[So, I got behind again, I'm sorry-life happens, you know? Anyway, at the
rate I'm going, this could take forever to finish. I'm looking to have ten
parts and if I continue to pump them out at this rate, I'll be done in
January, which is a lot longer than I expected to spend. Oh well, thanks
for all the comments: keep 'em coming!]
Marco opened up the front door to his house and stormed inside. Behind him, he grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut, so hard that he was afraid the glass might shatter on the impact.
His parents weren't home, it seemed as if they were always working or running errands, and he was glad. He didn't want to see them now, he wouldn't know how to explain it to them. They were supportive when he came out, but they were still adjusting to the idea. How could he break the news to them that his boyfriend was HIV-positive? They had never slept together or even come close, but he didn't want to listen to his parents asking about it.
Marco walked into his kitchen and dropped his head to the kitchen counter.
"This can't be happening," Marco muttered under his breath, even managing to laugh a little. He couldn't believe his luck. Laughing made sense to him. He was almost a caricature of a person sometimes.
He was short and skinny and was Hispanic, which made him different than the black and white children he grew up with. He was gay. Now, when he thought he had peace, the person who gave him that peace was going to die. He was unsure of how one person could have luck like that-it seemed unfair.
Marco walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door, pulling out a glass bottle of juice and setting it on the counter. He reached to the top cabinet and pulled down a glass.
As he unscrewed the top of the bottle, the telephone rang. The last thing he wanted to do was answer the phone, but Marco still managed to drag his body over to the telephone.
"Hello?"
"Marco." a girl's voice trailed off.
It was Paige. Marco's eyes rolled in the back of his head. He didn't want to talk to Paige. If he talked to Paige, it would remind him of Marco and she was more than likely calling to ask if he was okay. He didn't want anyone asking that. He didn't want to deal with it. But, he decided he'd talk anyway, even if he wouldn't be the friendly person people were used to.
"Yeah?"
"Marco, I'm so sorry."
There it was-the one thing he didn't want to hear.
"Yeah, well, it's not me who slept around."
"Marco!" Paige snapped. "He didn't sleep around. He slept with one guy. He wasn't whoring himself out or anything."
"Don't defend him."
"He didn't cheat on you, Marco! It's not like he was running around behind your back! This is like him punishing you because you kissed Ellie."
"No," Marco said, "it's not the same! He lied to me. He told me he'd never been with anyone else, but he lied. He's a damn liar. I hate him!" Marco's voice had gone from unstable, but soft, to loud and out of control.
"Calm down, please," Paige plead. "Please."
"Why didn't you tell me about this when I came to the door? Why did you let me go in there like a fool?"
Paige paused for a second. "I didn't even know until after you left. Honestly."
"You want me to believe that?" Marco asked. "You want me to believe that he didn't tell his own sister?"
"He didn't tell me because he knew that I'd tell you! He wanted to tell you himself."
"That's so stupid," Marco said.
"Maybe so, but he was doing it protect you, not hurt you. Marco, why can't you understand that he cares about you and he told you because he cared?"
"If he really cared, he would have told me to begin with," Marco said. "He wouldn't have waited until he was on his death bed before he told me."
"Shut up!" Paige said, starting to lose control herself. "He's not on his death bed. Gain some perspective, Marco!"
"If you don't stop yelling, I'll hang this damn phone up, Paige," Marco said. His reactions were completely out of character for him, but he couldn't help it. It had been a rough time for him and he wasn't sure how to handle it properly.
"Marco, look," Paige started, her voice trembling, "I just don't want you to lose control and lose your relationship."
"Yeah, well, if Dylan gave a damn about me or our relationship he would have been straight up with me from the get-go. But, no, he wasn't. He lied."
"Fine, fine. Listen, if you're not going to listen to me and be reasonable, then at least let me tell you something else so that you don't blow up when it happens, because you'll probably take it the wrong way."
"What is it?" Marco asked spinning around. When he spun around, his elbow caught the bottle of juice and knocked it to the floor, sending glass across the floor. "Shit!"
"Marco, what is it?"
Marco didn't bother answering, he just slammed the phone back on the hook, and dropped to the floor to begin cleaning.
As he picked up a piece of glass to throw away, the doorbell rang, startling him. The surprise of the doorbell caused him to fumble the glass and put a small, but deep, cut in his hand.
The doorbell rang again and Marco cried out, "Stop! I'll be there in a second!"
He grabbed a paper towel from the counter, wet it, and wrapped it around his hand to stop the blood. The doorbell rang again and Marco started to scream back, but then, he saw who was standing behind the glass door: Spinner.
"What he is doing here?" Marco said to himself. It must have been the surprise that Paige was going tell him about. Marco wasn't sure if he would be able to handle talking to Spinner, who, more than likely, would have something hateful to say.
Marco walked to the door, holding the paper towel to his cut, and then opened the door. "What do you want?" he asked.
"Can I come in?"
"For what?"
"To talk."
"About what?"
"About, well, stuff," Spinner said slowly. He couldn't believe he'd come to Marco's house, a place he'd been afraid to visit since Marco came out to him. He imagined that when he opened the door, pink would be everywhere, with Liberace posters hanging on the walls.
Marco wasn't sure if he should let him in. Spinner looked sincere but that meant nothing to him. Marco was too mad already. "What stuff?" Marco asked angrily. "The stuff that shows that every gay stereotype you have has come true? The stuff that says that maybe I have HIV, too? The stuff that says I should go to hell? What is it, Spin? Huh? Tell me."
Spinner was taken back by Marco's reaction. He didn't expect to be welcomed with open arms, but he thought Marco would be a little calmer, it was just his nature to be peaceful.
"Look, just let me come in, Marco, please," Spinner begged.
"Fine, come in," Marco said, grabbing his hand to apply more pressure to the wound.
"Your hand looks bad, Marco," Spinner said, eyeing the cut. "What happened?"
"Well, first, I slept with Dylan, then I slit my hand open so I could give HIV to the next person who walked in my door." Marco glared at Spinner.
"Marco, get a hold of yourself!" Spinner cried almost fearful of getting near Marco. Marco really was a kind, gentle person, a person he would trust with his life-he was in shock of the sudden personality change.
"Spinner, what do you want? Why are you here?" Marco sat down on his couch and faced out the sliding glass door that led to his backyard.
Spinner sat down in the seat that was across from the couch and rubbed his hands together. "I'm sorry, Marco."
"Yeah, I bet you are."
"Marco, listen to me," Spinner said. "I really am sorry. You are my best friend, I trust you with anything. Yeah, you're different in my eyes, I don't understand how one guy could want to have another guy's."
"Not helping, Spin."
"Oh, yeah, sorry," Spinner apologized. "Look, my point is that I'm here for you, Marco. I know I haven't been in a long time. I know I've been scared, I know I've been weird, but now, Marco, I'm here."
Marco's lower lip began to quiver, his eyes welling up in tears. Spinner could see that his hands were trembling and that he'd lost the grip he had on the paper towel that was over his cut. The blood was starting to run down his hand and over his wrist.
"Spinner, I'm scared," Marco admitted, turning to face Spinner.
Spinner was hesitant at first, but then managed to stand up and walk over to Marco. He sat down beside him. "Of what?"
"If Dylan dies, then I'm back where I started. I'm back to being the kid who has no idea who he is, the kid who turned down Hazel and Ellie, the kid who no one wants to be in the locker room with." Marco fell into uncontrollable tears. "Spinner, I'm just now happy with myself! I don't want to lose this feeling."
"Look, I'm, uh, not very good at this, so I won't pretend to be." Spinner was in an awkward position and he was starting to wish he hadn't come over at all. Then, he realized that Marco would have done it for him. "But, I can tell you that you have to go back to Dylan. When I left the house, he was the one in tears-he's scared of the same things you are-you need him."
"He lied Spin," Marco said. "And not about something simple, not about calling me or something. He lied to me about his virginity and if he lied about that, who's to say what else he's lied about? What if he doesn't really care for me?"
"That's bull!" Spinner cried. "You know, I don't talk to Dylan much, but the times we have talked, well, he just adores you, man-maybe even loves you-I don't know, I don't know if I want to know-you leaving would kill him. He needs you now more than ever!"
"But really, what if he gets AIDS and then he dies? What then?"
"Then he'll die knowing that someone cared, I guess," Spinner said. "Don't let him get sick knowing that the one person he needs doesn't want to be there."
Spinner felt weird giving advice and Marco felt weird listening to it, but they both knew that it was working. Spinner was showing a compassionate side that Marco had never seen and even managing to surprise himself in how well he was handling the situation. Marco was actually coherent and was able to comprehend what Spinner was saying-he hadn't even been able to comprehend his own thoughts for a while. Marco felt some sort of security talking to Spinner, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like Spinner really was his best friend.
"Okay, fine," Marco said. "I'll go there, but not now. I need a few days to gather my thoughts and emotions and all that. I can't go over there too soon."
"Marco man, come on, you can do it."
"Spinner, look, if you want to play Mr. Psychologist, then that's good, but you have to meet me somewhere in the middle and let me decide some of this on my own. I promise I'll go."
Spinner breathed deeply and reluctantly agreed. "Fine, but no more than a few days. After that, I'm going to hunt you down and drag you over there."
They sat and stared for a long pause. Finally, Marco broke the ice, with a simple phrase.
"Thank you, Spinner."
Spinner looked up and smiled. He wasn't sure what to do next, but he let his emotions get the better of him and he reached out and grabbed Marco around the neck, hugging him.
Marco was taken by surprise, but didn't mind. He had his thoughts compiled and his best friend back-nothing could ruin that moment.
"No problem, Marco."
Marco opened up the front door to his house and stormed inside. Behind him, he grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut, so hard that he was afraid the glass might shatter on the impact.
His parents weren't home, it seemed as if they were always working or running errands, and he was glad. He didn't want to see them now, he wouldn't know how to explain it to them. They were supportive when he came out, but they were still adjusting to the idea. How could he break the news to them that his boyfriend was HIV-positive? They had never slept together or even come close, but he didn't want to listen to his parents asking about it.
Marco walked into his kitchen and dropped his head to the kitchen counter.
"This can't be happening," Marco muttered under his breath, even managing to laugh a little. He couldn't believe his luck. Laughing made sense to him. He was almost a caricature of a person sometimes.
He was short and skinny and was Hispanic, which made him different than the black and white children he grew up with. He was gay. Now, when he thought he had peace, the person who gave him that peace was going to die. He was unsure of how one person could have luck like that-it seemed unfair.
Marco walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door, pulling out a glass bottle of juice and setting it on the counter. He reached to the top cabinet and pulled down a glass.
As he unscrewed the top of the bottle, the telephone rang. The last thing he wanted to do was answer the phone, but Marco still managed to drag his body over to the telephone.
"Hello?"
"Marco." a girl's voice trailed off.
It was Paige. Marco's eyes rolled in the back of his head. He didn't want to talk to Paige. If he talked to Paige, it would remind him of Marco and she was more than likely calling to ask if he was okay. He didn't want anyone asking that. He didn't want to deal with it. But, he decided he'd talk anyway, even if he wouldn't be the friendly person people were used to.
"Yeah?"
"Marco, I'm so sorry."
There it was-the one thing he didn't want to hear.
"Yeah, well, it's not me who slept around."
"Marco!" Paige snapped. "He didn't sleep around. He slept with one guy. He wasn't whoring himself out or anything."
"Don't defend him."
"He didn't cheat on you, Marco! It's not like he was running around behind your back! This is like him punishing you because you kissed Ellie."
"No," Marco said, "it's not the same! He lied to me. He told me he'd never been with anyone else, but he lied. He's a damn liar. I hate him!" Marco's voice had gone from unstable, but soft, to loud and out of control.
"Calm down, please," Paige plead. "Please."
"Why didn't you tell me about this when I came to the door? Why did you let me go in there like a fool?"
Paige paused for a second. "I didn't even know until after you left. Honestly."
"You want me to believe that?" Marco asked. "You want me to believe that he didn't tell his own sister?"
"He didn't tell me because he knew that I'd tell you! He wanted to tell you himself."
"That's so stupid," Marco said.
"Maybe so, but he was doing it protect you, not hurt you. Marco, why can't you understand that he cares about you and he told you because he cared?"
"If he really cared, he would have told me to begin with," Marco said. "He wouldn't have waited until he was on his death bed before he told me."
"Shut up!" Paige said, starting to lose control herself. "He's not on his death bed. Gain some perspective, Marco!"
"If you don't stop yelling, I'll hang this damn phone up, Paige," Marco said. His reactions were completely out of character for him, but he couldn't help it. It had been a rough time for him and he wasn't sure how to handle it properly.
"Marco, look," Paige started, her voice trembling, "I just don't want you to lose control and lose your relationship."
"Yeah, well, if Dylan gave a damn about me or our relationship he would have been straight up with me from the get-go. But, no, he wasn't. He lied."
"Fine, fine. Listen, if you're not going to listen to me and be reasonable, then at least let me tell you something else so that you don't blow up when it happens, because you'll probably take it the wrong way."
"What is it?" Marco asked spinning around. When he spun around, his elbow caught the bottle of juice and knocked it to the floor, sending glass across the floor. "Shit!"
"Marco, what is it?"
Marco didn't bother answering, he just slammed the phone back on the hook, and dropped to the floor to begin cleaning.
As he picked up a piece of glass to throw away, the doorbell rang, startling him. The surprise of the doorbell caused him to fumble the glass and put a small, but deep, cut in his hand.
The doorbell rang again and Marco cried out, "Stop! I'll be there in a second!"
He grabbed a paper towel from the counter, wet it, and wrapped it around his hand to stop the blood. The doorbell rang again and Marco started to scream back, but then, he saw who was standing behind the glass door: Spinner.
"What he is doing here?" Marco said to himself. It must have been the surprise that Paige was going tell him about. Marco wasn't sure if he would be able to handle talking to Spinner, who, more than likely, would have something hateful to say.
Marco walked to the door, holding the paper towel to his cut, and then opened the door. "What do you want?" he asked.
"Can I come in?"
"For what?"
"To talk."
"About what?"
"About, well, stuff," Spinner said slowly. He couldn't believe he'd come to Marco's house, a place he'd been afraid to visit since Marco came out to him. He imagined that when he opened the door, pink would be everywhere, with Liberace posters hanging on the walls.
Marco wasn't sure if he should let him in. Spinner looked sincere but that meant nothing to him. Marco was too mad already. "What stuff?" Marco asked angrily. "The stuff that shows that every gay stereotype you have has come true? The stuff that says that maybe I have HIV, too? The stuff that says I should go to hell? What is it, Spin? Huh? Tell me."
Spinner was taken back by Marco's reaction. He didn't expect to be welcomed with open arms, but he thought Marco would be a little calmer, it was just his nature to be peaceful.
"Look, just let me come in, Marco, please," Spinner begged.
"Fine, come in," Marco said, grabbing his hand to apply more pressure to the wound.
"Your hand looks bad, Marco," Spinner said, eyeing the cut. "What happened?"
"Well, first, I slept with Dylan, then I slit my hand open so I could give HIV to the next person who walked in my door." Marco glared at Spinner.
"Marco, get a hold of yourself!" Spinner cried almost fearful of getting near Marco. Marco really was a kind, gentle person, a person he would trust with his life-he was in shock of the sudden personality change.
"Spinner, what do you want? Why are you here?" Marco sat down on his couch and faced out the sliding glass door that led to his backyard.
Spinner sat down in the seat that was across from the couch and rubbed his hands together. "I'm sorry, Marco."
"Yeah, I bet you are."
"Marco, listen to me," Spinner said. "I really am sorry. You are my best friend, I trust you with anything. Yeah, you're different in my eyes, I don't understand how one guy could want to have another guy's."
"Not helping, Spin."
"Oh, yeah, sorry," Spinner apologized. "Look, my point is that I'm here for you, Marco. I know I haven't been in a long time. I know I've been scared, I know I've been weird, but now, Marco, I'm here."
Marco's lower lip began to quiver, his eyes welling up in tears. Spinner could see that his hands were trembling and that he'd lost the grip he had on the paper towel that was over his cut. The blood was starting to run down his hand and over his wrist.
"Spinner, I'm scared," Marco admitted, turning to face Spinner.
Spinner was hesitant at first, but then managed to stand up and walk over to Marco. He sat down beside him. "Of what?"
"If Dylan dies, then I'm back where I started. I'm back to being the kid who has no idea who he is, the kid who turned down Hazel and Ellie, the kid who no one wants to be in the locker room with." Marco fell into uncontrollable tears. "Spinner, I'm just now happy with myself! I don't want to lose this feeling."
"Look, I'm, uh, not very good at this, so I won't pretend to be." Spinner was in an awkward position and he was starting to wish he hadn't come over at all. Then, he realized that Marco would have done it for him. "But, I can tell you that you have to go back to Dylan. When I left the house, he was the one in tears-he's scared of the same things you are-you need him."
"He lied Spin," Marco said. "And not about something simple, not about calling me or something. He lied to me about his virginity and if he lied about that, who's to say what else he's lied about? What if he doesn't really care for me?"
"That's bull!" Spinner cried. "You know, I don't talk to Dylan much, but the times we have talked, well, he just adores you, man-maybe even loves you-I don't know, I don't know if I want to know-you leaving would kill him. He needs you now more than ever!"
"But really, what if he gets AIDS and then he dies? What then?"
"Then he'll die knowing that someone cared, I guess," Spinner said. "Don't let him get sick knowing that the one person he needs doesn't want to be there."
Spinner felt weird giving advice and Marco felt weird listening to it, but they both knew that it was working. Spinner was showing a compassionate side that Marco had never seen and even managing to surprise himself in how well he was handling the situation. Marco was actually coherent and was able to comprehend what Spinner was saying-he hadn't even been able to comprehend his own thoughts for a while. Marco felt some sort of security talking to Spinner, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like Spinner really was his best friend.
"Okay, fine," Marco said. "I'll go there, but not now. I need a few days to gather my thoughts and emotions and all that. I can't go over there too soon."
"Marco man, come on, you can do it."
"Spinner, look, if you want to play Mr. Psychologist, then that's good, but you have to meet me somewhere in the middle and let me decide some of this on my own. I promise I'll go."
Spinner breathed deeply and reluctantly agreed. "Fine, but no more than a few days. After that, I'm going to hunt you down and drag you over there."
They sat and stared for a long pause. Finally, Marco broke the ice, with a simple phrase.
"Thank you, Spinner."
Spinner looked up and smiled. He wasn't sure what to do next, but he let his emotions get the better of him and he reached out and grabbed Marco around the neck, hugging him.
Marco was taken by surprise, but didn't mind. He had his thoughts compiled and his best friend back-nothing could ruin that moment.
"No problem, Marco."