Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, the Hanson brothers are in for a big surprise when they learn that Zac wasn't the only Hanson born on the 22nd night of October 1985!
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Twenty Three: Harry Potter and the Pyramids of Furmat
She only want me for my pimp juice (that's all she want me for f'real)
Not my pimp juice, I'm talkin new pimp juice
I think I need to cut her loose (it's time for homegirl to recognize)
Yes I do, yes I doooooo-hoooo
- Nelly, "Pimp Juice"
~
"Biga-newsa!" K shot Cody in his runty little leg.
"Holy cricket! You're Harry Potter!" Penelope Clearwater exclaimed.
"Um... no actually, I'm........... CHEWBACCA! Argggg!" Chewie ripped off his Harry mask and scared everyone into the Great Hall, just in time for Dumbledore's important announcement!
"Peep dis yo! There will be annual dorm inspections which will start today! Yes, that's right.
Today. So you'd all better scoff down your breakfast and run back to you bedrooms and clean up because I will be sending teachers around in exactly 10 minutes. That is all!"
Chaos erupted. Draco gulped down his pumpkin juice hurriedly and left his breakfast for one of his goons to eat and set off running to the Slytherin dorms.
"Harry! Get up, quick! There are dorm inspections in exactly 8 minutes and YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!" Draco screamed at the naked Heir of Godric Gryffindor who was sprawled out on his bed. Harry mumbled incoherently and rolled off the bed, landing with a crash on the floor.
Draco pushed him under his bed, along with his collection of Manga comics and empty beer bottles.
Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor dorms, Seamus was having an argument with one of his Leprechaun prostitutes he had hired just minutes before. Leprechaun Prostitutes in the dorms were against school policy.
"Oh cripes!" Snape cried at the mess the Gryffindor common room was in. "Whatever are we going to do?"
"I know...." Neville schemed, "Hey Ron! I have a job for you... you'll get PAID!" Ron appeared out of nowhere and was drooling hungrily.
"I'll pay you 50 cents to clean the bedrooms-" Lavender offered.
"-and the common room!" Hagrid yerred.
The clock was ticking. There was only 6 minutes left till inspection time. Ron thought about it and thought what a great deal he was getting. "Yes! I'll do it!" Everyone clapped and cheered, and went back down to the Great Hall to finish their breakfast. Except for Chow, who was having problems hiding Cedric's rotting corpse.
Meanwhile, Ron was cleaning around Dean Thomas's bed when he saw a huge pile of white dust on the bedside table. Ron shrugged, and vacuumed it up, because he didn't have a wAnd and couldn't afford any knowledge of magic. Humming happily to himself, the poor child dreamed of what he could do with 50 cents.
"Maybe I should open a savings account at Gringotts!" Not bad, not bad at all.
"Na! Na! Yuki! Yuki!" Shuichi rychew'd.
Ron polished Seamus's sex toys and arranged them neatly in the sandy-haired Irish boy's trunk. "I wonder what this one does?" Ron asked no one in particular as he held up a fluffy maoving blob thing.
There was 30 seconds left.... Ron tucked in Hermione's sheet..... 27.... Ron washed all the graffitied Yuki pictures off the walls... 25.... he mopped up the puddles on the stairs... 20.... Ron coughed.... 5.... 4... 3... 2... 1...
"Ahem!" McGonagall cleared her throat and startled the poor Weasel. He had finished just in time! The entire house of Gryffindor crowded behind the teacher, nervously wondering if Ron had properly cleaned everything.
Wandering around with a clipboard in hand, McGonagall and her Basilisk checked off everything that was in order.
"Seamus's puddles cleaned up: check. Graffiti off walls: check. Bed's made: check. Rubbish taken care of: check- wait! What's this?" The Basilisk had a sharp eye for spotting rubbish, and pointed with his tail to a rotting pile of food and fast food wrappers that were in between Harry's and Roger Davies's beds.
"Oh, that's Ron's bed, Professor." Hermione piped up.
"Yesssssssss!" Vin punched the air happily.
Suddenly without warning, Dean Thomas burst in crying hysterically. "Who took my pile-o-cocaine?!"
"Second-hand smoke me Alex Band!" Puppet Master left to join Lifehouse.
Draco had grown over the summer and Harry noticed that he had filled out under his Quidditch robes considerably. Harry blushed and tried not to stare and the newly-handsome Slytherin seeker.
"Harry stop staring at my ass!" Draco was doing an ass dance in front of Harry's face. The Gryffindor seeker had been in a trance for the past 15 minutes. Harry wondered if Draco was thinking the same naughty thoughts about him.
Draco was thinking that Harry looked particularly malnourished and wondered if his stupid Muggle family had bothered to feed him.
"Meet the Masons!" Hannibal ate.
"Gather round boysss...... an' girls. Seamus 'as got some trinkets in 'is sack feh each of yeh!" The Irish lovah snarled. He dug deep into Harry's pants- I mean, the sack and pulled out.....
"Wow! Goku porn! Thanks Seamus!" The guy who plays the bad guy on xXx loved his present that Seamus had brought back from Japan.
"I've got a special something for yyyyyyyou George!" Seamus wiggled his hips at his fave twin, and handed him a grubby brown paper bag. George (or was it Fred?) snatched the package off him hungrily and ran away.
"C'mon Seamus, what did you get me from Japan when you went there 3 months ago with Ratio? Than damn sniper..." Nelly snipes, promoting his new movie Snipes (stars James Patterson III or Pete from Smallville...).
"How could I forget you my sweet little dragon?" Seamus stroked Draco's hair and Draco cringed. Harry roared silently.
"Yay! New Gundam Wing Doujinshi!" Draco ran into Hagrid's hut to read them all right away.
Meanwhile, in the poor part of town there was a red head who was lookin' to get paid...
"Here Ron, I nearly forgot..." Harry dug around in his gold money sack. Ron's face lit up like a cheap strip bar. "Aha! Another Weasley..." Who knew Harry's money sack could talk? He handed Ron a shiny silver coin.
"Thanks Harry! Oh wow... my very own..." Ron read (he can read?) the money coin, "Five cents.... New Zealand..... Oh wow! Thanks so much Harry, this is more than I ever wanted! Your the best friend a poor guy could ever have." Ron raped Harry's leg.
"Ew, get the fuck off me...." Harry shook his leg until the thing clutching it fell off with a loud thump.
Seamus didn't make it to the toilet in time.
'I just cleaned those puddles up Seamus!' Ron thought to himself angrily, and grabbed a mop.
"But wait, there's more!" Seamus cried to the crowd who was slowly beginning to disperse.
"More, really?" Peter Pettigrew digivolved to Scabbers.
"Here's some, 'Yes they are Lesbian on Digimon' porn for Hermione!" Seamus handed the sacred document to Hermione who snuggled up in a corner with Pansy to read YOLEI (hushshhshshshsshss! Forbidden word!).
"What about me Seamus? I'm the one who you slept with the most!" Hannah Abbott screamed in her Hufflepuff way.
"Yeah, but I'm the one who pays for your Leprechaun Prostitutes!" Barty Crouch's back snapped.
"Who told you abou' Fluffy? Me! Tha's righ'!" Dumbledore old manned.
"Give it to now Seamus!" Cedric won the Triwizard Cup. And survived!
"Give me that funk that sweet that funky stuff..." Viktor Krum grew his ayebrows. Fleur giggled. Its Triwizard Champion Special! The REAL Triwizard Champions!
Seamus was getting teared apart limb from limb. Harry grabbed the Gravitation boxed DVD set, Dean Thomas managed to snatch up a limited edition Nittle Grasper concert video and Tom Riddle managed to get his claws on the Digimon Season 4 Soundtrack.
Everyone left when Seamus didn't have anymore presents in his sack. The Irish Gryffindor was slumped in a corner bleeding and barely breathing. Aw!
"You ruined the magic Christopher Columbus!!" Jay-Kay screeched.
It felt like Christmas in the Great Hall, because everyone was reading/watching/using their gifts from Seamus.
A.N: What's with all the Japanese cartoon references? When will our website be finished? How an earth did Ron trick Harry into being his friend? Stay tuned to find out! Review! Review! Review!