Ad Hominem
Chapter 4-Cui Bono (Still day III)
Without another thought I got up and walked out of the common room. I headed towards the dungeons, hoping I could find him without actually going into the Slytherin common room. I turned a corner and ran into Malfoy. Literally. What is with me running into people lately? We were both knocked down and he looked angry. I stood up and brushed myself off. I extended a hand to help him up, and he stared at it, then at me. He brushed himself off, and took my hand with a scowl.
"Don't think I needed your help Weasley." I raised my hands in defense and smiled slightly. "Leave it to a Gryffindor to be so ignorant and clumsy." He shook his head and looked around. "Where were you going in such a hurry anyway?" He looked at me with suspicion and I struggled for an excuse.
"George and I had a fight, and I wanted to get out of the common room. I wasn't really going anywhere in particular. You?"
"What did you fight about?"
"My question first Malfoy. What were you doing out here?" He crossed his arms and wrinkled his nose in contempt. Again, anything but threatening.
"I was looking for someone. What's it to you?"
"Nothing. Well, if you've got somewhere to go-" I turned to leave and took a step before I felt something on my robes. I turned back and Malfoy lowered the arm he had held me back with.
"I fucking hate you." He said flatly.
"Then why ask me to stay?"
"You know why you great prat!" He waved his wand and a large cushion appeared. He sat down and motioned for me to do the same. I glared at him but didn't sit down. "You know you were out here looking for me, so just sit down and swallow your fucking pride! I did, and that's a lot to swallow." An evil grin spread on his lips, and I was reminded of Mephistopheles. Little prick. He had to stop talking about swallowing, and he knew it.
"Say it." I ordered.
"Say what?"
"Admit you were out looking for me."
"Weasley! Don't be stupid, you know I was."
"Say it. I want to hear you admit it."
"I was out looking for Fred Weasley. Happy?" I sat down beside him and spoke.
"We fought about you." I sighed and leaned my head against the wall.
"What?! Why? I don't want to be in your fights, and though I'm mildly happy you two are fighting, keep me out of it!"
"What the fuck? Why are you happy we're fighting?"
"Because if you weren't you wouldn't be here with me." He blurted it out without realizing, a very un-Malfoyish thing to do, and clasped a hand to his mouth in surprise. I smiled and leaned forward.
"It was because of this morning. He was very suspicious because I was late for breakfast." I proceeded to recall the day's events and conversations to him, and he listened without a word or interruption. He waited a minute after I had finished to speak.
"So he knows?"
"Knows what? About you? Yes, but I didn't tell him. I'm sorry."
"Why be sorry if you didn't do anything wrong? I hate that." I had left the part out about trust when I told him what happened and hoped he didn't find any holes in the story. "The fight doesn't sound that big. What made him so angry?" No such luck. "That you were talking to me? Or that I was talking to you?"
"A little of both I suppose. Look, I left out the end of the fight." His eyes clouded for a minute, angry that I hadn't been fully truthful. "In the great hall I told him I felt like I had betrayed your trust by letting him find out about you. He asked me if you trusted me. I told him I didn't know, but that we had made a promise that neither of us would tell. Then...then he asked me if I trusted you. Dumbledore stood and I was saved from answering."
"Saved?"
"He was so mad after the fight because I told him I trusted you." He blinked in surprise.
"You do?" I nodded slightly and turned to him.
"Does that surprise you?" (A/N-Shout out to Will Turner! Can't you see and hear him doing that??)
"Well, no. Yes, I trust you too. We both have too much to lose, and a promise is a promise."
"That's what I told him. At least someone understands. Speaking of understanding, did you find out what that noise was from the other morning?"
"It was Snape. He was spying on you. Recognized the signs...from me, you know?" I nodded.
"Thanks. It was irking me. What's it like to have a deatheater for a father?" I had said the wrong thing, but I didn't expect him to take it well anyway. He belted me something awful, sending me sprawling off to the left of the cushion. He had enough sense not to push my head backwards into the wall at least. He still couldn't hit that hard though, and when I sat down he was holding his knuckles.
"That hurt you fucking bitch. If you didn't have such a thick skull I wouldn't have had to hit you so damn hard. I don't have a deatheater for a father! I have a good father that happens to be a follower of the wrong person."
"The wrong...wait! You're not supporting You-Know-Who?"
"Of course not! I thought you said you didn't think that low of me. Besides, do you really think I could take orders from anyone?" I laughed and shook my head. "He's a good man, at least to my mother and I. Does it matter how he treats anyone else? I love him as much as you love your father."
"Yeah, well your father isn't exactly drinking buddies with mine now is he?" I said.
"Yeah, well. They've never gotten along. I don't know why. He isn't very nice to your family is he?"
"No, he isn't. I mean, he tried to kill my sister with Tom Riddle's old journal!"
"Ah yes, I remember that." He laughed and I shot him a menacing glare. "I mean, bad Lucius!" I laughed.
"Is your hand okay?" I motioned towards the hand he had hit me with. He blinked at me, stunned.
"Pardon? Why?"
"Well, you hurt it because of me...so I just thought I'd ask." He'd been keeping it at his side where I couldn't see it, so I figured it wasn't pretty, and my face hurt like a bitch.
"It's fine, don't worry about it." He was getting annoyed, and it was cute. Cute? Did I just call Malfoy cute?
"Yeah, right. That's why you're hiding it from me. Just let me see it!"
"No! Get over it, it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do so piss off!" My eyes flared at him and I jumped. I wrestled him (with much shouting of 'watch the face!') and came out triumphantly holding his bruised knuckles.
"Right, not hurt at all." I pressed a finger to the bruise and he growled.
"Fuck off Weasley! What the hell can you do?"
"George and I had to learn countless healing spells to manufacture all the things we did. We couldn't have one of us lose our fingers to an exploding wand or anything, right?" I grinned at him, but he was still nervous and tried to pull away. "Relax. I'm good at these."
"Are you sure...? I mean, if you blow my fingers off I will kill you."
"Shut up you bint! Adamandias." I watched as light spread from my wand onto his knuckles. His breath caught in his throat; this spell was slightly painful. The bruises left his hand and he stared at it. "There. Now you look much stronger than you are." I said while laughing. He stared at me in amazement.
"What the...? Why do you care?"
"Now no one will know that you hit me, or that we were even together."
"So that's it. Ashamed to be with me? A Malfoy, a son of a deatheater, a Slytherin, hater of the magnificent Harry Potter! Fuck you Weasley!" He stood up to leave, but I pulled him down. My strength was far greater than his and he fell to the cushion.
"You stupid sodding-I thought you cared! I don't give a shit. It's my seventh year and I'll be gone soon. Besides, if I really cared, I'd be fixing my own face." He stared into my eyes, and I stared back at him. I shuddered. Those eyes. At that point I couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking. There was some emotion, but I couldn't place it. His eyes drifted to my face; to where he had hit me. He ran his fingers over the bruise. I didn't even flinch; his touch was so light.
"I'm sorry. You just surprised me with that question."
"Did I complain? It was a very personal question."
"Let me heal it." I laughed at his offer.
"Don't worry about it. Let's leave it; you can brag about it. I don't mind having it. I deserved it."
"No you didn't! You're allowed to ask questions. I shouldn't have overreacted. I'm trying, really I am." I stared at him in shock.
"Malfoy, are you saying you're trying to change...for me?" I don't fucking believe this!
"No, of course not! Look, I'm just trying to make our time bearable. I figure, the more we get along civilly the easier it will be for us to talk about shit, and spend time doing it." I grinned at him, leaned back, and sighed.
"I don't mind spending time with you Malfoy."
"Stop! Stop right there, I don't want to hear it!"
"Fine, fine. But you know you feel the same. Were you asleep the night I left the hospital wing?"
"Wha-? No. Of course not. I left a little after you to run. You should have figured that out. I couldn't run very much thought because my ribs hurt like hell. That pissed me off. You pissed me off. I ran that night because I was mad at you. Why did you ask if she had found any spells on you?"
"I knew you were listening! Eavesdropping bastard!"
"I am a Slytherin you git. So why?"
"Um, I just hadn't been feeling well." I wasn't sure if I should tell him this one.
"You're a terrible liar."
"Fine! I thought that being gay was a phase or something, wishful thinking huh? I'd read about spells that people had cast on their enemies to make them love the same sex. You-Know-Who hated gays as well, so you were as good as dead. I thought maybe...but she kept finding no traces of spells, and after three years, I've just now accepted it as part of me, and not a spell." I lowered my head and looked away, afraid to see his expression.
"Jesus. You really thought that?"
"Yes. Well, how did you deal with it?"
"I don't know, I didn't really have a problem with it. I think I was just extra-mean to people to make up for it."
"Well that's lovely." I sneered.
"Hey, at least I never thought there was something wrong with me. I don't know why I didn't mind though. I guess it didn't feel wrong or anything, so...and it didn't feel unnatural."
"It feels natural now, but it didn't when I first realized. So have you ever...had someone?"
"What? Like fucked a guy?" My eyes widened at his frankness. "Or like actually had someone significant, like a boyfriend?" He was so calm, so casual, and a smile played on his lips.
"Either." My voice caught in my throat and I hoped he couldn't hear it.
"I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never gone all the way. I've had an experience or two though. Hmm, that's a happy memory." He sat for a minute, clearly lost in the memory. "Sorry. How about you then?"
"Never had a boyfriend, but I've had experiences."
"More than one?"
"Yes." I answered.
"With whom? How far?" He appeared to be trying to package anger in composure. Why would this make him angry? Was he jealous?
"No one you know. Far enough. What's it to you? You jealous?" His eyes were fire, and he wanted to fight me. I could see the restraint in his eyes. He forced himself to calm down and he began to laugh.
"You're so full of shit Weasley!" He continued to laugh as he spoke. "I'm not jealous of whomever you shacked up with, I'm jealous that you've gone farther than I have, you prat. I'm much hotter than you." I rolled my eyes.
"When I was in fifth year though I hadn't had any, so you're technically ahead of me." He looked contemplative. He turned his head and looked at me for a moment. He looked extremely sexy, but I couldn't guess why.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"You turn everything around to make me feel better, seem higher. Why do you lower yourself to my image to make me look good? It's impossible to fight you because you just make me lose words. I can't insult you because you just take it in, accept it, and compliment me. It's maddening. I'm nothing without my fighting abilities."
"No you're not. You're much more than people take you for. There's a depth to you that I never would have imagined existed, and you're mysterious, and interesting, and nice to talk to. You understand and listen and have insightful and worthwhile things to say. O my god." I clasped a hand to my mouth lightly. Did I really just say all that? He stared at me with his mouth open, eyes staring at me in total dismay. I was waiting for him to shut his mouth, but it was taking a long time. I reached over and gently closed his mouth. He blinked and looked away, toward the window I had just noticed.
"Do you really think all that?" He was quiet and somber when he spoke.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't." I answered, equally quiet.
"I had no idea." I didn't know what to say to him. I can't believe I blurted all that out. "How old are you? Seventeen or Eighteen?"
"Eighteen." I answered.
"That's three years older than me. You're much more mature than I am, and yet you think all that of me?"
"I'm not that much more mature than you. In fact, I remember thinking that you were really mature when we were in detention. I remember wondering what had made you grow up so fast. I remember wanting to know you. You're everything that I said and more."
"I can't take this. I've never had anyone tell me these things before. No one has ever been this kind to me. No one I know can say things like this. And, I've never felt like this before. Never wanted to talk to someone like I want to talk to you. You're kind, funny, and warm. I've never really been exposed to true warmth before. There aren't many Slytherins that make good company, but you do. Your eyes have a warmth like the sun, and they're the blue of the sky at sunrise. You make me feel like a good person, and you make me want to be with people again, after avoiding them for so long. How can you do this to me? Melt my exterior? You make me feel alive." If he looked shocked before, it was nothing to how I looked now. I recovered on my own though.
"Sunrise..."
"Yeah." He sighed and leaned back. He twirled his wand in his fingers absentmindedly.
"I've always thought that your eyes were like the moon and starlight, with the fires of hell when you're angry." I stood up and walked away. Malfoy didn't chase me, and I didn't look back. I headed back to my common room feeling pretty good.
Cui Bono-Whom does it benefit?
Chapter 4-Cui Bono (Still day III)
Without another thought I got up and walked out of the common room. I headed towards the dungeons, hoping I could find him without actually going into the Slytherin common room. I turned a corner and ran into Malfoy. Literally. What is with me running into people lately? We were both knocked down and he looked angry. I stood up and brushed myself off. I extended a hand to help him up, and he stared at it, then at me. He brushed himself off, and took my hand with a scowl.
"Don't think I needed your help Weasley." I raised my hands in defense and smiled slightly. "Leave it to a Gryffindor to be so ignorant and clumsy." He shook his head and looked around. "Where were you going in such a hurry anyway?" He looked at me with suspicion and I struggled for an excuse.
"George and I had a fight, and I wanted to get out of the common room. I wasn't really going anywhere in particular. You?"
"What did you fight about?"
"My question first Malfoy. What were you doing out here?" He crossed his arms and wrinkled his nose in contempt. Again, anything but threatening.
"I was looking for someone. What's it to you?"
"Nothing. Well, if you've got somewhere to go-" I turned to leave and took a step before I felt something on my robes. I turned back and Malfoy lowered the arm he had held me back with.
"I fucking hate you." He said flatly.
"Then why ask me to stay?"
"You know why you great prat!" He waved his wand and a large cushion appeared. He sat down and motioned for me to do the same. I glared at him but didn't sit down. "You know you were out here looking for me, so just sit down and swallow your fucking pride! I did, and that's a lot to swallow." An evil grin spread on his lips, and I was reminded of Mephistopheles. Little prick. He had to stop talking about swallowing, and he knew it.
"Say it." I ordered.
"Say what?"
"Admit you were out looking for me."
"Weasley! Don't be stupid, you know I was."
"Say it. I want to hear you admit it."
"I was out looking for Fred Weasley. Happy?" I sat down beside him and spoke.
"We fought about you." I sighed and leaned my head against the wall.
"What?! Why? I don't want to be in your fights, and though I'm mildly happy you two are fighting, keep me out of it!"
"What the fuck? Why are you happy we're fighting?"
"Because if you weren't you wouldn't be here with me." He blurted it out without realizing, a very un-Malfoyish thing to do, and clasped a hand to his mouth in surprise. I smiled and leaned forward.
"It was because of this morning. He was very suspicious because I was late for breakfast." I proceeded to recall the day's events and conversations to him, and he listened without a word or interruption. He waited a minute after I had finished to speak.
"So he knows?"
"Knows what? About you? Yes, but I didn't tell him. I'm sorry."
"Why be sorry if you didn't do anything wrong? I hate that." I had left the part out about trust when I told him what happened and hoped he didn't find any holes in the story. "The fight doesn't sound that big. What made him so angry?" No such luck. "That you were talking to me? Or that I was talking to you?"
"A little of both I suppose. Look, I left out the end of the fight." His eyes clouded for a minute, angry that I hadn't been fully truthful. "In the great hall I told him I felt like I had betrayed your trust by letting him find out about you. He asked me if you trusted me. I told him I didn't know, but that we had made a promise that neither of us would tell. Then...then he asked me if I trusted you. Dumbledore stood and I was saved from answering."
"Saved?"
"He was so mad after the fight because I told him I trusted you." He blinked in surprise.
"You do?" I nodded slightly and turned to him.
"Does that surprise you?" (A/N-Shout out to Will Turner! Can't you see and hear him doing that??)
"Well, no. Yes, I trust you too. We both have too much to lose, and a promise is a promise."
"That's what I told him. At least someone understands. Speaking of understanding, did you find out what that noise was from the other morning?"
"It was Snape. He was spying on you. Recognized the signs...from me, you know?" I nodded.
"Thanks. It was irking me. What's it like to have a deatheater for a father?" I had said the wrong thing, but I didn't expect him to take it well anyway. He belted me something awful, sending me sprawling off to the left of the cushion. He had enough sense not to push my head backwards into the wall at least. He still couldn't hit that hard though, and when I sat down he was holding his knuckles.
"That hurt you fucking bitch. If you didn't have such a thick skull I wouldn't have had to hit you so damn hard. I don't have a deatheater for a father! I have a good father that happens to be a follower of the wrong person."
"The wrong...wait! You're not supporting You-Know-Who?"
"Of course not! I thought you said you didn't think that low of me. Besides, do you really think I could take orders from anyone?" I laughed and shook my head. "He's a good man, at least to my mother and I. Does it matter how he treats anyone else? I love him as much as you love your father."
"Yeah, well your father isn't exactly drinking buddies with mine now is he?" I said.
"Yeah, well. They've never gotten along. I don't know why. He isn't very nice to your family is he?"
"No, he isn't. I mean, he tried to kill my sister with Tom Riddle's old journal!"
"Ah yes, I remember that." He laughed and I shot him a menacing glare. "I mean, bad Lucius!" I laughed.
"Is your hand okay?" I motioned towards the hand he had hit me with. He blinked at me, stunned.
"Pardon? Why?"
"Well, you hurt it because of me...so I just thought I'd ask." He'd been keeping it at his side where I couldn't see it, so I figured it wasn't pretty, and my face hurt like a bitch.
"It's fine, don't worry about it." He was getting annoyed, and it was cute. Cute? Did I just call Malfoy cute?
"Yeah, right. That's why you're hiding it from me. Just let me see it!"
"No! Get over it, it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do so piss off!" My eyes flared at him and I jumped. I wrestled him (with much shouting of 'watch the face!') and came out triumphantly holding his bruised knuckles.
"Right, not hurt at all." I pressed a finger to the bruise and he growled.
"Fuck off Weasley! What the hell can you do?"
"George and I had to learn countless healing spells to manufacture all the things we did. We couldn't have one of us lose our fingers to an exploding wand or anything, right?" I grinned at him, but he was still nervous and tried to pull away. "Relax. I'm good at these."
"Are you sure...? I mean, if you blow my fingers off I will kill you."
"Shut up you bint! Adamandias." I watched as light spread from my wand onto his knuckles. His breath caught in his throat; this spell was slightly painful. The bruises left his hand and he stared at it. "There. Now you look much stronger than you are." I said while laughing. He stared at me in amazement.
"What the...? Why do you care?"
"Now no one will know that you hit me, or that we were even together."
"So that's it. Ashamed to be with me? A Malfoy, a son of a deatheater, a Slytherin, hater of the magnificent Harry Potter! Fuck you Weasley!" He stood up to leave, but I pulled him down. My strength was far greater than his and he fell to the cushion.
"You stupid sodding-I thought you cared! I don't give a shit. It's my seventh year and I'll be gone soon. Besides, if I really cared, I'd be fixing my own face." He stared into my eyes, and I stared back at him. I shuddered. Those eyes. At that point I couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking. There was some emotion, but I couldn't place it. His eyes drifted to my face; to where he had hit me. He ran his fingers over the bruise. I didn't even flinch; his touch was so light.
"I'm sorry. You just surprised me with that question."
"Did I complain? It was a very personal question."
"Let me heal it." I laughed at his offer.
"Don't worry about it. Let's leave it; you can brag about it. I don't mind having it. I deserved it."
"No you didn't! You're allowed to ask questions. I shouldn't have overreacted. I'm trying, really I am." I stared at him in shock.
"Malfoy, are you saying you're trying to change...for me?" I don't fucking believe this!
"No, of course not! Look, I'm just trying to make our time bearable. I figure, the more we get along civilly the easier it will be for us to talk about shit, and spend time doing it." I grinned at him, leaned back, and sighed.
"I don't mind spending time with you Malfoy."
"Stop! Stop right there, I don't want to hear it!"
"Fine, fine. But you know you feel the same. Were you asleep the night I left the hospital wing?"
"Wha-? No. Of course not. I left a little after you to run. You should have figured that out. I couldn't run very much thought because my ribs hurt like hell. That pissed me off. You pissed me off. I ran that night because I was mad at you. Why did you ask if she had found any spells on you?"
"I knew you were listening! Eavesdropping bastard!"
"I am a Slytherin you git. So why?"
"Um, I just hadn't been feeling well." I wasn't sure if I should tell him this one.
"You're a terrible liar."
"Fine! I thought that being gay was a phase or something, wishful thinking huh? I'd read about spells that people had cast on their enemies to make them love the same sex. You-Know-Who hated gays as well, so you were as good as dead. I thought maybe...but she kept finding no traces of spells, and after three years, I've just now accepted it as part of me, and not a spell." I lowered my head and looked away, afraid to see his expression.
"Jesus. You really thought that?"
"Yes. Well, how did you deal with it?"
"I don't know, I didn't really have a problem with it. I think I was just extra-mean to people to make up for it."
"Well that's lovely." I sneered.
"Hey, at least I never thought there was something wrong with me. I don't know why I didn't mind though. I guess it didn't feel wrong or anything, so...and it didn't feel unnatural."
"It feels natural now, but it didn't when I first realized. So have you ever...had someone?"
"What? Like fucked a guy?" My eyes widened at his frankness. "Or like actually had someone significant, like a boyfriend?" He was so calm, so casual, and a smile played on his lips.
"Either." My voice caught in my throat and I hoped he couldn't hear it.
"I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never gone all the way. I've had an experience or two though. Hmm, that's a happy memory." He sat for a minute, clearly lost in the memory. "Sorry. How about you then?"
"Never had a boyfriend, but I've had experiences."
"More than one?"
"Yes." I answered.
"With whom? How far?" He appeared to be trying to package anger in composure. Why would this make him angry? Was he jealous?
"No one you know. Far enough. What's it to you? You jealous?" His eyes were fire, and he wanted to fight me. I could see the restraint in his eyes. He forced himself to calm down and he began to laugh.
"You're so full of shit Weasley!" He continued to laugh as he spoke. "I'm not jealous of whomever you shacked up with, I'm jealous that you've gone farther than I have, you prat. I'm much hotter than you." I rolled my eyes.
"When I was in fifth year though I hadn't had any, so you're technically ahead of me." He looked contemplative. He turned his head and looked at me for a moment. He looked extremely sexy, but I couldn't guess why.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"You turn everything around to make me feel better, seem higher. Why do you lower yourself to my image to make me look good? It's impossible to fight you because you just make me lose words. I can't insult you because you just take it in, accept it, and compliment me. It's maddening. I'm nothing without my fighting abilities."
"No you're not. You're much more than people take you for. There's a depth to you that I never would have imagined existed, and you're mysterious, and interesting, and nice to talk to. You understand and listen and have insightful and worthwhile things to say. O my god." I clasped a hand to my mouth lightly. Did I really just say all that? He stared at me with his mouth open, eyes staring at me in total dismay. I was waiting for him to shut his mouth, but it was taking a long time. I reached over and gently closed his mouth. He blinked and looked away, toward the window I had just noticed.
"Do you really think all that?" He was quiet and somber when he spoke.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't." I answered, equally quiet.
"I had no idea." I didn't know what to say to him. I can't believe I blurted all that out. "How old are you? Seventeen or Eighteen?"
"Eighteen." I answered.
"That's three years older than me. You're much more mature than I am, and yet you think all that of me?"
"I'm not that much more mature than you. In fact, I remember thinking that you were really mature when we were in detention. I remember wondering what had made you grow up so fast. I remember wanting to know you. You're everything that I said and more."
"I can't take this. I've never had anyone tell me these things before. No one has ever been this kind to me. No one I know can say things like this. And, I've never felt like this before. Never wanted to talk to someone like I want to talk to you. You're kind, funny, and warm. I've never really been exposed to true warmth before. There aren't many Slytherins that make good company, but you do. Your eyes have a warmth like the sun, and they're the blue of the sky at sunrise. You make me feel like a good person, and you make me want to be with people again, after avoiding them for so long. How can you do this to me? Melt my exterior? You make me feel alive." If he looked shocked before, it was nothing to how I looked now. I recovered on my own though.
"Sunrise..."
"Yeah." He sighed and leaned back. He twirled his wand in his fingers absentmindedly.
"I've always thought that your eyes were like the moon and starlight, with the fires of hell when you're angry." I stood up and walked away. Malfoy didn't chase me, and I didn't look back. I headed back to my common room feeling pretty good.
Cui Bono-Whom does it benefit?