Disclaimer: Still don't own Tekken... like everybody else on this entire site.

A/N: Ok, we lied. This chapter is Anna, Hwoarang and Jin. Jin is so in demand here! TWO letters!!!!! Once again, please leave only review-reviews, and send your letters by email. =) Our experts will get right back to you.

"Ask Anna – Relationships"

Dear Anna,

I suspect my gorgeous, wealthy, fiancé – who I'm very much in love with – is cheating on me with one of his co-workers. He spends a lot of extra time at the office and on business trips with this female worker (dubbed the mysterious, 'Woman in the Red Dress'), who apparently also happens to be considerably younger and prettier than me. I love my fiancé very much and I don't want our relationship to end, but is it really worth being cheated on? Please help.

Yours sincerely,

Fretful Fiancé

Dear Fretful,

Oh you poor dear, there is nothing worse than the pain of betrayal. Well, perhaps being eaten alive by a ravenous genetically-engineered dinosaur, but we won't get into that.

What you need to do is make sure that this fiancé-stealing bint isn't your treacherous, malicious, worst-assassin-ever, older sister. Believe me, snotty sisters have a predisposition to outshine you in looks, talent, success, attention and relationships. Every first-born blonde sister should be drowned at birth I say, or at least bitch-slapped into next millennia. And if it IS your sister stealing your man, you WAIL ON THAT BITCH'S BLEACH-BLOND ARSE!!!!

Anywho dearie, get to the bottom of this mess. Are you sure you aren't just jumping to conclusions, simply because your fiancé happens to be working overtime? Are you simply jealous because he's spending time with another woman, even though the relationship is purely professional? What other evidence to you have? Does he come home smelling like perfume? Is it Chanel No. 5?

If your suspicions are confirmed, confront your fiancé. Tell him you know about the little trollop-on-the-side, and that you intend to win him back. Go on Jerry Springer if you have to. If there's one thing I know for certain, sweetie, it's: Never let go of a gorgeous, wealthy man. Do what you have to do to eliminate all competition. Maybe you should consider changing your look. Nobody wants to come home to a girl in sweatpants every night, darling. Dazzle him with a stunning evening dress, matching shoes and a whiff of expensive perfume. Or if you're daring, surprise him in bed with an exotic zebra-skin outfit!

This flirtatious co-worker must be stopped in her stiletto tracks. What did you call her again...? The Woman in the Red Dress...?

Wait a minute.

Your fiancé doesn't happen to work for Mishima Conglomerate, does he?

I gotta go hun. Ta!

Yours sincerely,

Anna. XXX

"Ask Hwoarang – Entertainment"

Dear Hwoarang,

I am a thirty-eight year old science teacher, but I want to get in touch with my 'youthful' side again. Can you give me some tips as to how to follow the popular cultures? ... I'm really trying to impress this chick.

Yours sincerely,

Boring Old Fart.

Dear Boring Old Fart,

DUDE!!!!! You've come to the right man, man! Your new life begins with one word: MAGIC MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, dude, you need to start LIVING. Don't worry, here's everything you need to become the uber-cool, rebellious, radical, hot young thang that I am:

Speaking as a chick-magnet myself, the first thing you gotta do is act the part, man. Play it tough, like you're a good-lookin'-rebel-who-plays-by-his-own-rules kinda guy. Girls really dig that. Street-fighting is radical at the moment. It's like, 'Whoa dude, check it out, I'm a total bad-ass rebel! Dude!' And try to get a rebellious trademark. Say, riding a wicked motorcycle. Or do something wild with your hair. A new colour, maybe. And nothing gets 'em hotter than a pair of shorts over your pants with matching goggles! Word!

Throw in a bit of angst. If there's one thing every teenager on the face of the planet can relate to, it's depression and misery. Be all like, 'Dude, I have such a tragic past!' and, 'Whoa man, I live on the streets, ya dig?', and do the whole, violent self-hating thing. Millions will connect with you, and you may even have legions of awesome girls wanting to nurse you back to health, man! Plus, it doesn't hurt to have an arch-rival, as long as you're sure you can beat him to a pulp. Say for example, some rich lame-ass pretty-boy who wears mascara on his eyebrows. It really adds some challenge, providing you're willing to meet it head-on.

Next add a bit of arrogance. It puts a third dimension onto your personality. It also creates popular stereotypes that you are constantly stoned, smug, aggressive, and use such terminology as 'Dude!!' regularly. Totally ups the rep, dude!

Now, party, party, party! Trip out, pick up, whatever! Dude! Break some rules! Have fun! Radical! Dude!

Peace out,

Hwoarang.

"Ask Jin – Dream Analyst"

Dear Jin,

I've been having a recurring dream lately, and was wondering if you could tell me what it means. In my dream I'm auditioning for a play, dressed as a nun, when I am suddenly kidnapped by a giant lobster wearing a police hat. As it carries me away, I scream, look down, and realise that I'm now naked. Suddenly there's a bungee-jump cord tied to my ankles, so I leap down and plunge into a pool of orange jelly. Since this is my favourite food, I swim around in it happily for a while, then proceed to eat it. But then I realise the orange jelly actually sulphuric acid, and I die.

What does all this mean?

Yours sincerely,

Confused

Dear Confused,

Don't worry. This sort of nightmare is quite common; almost everybody has this exact dream sooner or later. It's almost as widespread as the notorious 'falling' dream, as well as that dream all males have(you know, when you're making love to a beautiful woman, then her legs turn into a pair of scissors? *shudder*). I can tell you exactly what this means.

Auditioning for a play: Perhaps you have entered a new stage in your life, one which you are unsure about. Maybe you've started a new job, or changed schools, or undergone drastic plastic surgery, and you're nervous as hell about it. Auditions traditionally represent nervousness and anxiety, and these are reflected in your everyday life. Try to chill.

Nun: In contrast to traditional connotations, being a nun in your dreams actually means you are a very sexually liberated. And a horrible cook.

A lobster wearing a police hat: This represents the need for balance and harmony in your world. Like yin and yang, night and day, good and evil, Nina and Anna; you can't have one without the other. After all, what is a lobster without his police hat?

Being naked: Another frequent element of dreams, this usually signifies insecurity, fear of being humiliated, or a tendency to set fire to things. For God's sake, leave the pretty fire alone!

Bungee jumping/falling: You have an intense, irrational and persistent fear of wrinkles.

Orange jelly/Sweet foods: You are about to taste bitter rejection in your relationship with your partner.

Sulphuric Acid/Other Poisons: You are about to taste sweet success in the world of air hockey!

Death: Congratulations! You are getting married!

Hope that was helpful.

Yours sincerely,

Jin.

Dear Jin,
I had a dream last night where I was falling down a mountain side and when I fell I LANDED ON TOP OF A LITTLE OLD LADY! here's the scary part, When I woke up, I was on the floor next to my bed and was crushing my dog. Of course it bit me but I would like to know what caused this dream? And why did I land on a little old lady? Why not like an alligator or richard simmons or something?
Needs your help,
Now-I-have-rabies

Dear Now-I-have-Rabies,

Wow, I haven't seen this kind of dream for a while. It reminds me of this dream I once had, where this monster-ish-Ogre-thing came and set my house on fire, then killed my mother and ripped off her fighting skills.

Oh, wait. That really happened.

Anyway, your dream has some simple, yet classic symbology.

Mountains: This is a tricky one. Mountains usually represent triumph or glory, but at the same time they can also suggest problems or obstacles(who the hell wants to climb a 700 foot mountain in their path?). Seeing as in this dream you're falling down the mountain, I'd say this mountain represents your climb to the top of a small, local hill, in an effort to reach some sort of bakery, and how it seems to be going astray. Chill, dude. You'll get your cream buns soon enough.

Falling: As I said before, means you have an intense, irrational and persistent fear of wrinkles.

A little old lady: This is the crucial moment. In falling dreams, as opposed to popular belief, it is what breaks your fall that is most important detail. In this case, the little old lady could represent an elderly female figure/role model in your life, whom you would very much like to jump off a mountain and crush to death. A maths teacher, maybe? To me this suggests a hidden desire to go out and beat this certain-somebody up, as they seem to be annoying, bullying or scaring you.

To answer your question, dreams are often a way to express hidden desires and wishes, so that would be why you didn't land on an alligator or even, say, Richard Simmons. That little old lady is important, don't underestimate her!!!! Let your guard down for one moment, and she'll strike!!!!

By the way, you should probably apologise to your dog. And get a needle for those nasty rabies.

Hope that's helpful,

Jin.

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