Title: Harry Potter and the Extent of Existence
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: This is slash, specifically HP/SS.
Don't like don't read and I don't own anything except new theories,
Signy, Sahar, and Hana.
Beta: Blackumbridge
Note: If multiple (and I do mean multiple) character deaths offend you and make
you bitterly depressed, I would suggest not reading this chapter. But (then again) if you don't, you won't
understand any of the plot after this point when I get around to writing
it. Boo hoo to you.
~
5: Consequence of Time (December 23, 2003 to December 26, 2003)
He watched his lover sleep. He didn't want to leave Severus, but it was no dream that he had gone through. It was not a nightmare. It was too vivid. Too real. Besides as he opened up his palm to where he'd slashed himself, he wouldn't have been able to injure himself if it had only been a dream. Or a nightmare. No, it was real. He had to go back home. He had a year…
You must go back, Harry.
Who are you?
I am you.
Oh god, I'm delusional.
It was pitch black wherever the hell he was. He couldn't remember anything except being brutally punished by Voldemort however long ago that had been. So why was he here? And where was he? It was so dark, he couldn't see anything. Nothing. It almost unnerved him. Even in a dark room, there was some light. Here there was the absence of light.
It was then he saw a waver of something. Someone striding toward him. The figure he saw had his hand out and a ball of light that was in his hand. Wandless magic, quite impressive actually. He had been experimenting with it himself, but hadn't quite gotten that far enough to do something like that.
Slowly as the figure came into view, he was thinking of how much he was dressed like Severus. Black cloak, black robes, black boots. All black was definitely a Severus thing. It was when he looked up to glance at the face that startled him. It was him. Him, changed though. Older and more lined than he was currently. But still it was like looking at a mirror image of himself.
Who are you? He tried to lash out, but Harry--- fuck that wasn't him--- that thing that looked like him avoided him and waved his other hand over Harry, effectively disabling him from moving. Who the fuck are you?
I am you. I am who you will become. If I tell you why I'm here will you stop struggling? Because it's taken a tremendous amount of energy to come to you through the stretches of time and space. It would be easier if I did not have to hold you.
Slowly he nodded. He wanted to find out and the spell that--- that he had used on himself hadn't been in a threatening manner, only to protect himself from himself? Again he, god it wasn't him, but he waved his hand over and released the binds that had been holding him still. He even took a step back to show that he didn't mean any harm.
Now tell me, we had an agreement.
We did, agreed the him that was not him. Do you remember 'Mione? Ron? Professor Snape? The Dumbledore that wasn't as manipulatively corrupt? The Voldemort that was insanely mad? The life that you left behind and that you haven't tried going back to in seven years?
But I have tried! I have! I have!
Not hard enough.
Who are you? How do you know?
I am you. Of course, I would know. You have lost your desire to go back. Everything here is perfect. You have Severus as much as you can have him. Hermione's like the sister that you never had. And you have a daughter that worships the ground you tread over, Hana. Life couldn't be more perfect. And Voldemort doesn't want to kill you, he'd rather do the opposite, doesn't he? He wants you to live and be the father of his grandchildren. He wants you to be like his son.
How do you know all this?! How???
I am your future. I am what you will become. It's been eight long years since I've been here. I miss it. God, I miss Hana. I miss Herm and I miss Dray. But the person that I miss the most is Sev. His older self bent his head down and let his long strands cover his face. I miss everything here. It's so much simpler and easier. I wish that Voldemort hadn't gone crazy. You wield enormous influence over him, you know. You can make him back down. He loves you in his own way. He'd do anything for you.
Why are you here?
To tell you that you have to go back home. That you are needed more there even if you want to stay here. If you don't go back, everything that you once loved and cherished will be destroyed. It will all be gone. And it's more terrible than you can even imagine. Take the orb, his future self urged, take it and look into it. This is a true seeing orb, unlike Trelawney's parlor tricks.
He took it not knowing what he would see, dreading what he would see. To his relief he saw green landscape, lush grass that seemed to grow everywhere. As he focused in on the ground, he saw something different about the grounds. He tried to look closer, but he still couldn't quite get close enough. He squinted, he blinked and then he saw it. He knew what it was. It was a wizarding graveyard.
Shimmering over the grass were silver traces of a marker that told who rested beneath the Earth. He glanced over the rest of the field and saw now the silver, the gold, the grey, the sky blue, and various colors that shimmered over the lush field. So many dead, so many lost and gone. The one he was standing over was deep silver. It seemed to stop waving and solidify enough that he could make out who the marker was for.
Draco Malfoy, 1980-2003, 23 years
old
Betrayer of the Dark and Brother in Arms to the Light
May his soul rest where it was once torn
Dearly beloved son of Narcissa and Lucius
He strolled onward, down the row recognizing far too many names. Far, far too many names. Susan Bones. Terry Boot. He felt the tears threatening to slide down his face. But it felt wrong to brush them aside as he saw a crimson marker. Oh god, he knew who this was.
Ronald Weasley, 1980-2000, 20
years old
Brave, courageous, and unwilling to surrender
Beloved husband to Hermione Granger
Wonderful son and brother
All that was asked of him… he did willingly
The grave next to Ron shimmered a light yellow.
Hannah Lily Weasley, 2000-2001, 1 year old
She never had a chance to truly live
Precious daughter to Ron and Hermione
Oh god. Hana--- no Hannah had been alive here too. Born a year later than his Hana, but still… He knew who the dark gold's grave was. His sister of the heart.
Hermione Granger Weasley, 1981-2001, 20 years old
Died protecting her reason for
living and breathing
Darling wife of Ron Weasley
Caring and loving mother to Hannah
Never was there a woman so valiant and brilliant
He passed more graves. Nymphadora Tonks. Fleur Delacour. Gabrielle Delacour. Fred and George Weasley. Arthur Weasley. Cho Chang. Seamus Finnigan. Oliver Wood. Remus Lupin. Minerva McGonagall. Then at the end of the row was a grave with outrageous orange.
Albus Dumbledore, 1846-2003, 157 years old
The upholder of all that is Light
and Good
Died defending Hogwarts to the very end
Pray there be a Heaven full of candy for this soul
The best Hogwarts Headmaster ever…
Harry walked through the rest of the graves. Ginny Weasley. Bill Weasley. Molly Weasley. The only ones from the Weasley family he hadn't seen their graves were Charlie and Percy. Oh god, the entire family almost. There were more that were dead. Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Malfoy. Everyone that he'd known and loved was dead. Dying sometime after the time he'd left. The most deaths seemed to occur between 2000 and 2003. If only he had been there… if only.
Before he could even let the reality really crash into him, he was jerked out of the graveyard when his older self took the orb from him. Even though he couldn't see the rows and rows of markers, that didn't make the image in his head fade. He still remembered for it lingered and would not fade.
His older self brushed away the tears gently. It is awful, I know. That was what Severus showed me when I first arrived back. And that is what will come to pass if you do not return. It's 2005 right now, and most of them are still alive because you went back so that I could be there. If you do not go back, they will suffer and all that I have shown you will come true.
Sev is still alive?
Yes, he was one of the few left. But he was hiding, waiting for you, for me to come. He knew that you, I would come. That it was only a matter of time. We failed the first time. The first time he said you, I only went back to the Final Battle where Dumbledore died. It wasn't enough. This time I went back eight years and it was enough. That was why you couldn't go back when you tried before graduation. You can't be in any universe at the same time with yourself.
How are you able to get through to me? Why can't they get to me back home if you can? Why?
Because Voldemort placed a complicated barrier on both sides of the door. They figured out part of it, enough that the gate could open but it wasn't enough for them to communicate to you since they had no idea where you are. I do. It's not hard because I have a connection to the Voldemort in that world. He pulled off his cloak and shed his robes, then pulled up his shirt to show him on his back the tattoo that Voldemort had placed on him. And I'm only able to get to you now at this moment because your soul instinctively tries to get back to where it belongs.
You belong here Harry. This is your home. This is your world. If you don't save it, who will? You have to come back. Think of all the deaths that will occur if you don't. Right now, Hermione, Draco, Ron, and Hannah are still alive. Severus loves you. The world is hopeful. The war has been at a standstill, but it's turning now. It won't be long now. It won't be long at all. I would change one thing though of what I've done. Don't wait. Teach them. Teach Hermione, Draco, Ron, teach anyone you think is strong enough to stand against Voldemort. Don't wait until it's too late.
How? I've tried to get back, but I can't. I can't.
You can try soon. Wait a while. Wait a little while longer. Give me exactly a year and you'll be free to go through. It gives you time to sort out everything here. We have to do this at the same time for it to work. If we don't, we'll both get pushed back. Remember we both can't exist in the same world at the same time. One year from now at noon.
I have no choice do I?
You'll go back eventually, and they won't even miss you. To them here, you will look older that's all. I will look older, and I will have changed but they won't. It'll be a joy to not have to have the same worries that I've had here.
But Voldemort wants to wage war on the Americas.
Only for his ego since he felt like he hasn't been a Dark Lord recently. Too quiet and not enough action. You just have to convince him that no one thinks he's getting weaker. And for god's sake, stop Bellatrix's influence. She does wield some persuasive powers over him, as much as he doesn't want to admit. And Harry?
Yes?
Whatever you do, don't marry Sahar yet.
I don't intend to.
You will have to, his future self murmured wearily. That's how you'll bargain with Voldemort to get what you want. He has the text that you need to get back. He knows how to open the wards that our Voldemort set. You will have to tell him about yourself. Take Veritaserum and tell him the truth.
That's suicide!
No, he loves you in his own way. He wouldn't kill you. Trust me, when he realized how close he was to driving you insane, it made something inside of him snap. He regrets it terribly. He doesn't desire to punish you, but he won't be lenient toward you either. He pushes the people that he loves the hardest, you and Sahar. Bellatrix can't hope to compete against you two for his affections.
You need to use the marriage to Sahar as leverage. Voldemort will still want something from you. He is a Slytherin. You must bargain that, and he will give it to you. He will indulge you, Harry because he cares about you. And because he wants his grandchildren to carry your blood. And Harry?
Yes?
When you go back, listen to everything Severus has to tell you. He will know everything, and he will already love you. Realize that he knows everything. Realize that he is the key to adjusting to your home again. And realize that he's the only one that knows who you really are.
But can't I tell them?
No. Voldemort must not realize who you are, and that means that they can't know. No one can know, Harry, that it's you--- not until after he's dead. You must kill him before he realizes what a threat you are to him. I made a mistake. I let him know who I was. If he knows he'll target you relentlessly, and people will sacrifice themselves to keep you safe. You don't want that, do you?
Of course not! But my scar is impossible to hide. His older self brushed away the hair that covered his forehead and Harry saw that there was no scar on his forehead. But how?
Muggle cosmetics and charm after charm with a few dozen altering potions. You can't go back looking exactly like yourself Harry. But all that really needs to change is getting rid of the scar and your eyes. Your eyes are too vivid and too unique. But muggle contacts solve that problem as well, and you've been growing your hair out. That will help. A few subtle changes that Severus will help you with and it will workout.
I don't think I can do it.
If you can't do it, I can do nothing. You must because I must. If you don't do it, I won't exist--- and your friends and loved ones will die. You must Harry, and you must go back as Sebastian Biggerstaff. Now go back to Sev. He misses you dearly and he loves you so much…..
Harry sighed as he shifted to wrap his arms around Severus's waist. He leaned his head on Severus's chest. If he went, he wouldn't see his Severus for a few years at least. He knew it would take a lot of preparation and time to defeat Voldemort. It wasn't going to be easy, and he hoped that Severus would understand. He leaned upward and pressed a kiss on Severus's lips. God, he was going to miss Severus. He had one year… one year in which to prepare himself to let go and to never let Severus forget how much he loved him.
"I love you, Sev. I do."
~
"Please don't do this," Severus begged. "Please don't. You know how much I love you, Harry."
"You know there is no other way," Harry murmured back, his hand threading its way through Severus's long and silky locks. "Dumbledore won't survive a duel with Voldemort. I can. If I don't do this, who will?" He leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss on his lover's lips. Who knew he'd fall for this Severus too?
"I can't live without you, you bloody brat," he growled, his hands wrapping around Harry's face and kissing him like he was never going to let go of him. "I won't live without you. This is suicide. We still have time. You said there was year. There is still a year, Harry. Don't do this now. Don't be the damn Gryffindor that you were. Remember, you are a Slytherin too."
Harry smiled sadly, resting his head on Severus's shoulder. "I must do this. He's only getting stronger, Severus." He couldn't call Severus Sev here, it felt wrong. They were the same man, but still slightly different--- different enough that it almost felt wrong. But how could love ever be wrong? "If I wait any longer….. it'll only get worse."
"I don't want you to risk yourself like this," he snapped.
"I know," Harry responded soothingly. "But I have to. I may be a Slytherin, but I'm a bloody Gryffindor too. It can't be helped." He kissed the side of Severus's neck affectionately. "If I die….." Severus pulled away and captured his lips in a brutal kiss to stop him from saying anything.
"You will not die."
"If I die," Harry continued persistently, "you already know what you must do. You must survive and go into hiding, I've already told you where the safe spot where you were waiting for me through the passage of time and space is. You must go there again. This time, things have to be different. You must not allow me to resume being Harry Potter. I cannot. I must not. Or it will be the same. And it cannot be this way."
Harry turned his face away and glanced out at the barren fields that had once been blooming with life that surrounded the wasted Hogwarts. He'd lied to his past, no his present self. He couldn't face telling Harry that even if he went back there was no guarantee that he could save all his friends.
True, he had prevented a slew of deaths but still--- it wasn't enough. Half the Weasley family were dead. Lucius Malfoy was dead, protecting his wife and son--- and his wife had gone mad. But it was still better than the future that Severus had shown him when he had first arrived. Draco was still alive, though haggard and worn out. Hermione was still breathing, but Hannah and Ron were dead. Tears fell down his cheeks. Even coming back wasn't enough.
As much joy as he had brought them by coming back as Harry Potter, it only made Voldemort start the attacks more viciously once he'd learned that his arch nemesis was back. If he came back as someone else, Voldemort would be more relaxed and lenient than he had been this time. They could slowly build up their defenses where last time they had not had the chance. Things would be different next time.
Next time….. maybe he would have to make a tough decision….. whether to stay here with Severus or go back to the world in which he had promised to return. He didn't have that option this time. He knew he was going to his death. No matter what Severus did or say or do, it wasn't going to change the fact that he had to die. If he didn't kill Voldemort, there was no telling if Severus would survive long enough to change what will come to pass if someone isn't there to change it.
This was the only way. He wasn't afraid to die. He was only afraid of letting others down.
~
"SEVERUS!" Harry cried out. He had told Severus not to show up during the final battle, that it was more important for him to survive and guide his younger self to a more promising future. He should have realized that Severus wouldn't listen to him, that Severus would never allow him to die without trying to do something to prevent. But he couldn't, didn't Severus understand?
This Voldemort was too strong and too invincible to be killed by Avada Kedavra. No, there was only one curse that would kill him, and it required the sacrifice of one's self. He'd do it, he'd do it if it meant that others would live and that the future would possibly be better than this. He guessed he was a Gryffindor to the end. Foolishly making a sacrifice for the greater good of all.
He was running, but he didn't know if he would be in time. Why did Severus think he could face Voldemort when Harry didn't even know if he could bring down the most powerful Dark Lord of all times? He pushed Severus out of the way just in time as Voldemort cast an impenetrable barrier around them. It ensured no one could escape until someone died. At least it wasn't going to be Severus, Harry thought.
"You foolish Slytherin," Harry murmured, his eyes gazing at Severus lovingly, "I love you."
Then he turned away to face Voldemort, barely able to erect a shield as Voldemort's wandless attack hit him. There was going to be no wands in this battle; there could be none. Their brother wands would not attack each other, but that didn't mean that their magic couldn't react against them. It was only the wands, the instrument for the magic to be directed that protested the attacks. The inherent magic within them had no such disagreements.
"If I die, you will die with me."
It pained Harry to see how much this Voldemort had grown to resemble the Dark Lord that had been like a father figure to him in the other world. But the mad glint in those crimson eyes was totally foreign, not at all like the cold calculation that he knew so very well. This was not the Voldemort that he knew he could not kill, this was the Voldemort that he could. He lifted his hand and formed an orb of pure magical essence.
No one could escape the bubble that trapped both of them. The dawning horror of Voldemort's eyes almost made him smile, but he took no pleasure in torture and murder like Voldemort did. No, he was doing this because it was necessary. He had to see this through to the end. It was his destiny. It was his fate since the day that he survived the Killing Curse. This was what his life was meant for.
This orb of power wasn't only going to burn their bodies, Harry had deliberately added another spell… a spell that would use his very life force to destroy Voldemort's. It was the only way. They would have no ghosts. There would be no soul left. It would be utterly destroyed and done away with. Harry bit his lip and unleashed all the power and the life within him.
"HARRY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Severus screamed dementedly as he collapsed onto his knees, his eyes filling with tears of anguish and agony as he watched his stupidly noble lover sacrifice himself for the greater good. He knew what Harry was doing was right, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. His vision was blurred while he watched Voldemort slowly burning to death with his lover. "Harry," he whispered painfully, "I love you. I love you so goddamn much."
And it was too late to tell him that anymore because Harry was never going to wake up by his side anymore. Harry was never going to laugh and kiss him playfully in the morning to get him into a more agreeable mood. Harry was never going to bring him food when he forgot to get something to eat when he was absorbed in his potions projects. Harry was never going to lovingly tell him he loved him whenever he thought he needed to hear that.
Never again because Harry was dead.
Voldemort was dead too, but he felt no joy as he saw the barrier dissipate and there was nothing except the smoke from the burning bodies. Harry's spell had destroyed their bodies and souls so completely that there were no traces left, not even ashes. It would have been easier having something to bury, but there was nothing. There was nothing.
A single tear fell down his face. He didn't bother to wipe it away. What was the need? He had no pride left when all that he'd lived for and loved was gone. Not all gone though, his inner consciousness nagged, there was still hope that when Harry's past self came to their world from the other dimension that he would be able to reclaim his lover. His fist clenched at his side. He would make sure this time that Harry lived.
Harry said that there was a year left. He had a year to prepare, to research, to find anything that would keep his young lover alive. He would do it. Nothing would stop him. Nothing. He couldn't bear to lose Harry one more time. No, he couldn't. He didn't care what lengths it took, this present was going to be erased… from the history books… and rewritten.
~
Author's Note: I hope you realize that the character death warning in the beginning was valid, but only valid to a certain point as this was a future that occurred that future Harry is trying to prevent with present Harry. Timeline gets all confusing, but as I'm sure you've figured out by this point--- Harry will go back in time but he will look as he is, thus he won't need to change much of his physical appearance (eye color and scar b/c his hair is long now and he's so much older than Harry Potter could ever be). Of course, the future's a bit changed as what future Harry showed him hasn't entirely occurred yet and you won't know what really happened until present Harry goes back. As I said, it's not that similar to MOM at all (since I planned this time turning bit 9 months ago when I started writing this) but it is similar to a degree to the Paradox of Existence by Dragonlight; however, I've established more background in my story than hers has ;p by sheer volume of going through the years. Oh god, this plot's so complicated I want to cry. But I won't. I won't be working on this for a while as I'm so stressed out I want to breakdown. This story is on hiatus until bio lab is over with (I have a month more of hell then I'm sort of done). 'Til then, pray I update 'Fallen' and get those new series out (which have completed first chapters, just haven't released them.) And please… please review ;p.
Thanks to Nelum, Aserra (And my muse has finally broken down and gone into hiding, as I have been on my longest MOP/EOE drought… a month ;*(. Thanks though, comparisons to MY and CC are –wow-), hjlavery, Psychomek, GoddessMoonLady, Redrum, Irihi Safaia (Sahar's an unknown at this pt.), ShadowQuirk (wow that's a lot of rereading, but good right?), Coo, Kyra2, Draconisdagger2000 (dunno if we'll see an ickle Biggerstaff), RainWaters (yeah it is somewhat, slightly), kickedoutofthegoblet, Lindiel Eryn (yes it was a slip), Lynxen (this isn't actually suppose to be a true sequel, the next part is the real sequel, I just would rather MOP be complete and make myself feel good that I completed another work ;p), Anara (well, most of the flashbacks go in an order, though not chronological, but in a building pattern that makes you go: OH! The brother wand bit would only convince Voldie that much more that Sebastian's like him. And Harry/Sev's relationship has never had much banter if you look back. The banter is in other stuff I've written, but not this one. And it'll appear in Part 3), Shinigami061, Lady Mandara Snake, lightyearsaway, athenakitty, menecarkawan (all questions answered?), Silver pup, DaughterofDeath, Black Llama, Death-TheOnlyTrueFreedom, Fawn, Colibi, Sabrina451, Lolita, luntatyme (JASON ISAACS is a sexy fucking gentleman), Eternal Cosmos, walker-of-the-shadow-path (the slytherin book is important, and your guesses are spot on), Korinna Myorin, crazy-Girl-3000 (don't do neopets sorry and I get enough junkmail), Jewelclaw Lady of Wind, TigerBlak (I need someone to get bio lab bitch off my back), bramblerose-proudfoot (perhaps), Winnie 2, Eaiva le Fay (he's only slightly more human, but enough that it makes you wonder wtf is going on his mind in regards to Sebastian. Harry's close to Lucius b/c of Voldemort), ennui deMorte, Winnie2, Kater1, Roma, lizdarcy2, Xyverz (sorry that it was slow, but flashbacks do need to be shown if not for the reader's curiosity, but for my own resource fact bank), Shuki – aka Quickjewel.