Chapter 6- Wandering Mouths
Lily was upset. Unsettled, was a better word for it. She tapped her quill against her thigh repetitiously, not noticing that she did so. Professor Towerns didn't seem to realize that nobody cared what he was going on about. From the looks of it, the class was even more boring than usual. Heather was making shapes with her hands, smiling to herself. Jessica was playing with the end of her ponytail and frowning. Lily was sitting there observing everything…or about everything. One thing was, more often than not, her object of observance. Black, pointy and sporadic ends. She thought of every vocabulary word that would go along with it. Maybe it was soft too...abruptly, she realized that she was staring at the back of James' head, and gave a little jump in her seat.
Jessica looked her way, raising an eyebrow. Lily sniffed and ignored her; her friends had been something less than helpful lately. They seemed rather amused by her problems. Lily didn't find it very amusing, though. She shook her head, cleared her thoughts, and decided to listen to the end of the lecture, for once.
Professor Towerns was saying, "Aurors have to be on pliable schedules. They are called on when needed, you see." When had Defense Against the Dark Arts become so pointless? "They must be brave, ready for anything. And-"
"They're sexy." Jessica said, staring at her desk. She looked up abruptly, seeming to realize that she had said it aloud, and not softly. She covered her mouth with a hand, her eyes widening. Lily and Heather looked at each other, surprised, and began to snicker. The Professor had stopped talking. Everyone turned around, after a moment, to stare at Jessica, laughing slowly. Jessica appeared bewildered, but dropped her hand and spun around to proceed to laugh at the girl behind her, who looked helpless.
"Oh, give it up." Lily poked her tom-boyish friend in the side. "Everyone knows it was you."
At this, Jessica shrugged and chuckled to herself. "Well I had to try." She mumbled. "Not everyday my thoughts come out to greet the world."
"Thank God." Heather muttered.
Jessica gave her a pointed glare, and then looked away, realizing that everyone
had lost interest in the trio and Professor Towerns had resumed his monotonous
hell.
@-------------------@
It was funny. Only when she was alone was Lily able to clear her head and realize what a mess she had made of everything. Because it was her fault, of course. It was always her fault.
There was something there, hovering in the back of her mind, that involved James. She resolved to keep it there, until some other problems were solved. She finally realized her lack of sense since they had come back for their last year at the school. But that, well, it didn't mean that she was going to do something about it. Not just yet.
"Why do people act?" she mumbled to her bedpost. That's what she'd been doing, and without even realizing it. Why couldn't everyone be themselves, all the time? Why was she forced to hide her emotions? Why weren't all other people forced to do the same? Why…
She knew why, in the back of her mind someplace. She knew that it was pretty much her fault that she was the way she was. It had something to do with Chris. But that was her fault anyway; there had to be some reason he had acted that way. It was her, one way or another. It was her fault. She sighed, feeling as if there was no end to this.
The door burst open, and in came the last person she wanted to see. "Hello dear!" Luke exclaimed, plopping himself down next to her on the bed. "What's wrong?" he inquired suddenly, sensing her mood. "Is there something I can do? Can I help?"
Lily stared up at his head and wondered vaguely what could be in it. Certainly not a brain. Luke mistook her stare for something different. "Ah, yes." He grinned, smoothing his hair down. "I got a haircut."
Lily would have laughed, if only it were someone else who had to put up with this, and she was merely a bystander. It might have been amusing. Suddenly, the biggest why question of all popped into her mind: Why, in the name of something horrible, was she still with Luke? She grinned abruptly.
Maybe she had made a mess of things, but a mess could always be cleaned up. The first step of project 'clean-up' brought on a surge of happiness. "Luke, we need to talk."
Luke's forehead scrunched up
slightly, and he grabbed both of her hands in his, putting on his 'sympathetic'
face. "About what? Do you have a problem you need help
with? What is it?"
She swatted his hands away
quickly. Oh Lord. "No- it's just.
Well, I don't think this is working out."
"What is?"
Lily almost rolled her eyes. Almost. "Our relationship." She replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and it just might have been.
"Oh." He said simply. He stared into
his lap for a long time. "There's another guy, isn't there?"
Lily didn't hear at first. "I
know this is hard for you, but- What?"
"I knew it! Someone's stolen you!"
"No! Nothing like that at all!" she took a deep breath, reminding herself that she should be gentle with the less fortunate. "I just- need some time to be along. A long time." She added, making sure he didn't get any bad ideas.
But Luke was no longer listening to her. He had jumped up from her bed and was pacing the room, muttering to himself. It was rather scary. "Luke?" Lily asked quickly.
"I'll find the bastard." He was
saying.
"Luke! I told you-"No, that wouldn't do. He had already left the room. She
heard one more strip of mutterings coming from down the hall before it trailed
off, "And when I do…"
"Oh God." Lily put a hand to her forehead and fell back on her bed.
@-------------------@
"I can't believe you finally did it!" Heather exclaimed. "I'm so happy!"
"That idiot was getting on even my nerves. I don't know how you took it, Lils….Lily?"
James was ignoring her. Lily glared at his back. He did it on purpose. Ever since that night when he had completely confused her at first by saying he wished her the best with Luke…no matter- why did she care? She considered it. Well, because I want to apologize. Yes, that would be it. She felt bad, for having been so moody around him all the time. She wanted nothing else though, she just meant to apologize. Abruptly, she snapped back into reality, realized that Jessica was waving a hand in front of her eyes and pushed it aside, annoyed. "What's that all about?"
"Er- you wouldn't answer me. I was just making sure you hadn't fainted standing up or something." Jessica said. Lily turned to Heather. She shrugged.
Lily chewed her lip. "Um, what were you saying?"
Her friends exchanged a look and laughed as if they had just heard
the funniest thing in the world. Lily rolled her eyes and resumed walking. "I
don't understand you two sometimes."
They caught up to her, on
either side. "You aren't supposed to."
"Whatever that means, I'm going to forget you said it."
They walked into Transfiguration; Professor McGonagall surveyed them over her glasses and leaned back over her book sharply. For some reason, McGonagall always made them feel a bit nervous, and it was uncanny.
Lily sighed and dropped her bag onto the desk, practically throwing herself into her chair. No matter how much she tried to restrain, her glance always seemed to travel over to James. She was sure her friends noticed, and they would have questioned her, had it not been for McGonagall's interruption.
"Okay!" she snapped her book shut loudly, causing everyone to fall silent. "Today we are going to take notes on transfiguring mice into frogs. Tomorrow, we'll practice it and-"
Lily's thoughts immediately took a different turn. A few minutes later, a piece of parchment landed in her lap.
Lils-
Might I inquire at the source of your interest regarding James Potter?
- Jes
Lily smiled despite herself and glanced over at her friend, who winked. She grabbed her quill and nibbled at the end before replying,
Jessica-
I might say the same about your new obsession with sexy aurors (how would you know?). But anyway, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just really bored, as you should be too.
-Lily
Lily-
Don't play stupid with me. I've known you too long, you stubborn little red-head. Just admit that you're into him and I'll leave you alone.
-J
It took Lily awhile to respond to that one; she was internally debating what she should let Jessica in on. Her friends were right, though. She couldn't hide everything from them, and she wasn't sure why she tried anyway. They were there to help her, not criticize. Although the sly comments were quite unnecessary…
Jessica-
I
don't know what to tell you. And I'm being honest. I'm confused. Maybe tonight,
I'll tell you everything I'm thinking. But I'm just too mixed up, and it would
take too long to write. I promise, you can grill me later and I'll let you this
time.
-Lily =/
Lily-
Don't act like I'm going to do something horrible. You're paranoid, I swear. Whatever, it's about time you open up to your dear friends here. I'm going to stick these notes under Heather's nose after you read this…she's fallen asleep and drooling again, if you haven't noticed yet…
-Jessica
Lily sniggered and glanced over at their other friend, who was hanging half off her chair in what looked like a very uncomfortable sleeping position. It was a wonder they had ever found classes slightly enjoying back in their first few years.
@-------------------@
At the end of transfiguration, she caught Jessica glancing at her greedily and decided that she simply wasn't in the mood for all the questions now. Her mind was too tired to relate anything. Grabbing her books, she told the two of them quickly,
"I'm heading to the library, to get a head start on the Charms homework. I'll catch up with you later."
This caused Jessica to wrinkle up her nose and mutter something that sounded an awful lot like, 'shaking me off'. Heather, however, couldn't have been more eager to agree. She wouldn't have gone to the library unless forced by some horrible power.
"Right. See you then." Lily said, giving a wave and leaving the room with a sigh.
Once in the library, she dropped her bag onto a table near the back and wondered if she really wanted to do the Charms essay just yet. "Well of course not, you idiot." she whispered to herself. She decided to do it anyway…anything rather than go to talk to Heather.
Walking to the back shelf, she was met with a rather unexpected and unpleasant surprise. "James Potter! What are you doing here?" she demanded, glaring at him.
He dropped his hands to his sides and tilted his head at her. "What was that? I couldn't quite hear you…"
She turned red and lowered her voice, anger flaring up inside of her. "What sort of stunt are you trying to pull? Why are you doing this to me?"
"Doing what?" James asked, inspecting his hands.
Lily shook her head, suddenly being hit with a feeling of déjà vu. "You know perfectly well. Ignoring me and some such."
He shrugged, looking up at her with his piercing dark eyes. "Why shouldn't I? You ignore me."
She opened her mouth, and then closed it again, realizing that he was all too right. She hated being wrong. Stamping her foot, words suddenly seemed to stream out of her without control. "I just- I wanted to apologize. I've been horrible to you. And I want you to know why too." No I don't! What the hell? "You scared me. I didn't know, I still don't know, what's happening. I was actually happy around you- a guy- after I had despised them for so long. I should have hated you! It confused me. And then- and then you kissed me…I didn't know how you felt about it and I wasn't going to say anything. I realized again how much I hated guys, and I forbid myself to even think about it anymore. But James- I felt something. I don't know what it is, I don't even care at the moment. I just, I just…I just need it."
James stared at her, his dark chocolate eyes wide and dumbfounded. Suddenly, her trance of mind ended. She stumbled backward, clamped a hand to her mouth, blinked, and realized what she had just said. She rushed from the library in a fury.
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A/N: I'm so sorry! I take forever to do anything anymore…I'm just so overloaded with school and all, by the time I actually have a few hours to sit down and write, I'm exhausted and decide to go to sleep instead. I've been sick too…everyone's sick =( Enough of that- I'm sorry I couldn't make this chapter longer! I'd promise you a longer one next time, but those of you who have been reading my stories know as well as I do that it never seems to happen =)
Thank you guys so much!
Blacke- I'm glad you think it's a little different. I'm sick of all the same stories…even if I do find myself reading them, lol. Lamina Court- Don't they? I agree. I've started leaving more reviews, because they seem to make my day. I know- I'm so happy book 5 is finally coming out! And about 4 months now! Vixen- Really? You thought that well of this story? Well let me tell you, you put me in a good mood for the rest of the day! Thanks a bunch, hope you keep reading. Lexygirl0- Lol, if that ending was bad, this one was worse…but thank you, of course. Me- I will =) Thanks Emily Woodmark- I could say the same for your story! You need to update! But thanks, as usual, for reviewing. Jimbiny Lupin-Wood- Glad to hear it! Ty! Golden.Slumbers- Why on earth do I keep putting off reading your stories? I'm such a lazy bum…anyway, lol, I'm glad you agree that James is corny. But then, don't we all wish for a James? Sigh, why can't real life be like fanfiction? Lucky_719- You weren't included? That must have been because you didn't fill it out…either that or, my fault! So sorry! But believe me, it's always appreciated. And Lily's stubborn because she's….Lily =) JadeAngelou- I'm so happy to hear people say they like it. And here I was thinking I was just crazy…oh well, probably am. ChickenSoup3- Lol, poor loser. Yep, that's James. Thanks again! Little Rogue- Isn't he though? It's sort of scary…then again, I made him up, which is much scarier…lol, thanks! Caz- Heh, I think she's blind. Hell, I don't even know and I'm writing it. Oh well, I thank you for leaving another review. Dathrian Princess- Yeah, tell me about it. If I had a guy that fixed on me, you'd bet I wouldn't turn him away. Lol, but that's another matter altogether…Alexz- Well, not soon, but I did write more! That counts for something, I hope. ;) Lover of the Dragon- Ha! Good- someone who sides with Lily! Secretly, I have no idea whose side I'm on. Guess I shouldn't be siding anyway…thanks for reviewing! KeeperOfTheMoon- Lol, yes, in addition to being a corny bastard, he's also a cunning…I don't know what word to fill in the blank. Nauzzo- Hope you liked this chappie too…I don't have the time to make sure it's even worth posting… Dara finVidya- Of course there'll be more! I can't abandon something when people are kind enough to tell me they like it =)
If I missed anyone, I'm very sorry! I was hoping you'd review again for me, if you please. It seems I need some ego boosting, lol. Or is that the right phrase? Oh well, everyone knows what reviews do to people! It's that nice, happy and warm feeling you have when you find a mailbox full of them…What I'm meaning to say, before you all think I'm crazy, is the more reviews, the faster I update! Not that I plan it that way, really, it just happens… =)