Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Tom the Innkeeper sells his inn to the most unlikely person! Voldemort the Innkeeper, anyone?
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Nineteen: A Parselmouth's Kryptonite
You see me
You hear me
There are millions
Think just like me
- Chumbawumba, "Outsider"
~
Harry responded, stunned that Malfoy had used his first name- for today was Sirius and Remmie's WEDDING!
"My sweet wolf... today is our wedding day!" Sirius growled while chewing on a bone.
"Oh Pads..." Unkie Remus sighed softly while being shot by a silver bullet. Wolf and Dog were so happy to finally be tying the knot and were glad that their family and friends supported their decision. Especially Ron because he understood about these things (Fred and George).
Gods Sirius looks sexy, Harry thought to himself as he came downstairs. I wonder if he knows that I'm gay?
"Gods Harry, you look like your father!" Sirius touched Harry's cheek lightly.
"Sirius, there's something I have to tell you. I'm gay." Harry turned as red as a Weasley.
"I know. Its obvious- the way you dress, the way you sleep, the way you eat, the way you check out Hagrid's ass when you think no one is looking..." The Backstreet Boys brought the copyright to Sirius's words and turned it into a hit song.
"I'm glad to have you as a son." Harry hugged his Uncle dogily.
"Harry! I thought you loved me!" Draco shrieked, catching his lover and the main boy from the HP series in a tight embrace.
"No Draco its not what you think!" Crabbe clawed.
Meanwhile, the famous trio; Harry, Hermione and Quinton were making preparations for the wedding........ - tonight.
Meanwhile, Hermione was trying to teach Sirius to say his vows in Maori.
"Ko aroha. Etuha aroha. Me pango, you ma, kakariki green talofa kia kaha haeremai haeremai haeremai enoho hoiho. A E I O U. Takeru daisuke piko piko yamato koro iori gundam digimon kia ora!" Hermione said as if she were in love with Sirius, but they were interrupted by Draco who came in his spaceship.
"I'm a Slytherin and I got class, You mess with me I'll kick your arse! For all you hos that think you're cool, Remember one thing- Slytherin's rule!" Tommy thought he was really cool as he rapped the Slytherin House Rap.
"So who's your hot new crush?" Seamus batted his long eyelashes at his friend Ron. Ron smelled funny, like a cross between moldy bread and old gym socks.
"I am a unique and beautiful snowflake!" Dean Thomas stuck up his Eastenders poster.
"Oh, come on, Harry, you can't possibly think that no guy has ever checked you out. You're hot." Unkie Remus howled at Spongebob Squarepants.
Previously, Draco was getting beaten up for his decision to quit acting and become a smelly dodgy old man fisherman with a hook for his hand who terrorizes a group of teenagers after they kill him.
"I'm a Feltoner at heart!" A crazy fan screamed, clawing at his robes like Seamus usually does.
"TOM FELTON I LOVE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!" Another scary girl hysterically screamed, crying.
"KISS ME HANDSUM!!!" Snape severed his hands and put twigs in his stubs.
"I LOVE CHRIS MARTIN!!!" Flitwick raped the Coldplay CD. Exclusive pix of this coming soon!
"He's allowed to be a fisherman! Leave him alone!!! I'll defend you Tommy!" A newly wheatily grown Daniel Radcliffe used his Godric Gryffindor sword to kill all the TF.com Message Boarders... I mean- all the crazy fans... heh.
"I love you Harry! You're my special dragon lion!" A cold voice drawled.
"I- I-I-I will- I will love- love you forever my sweet chub..." The Heir of Godric Gryffindor chuggled.
And it was time...
The Official Mrs Orlando Bloom kicked off the ceremony by singing the Canadian National Anthem with Canada's very own... The Moffatts! And Jake.
"Oh gods, I can't get married!" Sirius shrieked remembering the time he and Quinton practiced their vows.
"I met Tom in a dream once!" Harry's dragon dragged.
"QUINTON!" Hagrid snarled, catching his son and his soon-to-be-wife pashing behind Draco's spaceship.
"Ki whaka mai Dad! Ke oho didn't mean to whaka rangi rangi maggaridge!" The best friend of James Potter (rest in peace staggy!) ice skated.
"Don't bring Rangi into this!" Victor Kahu krummed.
"Oh gods, what will Remmie think? That sad lone wolf!" Sirius was ashamed. Shame.
JRM raped Lavender Brown and tied her to a tree and cut off her hands and stuck twigs in her wrist stubs! Fun! She was forever known as 'Twigs' from then on....
"Rupert Grint is mine!" Ron Weasley fell in love.
The confetti was at the ready, and the bride and groom were at the start line.
Dumbledore pulled out his flare gun to start the wedding. "Bang!" Dumble wheezed because his gun didn't work.
"Wolf and Dog Unite!" The priest united Remmie and Sirrie and everyone applauded.
Suddenly everyone was silenced by the war cry of a half-naked Crabbe, as him and Voldemort (Hushshshshshhshsshhsss!!!) came into view and started doing the haka.
"You may lick the dog!" And Sirius and Remus leaned in closer... and closer... and closer... and closer... and closer-
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Remus Lupin." A police officer cracked his whip.
"Yay! The strippers here!" Seamus rolled his eye up and down the fresh meat.
"I'm arresting you for the murder of Voldemort (Hushshshshshhshsshhsss!!!)." Your friendly neighborhood Sheriff arrested.
Boom boom, boomboom-badoom
A.N: *gasp* Will Remmie and Sirius live happily ever after? What about Quinton? And will Ron ever get any more money? Find out in the next chapter... Review! And add us to your Favourite Authors/Stories list!