Title: The Queen of the Rings: The Femaleship of the Ring
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Summary: This is a fic about exactly how much better the Lord of the Rings would be if the main characters were girls. Very silly.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.
Author's Note: This was just a random idea I had....review if you like it.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Echinacea: I'm updating, see? Happy?
Crazyrabidfangurl01: Me too....that's why I wrote this fic. I think that there are waaaay too few female protagonists.I mean, there's Eowyn, Arwen, Galadriel, Rosie, Goldberry if you're a bookie, and Ioreth (the little insignificant healer lady in RotK) and THAT'S IT!!! Grr....
Candace: You got your wish. :)
littlegypsysquirrel: Here it is!
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Frodina sat on the grass, reading. It was a beautiful, lazy afternoon, and all you could hear was birds singing, crickets chirping, and some weird music that sounded vaguely like Titanic. Suddenly, the quiet was broken by someone singing.
"The Road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began,
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can."
Frodina jumped up. She ran to a bank, where a lady with silver hair was driving a cart. Frodina ran over, and the cart stopped.
Frodina rolled her eyes. "Gabrielle, you're late *again*!"
Gabrielle looked up at her. "Nice to see you, too." Frodina laughed and sat down in the cart, which started moving again. "Anyways, I wouldn't miss Betsy's birthday party. Can't wait."
"Neither can I," Frodina answered. "So....anything interesting happen?"
"Not really....nothing really new. Not many people know you hobbits exist, which is a really good thing...."
They rode through the town of Hobbiton, and down the hill. They saw lots of hobbits setting up pavilions and other things, preparing for the upcoming party.
"Well, how is she?" Gabrielle asked. "I hear it's going to be a huge party."
"Well, she is 111, though she doesn't look it," Frodina replied. "And you know her....she's gotten the whole place in an uproar."
Gabrielle smiled. "Bet she likes that."
"Half the Shire's been invited," Frodina said. "I think she's up to something."
Gabrielle raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she asked. Frodina grinned and poked Gabrielle in the stomach. "I know you know," she said.
Gabrielle sighed. "How many times to I have to tell you? Don't. Poke. Me." Frodina shrugged, grinned, looked behind the cart, and said, "You know, there are all these little kids following us...."
"Again? Little buggers...." Gabrielle set off a firework in hopes of scaring the little hobbits enough to make them go away. They cheered, but at least stopped following the cart. Frodina stood up.
"Anyways, gotta run. I'll see you later!" She leapt off the cart, nearly twisting her ankle. Gabrielle rolled her eyes and pulled up in front of Betsy's front gate. There was a sign that said, "Keep out unless you're on IMPORTANT party business or the mailman". Gabrielle laughed quietly to herself, went through the gate, and knocked on her short friend's door.
An irate voice answered. "Bugger off! No more visitors! I don't care if you're my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate!"
"Betsy, are you PMSing again?" Gabrielle shouted through the door. The hobbit in question opened the door.
"Oh, thank GOD it's you, Gabrielle. You have absolutely NO IDEA how annoying it is to have people knocking on your door all day long...." Betsy was a middle-aged hobbit with brownish-grey hair. Gabrielle bent down and gave her a hug.
"Nice to see you, too," she said, the corners of her mouth twitching in a smile. "You look great. I still can't believe you're 111 years old! You must've been using that Olay stuff I gave you."
Betsy nodded. "Yeah. It's working really well, don't you think? Come on in....we have things to talk about." The two women walked into Betsy's house, Gabrielle having to duck repeatedly, as the hobbit was only half her height. She walked into the living room, and picked up a map from Betsy's trip sixty years ago. It showed a picture of the Lonely Mountain and the great dragon, Sally, who had a thing for gold jewelry.
"Come on, the coffee's ready!" Betsy called from the kitchen. Gabrielle walked in, ducking under the doorframe, and sat down at the table while the hobbit poured the coffee.
Someone knocked on the door, shouting. Betsy flattened herself against the wall and waited for it to stop. When it did, she straightened up and shook her head. "All these people....they just keep COMING, Gabrielle. Honestly, I didn't know that there were this many people in the whole Shire. I need a vacation. Maybe I'll be able to finish my book then."
"Frodina knows you're planning something," Gabrielle bluntly stated. Betsy let out a short laugh. "Ha! Of course she does. She's only been living with me for, like, over twenty years."
"You told her about your plans yet?" Gabrielle asked.
Betsy frowned. "No....not yet."
"She's very fond of you."
"I know." Betsy thought. "Hmm....she'd probably come if I asked her to. I think, though, she doesn't want to leave just yet. She's happy here.
"I'm old, Gabrielle." Betsy sat down. "I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my joints. God, they're painful. And the rest of me. I feel like there's no point to life, like I should die and take the world with me...." She fingered something in her pocket.
"Damn, Betsy, you've got it BAD. Forget PMS, you need Prozac." The Maia frowned.
"No....I need that vacation. A long vacation. And I'm not coming back. I don't want to."
A while later, the two friends were sitting on top of the hill under which was Betsy's hobbit hole. They were smoking bubble pipes.
"I love bubble pipes," Betsy said, blowing a stream of bubbles that formed into the shape of a circle. Gabrielle, not to be outdone, blew a stream of bubbles in the shape of a dolphin that went through the ring.
Betsy laughed. "You know, Gabrielle....tonight will be a night to remember."
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Sorry it's taken so long, but I've had homework and other issues....blah. Anyways, review if you want to read more.
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Summary: This is a fic about exactly how much better the Lord of the Rings would be if the main characters were girls. Very silly.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.
Author's Note: This was just a random idea I had....review if you like it.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Echinacea: I'm updating, see? Happy?
Crazyrabidfangurl01: Me too....that's why I wrote this fic. I think that there are waaaay too few female protagonists.I mean, there's Eowyn, Arwen, Galadriel, Rosie, Goldberry if you're a bookie, and Ioreth (the little insignificant healer lady in RotK) and THAT'S IT!!! Grr....
Candace: You got your wish. :)
littlegypsysquirrel: Here it is!
*************************************************
Frodina sat on the grass, reading. It was a beautiful, lazy afternoon, and all you could hear was birds singing, crickets chirping, and some weird music that sounded vaguely like Titanic. Suddenly, the quiet was broken by someone singing.
"The Road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began,
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can."
Frodina jumped up. She ran to a bank, where a lady with silver hair was driving a cart. Frodina ran over, and the cart stopped.
Frodina rolled her eyes. "Gabrielle, you're late *again*!"
Gabrielle looked up at her. "Nice to see you, too." Frodina laughed and sat down in the cart, which started moving again. "Anyways, I wouldn't miss Betsy's birthday party. Can't wait."
"Neither can I," Frodina answered. "So....anything interesting happen?"
"Not really....nothing really new. Not many people know you hobbits exist, which is a really good thing...."
They rode through the town of Hobbiton, and down the hill. They saw lots of hobbits setting up pavilions and other things, preparing for the upcoming party.
"Well, how is she?" Gabrielle asked. "I hear it's going to be a huge party."
"Well, she is 111, though she doesn't look it," Frodina replied. "And you know her....she's gotten the whole place in an uproar."
Gabrielle smiled. "Bet she likes that."
"Half the Shire's been invited," Frodina said. "I think she's up to something."
Gabrielle raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she asked. Frodina grinned and poked Gabrielle in the stomach. "I know you know," she said.
Gabrielle sighed. "How many times to I have to tell you? Don't. Poke. Me." Frodina shrugged, grinned, looked behind the cart, and said, "You know, there are all these little kids following us...."
"Again? Little buggers...." Gabrielle set off a firework in hopes of scaring the little hobbits enough to make them go away. They cheered, but at least stopped following the cart. Frodina stood up.
"Anyways, gotta run. I'll see you later!" She leapt off the cart, nearly twisting her ankle. Gabrielle rolled her eyes and pulled up in front of Betsy's front gate. There was a sign that said, "Keep out unless you're on IMPORTANT party business or the mailman". Gabrielle laughed quietly to herself, went through the gate, and knocked on her short friend's door.
An irate voice answered. "Bugger off! No more visitors! I don't care if you're my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate!"
"Betsy, are you PMSing again?" Gabrielle shouted through the door. The hobbit in question opened the door.
"Oh, thank GOD it's you, Gabrielle. You have absolutely NO IDEA how annoying it is to have people knocking on your door all day long...." Betsy was a middle-aged hobbit with brownish-grey hair. Gabrielle bent down and gave her a hug.
"Nice to see you, too," she said, the corners of her mouth twitching in a smile. "You look great. I still can't believe you're 111 years old! You must've been using that Olay stuff I gave you."
Betsy nodded. "Yeah. It's working really well, don't you think? Come on in....we have things to talk about." The two women walked into Betsy's house, Gabrielle having to duck repeatedly, as the hobbit was only half her height. She walked into the living room, and picked up a map from Betsy's trip sixty years ago. It showed a picture of the Lonely Mountain and the great dragon, Sally, who had a thing for gold jewelry.
"Come on, the coffee's ready!" Betsy called from the kitchen. Gabrielle walked in, ducking under the doorframe, and sat down at the table while the hobbit poured the coffee.
Someone knocked on the door, shouting. Betsy flattened herself against the wall and waited for it to stop. When it did, she straightened up and shook her head. "All these people....they just keep COMING, Gabrielle. Honestly, I didn't know that there were this many people in the whole Shire. I need a vacation. Maybe I'll be able to finish my book then."
"Frodina knows you're planning something," Gabrielle bluntly stated. Betsy let out a short laugh. "Ha! Of course she does. She's only been living with me for, like, over twenty years."
"You told her about your plans yet?" Gabrielle asked.
Betsy frowned. "No....not yet."
"She's very fond of you."
"I know." Betsy thought. "Hmm....she'd probably come if I asked her to. I think, though, she doesn't want to leave just yet. She's happy here.
"I'm old, Gabrielle." Betsy sat down. "I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my joints. God, they're painful. And the rest of me. I feel like there's no point to life, like I should die and take the world with me...." She fingered something in her pocket.
"Damn, Betsy, you've got it BAD. Forget PMS, you need Prozac." The Maia frowned.
"No....I need that vacation. A long vacation. And I'm not coming back. I don't want to."
A while later, the two friends were sitting on top of the hill under which was Betsy's hobbit hole. They were smoking bubble pipes.
"I love bubble pipes," Betsy said, blowing a stream of bubbles that formed into the shape of a circle. Gabrielle, not to be outdone, blew a stream of bubbles in the shape of a dolphin that went through the ring.
Betsy laughed. "You know, Gabrielle....tonight will be a night to remember."
*************************************************
Sorry it's taken so long, but I've had homework and other issues....blah. Anyways, review if you want to read more.