He knocked hesitantly on the door to his sister's apartment, wishing that he didn't feel that a knock was necessary.  The door swung open immediately, and Chandler was giving him a wide smile and welcoming him in.

"Mon's reading to Caleb," Chandler said quietly, explaining the absence of his wife and son from the room.  "Do you want to go in and say goodnight before he falls asleep?"

Ross glanced toward the bedroom, and nodded with a slight smile.  Chandler smiled back, then nodded toward the bedroom. 

"Go on in," he instructed Ross as he pulled a plastic dinosaur-shaped cup out of the cabinet.  "I'm on a water mission – bathroom, not kitchen." 

Ross turned to go into Caleb's room, entering as quietly as he could so he wouldn't interrupt.  Caleb and Monica were lying in the bed, Caleb's eyelids drooping as he tried to concentrate on the book Monica was reading in a soft voice.  Ross smiled at the sight, stepping to the side so that he could lean against the wall.  His movement caught Monica's eye, and she grinned and waved him over.

            "Just wanted to say goodnight," he offered as an explanation, pausing to smile at his sleepy nephew. 

            "Will you come t'morra, Uncla Woss?" Caleb asked, his voice soft and sleepy.

            "Yeah, buddy.  I'll see you in the morning."

            Caleb nodded, pleased, just as Chandler walked into the room with the water.  Chandler, too, paused in the doorway to survey the scene, then moved over to the bed.

            "Here you go, son.  Bathroom water, nice and cold."

            "T'anks you, Daddy."  AN: Don't you think that would be just the cutest thing?  A kid calling Chandler "Daddy"?  Awww… Caleb was already burrowing underneath the blankets, ready to drift off.  Ross left the room quickly, determined that he wouldn't intrude on the nightly ritual any more than he already had.  He noticed his luggage stacked neatly in front of the window in the living room, and went to sort through his bags and decide what he would need for the night – he could come back for the rest tomorrow.  But as he stood in front of the window, he found his gaze traveling down and looking into his old apartment.  It was still empty – and still his – after three years.  He just hadn't been able to give it up.  He wondered if it bothered Chandler and Monica – or any of them – that they could still look through the open window and straight into the empty apartment.  He had a feeling it did.

            "I was always sorry that the way you found out about me and Monica was by seeing us through that window," Chandler said from behind him, jolting Ross out of his trance.  He turned around quickly, smiling slightly at the memory. 

            "So was I," he told Chandler in a dry voice, making both of them chuckle.  Ross glanced up at his brother-in-law, then turned back to the window. 

            "Chandler…I don't think I ever apologized for how I acted that day.  Or thanked you."

            "Thanked me?"

            Ross sighed, the hint of the smile around his lips growing into a full one.  Being in New York again must be making him sentimental.  "For loving her like you do.  For finally making my little sister as happy as she always deserved to be."

            Chandler smiled back and shrugged thoughtfully.  "I can't help loving her.  And as long as I'm alive, I'll be doing everything in my power to make her as happy as she's made me.  That much I can promise."  Chandler paused, a mischievous grin dancing across his face.  "Besides, her big brother threatened to hunt me down and kick my ass if I ever hurt her."

            Ross laughed out loud, blushing as he remembered.  "Yeah, well…I will."

            "My money's still on Chandler," Monica interrupted with a laugh as she walked into the room and over to them.  She ducked underneath Chandler's arm and wrapped her arms around his waist as she looked up at her brother.  "You want something to drink?  Eat?"

            "No…thanks, Mon.  I think I'll head on over to Phoebe's.  I don't want to keep you guys up."

            "Ross, you're not intruding," Monica assured him.  "You're family.  We haven't seen you in years…Besides, when have you ever not been welcome here?"

            Ross nodded his appreciation, then turned to look out the window again. 

            "I saw Rachel," he announced quietly, rubbing his hands nervously up and down the side of his pants.  He kept his gaze on the world outside to avoid whatever expression was crossing their faces.  When he finally turned to look at them, they had masked their surprise and were patiently waiting for him to continue, their curiosity evident.

            "We're okay…" he told them, feeling the words were inadequate for the emotional meeting and the change he could already feel in his heart.  The both nodded silently – approvingly – and Ross could see Chandler arm tighten around Monica.  They must have been waiting for this, he realized.  Wondering how much longer the rift in their once-close group would continue…and feeling torn between their respective best friends and a brother. 

            "I guess…I guess you probably think it's about time, huh?" he questioned them with a nervous laugh.            Neither answered, but their silence was acknowledgement enough.  Monica left Chandler's side long enough to hug her brother tightly.

            "I'm glad," she whispered to him.  "It's…this – thing…it's been tearing both-"

She stopped abruptly, but Ross could have finished the sentence for her.  He lowered his gaze to the floor, knowing they were all thinking about the same thing.

            Joey.

            Flashback – right after Joey and Rachel's "date" in TOW Joey Dates Rachel.  (Borrowing some lines from the show, but this is where everything takes a different turn…Remember, Rachel's not pregnant, but let's just pretend they went out to dinner and ended up having the same conversation in the restaurant about what they do on dates.)

            "So tell me.  What are Joey Tribbiani's end of the night moves?" Rachel asked teasingly as they entered their apartment together. Joey smiled slightly, not sure he wanted to reveal his secrets to his roommate, but knowing Rachel wouldn't give up until he told all. 

            "Uh, well…if I want the girl to kiss me, the first thing I do is make my lips irresistible."

            Rachel smiled, as she sat down at the counter and reached for their leftovers.

            "How do you do that?"

            Joey grinned sheepishly and sank into his chair.

            "Well, you can't tell anyone, but I put on a shiny lip balm."

            "Oh my God," Rachel breathed, choking back laughter. 

"Yeah, like a moth to the flame," Joey bragged.  He glanced at her again, determined that she would spill her secrets as well.  "Ok, all right, so now you go."

Rachel smirked, crossing her legs and picking daintily at their leftover lobster.  "I'm not going to tell you."

So she was embarrassed, too.  "Why not?"
            "'Cause it's embarrassing," Rachel informed him with a shrug, a slight blush tinting her cheeks. 

"More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?" he asked her, incredulous.  Realizing his slip, he leaned back into the chair, grinning sheepishly.  "I didn't say raspberry before, did I?"  Rachel shook her head, her eyes sparkling with laughter.   "Just tell me, Rach, just tell me!"

With a huge sigh, Rachel stood up and gestured to him.  "Okay, all right.  Stand up."

He obeyed, suddenly realizing he was nervous about what was to come.  He watched as she walked over to him and stood in front of him.

"Well, when we're at the door," she told him, leaning slightly toward him in a conspiratory gesture.  "I lightly press my lips against his and then move into his body for just a second."  Joey swallowed hard as she moved even closer to him and had to fight with himself to keep from putting his hands on her waist.  "And then I make this sound," she murmured, moaning softly.  She laughed and moved away from him.  "'Okay, I know it didn't sound like anything, but I swear it works!"

"Uh –um, yeah…" he mumbled, his eyes still on her face.  No one had ever affected him so completely – and she hadn't even touched him.   

The realization came in a flash, so strong that he could feel himself physically shake.

He loved Rachel.

            As he stared at her, contemplating this new information, her expression changed too – going from teasing and seductive to confused and slightly wary.

            "What?  You think it's stupid, don't you?"
            He didn't think about the consequences until afterwards.  He threw himself into the moment – and, he realized with delight as she kissed him back – he took her with him.  It was a moment as pure and beautiful as any moment he had ever imagined, and in his heart he knew that it was right. 

            And then the door opened behind Rachel and Joey pulled away from her to find Ross staring at them in shock. 

           

            Ross gaped at them for a long moment, completely at a loss.  When the scene finally registered completely, he felt his confusion melt into anger. 

            Joey and Rachel? 

            "What the…"  He looked from one to the other, noting Joey's shamed face and Rachel's dazed eyes.  "You – and you?"

            "Ross, look," Joey started, but Ross cut him off with a shake of his head.  He glanced at Rachel, glowered at Joey, and left, slamming the door behind him. 

           

For a week, whenever the six friends were in the same room, "tense" was an understatement. 

Joey was guilt-ridden, Rachel was defiant, and Ross did nothing but sulk.  Rachel had all but moved in to Chandler and Monica's guest room because things were so awkward between her and Joey in their apartment, and Ross refused to speak to either one of them.  Joey had tried to confide in Chandler, but his disjointed speech about rules and London and Monica just left Chandler bewildered.  It was Monica who finally put the pieces together, with the help of Chandler's version of the "talk" and her own incoherent confession session with Rachel.  Within minutes, they had enlightened Phoebe – who was upset because she hadn't seen this coming.    This, the other three friends decided, was even worse than the Emily-won't-let-Ross-see-Rachel fiasco.  They unanimously decided not to get involved.

They didn't have to.  The situation blew up all on its own.

            Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey were watching t.v. in a strained silence when Ross walked into the apartment.  He paused when he spotted Joey in the armchair, but the greetings from his other friends kept him from walking back out.  He nodded at all of them, begrudgingly including Joey in the gesture, and went to get a soda from the fridge.

            "What are you watching?" he questioned uncomfortably as he walked into the living room, surveyed the seating options, and chose a spot on the floor on the other side of the room from Joey. 

            "Gilmore Girls," Chandler answered gleefully, not taking his eyes from the set. (AN: I'm newly addicted to that show, by the way…)

            "Oh, that's on tonight?" Ross answered just as happily, momentarily forgetting the silent feud with Joey.  "What did I miss?"

            "Well, Rory went to New York to see Jess and now she's going to miss Lorelei's graduation ceremony," Chandler told him, jumping when Monica elbowed him.  "What?  You like this show too.  Last week all you could talk about was how hot Christopher was!"
            "Jess?  He's just going to tear Rory and Dean apart," Ross groaned, opening his soda.  "Why doesn't he just leave her alone?"

            "Maybe he loves her," Joey said thoughtfully, not even noticing that his comment changed the dynamic of the whole room.  Chandler and Monica exchanged worried glances with Phoebe, while Ross stared at Joey in shock.

            "Love?  Are you kidding me?"

            Joey glanced up, surprised that Ross was directing a comment in his direction.  One look at Ross's face made him aware that the conversation had apparently taken a turn he had missed.  This was no longer about a t.v. show. 

            "You don't love Rachel!" Ross shouted, jumping to his feet and pointing at Joey. 

            "I – um…"  Joey glanced at his friends for help, but they were even more at a loss than he was.  "Ross, look-"

            "No, Joey, you look.  I don't know what made you think you could make Rachel one of your one-night stands-"

            "I never thought that!"

            "Then what was it, Joey?"  Ross crossed his arms and glared at him. "Love?" he asked mockingly.  "Rachel and I were in love.  You don't know anything about it."

            "I do love her!" Joey exclaimed as he stood up, unable to contain himself.  "I do.  But I know we'll never be together.  I know I'm not good enough.  You don't have to keep pounding it into my head, Ross.  I know that I'm not you.  I know I don't stand a chance!"

            For a long moment, there was nothing but silence as Joey and Ross faced off, their friends looking on in shock.  Then they heard the sound of the apartment door clicking closed, and they turned in unison to look.

            Rachel was standing in the doorway.  They all watched as her eyes locked with Joey's – and Ross felt his heart sink.  He knew that in that moment, any chance of a future for him and Rachel had been destroyed. 

He had thought that if this day ever came – the day he realized that the last spark between them had died – it would be a moment of sadness…a look shared between them where they read it in each other's eyes, sad smiles of understanding, one last long hug as they finally said goodbye to their romance and relinquished all the "might've been"s.  Maybe to someone else that would seem too dramatic.  But to him, their love had been so wonderful and life-changing that it deserved it. 

Rachel and Joey.  That was the last way he had ever imagined it would go.

I couldn't bear to see it then

With raging jealousy

A feeling once so beautiful

Should die with dignity…

            Back to the Present….

            He gave Phoebe the details of his talk with Rachel and waited.  Phoebe had been more than supportive through the whole thing – and he had suspected that "Joey and Rachel" might have broken her heart too…just a little bit.  But if it had, she never admitted it, and he never questioned her.  His feelings had been public knowledge, and everyone had seemed to know more about them than he did.  He wouldn't put her through that.  Besides, he didn't know for sure exactly what her feelings for Joey were.

            Phoebe grinned as he finished the story and impulsively leaned over to hug him. 

            "I knew it!  You're staying!"

            Ross pulled back to look at her, squinting in confusion.  "Well…yeah.  Unless you want me to get a hotel… I mean, it's kind of late."

            "No, not here, here!" Phoebe "clarified", gesturing wildly.  It took Ross a minute to figure out that she meant New York in general.

            "I don't know, Phoebe.  I mean – yeah, I want to stay.  Ben is here, my family, you guys… But I think I should talk to Joey before I decided any of that.  I don't want…he might not want me to stay."

            "Are we talking about the same Joey?" Phoebe asked incredulously.  "Of course he'll want you to stay.  He's missed you as much as any of us…He felt horrible when you left, Ross.  He wanted to fix things so badly, but he didn't know how.  He didn't think you wanted him to."

            Ross was silent, considering that.  He finally looked up at Phoebe and smiled slightly.  "I guess for a while I didn't think I wanted him to either."

            "And now?"

            "Now…I think I'm the one that needs to do the fixing."

            "So…you're staying!" Phoebe exulted with a huge smile.  Ross chuckled and shook his head.  Maybe she was right.  He wasn't going to argue right now.

            "We'll see, Phoebs.  But right now, I could really use some sleep."  He yawned, suddenly feeling his long flight taking its toll.  "Do you mind?"

            Phoebe shook her head, then leaned over to hug him tightly. 

            "I'm glad you're back, Ross.  I really missed you."  She sighed slightly, leaning her head on his shoulder.  "It was hard being just me.  I guess you're the only one that can understand that."

            Ross nodded against her hair, suddenly feeling guilty for leaving her in New York to be the fifth wheel.  He knew Phoebe had felt left out of the group at times over the years.  With the exception of a few short months here and there, they had never had roommates.   And therefore, they had never had those "special" relationships with anyone that Rachel and Monica or Chandler and Joey had.  Ross had other ties, but Phoebe wasn't a roommate, sister, college roommate, or best friend from high school.  As Rachel had so inappropriately put it years ago, she "lifted right out".  It had to be even worse now, with the other four all married to each other and him in Egypt…and though he had never known Phoebe to suffer from a lack of love interests, it had to get lonely.

            And loneliness was something he knew a little about.