Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Tom Felton decides to quit acting and become a fisherman! But what happens when he gets shipwrecked on a Mystical Island?
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Twenty Four:
The Ins and Outs of Inns
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush
- Kajagoogoo, "Too Shy Shy"
~
Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly
normal, thank you very much.
"And I'm Draco Malfoy. Just call me Draco will do." Draco introduced himself to Hermione
after he and Harry had become friends.
Currently, all the students were in Anime-style Drawing Class.
"Oh no we have Potions with Slytherin!" A proud red-haired male poor Weasley Gryffindor
gasped as he saw Harry's eight inch rod spring free from its confines.
"Have you signed up for the School Production? You're perfect for the lead Harry! I know
you'll get the part- I believe in you!" Dedalus Diggle diggled dedalusly diggorusly while
digging some deeds. Deedle.
Everyone crowded around the list which was pinned up on the Community Notice board
outside the Great Hall.
MOTHER.................................................... Viktor Krum
KING'S SON (Yengunjumbelishi)................ Marcus Flint
KUMAGORO............................................... Draco Malfoy
SON #1..................................................... Dean T
SON #2..................................................... Madame Maxime
SON #3..................................................... Frankie Muniz
SON #4..................................................... Ratio
SON #5..................................................... Takato Potfoy
SON #6..................................................... Haley/Harry
SON #7..................................................... Hermione
SON #8..................................................... Dementor #3
SON #9..................................................... Dudley
SON #10................................................... Alun
SON #11................................................... Trowa
SON #12................................................... Prof. Sprout
SON #13................................................... Quentin
SON #14................................................... Fred
SON #15................................................... Hagrid
ROTTING CORPSE...................................... Cedric
SCAVENGER............................................... Ronald Weasley
KING.......................................................... Voldemort
Previously in the Auditorium.
"Right! That's it! Everyone grab my ass- I mean, a script and line up." The Director of the
whole shebang, Seamus Finnigan, ordered.
Harry licked his chapped lips nervously. The closest thing he had ever done to acting was
when he and Snape role-played in bed.
"Yeh not nervou' are yeh 'arry? The's nothi' tah w'rry abou' no' dfg'adajh hjaksjd'uwyr
yeriiy'ew! Heh heh." Hagrid's beard twitched.
"I hope I get the part as Aladdin! I AM Arabian you know...." Master Quatre's Master
bombed America.
"HARRY! You're up first seeing as you're THEE Harry Potter- The Boy Who Lived..... the boy
who defeated Voldemort (Hushshhshshhshshshshshsh!) 6 times. You don't need to
audition. Congratulations you have the lead role as Louie! Are you alright, by the way? Did
Volde hurt you? Thanks again mate." Seamus patted Harry on the thigh.
Everyone stood and applauded Harry on his amazing efforts, even though Harry never
really defeats Voldemort because he keeps coming back... o_O.
"And the winner of the Hagrid Spanked my Ass trophy goes to........ HARRY JAMES POTTER!"
Mr Wright/Wrong wronged rightly so.
"I'd like to thank my parents, because if they were still alive I wouldn't be here today-
thanks for dying! I hate you! You goddamn bastards left me all alone in this crappy world
with loser muggles.... if you weren't already dead I would have killed you mesel'!!! And
thanks to my agent, Chris Columbus and the Bones fam. Also extra special thanks to God- I
love you big guy! No not you Hagrid.... I can't believe I'm up here.... thanks to all my fans- I
wouldn't be standing up here if it wasn't for all you guys spending your money on my
album! Thanks again! Peace out!" Harry found his way back to his seat, clutching his
trophy in one hand, and a bottle of Jack Daniels Vodka in the other.
"And now to present the award for Best Kiss scene, recording artists- THE MOFFATTS! And
Jake." The Canadian foursome plus one swaggered onto the stage as all the girls screamed
and threw their bras.
"And the winner of the Medabots medal goes to........ HARRY JAMES POTTER!" Mr
Wright/Wrong wronged rightly so.
"I'd like to thank my parents, because if they were still alive I wouldn't be here today-
thanks for dying! I hate you! You goddamn bastards left me all alone in this crappy world
with loser muggles.... if you weren't already dead I would have killed you mesel'!!! And
thanks to my agent, Chris Columbus and the Bones fam. Also extra special thanks to God- I
love you big guy! No not you Hagrid.... I can't believe I'm up here.... thanks to all my fans- I
wouldn't be standing up here if it wasn't for all you guys spending your money on my
album! Thanks again! Peace out!" Harry found his way back to his seat, clutching his medal
in one hand, and a bottle of Coruba in the other.
"Not bad... not bad at all..." Ron said, admiring his handiwork
Meanwhile, in a meaningful place....
The Harry Potter Students were getting ready to perform their play!
"Alright, places everybody!" Seamus growled, snapping at Snape's ankles.
"Good luck." Ginny gave Harry a bottle of Gin.
"Places everyron!" Draco tugged at his Kumagoro suit and gave the signal to raise the
curtain. The lights dimmed and someone said 'Voldemort' which husshshshshhshshsed the
audience.
"...his strength and power reach everywhere." Marcus Flint showed Volde's sons #7-15 a
map of his country and spoke his opening line very convincingly.
"Not in my house they don't!" that punk Harry Potter played a very convincing Louie.
"Son of teacher is forgetting I am son of Voldemort!" Yengunjumbelishi said (English is his
second language).
"Son of teacher couldn't care less!" Snarled Louie/Harry/Haley.
"You will sit somewhere else!" Flint/Yengunjumbelishi was wearing funny gold pants and
had his hair in a top knot.
"I will not!" Louie did the fingers to Voldie's son.
"Louie! Remember what I told you." Krum/Mom hissed almost parselmouth-like.
"I'm sorry mother, but he started it!" Tommie apologized.
"KUMAGORO BEAM!" Draco/Kuma bopped Harry/Haley on the head with his Kumagoro toy.
"Man never tell women he is sorry ever! If you had father you would know that." Flint
flashed a toothy grin.
"You don't have a father, you have a map!" Harry shoved Yengunjumbelishi, which is
forbidden like the Dark Forest.
"Louie!" Krum said gruffly, sensei sensing a fight.
"It is forbidden to touch royalty!" Flint knew his country's laws well.
"I didn't touch you, I shoved you! Why don't you get one of your servants to shove me
back?" As if on cue, Peter Pettigrew popped out of Ron's bed and shoved Harry back.
"Ron has a bed?" Arthur Weasley inquired.
"Yes, ever since the Homeless Bum Protection Act was made. As long as Dumbledore's
around, poverty can't touch him. As long as Dumbledore's around he's got a bed." Hermione
informed everyone from behind a huge book. Wow Hermione made an appearance in this
chapter!
"Take that side!" Son #10/Alun took that side and started beating the shit out of Louie.
"Kill the spare!" King Voldemort came in and conjured a Dark Mark in the sky and killed
everyone.
The play got rave reviews and Seamus decided to take the show to Broadway where he made millions as the fourth member of the Three Irish Tenors. Ronan, Finbar and Anthony welcomed Seamus with warm Irish arms and celebrated at the local point Molly Malone's then moved on to the local karaoke bar Kitty O'Sheas where they sang their Irish tenornisishly.
The very next morning and 3 beers later....
"Hi Ron." said Harry using his fake smile and hoping the pumpkin juice he was gulping down
would disguise the whisky on his breath. But really his goblet was half-filled with tequila.
"Guys, we're going to Borabora!" Ron sat down next to his good friend who would do
anything for him. He had found some amazingly rich looking clothes in the bin today- clothes
fit for a prince! Gold genie pants and a gold sash, and a funny top... but the bonus find was
a white bobble combination hairnet! Ron had put his red dreadlocks into a top knot. Even
the Creevster thought Ron's look was an improvement and starting snapping photos.
"Yeah baby, work the camera! Make love to Seamus- I mean, the camera! Yeah! Yeah Ron!"
the Creevster was renowned for his photography of cross-dressing red-heads and Ron
would help him on the way to greatness. There's no doubt about that.
Suddenly, before Harry could finish his porridge and his 12 pack of Lion Red, a certain
Ravenclaw had an emotional outburst that would change Harry forever.
"You killed him! You killed my sweet Ced! My Sweet Ric...... DIE HARRY DIE!!!" Chow
screamed, finally admitting that the poor sod was dead.
'Oh no', Harry thought to himself. 'I really did kill Cedric! Its all my fault! I must go and
confide in Draco!' Harry excused himself from the Gryffindor table and ran over to the Broom shed where he knew there were some broom cleaning products that would make a cheap substitute for alcohol. But before Harry could take that first delightful sniff, Draco barged in and Harry snarled angrily. Draco thought Harry had been spending too much time with that Weasley
kid and some of his poor actions was rubbing off. Poor bastard.
"Look Harry, I think you have a problem. A drinking problem. Ever since that cold stormy
night when I peer-pressured you to take a sip of alcohol you've been addicted to that devils
brew! I can't have a relationship with an alcoholic, Harry. I'm sorry but I just can't!" Draco
was now in hysterics. But the last thing Harry saw as the black clouds surrounded him and
his glasses fogged up mysteriously was Seamus's glinting gold tooth.
Harry did the fingers to Voldemort through the window because he couldn't be bothered defeating him.
A.N: Why is Yuki bleeding from the mouth? Have you guys revealed the hidden track on the Three Irish Tenors plus Seamus's cd (its track 567 by the way)? Will Harry survive and defeat Voldemort for once and for all? Review! Review! Review!