Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts, Sirius's daughter was conceived at an early age of 17, they had to give her up. She's back now and in Harry's arms!
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Twenty Five: Riches and Rags
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
- MC Hammer, "U Can't Touch This"
~
The sun was streaming through Harry's curtains and he yawned. Surprisingly he hadn't gotten woken up by the sounds of Neville and Dean lovin' in the bed next to him.
Meanwhile, Ron was sitting on his pile of rubbish, scraping the gold of the Harry Potter gold leaf
books.
"Good morning Harry!" the red-haired punk smiled poorly at his rich friend.
"Good morning it is!" Harry grinned, thinking about what a lovely day today was going to be. He
was meeting his boyfriend for breakfast at Starbucks before school started. Nothing could ruin
Harry's good mood, not even when McGonagall burst in screaming, "Harry, quick! Ginny's lying
unconscious down in the Chamber of Secrets!"
Today was going to be the last day of Harry's life and he didn't have a clue.
"Snape's been trying to get the DADA job for ages!" Millicent Bullstrode started the breakfast
conversation off to a nice start, spooning a spoonful of butter into her mouth.
"Kia Ora! He mihi nunui kia koutou katoa!" Quinton agreed with Millie and cooked a Hangi.
"Do you watch Gundam Wing on Cartoon Network?" Mrs Mason snarled. Ron had just stolen the
Daily Prophet and was reading it when he came across an article about his very own family!
"Wow Ron, your family's in the Daily Prophet!" Lavender Brown gulped.
"Ron, I didn't know your family won the lottery....." Adrian Pucey read.
"It says here they brought a mansion in Bangladesh and are living like royalty!" Harry exclaimed
as Ron's ears steamed.
"Arthur, Molly, Bill, Charlie, Percy, George, Fred, Ginny, Scabbers, Pig and Errol are enjoying their
*pound sign* 999, 9900909099090000900.45 mansion which is atop a mountain that the family
bought as well. Arthur, the head of the family says that he couldn't be more thrilled with the
palace. 'I'm glad to be spending this money on my family and we are now closer than ever.' The
Weasley's have reportedly bought several large countries and a horse." Ron looked down the
Gryffindor Table and noticed that Percy, the twins and Ginny were missing. He checked the
Owlery and Errol and Pig were gone without a trace. He asked some of the owls where his two
best friends had gone but they had been sworn to secrecy. Ron ran up to the boys dorms and
checked everyone's bed and then his pocket. Scabbers was no where in sight!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Ron
screamed in pain like a dying Zebra.
"Did you hear something?" Terry Boot thought he heard something.
"It sounded like a dying Zebra....." Hermione whispered, poking Wood with her fork.
"You've got some nerve!" Penelope Clearwater drank.
Meanwhile, at the evil lords of darkness table- no, not Slytherin...... but Ravenclaw!
Draco was scrawling on the back of a napkin with his quill and scrunched it up and threw it at
Harry. It fell on Harry's soggy bacon and he opened it up. In a neat glowing green loopy script
(Draco was a Slytherin after all) were the words, 'The rubber room- 6th period'. Harry wrapped
up a piece of egg and threw it back which meant he would meet him but he'd be a bit late
because he was serving detention with Hagrid tonight.
The enchanted bell rung and the Wiz Kids all stood and filtered off to their classes.
"Oh no, we have Drug Education with Slytherin!" Emma Dobbs who was Dennis Creevy's
girlfriend, gasped horribly.
"Oh no we missed the Sorting and I really wanted to see it because my sister Ginny was getting
sorted!" Eleanor Columbus was visibly upset.
"Ginny got sorted into Hufflepuff." Ron snarled poorly, which was expected. Poor sod.
The class gathered some mushrooms from the forest floor, and took their seats in the classroom which was in the Dungeon. Draco and his brute squad were already there because the secret entrance to the Slytherin Dorms was right next door!
"Right you are! I am your local Policeman, Constable Barry. Just Barry, your local Policewizz. With the help of my faithful puppet dog Russell," Russell barked as if on cue, "We will educate you on the dangers of using drugs and alcohol so you can live in a safer, cleaner environment."
Everyone looked at Harry, who was trying to take a sip of Royal Crown Draft, which was
concealed in his robes.
"Sir, do you know anything about the Chamber of Secrets?" Hermione raised her hand and
asked Professor Binns who promptly fell off his pile-o-history-books.
"Now everyone get into pairs and role-play the situation I just explained." Constable Barry and
puppet dog Russell sat down and watched them all interact.
"Ron, you'll be the drug dealer and I'll be the innocent child." Seamus winked. He was a pro at
this game as many of his clients enjoyed this sort of role play.
"Okay, Pavarti Patil you can be the dairy owner and I'll be the white trash who tries to buy a
bottle of Zotab and a pack of cigarettes off of you." Harry suggested, foaming at the mouth
when he thought of his sweet sweet tranquilizers.
Meanwhile on the evil side of the class, Draco was getting beaten up by a very convincing gang
leader Crabbe.
"I paid you back! What more do you want from me Crabbe?!" Draco cried.
Constable Barry thought this was enough role-play for one day and silenced the class with a
silencing charm just in time.
"Zotab!" Harry screeched at Padma, and made a 'Z' with his fingers. Russell barked, empowering the silencing charm which was even too strong for Harry to break with his addiction.
"Sir, what if someone you know is using drugs?" a concerned 7th year asked and everyone
looked at Harry.
"Well, first you should tell a teacher, a parent or your local Policewizz and they'll make sure your
friend gets the help they need to kick their habit." Russell answered the question gruffly, tilting
his police hat which glowed in the dim light.
Suddenly without warning, Russell began sniffing the air- he had picked up the scent of alcohol
amongst the students!
"Don't be alarmed everyone- Russell here seems to have picked the scent of alcohol in this very
classroom. Stay calm and don't look him directly in the eye because he will think you're
challenging him to a fight. Come on Russell, find that alcoholic!" Constable Barry encouraged.
The entire class was sitting quietly in anticipation, wondering who among them was guilty of
underage drinking.
Russell growled and sniffed around Ron who gulped nervously.
"What is it boy?" Just Barry encouraged and Russell barked at something under the table.
"And the heavy drinker is........ HARRY JAMES POTTER?" Constable Barry gasped in unison with
the entire class. Harry was crouched under his desk nursing a bottle of Southern Comfort.
Nobody suspected that Harry would turn to drugs to deal with all the trauma that had happened during his life.
"I'm sorry Harry, but I'm going to have to turn you in." Constable Barry saw a lot of this on the
streets. Many children who have been stalked by Voldemort tuned to alcohol when the
pressure of everyone expecting them to defeat him would get too much.
"Ron's the name and money's the game..." Ron extended his hand to the friendly Policewizz
Puppet dog, whose name was Russell.
"We must be getting close!!!!!" Hermione, the star of the chapter, bowed.
"Russell, would you please escort Mr Potter to the Headmasters Office? Then you can alert the
proper authorities to take him away." Constable Barry favored Russell and entrusted him with
such an important task. He threw him a dog roll to encourage him further and Russell yipped in
reply.
Harry felt Russell's breath on the back of his neck as he ran as fast as his scrawny legs could
carry him to the Headmasters office, with Russell snapping at his heels all the way. Russell
stopped at a huge road cone and said, "Hammer time" which must have been the password
because the road cone swung open.
'So this is where Armando Dippet's office is...' Harry thought to himself.
"Oh look, its Potter..." Armando Dippet drawled paledly as Harry entered his office. "That is all
Russell." he nodded to the puppet dog who ran back to his master... Puppet Master. Or was it
Master Quatre?
"No, but Snape he- he was the one who..." Harry began to defend himself but Armando stopped
him.
"No Harry, you have to take responsibility for your actions. Its nobody's fault but your own. I'm
afraid that you will have to go to Wizard Rehab- the local rehab centaur for wizards!" Armando
apparated away just as the proper wizarding authorities came in to restrain Harry and take him
away.
"I'm not going home. Not really..." Harry cried as they tipped him upside-down and all his bottles
fell out which were concealed within his robes.
Suddenly, Harry found himself in a cell and in the cell next to him was no other than... Tom Marvolo Riddle! They soon became best friends and traded camping stories.
One day, he had a visit from a family member.
"Unkie Remus! And who's this you've brought along with you?" Harry smiled through his scraggy
beard he had grown because they weren't allowed to shave in Wizard Rehab.
"Meat Sirius! My long-time boyfriend. You don't mind, do you Harry?" Remus shared a kiss with
Sirrie.
"Not really, I mean I've walked in on Fred and George in compromising positions more than I can
remember!" Ron guffawed.
"What the fuck is that poor bastard damn scoundrel street rat take that, I don't buy that....
doing here?!" Abu scratched his flea ridden mangy fur.
"Well, I'd like you to meet someone as well. Tom...?" At this very moment Tom Felton- not Riddle!
stepped forward from inside the shadows.
"Me and Tom.... well.... we're a couple.... you don't mind do you?" Harry was nervous that his
uncles would reject him.
"You're.... you're dating Lucius? Lucius's son? YOU'RE DATING A MALFOY? THOSE PUREBLOOD
BASTARDS!!!" Remmie fumed at the mouth while Sirrie tried to calm him down.
"Inter-house dating is strictly forbidden!" Armando popped out of nowhere and took 376 points
from both houses.
"THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US??? All those years we worked hard to get you a wizarding
education and you throw it all back in our faces by being a bloody faggot with A MALFOY!!!!"
Sirrie was gripping his wand tightly.
"Sirius, please. Lets be supportive of our son. We promised we would try to be as good a
parents as Narcissa and James were. Lets not break that promise." Remmie scolded his life
partner and they ran away.
A.N: Did Yuki jump off the boat or did he just run away? And what's with that funny smell coming from the Prefects bathrooms? When will Voldemort strike back? And who an earth is Ron? Find out in the next chapter of... Pump the Breaks! Review! Review! Review!