
"You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule..."
-------------------------------------------
How come your arms are not around me (2/?)
"On returning"
by:Jessica
----------------------------------
He didn't ride into town on a white stallion.
He came on his motorcycle.
But for Rory Gilmore it might has well been on a white stallion.
The first thing she remembers about her father was the
sound of the motorcycle as he came rolling into their life once again.
Only to leave a day later.
This time around had been different.
Promises were made.
Hope came alive and she thought maybe this time around things
would be different.
But as usual he disappointed her, making promises he couldn't keep.
At first she blamed herself for being so foolish to believe
things actually could change.
Then anger came.
Anger filled her when she saw the pain in her mother's eyes.
So when her father came rolling into town this time she wasn't
the one who greeted him with hugs and kisses as she usually did.
She pulled back.
Still remembering the pain that he had caused them.
-----------------------------
He tried to ignore his beating heart as the motorcycle came
to a halt outside the Gilmore house.
He hadn't thought it through.
He realized that now.
But he had needed to escape the life he had created for himself.
So he ran to the only place he could think of.
But as he stood there in front of the door all he could think
about was the joy he felt in his heart of seeing them again.
His family.
But he couldn't help but notice that his hands trembled as he
knocked on the door.
-----------------------------
Boston
-----------------
She sat alone in her apartment and listened to all the sounds
the city made.
Night had fallen and everything seemed so still.
She couldn't sleep.
She hadn't been able to sleep since he left her side.
But that she refused to admit that even to herself.
She believed that she was strong if she just pushed him away.
So she pushed those memories from that night far away to the
back of her heart and locked them there.
Sometimes when she felt weak she took them out and held them
up towards the light.
Examining everything.
All the things she had said.
All the things he had said.
She twisted and turned but every time she came to
the same conclusion; she wasn't the one to blame.
When her friends asked about Christopher she lied and said
that he was on a bussiness trip.
And he might as well been.
Because she wasn't ready to take him back.
---------------------------------------------
Stars Hollow.
----------------------------
I found him in the kitchen that evening when I came home from work.
They were sitting by the table.
Talking.
Rory and her father.
I stopped in the doorway and stood there, watching them both.
My first reaction was anger towards him for coming back into
our lifes so suddenly.
But then I saw my daughter's face.
She seemed to drink every word that came out of his mouth like it was
water and she hadn't gotten a drink for days.
They both looked up as I entered.
"Mum!"
"Lorelai."
He rose and our eyes met.
He looked good.
"Chris? What are you doing here?"
"Can't a father visit his daughter?"
"Yeah, sure..But you normally call..So."
"There wasn't time..."
Apart of me kept remembering the last time he had been here.
When he broke my heart.
But the other part needed to forgive.
So I sat down by the kitchen table.
And we sat there.
The little family.
And we talked.
And we laughed.
Like there were no tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------
She had meant to be angry.
She had it planned out.
He had come rolling just like a hero in one of those books
she had read and enjoyed.
But she knew that he wasn't a hero.
The hero doesn't leave their family and break their hearts like
they meant nothing.
A hero never breaks promises.
A hero stays.
At least that was her definition of a hero.
So when she showed him into the kitchen that afternoon it
wasn't joy that filled her.
It was anger.
And she intended to show him all the pain he had caused her mother
and her.
But as he took her into his arms and whispered her name something inside
of her broke away and left her feeling vulnerable.
That scared her.
So her first reaction was to pull back.
And she rose her shield.
But slowly and surely every defense was defeated as minutes turned
into hours.
And eventually she could find in her heart to put aside her
anger and welcome him home.
----------------------------------------
I knew something was wrong when she didn't come to me that night.
It wasn't like she had made a promise.
So nothing was broken.
But it had just fallen naturally for her to come to me after
I had closed up the diner.
But that night she wasn't at my door.
I thought about calling.
I even thought about going over there.
But something inside of me whispered that maybe she needed her
independence.
And I wasn't the one that would take that away from her.
So I finished up in the diner and went upstairs.
I sat down in my favorite armchair and tried to drown out
the silence with the help of the TV.
But one hour turned into two I found myself restless.
So I rose.
To go to her.
-----------------------------------------
As night wrapped Stars Hollow we finished our take-out and
went into the living room to make up the couch.
Rory had already finished her food and went into her room
to study.
I can't say that I was prepared for the storm that followed.
We had talked about everything and nothing.
We had laughed and it felt like old times.
But as he followed me into the living room I couldn't help
but notice how fast my heart was beating.
I told myself to remember the past.
But the other part kept remembering another feeling;
of loving him, of being loved by him.
The sensation of being in his arms.
And that made me weak.
I kept running my mouth off, trying to ignore
all those feelings that kept raging inside of me.
But when we finished and we sat down on the couch I found
I had nothing to say this time.
So when his hand sought mine all I could do was surrender.
Our eyes met.
"Tell me why you have come back?"
"I wanted to see you and Rory."
"Don't lie, Chris. I know you..."
"I wanted to make amends..for the last time..."
"Chris.."
"Lor, please..."
"There's nothing more to say, Chris. Everything has been said."
"You never let me..."
"What?"
"I want your forgiveness."
"You already have it. You know that."
"And Rory?"
"That you have to ask her. But I swear..if you ever.."
"I know."
He let go of my hand and I rose.
I started to move.
I stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked back at him.
"It's nice to have you here..."
And he smiled.
Then I walked upstairs.
--------------------------------------------------
How easy I fell.
I had gone to her because something inside of me craved
the warmth of her body.
I had meant to walk up to the door, knock and she would open.
And I would say something smart and cleaver.
And I almost did.
I come to the door when I saw them.
They were sitting on the couch, holding hands.
Christopher and Lorelai.
She hadn't told me that he was back.
That he had come back to Stars Hollow.
It would have been so easy to just pick up the phone and tell me.
Instead she had spent the night with him.
The man that had broken her heart.
As I stood there, watching them, a part of me wanted to break down
that door that kept me apart from them and knock him senseless.
Just because he once had broken her heart.
But as I saw her turn her face towards him something inside of me broke.
The joy and the love that painted her face hit me right in the heart
and almost made me stumble.
And I pulled back.
I felt like an intruder.
I had no business being there.
So I turned around and walked the path home.
Alone.
--------------------------------------
feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Lorelai/Christopher
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Christopher rides into town everyone is affected
in their own different way.
AUTHORS NOTE: Title is from a song by Kristoffer Astrom.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------
"You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule..."
-------------------------------------------
How come your arms are not around me (2/?)
"On returning"
by:Jessica
----------------------------------
He didn't ride into town on a white stallion.
He came on his motorcycle.
But for Rory Gilmore it might has well been on a white stallion.
The first thing she remembers about her father was the
sound of the motorcycle as he came rolling into their life once again.
Only to leave a day later.
This time around had been different.
Promises were made.
Hope came alive and she thought maybe this time around things
would be different.
But as usual he disappointed her, making promises he couldn't keep.
At first she blamed herself for being so foolish to believe
things actually could change.
Then anger came.
Anger filled her when she saw the pain in her mother's eyes.
So when her father came rolling into town this time she wasn't
the one who greeted him with hugs and kisses as she usually did.
She pulled back.
Still remembering the pain that he had caused them.
-----------------------------
He tried to ignore his beating heart as the motorcycle came
to a halt outside the Gilmore house.
He hadn't thought it through.
He realized that now.
But he had needed to escape the life he had created for himself.
So he ran to the only place he could think of.
But as he stood there in front of the door all he could think
about was the joy he felt in his heart of seeing them again.
His family.
But he couldn't help but notice that his hands trembled as he
knocked on the door.
-----------------------------
Boston
-----------------
She sat alone in her apartment and listened to all the sounds
the city made.
Night had fallen and everything seemed so still.
She couldn't sleep.
She hadn't been able to sleep since he left her side.
But that she refused to admit that even to herself.
She believed that she was strong if she just pushed him away.
So she pushed those memories from that night far away to the
back of her heart and locked them there.
Sometimes when she felt weak she took them out and held them
up towards the light.
Examining everything.
All the things she had said.
All the things he had said.
She twisted and turned but every time she came to
the same conclusion; she wasn't the one to blame.
When her friends asked about Christopher she lied and said
that he was on a bussiness trip.
And he might as well been.
Because she wasn't ready to take him back.
---------------------------------------------
Stars Hollow.
----------------------------
I found him in the kitchen that evening when I came home from work.
They were sitting by the table.
Talking.
Rory and her father.
I stopped in the doorway and stood there, watching them both.
My first reaction was anger towards him for coming back into
our lifes so suddenly.
But then I saw my daughter's face.
She seemed to drink every word that came out of his mouth like it was
water and she hadn't gotten a drink for days.
They both looked up as I entered.
"Mum!"
"Lorelai."
He rose and our eyes met.
He looked good.
"Chris? What are you doing here?"
"Can't a father visit his daughter?"
"Yeah, sure..But you normally call..So."
"There wasn't time..."
Apart of me kept remembering the last time he had been here.
When he broke my heart.
But the other part needed to forgive.
So I sat down by the kitchen table.
And we sat there.
The little family.
And we talked.
And we laughed.
Like there were no tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------
She had meant to be angry.
She had it planned out.
He had come rolling just like a hero in one of those books
she had read and enjoyed.
But she knew that he wasn't a hero.
The hero doesn't leave their family and break their hearts like
they meant nothing.
A hero never breaks promises.
A hero stays.
At least that was her definition of a hero.
So when she showed him into the kitchen that afternoon it
wasn't joy that filled her.
It was anger.
And she intended to show him all the pain he had caused her mother
and her.
But as he took her into his arms and whispered her name something inside
of her broke away and left her feeling vulnerable.
That scared her.
So her first reaction was to pull back.
And she rose her shield.
But slowly and surely every defense was defeated as minutes turned
into hours.
And eventually she could find in her heart to put aside her
anger and welcome him home.
----------------------------------------
I knew something was wrong when she didn't come to me that night.
It wasn't like she had made a promise.
So nothing was broken.
But it had just fallen naturally for her to come to me after
I had closed up the diner.
But that night she wasn't at my door.
I thought about calling.
I even thought about going over there.
But something inside of me whispered that maybe she needed her
independence.
And I wasn't the one that would take that away from her.
So I finished up in the diner and went upstairs.
I sat down in my favorite armchair and tried to drown out
the silence with the help of the TV.
But one hour turned into two I found myself restless.
So I rose.
To go to her.
-----------------------------------------
As night wrapped Stars Hollow we finished our take-out and
went into the living room to make up the couch.
Rory had already finished her food and went into her room
to study.
I can't say that I was prepared for the storm that followed.
We had talked about everything and nothing.
We had laughed and it felt like old times.
But as he followed me into the living room I couldn't help
but notice how fast my heart was beating.
I told myself to remember the past.
But the other part kept remembering another feeling;
of loving him, of being loved by him.
The sensation of being in his arms.
And that made me weak.
I kept running my mouth off, trying to ignore
all those feelings that kept raging inside of me.
But when we finished and we sat down on the couch I found
I had nothing to say this time.
So when his hand sought mine all I could do was surrender.
Our eyes met.
"Tell me why you have come back?"
"I wanted to see you and Rory."
"Don't lie, Chris. I know you..."
"I wanted to make amends..for the last time..."
"Chris.."
"Lor, please..."
"There's nothing more to say, Chris. Everything has been said."
"You never let me..."
"What?"
"I want your forgiveness."
"You already have it. You know that."
"And Rory?"
"That you have to ask her. But I swear..if you ever.."
"I know."
He let go of my hand and I rose.
I started to move.
I stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked back at him.
"It's nice to have you here..."
And he smiled.
Then I walked upstairs.
--------------------------------------------------
How easy I fell.
I had gone to her because something inside of me craved
the warmth of her body.
I had meant to walk up to the door, knock and she would open.
And I would say something smart and cleaver.
And I almost did.
I come to the door when I saw them.
They were sitting on the couch, holding hands.
Christopher and Lorelai.
She hadn't told me that he was back.
That he had come back to Stars Hollow.
It would have been so easy to just pick up the phone and tell me.
Instead she had spent the night with him.
The man that had broken her heart.
As I stood there, watching them, a part of me wanted to break down
that door that kept me apart from them and knock him senseless.
Just because he once had broken her heart.
But as I saw her turn her face towards him something inside of me broke.
The joy and the love that painted her face hit me right in the heart
and almost made me stumble.
And I pulled back.
I felt like an intruder.
I had no business being there.
So I turned around and walked the path home.
Alone.
--------------------------------------
feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se