Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Ron finds out he is Ja Rule's brother. Will the Rule family reject their long lost son, or will he be rejected?
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Eighteen: Nelson's Pleading Scheme
Things are so different now you're gone
I thought it'd be easy I was wrong
And now I'm caught
And now, I'm caught in the middle
Even though I'm with someone new
All I can think about is you
And now I'm caught
And now, I'm caught in the middle
- A1, "Caught In The Middle"
~
"Tom Felton is MINE because he's too hot for the rest of ya!" Chewbacca snarled lovingly at his dragonling, while Seamus downloaded dodgy Anime Japanese porn on Dumbledore's computer. Then Dumbledore got fired for having Cody, or 'Iori', porn from the Digi-Destined Porn Center on his computer. Click here to view some HOT XXX PICS of Dumble- not Cody. Yolei!
Meanwhile, while everyone was in Maori Language Studies with their teacher Quinton Hika (his book, 'Q's Course in Maori' can be purchased at you local drugstore).
"Today Hoiho's, we'll be learning how to ruin my Dad's wedding and at the same time, cook a Hangi!" Q present wrapped.
While everyone enohod as the girls did the waiata and the boys did the haka, Harry played footsies with Draco who was sitting next to him. But then... he realized that the foot he was playing footsies with was Seamus's who winked at him from the other side of Hogwarts.
The class trip-trapped their way over the trolls bridge to the Chicken Chop Palace TM...
"Oh no! We have Chicken Chop Palace TM Studies with Ravenclaw!" Wheezed Weasley.
"Kia Ora! He mihi nunui kia koutou katoa!" Everyone laughed at Quinton's funny joke as they swam through the mud and Filch snapped at their ankles, when all of a sudden an announcement came over the speaker system.
"Attention all Hogwarts Students! There is a man... a man on the loose, wearing only a flimsy pair of grey briefs. If spotted he should be avoided at all costs!" Everyone laughed at Ron. "Sleep with one eye open tonight kiddies......." The mystery announcer cackled.
"I wonder who the loose man is!" Dean Thomas wondered.
"I heard it was one of those 'Pakeha' people.... they can't be trusted." Susan Bones made her Dad make her character date Harry in 'The Chamber of Secrets' movie.
"That's a different story from what I heard!" Dedalus Diggle pleaded.
"Last night when I was sneaking around underneath Harry's stolen invisibility cloak, I heard some strange noises coming from Ron's stomach." Lavender had her suspicions, and suspiciously she thought Ron hadn't eaten in well over a decade. Damn poor people.
That very night, everyone bolted their doors and hid under their covers. It was as if Voldemort himself was back- whom Harry had defeated 2 years ago.
Draco was scared. Crabbe and Goyle had bouldered up for the night so the pale blonde boy was all alone. He grabbed his cuddly Duo plushie and ran as fast as his pale thin legs could carry him to Harry's room. He made the mistake of tripping over Ron's pile of rubbish and rusty fingernails which set off Ron's homemade alarm.
"No Ron! Its alright, its just Draco! My dragon..." Harry touched his scar lightly.
"Draco fucking Malfoy! That's it, Harry! I've had it! That's the last straw!" Ron looked like he was about to explode.
"Its okay Ron, he's not that person anymore. I can see it in his eyes............." Hermione got lost in his green dragonling hypnotic snake eyes. Ron muttered some curse words and peeled his girlfriend away from the skinny pale blonde arch nemesis of the boy who lived.
So Ron burrowed back into his pile of rubbish and rust, dragging Cedric's corpse behind him.
Hermione went back behind her book.
And Harry and his 'dragonling' Drakkie Malfoy, checked that there were no loose men in their bed, and snuggled up together underneath Snape's Spongebob Squarepants duvet.
"Goodnight my Dragonling!" The star seeker for the Gryffindor team rubbed...
"Goodnight my lion, I will always love you." Lucius's only son apart from that secret child Narcissa had with Hagrid, accidentally squeezed his Chewbacca plushie and it 'arggggged' in annoyance.
"Piki korero moenga no nui hoiho epa." Quinton pangoed out.
The very next year...
"Oh what are you watching Seamus?" Scuppers sailed.
"When Tricks Go Wrong: 3... you should watch it. There's this gross trick coming up that involves a suitcase." Seamus threw up.
"You're gonna die Potter!" Draco spat.
"I'm so scared!" Hermione cried, jumping up and down.
"Yes, me too Herm. That man on the loose announcement yesterday scarred me. For life!" And Harry lifted up his fringe and showed the word the scar on his forehead, which was shaped like a lightening bolt.
Suddenly everyone's attention was brought to the horrific scene on the television....
"... thought everything was going fine until........." everyone screamed as they saw a thin ankle protruding out from the suitcase, and next a face! A Canadian face got caught in the zipper as well and there was a horrible SNAP... "SNAP! Unfortunately, his face was ruined and the Amazing Fold-Up Man has since retired since this awful accident. Looks like he won't be folding himself up into suitcases anymore. Next up, we have a clip involving a Chewbacca mouth and a see-saw! Up next on When Tricks Go Ron: 8!"
"JAYSUS!" JRM said in an Irish accent while trying to coach a girls soccer team.
"LOOK JESS! ITS BECKHAM! IT MUST BE A SIGN... LOOK LLLLLLLLLLLLOOOK JESS! ITS BECKHAM!!!!! OH MY GOD! BECKHAM! I THINK ITS A SIGN! OH GODS! MERLINS BEARD ITS BECKHAM! LOOK JESS! LOOK! LOOK LOOK LOOK! JESS! ITS BECKHAM! ITS A SIGN! IT MUST BE A SIGN! BECKHAM! LOOK JESS! LOOK! ITS REALLY HIM! ITS REALLY BECKHAM!!!!!!!!" Jules, a crappy British girl, said.
Chewbacca foot.
A.N: Its Maori Language Awareness Week. Be aware! He mihi nunui kia koutou katoa!