Authors: slytherinsRsexyer7283 and beater#4
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Since the loss of Cerebro, Prof. Wheels hasn't been his usual self and the X fighters think it might have something to do with Multiple...
Disclaimer: You've read this far and you still need a disclaimer?
Chapter Thirty One: Gohan's first date
(Part of the Pump the Breaks Unplugged series)
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
- System Of A Down, "BOOM"
~
Dear AL....
Romano roller-skated in wearing silver sparkly hot pants.
"But..but...NO! It can't be! Harry couldn't believe that Crabbe and Goyle were beaters, ever! never!
"Good morning Scabbers!" Seamus snarled sweetly at the molting rat who was in his pants; Ron
couldn't afford a pet rat, so Seamus had 'palangi'-adopted Scabbers.
It was the Maori way of adopting an Animagi...by the name of Peter Pettigrew.
"Welcome to the whanau!"Quinton & Alun did a tiki-club dance, known to the indigenous ma-oris
as 'Waiata'.
Cripes! It was nearly time for breakfast, so everyone rushed to get dressed - except for Seamus
who was snuggling with Ron. Oh and Al Band, because he had gotten lost on the way to bed the
night before and still hadn't turned up.
"Wow this liquid break sure looks better than that CrAzY chicken chop stuff!" Harry grabbed a vial
of liquid bread, slipped a bit of vodka in and chew-drunk it down.
"I tortured 5 muggles last night! Beware! The air! Is here! This year! Yeah! I care! Beware! Draco
Muggle-Malfoy death eated.
"I coughed up a baby ribcage! My son is your age! Alfie Enoch, the new Hufflepuff was shushed
by Hermione. That sort of talk should be saved for the young Deatheaters meating...tonite!
The class caught the nite bus to Afghanistan.
"Binky has a nite-light!" Ratio disappeared into the nite.
"All the Gryfs & Slyths eated their way to the Forbidden Laden Death Lair.
Someone apparated into the middle of Hagrid's hut, realized he'd apparated in the ron place and
disappeared, re-appearing in the Forbidden Laden Death Lair.
The class gasped in unison at the hooded figure. An eerie chill slid cat-like over the lair, as a cold
skeletal hand reached out......
"Gidday class! Me names Piers. Piers Polkins and IM here to teach YOU more Dark Arts then you've
ever known. Welcome to Young Deatheaters Anonymous." Everyron pulled on their KKK masks,
which had been kindly supplied by Madame Malkine, your 1 stop shop for everyday robe wear -
open 73hrs a day.
"Pull out your pocket Death-Eater guides and start reading from page 19. Be good - I'm going to
leave you for awhile to catch a real live muggle for you all to torture."
"But Professor Polkins-NO! It can't be!" Lil' Dean raped snipely.
"Psssst puffapod" Harry whispered trying to get Draco's attention.
He had folded a dart out of a spare piece of parchment and threw it and it hit Draco's eye.
Draco glared at Harry with the power of a thousand basilisks but opened it anyway.
My sweet Dragonling
You are my light, my fire
My one desire
You are, you are, you are, you are
I want you bad
It's getting hawt in here
So take off all of yo clothes...
Meet me at Flitwick's hobbel @ 9:00pm
Draco grinched to himself.
"What you got their boy?" Voldemort said from across the room.
Draco stuffed the note in his pocket but suddenly the note wasn't in his pocket anymore, and it
was clutched in Voldie's white scaly hand.
"Well well what do we have here, a note from Mister Potter to Master Malfoy"
"No NO!" Harry knew
Draco went as white as a moonbeam as Voldemort began to read the note aloud..
To my honey bunny,
You are my master in disguise
I like your broomstick
I like it when you wear those silver hot pants
you stole from Voldemort
We should have a threesome
and get Trevor to join in on the fun.
I've got photos of Snape in fishnets
and we can...
"Ahem", Armando Dippet cleared the flem in his throat.
Voldemore hated being interrupted and made a note to crucio him later.
"Class I'd like you to meet a new student, he's from California and his name is Alex Band". Wittle Al
wibbled behind the door.
"Um, we meet him yesterday headmaster sir.
The shock was too much for the Dippy old chap and he died crumbling on the floor.
Every time a headmaster dies, a new one rises and gets called on. He would be here any minute.
His name was Albus Dumbledore.
Harry glared at Al as he took the empty CHAIR next to Draco.
"Gimme yo lunch money!" Al looked like he was in for a bashing. A Potter bashing. "Give it here
Alex, or I'll knock you off your broom!"
"Is that so?" Draco stepped in, protecting the new kid. Harry punched his fist into his desk and did
the fingers, making a note to kick Al when 'D' wasn't looking. Draco gave Al a spare book and
opened it to page 19. Wittle Al pulled out a black suitcase which had his name, address and phone
number on it - incase Al left it somewhere.
"What the fuck is that?" Harry snatched the case from Alex's trembling fingers, Harry had grabbed
it too quickly and the suitcase snapped open and all the contents spilled all over the class.
"We don't use this shit in here!" Goyle stomped on one of Al's glitter crayons which had fallen out.
Seamus was snapping all the colored pencils and Susan Bones was transfiguring the glitter into
Lifehouse stickers - her fave band!
"Those belonged to my father, Voldemort killed my parents!" Al's eyes welled up with tears. Harry
shoved him into the floor just as Prof. Polkins came back with a muggle specimen.
"Settle down! I've found a milkman we can practice our 'methods' on. Alex! clean up this mess
NOW! 50 points from Slytherin!"
Harry cackled as he hung Neville from a lantern
"Don't worry Al, my FATHER is going to kill Potter tonight." Draco hugged his muggle-lovin Potter
boyfriend and smiled at Al.
"Dad?" But it was too late, Collin would never know if it was his milkman father or not.
"I challenge you to a duel!" Blaco challenged Harry to a duel
"No seconds" Harry replied
The Z fighters made their way up to the great hall for desert.
"Strange, I've never seen an Arabian owl act like that before" Lil' Dean put on his turban from
Newtown shops and did a Taliban dance.
Everyone in the great hall grew silent as the red envelope fell from the Arabians mouth as the
Arabian died.
"Weasley's gotta himself a howler" Seamus announced irishly.
Laughs could be heard from the Slytherin table - especially Draco.
Ron picked up the dirty red envelope - which had no return address on it.
"You better open it quick, last time my Grandma sent me one"...Dumbledore trailed off not wanting
to relive the painful memory of what happened 'last time'.
Ron ripped it open, hoping it was money from his great unkle in Amsterdam.
Suddenly everyone was chocking from the white powder that had come out of it.
"A..A..Anthrax" Skids died as he breathed in a white clump of Anthrax. Harley wasn't sad cause he
doesn't love Skids, Cyanide did and there meant to be forever! NEVER!
"Hellllloo Guurrrlllsss" Harry strutted in doing his fikadu walk. All the girls swooned and fainted at
his feet and all the guys cheered and clapped...or was it just the anthrax.. o_O. It was hard being
the stud of Gryffindor.
Harry went home to Remmie and Sirrie's hovel - they all live together you know.
"Unkles I'm home" But there was no one home, so he went to the upstairs bathroom to check if his
scar was still there. But it was too late.... "UNKLES NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Harry gasped
"Harry it's not what it looks like, I was just teaching Remmie how to Animagi in the bath!"
"But why aren't you wearing any clothes?" Harry couldn't help but stare, he'd never seen anything
like that in his life!
"Um..we..er..apperated here from the supermarket and forgot to apparate our clothes.
"But why is Remmie chained to the sink and drinking coffee?" When he anamagi's he gets a bit
violent.
"And how do you explain the duck tape over Remmie's mouth?"
"Umm.. don't worry, he likes it" Remmie tried to nod but the shower curtain was tied around his
head.
Harry never noticed how sexy Jude Law and Ewan McGregor were - naked!
"Gods Sirrie you look like Draco" Harry whispered, touching himself. He was on his way to get his
wizzcam but was pulled out by an unknown force - "HAAAGGRRIDD!"...
He reached out his arm in slow motion and was sucked back out of the diary and back to
Hogwarts.
A.N: Will David Boreanax break the record and do more that 20 'crow' movies? We think so. How will Clay cope now that he's the new American Idol? And how many friends do Good Charlotte really have? Find in out in the
next installment of
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