Chapter 1
Dear Journal,
Since the day that Riku turned his back against everyone and went along with the evil, I've had a strong passion for him. The bad-boy, evil dominant type turns me on. If only I could tell him. Since were cool now, it should be okay for me to express my feelings, Right? I want to tell him that I love him, tell him that I want him to be the bad-boy that he used to be. But I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of what he will think of me. I'm afraid that he'll think I'm a disgusting little worm. I'm afraid that he won't want to be friends anymore. That's what scares me the most. I can live without him being passionately in my life, but not having him in my life at all, that scares the shit out of me.
So many emotions are running through my mind right now. What should I say to him? What words could I use to express my emotions without getting hurt? Should I just tell him straight up? Or should I little by little, hint the fact that I love him? I don't know how he thinks about love and stuff. I've never actually seen him with anyone. So I don't know how he reacts in those types of situations. I don't know if he's romantic, passionate, or what ever he is. So I don't really know how to move on this situation. God, I'm panicking. I don't know what to do. I'm scared, yet excited at the same time. In so many ways, I don't want him to know. But in so many ways, there's that part of me that wants him to know how deeply I feel for him. I want to believe that he will feel the same passion for me that I feel for him. But, there's also that part of me that sort of feels like I'm wasting my time. That he can never like me in that way. I want him to SO bad. But I have that feeling that he doesn't, and never will. So I'm scared, anxious, and amused at the same time. Maybe I'm thinking of this all in the wrong way. Maybe I'm taking it too seriously. It's just a crush for goodness sakes. But that's where I'm wrong already. Because I know that it's not just a "crush," it's love, passion; it's a deep feeling that I've never felt before. Well, Well, I can always come to you with my problems, so I'll figure something out.
Dear Journal,
Since the day that Riku turned his back against everyone and went along with the evil, I've had a strong passion for him. The bad-boy, evil dominant type turns me on. If only I could tell him. Since were cool now, it should be okay for me to express my feelings, Right? I want to tell him that I love him, tell him that I want him to be the bad-boy that he used to be. But I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of what he will think of me. I'm afraid that he'll think I'm a disgusting little worm. I'm afraid that he won't want to be friends anymore. That's what scares me the most. I can live without him being passionately in my life, but not having him in my life at all, that scares the shit out of me.
So many emotions are running through my mind right now. What should I say to him? What words could I use to express my emotions without getting hurt? Should I just tell him straight up? Or should I little by little, hint the fact that I love him? I don't know how he thinks about love and stuff. I've never actually seen him with anyone. So I don't know how he reacts in those types of situations. I don't know if he's romantic, passionate, or what ever he is. So I don't really know how to move on this situation. God, I'm panicking. I don't know what to do. I'm scared, yet excited at the same time. In so many ways, I don't want him to know. But in so many ways, there's that part of me that wants him to know how deeply I feel for him. I want to believe that he will feel the same passion for me that I feel for him. But, there's also that part of me that sort of feels like I'm wasting my time. That he can never like me in that way. I want him to SO bad. But I have that feeling that he doesn't, and never will. So I'm scared, anxious, and amused at the same time. Maybe I'm thinking of this all in the wrong way. Maybe I'm taking it too seriously. It's just a crush for goodness sakes. But that's where I'm wrong already. Because I know that it's not just a "crush," it's love, passion; it's a deep feeling that I've never felt before. Well, Well, I can always come to you with my problems, so I'll figure something out.