Title: Pump The Breaks
Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 5 years after arriving at Hogwarts,
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?


Chapter Twenty Eight: I Really Did, I Really Do

I'm a little teapot short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out
- The Weird Sisters, "I'm a Little Teapot"

~

Harry walked up to his boyfriend and hugged him from behind.
"What the hell? You're not Draco! I can't feel your bones through your robes....." Harry screamed, startled at feeling muscle tissue which normally is not found on his pale lovahs body.
"I'm Blaco. Draco Malfoy's Cousin." Blaco turned around and extended his hand towards Harry.
"I think I can choose the Ron sort for myself thanks." Harry refused Blaco's hand.
"There you are Harry! I've been looking all over for you- ah, I see you've met my cousin Blaco." Draco ran up to the two, who were glaring at each other.
"Come on Draco. Lets leave." Harry glared at Blaco his arch nemesis, as him and Draco skipped off to Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Meanwhile, at the Burrow, Ron's parents couldn't stop having sex.
"Oh my! He didn't take his potion tonite! He's not safe!" Crabbe- Crabbe Snr that is - gnarled.
"Lush Lucius!" Seamus squealed at Lucius's ribbon.
"I just thought of you Harry and it got me through the bad times in Azkaban, or Wizz Prizz as its known on the inside." Sirius Black whitened.

Seamus's goblet had eyes and Goyle's had walked out of the class. Harry's still had a tail and Ron's goblet looked more like a handbag. Hermione's of course, had been perfectly transfigured.

Ron decided to write Draco a poem in Creative Writing Class.
"You insult my family, Call them poor, Call them dirty, Call them foolish...." Ron read aloud as he scribbled on a piece of parchment with his quill.
"My parents are Dentists! They could help you out Marcus..." Hagrid's chest swelled.
"What does your Dad do?" That red haired baron blended.
"My father works at Gringotts. He's Goblin #53!" Peeves peeved someone off.
"My parents are Milkmen!" Colin Creevy snapped.
"I don't have any parents..." The Famous Harry Evans sighed as Blaco laughed.
"My Mother is Headmaster at Durmstrang!" Potters pal stated proudly.
"My dad is Voldemort." William Creevy videotaped.
"My brother CHARLIE in ROMAINIA..." A poor sod who was covered in dirt and flies, bragged.
"Um.... we're talking about our PARENTS Ron." Crookshanks mewed.
"I'm the secret lovechild of Percy and Lavender!" Headmaster Dippet winked.
"Haha your parents are Deatheaters and mine are Aurors!" Harry mocked Blaco.

"So do you think there really is a Chamber of Secrets?" Ron asked, brushing his hair.
"Yes. McGonagall's worried. So is Snape and Binns and Lockhart and Dumbledore and Pomfrey and Hooch and Treelawny. As well as Sprout and Flitwick. And Filch and Hagrid are worried too. All the teachers are." Hermione had her nose in a book which hid her enormous buck teeth. Her parents were dentists.
"My father was a Potter and I would never change my name!" Harry screamed.
Harry decided that he would take Draco's last name, upon their marriage. Draco would never give up the Malfoy name.
"Harry Malfoy... I like the sound of that!" For god sakes Harry make up your mind!
"Rubber duckies...." The clean twin Fred decided to wash his dirty brother George.
"Do... you... know... anything... about... the... Philosophers... stone...?" Scar head decided to randomly write in a diary. Kewl.

"You know how I used to be called Dean T? Well, I've decided to call myself Lil' Dean" Dean Thomas- I mean, Lil' Dean rapped. He was now a famous rapper.
"I shouldn't 'ave said that... I should not 'ave said tha'... I shouldn't 'ave said that... I should not 'ave said tha'... I shouldn't 'ave said that... I should not 'ave said tha'... " Hagrid grunted. He had let slip where he grew his weed!
"The Men of Slytherin 2003 Calender is out!" Neville opened his glossy calender to January, where there was a picture of Draco sprawled out on the Slytherin Common Room leather couch.
"My father didn't strut! And neither do I!" Harry apparently knew whether or not his father strutted when he was at school, even though Harry wasn't even invented yet.

"We're not really enemies, we love each other really." A hot boy in Slytherin Quidditch robes stood over another hot boy who was getting his gear strapped on.
"Yes." Dan was so rad!
"Yes..." Tom drawled.
"I have these polaroids of Tom-" Dan began cheekily.
"Shut up!" Tom tried to cut him off.
"And his-" Dan tried to continue.
"Shut up NOW!" Tom didn't want everyone to know that Dan had naked Tommie polaroids.
"Uhh.... hair.... is, err- sticking up... yeah, his hair......." Dan was such an awful liar.

"Swallow before you speak!" Tommie's voice coach reminded him.
"Blaise are you a boy or a girl?" Seamus didn't care which Blaise was.
"Well, I'm a-" But before Blaise could answer, s/he was suddenly killed by a Ravenclaw balloon that had already been popped.
"Now we will never know what sex Blaise was..." C. Warrington shook his head sadly and watched the body being carried away by some Hobgoblins.
"Leave him aLONE!" Ginny genuine.

"Oh no! We have Fisherman Studies with Tom Felton!" Bole beated.
"Bee in your bonnet, eh, Potter?" The sorting hat sort of sorted sortingly of the sort.
"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.... I was wondering, I-I-If you put me in the r-r-r-r-r-right house..." Tommie thought Dan could use some lessons from his private voice coach, so he slipped him his card when Dan wasn't looking.
"I put you in the house that I said, and I'm always right you little shit." The class trundled their way through the dank and smelly docks and pulled in the anchors at Dock 8743.

"I heard his favorite movie's the Perfect Storm....." Hermione whispered to Sussan, while looking at her Fisherman's guide to Fishing.
"Whatup world!" Tommie strode in, wearing a black rain slicker with matching hat and gumboots and hook. His face was unshaven and was gristly with squid tentacles, and he had his trusty ugly stick in his back pocket as he puffed away on a pipe.
"Aye, tonite we'll be watching a tale of fishing greatness- a tale of love and war on the sea. I give you......... The Perfect Storm! Starring Mark Whalberg, George Clooney and Tom Cruise- in a wheelchair!" Fisherman Felton gestured with his hook.
"Fisherman Felton, Sir, why did you become a fisherman?" Justin Filch-Fletcherly, Flich's stepson, asked.
"Aye, well I thought that being an old, poor, smelly fisherman was much more rewarding than being a hot, young, rich, talented actor. Don't you agree?" The class was too busy to respond because they were all holding their noses from the stench coming from Tommie.
Neville even vomited in the bait tank! "Aye, the fishes like that chunder, they do!"
"George (no no no, not THAT George), nooo!!!" Marky mark drowned. All the fishermen did.
"Looks like Shooter McGavin predicted the right weather this time!" Everyone chortled at Dudley's cool logic.

"The last time the Chamber was opened.... a Fisherman drowned!" Tommie swallowed a few buckets of saliva, as the class gasped in unison. "Aye! Looks like Blaco's caught 'imsel' a big'un! Reel 'em in!" Blaco did as he was instructed- Tommie wasn't the Fisherman Studies teacher for nothing!- and reeled his catch in, which suddenly jumped out of the water and hit Tommie's glass aye, then rebounded and hit his other glass eye and they both rolled onto a Flounder nearby, which promptly ate them both.
"What has Blaco caught, Fisherman Felton?" Dementor #72 kissed.
"Aye... it looks like an old boot- no no wait... aye its a tyre! Aye... its a toilet seat! Well done Fred!" Tommie slapped Fred on the back for doing such a great job and let Fred hold his Lucky Bait Bucket while he filled it with Neville's chunder.
"Gods, its always Fred!" George (Weasley- not Clooney!) scowled in a damp corner with Harry, who was sculling some Wizz-Alcohol and Draco, who was going through everyone's bags for items of value.
"But how am I to pay for all this? I haven't any money." Ron Wea$ley sighed. He had never owned a knut in his life!
"Voldemort's coming over for dinner, you'd better leave." Arthur Weasley baled Stuart out of Christian.
"What's on the menu?" Harry inquired, as he left the manor.
"Muggles."

The End.


A.N: Will Tommie's father pass down the Felton Fisheries Inc. family business to his youngest son? Will the choir welcome him back with open arms and what will they sing about now? When will the TF.com Message Boards be back up? And how will Collin take his photos with the recent closure of Fuji-Wizz Photos? Find in out in the next installment of Pump. The. Breaks... Review! Review! Review!