Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Draco accidentally turns himself into a girl and goes to Harry, Ron and Hermione for help.
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Twenty: Back In The Saddle Again
Just one little, two little, three house niggers
Just one little, two little, three house niggers
- Gangsta Lean, "Nigga With a Badge"
~
Cody's Dad floated off the cliff. "We all float down here Cody....."
Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the silver-haired dragonling sat in the restricted section in the library reading 'Now and Then: The Matt and Tai Story'.
"Ron, stop humping the laser!" Haley/Harry spielberged.
It was a brand (BRAND! BRANDON BOYD! BOYD!) new start to a brand new day and the fresh-faced Gryffindor students were all heading down for breakfast at a place called 'The Great Hall' which is a hall in the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where the students eat and can also study.
"..." Dean Thomas said while pinning up his Southpark poster on the donkey.
"Your turn Seamus!" The perfect soldier gundamed.
"MAOUUVE!" Unkie Vernie slapped Harry on the ass. Seamus got in on all the fun and slapped himself on the arse.
"Look Jim, you're growing up and this Island isn't big enough for you and the 2 other people who live here. We'll have to demolish the train station." Luke from the Canadian made cartoon swallowed huskily.
"But you're my best friend Luke!" the black button Crystal Eternitied.
"DNA Digivolve time guys!" Harry picked up his D3 and so did Draco- at the same time!
"DNA..." Lion roared.
"Digivolve!" Dragon snarled.
And DNA Digivolve they did.
His name was Ben. Ben McKen-Z.
"I choose you-" a Poor fellow student blended.
"Wrong show Ron!" Lockhart pointed out!
"I can see where he's been... can see where he's going..." T.K's potato sack slut thought to himself iorily. But before they could steal Ron Weasley's package, a famous man walked onto the table and the entire Great Hall hushed. It was as if someone had said 'You-Know-Who'!
"Oh my god guys, look its RATIO!" Snape greased.
"Ratio?" Oliver Wood scupped.
"Ratio from book seven?????" Hermione herbed.
"Omigosh its RATIO FROM BOOK SEVEN!" Colin Creevy snapped a Kodak moment while Ratio from book 7 strutted his stuff and holding his cape, jumped off the step sideways.
"I'm a nigger lover!" Ron said to Dean Thomas, an African-American boy who was sitting at the table.
"Yo whatcha say punk?!" Kevin Zegers white trashed and did the North Canada Represent sign.
"Canada Represent! Yo. Go, get! Get outta here! I don't want you anymore!" Nathan or Kurt Russell and Jake represented their country with pride.
The class hovered their way down to Mathematics to learn mathematical skillz.
"Mathematical! We have Mathematics with Slytherin!" Neville mathematiced.
"Oh yeah? Yeah? Mathematical huh? Well, lets Beyblade for it!" Draco challenged.
"Yeah I'm cool, I'm Harry- represent! Represent Godric's Hollow! Yo. Beyblade!" Harry WAS cool.
"Whatever, I do what I want!" Pansy trailer-trash Parkinson skanked.
The Referee from Medabots blew his whistle. "Today's match is between Slytherin and Gryffindor! Meda fight! Meda go! Medabots...." he sailed away in his boat into the distance. "Today class, we will be learning about the Parallelogram and Triangle of Wheat."
"Oooh. Ahhh." The class ooohed and ahhhed.
"I'm caught in the middle..." Dennis was caught in between the twins; Fred and George, while Adam sung his bit.
"Make sure there's no Rash-Burn guy in the way and that you can't smell him." Cheryl bled.
"Crap!" Harry swore under his breath but Ron caught it in his swear box.
"That'll be 6 pounds!" Ron held out his hand and waited for Harry to dig through his wallet for the small change. Ron was such a genius- this swear box idea was better than Voldie's plan when he seduced Dumbledore.
"Not even Zabini." Lavender poked Dean with her twig trying to get his attention.
"Medabots... Meda go! I have organized a hot new project! Everyone will be put into pairs and will have a bag of wheat for a week and have to look after it as if it were your own Medabot! I mean, baby." Referee dude referred and began 'randomly' pairing the class into pairs. "When I call out your name, come up and collect your Medababy. Meda fight! Meda go!" And he blew his whistle.
"Eat slugs Malfoy!" Ron's stick backfired and he died.
"Harry...................................." the suspense was killing Harry. He wondered who he was going to get paired with. He looked at Ron and held his breath along with the whole class. "................................ will be paired with Ron Weasley- Oh, I've lost my list hang on...." Harry thought he was going to cry. Anyone but Ron. Anyone. "Yes he will be, no, I mean, hang on... Harry Potter will be paired with...................... Draco. Draco Malfoy." The class cheered and threw confetti while Ron looked forlorn and sighed unhappily.
"One day... Harry will be mine... one day..." Ron hissed.
The new couple ran up hand in hand and collected their Chukkrit baby who had a thin moustache was wearing just a tissue nappy and a muna hood.
"Not Ron, not Ron... anything but Ron." The rest of the class prayed.
"There wasn't a witch or wizard who went bad that wasn't paired with Ron." Rita Skeeter scootered away.
"Blaise and Fred." Zabini the Vampire Slayer won the round.
"NO!" George stood up and angrily shook his fist. "We used to be joined at the fingernail! I won't let you separate us! I WON'T!"
"It's okay George, really, its okay. I'll never really be separated from you. You know that. I know you do." Georgie wiggled his fingernail in the air which was secret twin language for 'I'll meet you under the Whomping Willow at 5:06pm on the north side next to the oval stone and we'll smuggle under the moonlight'.
"Hermione and Karkaroff. Seamus and Flint. Snape and The CreevsterTM. Lavender and Percy. Dean Thomas and Neville. James Franco and Sirius. Black and Ratio. Wood and Rammstein."
Harry wondered if wood was some sort of stick that he was going to get beaten with.
By the end of class everyone was paired up happily and tending to their new babies. Except for Ron.
"What should we call our baby Drake?" Harry asked his lover.
"I think we should call it Cody. Cody Iori Potter Malfoy." Harry's bitch randomly suggested.
"Nah. How about Dumbledore?" Dumbledore popped his head in and whispered.
"What about Bartemus?" Ratio, a rebel who didn't have a last name or a first, vibrated.
"I know what it is! Lets call it Takato!" Harry hugged the bag of wheat as if it really was him and Draco's child.
"I love it. And I love.... you Harry." Draco touched Harry's cheek lightly as they sat on the lawn.
"I thought for a second you were going to say Lucius!" Harry sung.
"Not in a million years. You're the man for me Potter." Draco punched him playfully on the shoulder and they both blushed red as the entire Weasley family combined.
"Thanks Draco. And we both love you Takato Potfoy." The couple embraced with the new addition to the family, Takato Potfoy.
Alex Band walked past.
Everyron was in the Great Hall eating their babies and drinking Pumpkin Juice.
"My friends call me 'X'" Xander Cage introduced himself and ate my face.
"Die Harry's Dragon!" a Vin Deisel fan typed angrily.
Draco was having a hard time over at the Hufflepuff table with his Chukkrit baby- it wouldn't keep any of its food down. Covered in vomit, Slytherin's Sexiest Stud of the Year couldn't take it anymore and put it in the fridge next to the milk.
The hall was suddenly silenced by Dumbledore's silencing charm. "I have a few end of term announcements to make. The Avada Kedavra curse is strictly forbidden. And I believe Hagrid has a shameful secret he wishes to reveal. Rubeus," Dumble motioned for Hugrud to take the spotlight.
The man was so giant that the light only fell on his shoe. "Yerr..." Hagrid grunted.
Everyone cheered and clapped. "I shouldn't have told yer that." And with that the giant walked off.
"Stop the violence! Stop the Guns!" Susan Bones jumped on the table Ratio-style and began screaming, pulling out a gun.
Justin Finch-Fletcherly's baby bag of wheat killed him.
Ernie MacMillion stole Justin's last pair of flannel shorts. "Yesssss... thank you Just, thanks a lot. I knew you like a brother. I knew you liked my brother."
Hannah Abott mourned Justin's death. For she WAS his brother.
Cedric got buried in the same Family-sized coffin as Justin. They were brothers too, you see. But Cedric wasn't to remain buried for long.... *coughCHOWcough*
A.N: And that brought the end to our Hufflepuff special. And to our chapter! Will Hagrid's underpants be revealed? Why does Harry hug Hugrid so tightly in CoS? Who is Xander Cage working for? Find out in the next chapter of DEEEgimon DEEEgital monsters! Review! Review! Or we'll never write ever again! And don't forget to add us to your Favorite Stories/Author lists... AND if you want exclusive backstage passes to our next show, join the mailing list.