[Wow, I never thought I'd get this far behind in updating this story, but
life happens. I'll try to do better, but no guarantees. For all I know,
it could take a year to write all that I want to write. We'll just see.]
Several days had passed since Marco and Dylan had talked sitting on the floor of Degrassi. They'd only seen each other once in those couple of days; Dylan didn't feel well and Marco was doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things-his future, Dylan's future, and Spinner's friendship. Those three things were on his mind so much that he barely ate anything and slept even less.
Finally, Marco decided he needed to see Dylan. So much was on his mind and Dylan always knew the right words to say-he always had. That's what made Marco fall in love with him. Dylan took care of him. Dylan made him feel important. Dylan never judged Marco because he knew what it was like to struggle. When he saw him, he knew he could just talk and even though the problems would still be there, the stress would be alleviated.
He tapped on the front door of Dylan's house and was greeted by Paige's smiling face.
"Hey hon!" she cried, grabbing him around the neck and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi Paige," Marco said. He grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "I bet you can guess why I'm here."
Paige reared her head back and put her finger on her lips as if to think. "I'm willing to bet it's not to raid my underwear drawer like Spinner said he was going to do today." Suddenly, Paige stopped and looked behind her and down the hallway into her room, where she'd left Spinner unattained. "Oh my God, Spinner! Stop!" She took off, leaving Marco standing in the doorway by himself.
He figured he'd let himself in. After all, he was dating the son in the family and both parents were at work-there was no one there to stop him and he probably wouldn't have felt rude otherwise.
"Dylan? Where are you?" Marco was sure he was outside because he'd seen his car sitting in its usual spot in the driveway.
"He's in his room, Marc-Spinner, put that back!" Marco heard a few loud slaps and Spinner cry out "Paige! Stop! Paige! Ow!" in between each slap. Marco got to Dylan's door and tapped a few times. "Come in," a weak voice said.
Marco turned the doorknob and walked inside the room. It was decorated in hockey memorabilia, both from Degrassi and other professional banners he had picked up. There were some pictures of him and Paige scattered across the wall and even a few pictures of him and Marco.
"Hey there," Marco said, shutting the door behind him.
"Hey Marco," Dylan said, pulling himself up in his bed and propping his back up with a few pillows. He looked terrible, like he'd been through hell. The color in his face was flushed, his eyes bloodshot and puffy, and his hair going in all different directions.
"Wow, you look horrible," Marco said, sitting down on the foot of the bed.
"Yeah, come to think of it, I do," Dylan replied with a grin. "I don't feel too hot, either, though, you know?"
"I wouldn't think so. What's wrong?"
"Oh, just a virus."
"That's good."
"Yeah, really good," Dylan said, his voice trailing off.
"Dyl-" Marco began.
"So, how's the last few days been?" Dylan cut him off. "I'm sorry I haven't gotten in touch with you to tell you I was this sick. Just been doing a lot of sleeping and staring at the ceiling and stuff. Haven't been very personable."
"No, it's okay. I've been doing some thinking myself."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Marco said gently.
"Do tell."
"Oh, the usual stuff," Marco said. "The same stuff I've been thinking about for a while now."
"Spinner?"
"Some. Not all, but some." Marco bit the inside of his cheek.
"Me?"
"Of course."
"What about?"
"Next year," Marco said, throwing his hesitation aside and deciding that spilling his heart out would be his best bet. "Dylan, I'm finally happy. I'm finally secure with myself. Yeah, people talk. Yeah, I'm still that 'faggot' in the hallway, but who cares? I'm happy. You'll be at university next year and I'll still be at Degrassi. I don't know if I can make it without you."
"You did it before me, and you can do it after me," Dylan said weakly. The color seemed to flush out of his face more and more with each passing second. "Or, at least, you might as well."
Marco took offense to that statement. It sounded somewhat crude and snappy, but he didn't say anything. He swallowed hard and shook it off.
"Yeah, but before you, I was still uncomfortable inside. People- well, Ellie-wanted me to be someone I'm not. I had to hide a lot from others. After I met you, I was happy because at least you were there-even before we got together. Yeah, I have friends, but none of them make me happy unless I know you're somewhere nearby-somewhere I can visit easily."
"Marco, that's really cool," Dylan said. "Really cool" wasn't what Dylan wanted to say, but in his condition, there was nothing else that would come out. "I mean, I'm really glad you feel that way." His eyes trailed off behind Marco's head and out the window. The sun was bright and Dylan was entranced by it.
Marco sighed. "But, I know you got to move on, and I know you'll still be around. I mean, we can still-"
"Marco, I'm sick."
Marco stopped and gave Dylan a look that said, "Of course you are."
"Yeah, I know, I can tell," Marco said to him, touching his hand.
"No, you don't understand. I'm sick."
"Sick?" Marco said, his heart starting to pound. He could feel sweat beginning to form on his brow.
"Marco, since we started dating, I haven't been completely honest with you."
"What do you mean?"
"Look," Dylan began, managing to sit up a little bit more in the bed. "I told you that I'd never slept with anyone-that was a lie."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
"Well, um, who was it?"
"Someone I didn't know, someone I'd met through a friend. He was older. He was a great guy, actually, but things didn't work out."
"Oh."
"It's been only a few months since it happened, a month or so before I met you." Dylan sighed and then continued, "It wasn't anything I regretted really, but it was something I didn't want you to know. It seemed wrong. I wanted to seem like this perfect guy for you and I thought you'd think otherwise if I told you about him."
"Oh." It was all Marco could say. He knew it was redundant, but he really didn't care. "So, you-"
"Let me finish, please."
"Okay. Finish."
"I wasn't going to bring it up, but Robert called right after you and I got together. Robert's the guy I'm talking about."
No shit, Marco thought.
Tears began to well up in Dylan's eyes. "Marco, Robert is HIV- positive."
"Oh my God," Marco said, covering his mouth with his hand. He looked away for a second and then felt his eyes get wide. Things were piecing together.
"Oh my God, Dylan," Marco cried, "please don't tell me.please.please don't."
"He didn't know. We used protection, but, well." Dylan's voiced trailed off and his tears started to flow freely.
"Dylan, please, tell me a lie," Marco said. "Tell me anything other than this-tell me something else-please. Tell me it's okay."
"Marco, I-"
"Tell me, damn it!" Marco yelled, jumping off the bed.
"That's what the mouth ulcers were, that's why I look like this. I'm not sick from the virus as much as I am just emotionally worn out."
"I can't believe this!" Marco dropped to his knees and caught his face in his hands. "I can't believe this."
"Well, I'm not exactly jumping for joy!"
"I can't be here. I can't be here." Marco repeated that phrase to himself over and over as he pulled himself off the ground. He walked over to the framed picture of himself and Dylan. He picked it up and stared at it.
Then, he looked at Dylan, whose eyes were bloodshot. His cheeks were puffy and colored a deep crimson.
Marco looked back at the picture and started to set it down. Then, real quickly, he looked back at Dylan, and then picked the picture back up. Staring at it, he blinked and then reared back and threw it against the wall, the glass shattering on impact.
He stormed down the hallway, to the sounds of, "Stop it, Spinner! Those aren't for you!" echoing through the house.
He let himself out.
Several days had passed since Marco and Dylan had talked sitting on the floor of Degrassi. They'd only seen each other once in those couple of days; Dylan didn't feel well and Marco was doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things-his future, Dylan's future, and Spinner's friendship. Those three things were on his mind so much that he barely ate anything and slept even less.
Finally, Marco decided he needed to see Dylan. So much was on his mind and Dylan always knew the right words to say-he always had. That's what made Marco fall in love with him. Dylan took care of him. Dylan made him feel important. Dylan never judged Marco because he knew what it was like to struggle. When he saw him, he knew he could just talk and even though the problems would still be there, the stress would be alleviated.
He tapped on the front door of Dylan's house and was greeted by Paige's smiling face.
"Hey hon!" she cried, grabbing him around the neck and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi Paige," Marco said. He grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "I bet you can guess why I'm here."
Paige reared her head back and put her finger on her lips as if to think. "I'm willing to bet it's not to raid my underwear drawer like Spinner said he was going to do today." Suddenly, Paige stopped and looked behind her and down the hallway into her room, where she'd left Spinner unattained. "Oh my God, Spinner! Stop!" She took off, leaving Marco standing in the doorway by himself.
He figured he'd let himself in. After all, he was dating the son in the family and both parents were at work-there was no one there to stop him and he probably wouldn't have felt rude otherwise.
"Dylan? Where are you?" Marco was sure he was outside because he'd seen his car sitting in its usual spot in the driveway.
"He's in his room, Marc-Spinner, put that back!" Marco heard a few loud slaps and Spinner cry out "Paige! Stop! Paige! Ow!" in between each slap. Marco got to Dylan's door and tapped a few times. "Come in," a weak voice said.
Marco turned the doorknob and walked inside the room. It was decorated in hockey memorabilia, both from Degrassi and other professional banners he had picked up. There were some pictures of him and Paige scattered across the wall and even a few pictures of him and Marco.
"Hey there," Marco said, shutting the door behind him.
"Hey Marco," Dylan said, pulling himself up in his bed and propping his back up with a few pillows. He looked terrible, like he'd been through hell. The color in his face was flushed, his eyes bloodshot and puffy, and his hair going in all different directions.
"Wow, you look horrible," Marco said, sitting down on the foot of the bed.
"Yeah, come to think of it, I do," Dylan replied with a grin. "I don't feel too hot, either, though, you know?"
"I wouldn't think so. What's wrong?"
"Oh, just a virus."
"That's good."
"Yeah, really good," Dylan said, his voice trailing off.
"Dyl-" Marco began.
"So, how's the last few days been?" Dylan cut him off. "I'm sorry I haven't gotten in touch with you to tell you I was this sick. Just been doing a lot of sleeping and staring at the ceiling and stuff. Haven't been very personable."
"No, it's okay. I've been doing some thinking myself."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Marco said gently.
"Do tell."
"Oh, the usual stuff," Marco said. "The same stuff I've been thinking about for a while now."
"Spinner?"
"Some. Not all, but some." Marco bit the inside of his cheek.
"Me?"
"Of course."
"What about?"
"Next year," Marco said, throwing his hesitation aside and deciding that spilling his heart out would be his best bet. "Dylan, I'm finally happy. I'm finally secure with myself. Yeah, people talk. Yeah, I'm still that 'faggot' in the hallway, but who cares? I'm happy. You'll be at university next year and I'll still be at Degrassi. I don't know if I can make it without you."
"You did it before me, and you can do it after me," Dylan said weakly. The color seemed to flush out of his face more and more with each passing second. "Or, at least, you might as well."
Marco took offense to that statement. It sounded somewhat crude and snappy, but he didn't say anything. He swallowed hard and shook it off.
"Yeah, but before you, I was still uncomfortable inside. People- well, Ellie-wanted me to be someone I'm not. I had to hide a lot from others. After I met you, I was happy because at least you were there-even before we got together. Yeah, I have friends, but none of them make me happy unless I know you're somewhere nearby-somewhere I can visit easily."
"Marco, that's really cool," Dylan said. "Really cool" wasn't what Dylan wanted to say, but in his condition, there was nothing else that would come out. "I mean, I'm really glad you feel that way." His eyes trailed off behind Marco's head and out the window. The sun was bright and Dylan was entranced by it.
Marco sighed. "But, I know you got to move on, and I know you'll still be around. I mean, we can still-"
"Marco, I'm sick."
Marco stopped and gave Dylan a look that said, "Of course you are."
"Yeah, I know, I can tell," Marco said to him, touching his hand.
"No, you don't understand. I'm sick."
"Sick?" Marco said, his heart starting to pound. He could feel sweat beginning to form on his brow.
"Marco, since we started dating, I haven't been completely honest with you."
"What do you mean?"
"Look," Dylan began, managing to sit up a little bit more in the bed. "I told you that I'd never slept with anyone-that was a lie."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
"Well, um, who was it?"
"Someone I didn't know, someone I'd met through a friend. He was older. He was a great guy, actually, but things didn't work out."
"Oh."
"It's been only a few months since it happened, a month or so before I met you." Dylan sighed and then continued, "It wasn't anything I regretted really, but it was something I didn't want you to know. It seemed wrong. I wanted to seem like this perfect guy for you and I thought you'd think otherwise if I told you about him."
"Oh." It was all Marco could say. He knew it was redundant, but he really didn't care. "So, you-"
"Let me finish, please."
"Okay. Finish."
"I wasn't going to bring it up, but Robert called right after you and I got together. Robert's the guy I'm talking about."
No shit, Marco thought.
Tears began to well up in Dylan's eyes. "Marco, Robert is HIV- positive."
"Oh my God," Marco said, covering his mouth with his hand. He looked away for a second and then felt his eyes get wide. Things were piecing together.
"Oh my God, Dylan," Marco cried, "please don't tell me.please.please don't."
"He didn't know. We used protection, but, well." Dylan's voiced trailed off and his tears started to flow freely.
"Dylan, please, tell me a lie," Marco said. "Tell me anything other than this-tell me something else-please. Tell me it's okay."
"Marco, I-"
"Tell me, damn it!" Marco yelled, jumping off the bed.
"That's what the mouth ulcers were, that's why I look like this. I'm not sick from the virus as much as I am just emotionally worn out."
"I can't believe this!" Marco dropped to his knees and caught his face in his hands. "I can't believe this."
"Well, I'm not exactly jumping for joy!"
"I can't be here. I can't be here." Marco repeated that phrase to himself over and over as he pulled himself off the ground. He walked over to the framed picture of himself and Dylan. He picked it up and stared at it.
Then, he looked at Dylan, whose eyes were bloodshot. His cheeks were puffy and colored a deep crimson.
Marco looked back at the picture and started to set it down. Then, real quickly, he looked back at Dylan, and then picked the picture back up. Staring at it, he blinked and then reared back and threw it against the wall, the glass shattering on impact.
He stormed down the hallway, to the sounds of, "Stop it, Spinner! Those aren't for you!" echoing through the house.
He let himself out.