Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Clark and Lex are stuck in a cold cave with only each other to keep themselves warm... guess what happens!
Disclaimer: We only own Hagrid's Umbrella. Pink Umbrella, that is.
Chapter Twelve: St Patrick, The Irish Legend
Dragon, Dragon
Rock the Dragon
Dragon Ball Z
Dragon, Dragon
Rock the Dragon
Dragon Ball Z
- Dragon Ball Z, "Dragon Ball Z"
~
After the Field Trip to South Africa, the school returned rabid with Ebola from the crazy monkeys. Dean Thomas bought a West Indies Cricket Team balloon from a crazy-eyed Ebola man who ran the local Souvenir Stand. As business was running slow, the crazy man gave Dean the balloon for free.
"Potter residence, Harry speaking." Wormtail cut off his hand. Ron rushed into class late and heard the class snigger.
"Oh no, we have 'Herbology' with Slytherin!" Helga Hufflepuff groaned puffing and huffing and blowing Ron's house down.
"Not by the hair on my chinnie-chin-chin" Hagrid tangled his fingers in his mass of curls.
'Herbology' was different from Herbology. In 'Herbology' the class grew certain plants and sold them on the street.
Their teacher was...
"James Pothead! But I thought he died!" Ludo blushed as red as Seamus's young underpants.
"No, no- James POTTER died... haha Harry!" Daniel Radcliffe asked, peeling off his fake scar.
The class trailed along the trail in the woods, towards their next class.
"Whatss going onnnnnnnnnnnnnn?" James Pothead toked, motioning the class to make a circle.
Harry planted his seeds and put his pot into a dark corner. Waving his wand, he muttered "Expellus Irishmanus!" and pretty pink daisies bursting forth, surging emerging from above thy 8th avenue. Harry began to choke, holding one hand around his neck and the other was outstretched towards his fellow classmates.
Ron, in the meanwhile was having a problem with his wooden pencil case, as he was in a bit of a calamity with the hammer and the drill. So everyone set to the assignment that was assigned, which was turning a DVD player into a Clown phone. Dean Thomas had successfully transformed his Epson Stylus Photo 810 Printer into a nifty straw hat! While on the other side of the planet, Pansy Riddle had half transvestited her Justin Timberlake doll into a china plate- the plate had an image of J.T on it! Woo! But luckily, Harry was the special one who had lived.
"OMG Harry! How did you survive? Are you alright?!" Percy said concernedly, burning $100 bills one by one simply because they were dirty.
And Harry was sent many care packages with blankets, canned food and Band-Aids for his terrible ordeal with Voldemort 11 years ago. Papa Titus was especially caring and sent over a few episodes of his sons cool show.
The bell rang so suddenly that Oliver Wood jumped so high that he knocked over the beaker of Sulfate Hydroxide and it spilled all over Hermione, who instantly broke out in boils! Everyone walked out of 'Herbology' stoned out of their minds, towards the Great Hall.
Suddenly the plates were filled with dirt and worms and the whole table began an animated discussion.
But before Susan Bones could break her bone, the blonde-haired nemesis of the boy who lived strutted over to the Gryffindor table with his two 'thugz' Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.
"So, Potter," Draco spat. "How's life in your spider infested cupboard?"
"Whatsss going onnnnnnnnnn?" Harry philosophers stoned, lying down on the ground and making some handicapped noises.
"Skanky no parented four eyed bitch with an ugly scar!" Crabbe and Goyle grunted at Draco's cool logic.
"I'm not as I am stoned are you!" Harry giggled maniacally.
"I don't know.... what IS going on....?" Seamus questioned rather Irishly, grinning broadly.
"*My* godfather isn't an escaped convict!" Draco sneered.
"Son! Dawson! My god, you're drunk!" Gramps died.
"Well *my* father isn't a deatheater!" Harry lived.
"Fuck, at least *I* actually have parents, Potter." Draco drawled.
"Oh get fucked Malfoy." Harry sweared quietly, not wanting to get caught.
"Yeah well.... you... you smell!" And with that Draco and his two 'thugz' walked away scowling.
Hagrid was still upset about the recent events of Norbert being taken to a dragon colony by my brother CHARLIE in ROMAINIA....
Dumbledore had a special announcement today, and as he stood bits of his beard flaked off into his Carrot juice.
"Hey sonny! Get your ass back here!" Dumble wheezed like the old man he was. "I am pleased to announce that today we are hosting a treasure hunt! As I have started to moult, pieces of my beard have been left all over the castle. It is up to you..." He paused for suspense, as everybody was on the edge of their seats.
"Do you guys watch Buffy...?"
"... it is up to you all to find every single piece and return them to me. The person with the most beard pieces will win a hot night out with your favourite young and clean caretaker.... drum roll please!"
And Lee Jordan started the drumroll.
"... ARGUS FILCH!" He clapped his hands once and raised his arms, then sat, smiling secretly at all the excited whispers filling the hall, like his beard hair fills the plug in the shower.
Percy already had a head start and was confident he'd win. He already had 3; One from Harry's bed, and two pieces from Dumbledore's shower plug.
Could Snape possibly know they'd found out about the Philosophers Stone?
Suddenly everyone was at the library and it looked like Ron had struck gold as he had already found 6 large chunks of beard within the pages of a particular book Hagrid had lent him. Meanwhile, Fred and George were tucked away in a dodgy corner of the Library, doing something strange and twinnish behind a large book.
Seamus was making the most of this library time and was trying to figure out how to remove the parental lock on certain websites. Patty Patil was also making the most of her time, printing out a bunch of Oliver Phelps pictures with bare feet.
A.N: COULD Snape possibly know about the Philosophers Stone? What happened to that dodgy Harry/Hagrid fanfic? Why is Ron so poor?