Chapter 8: The Last Crossing
A cold draft made its way into her fire-lit room through the small opening of her window. Coming to conscious, she endeavored to turn, but his warmth kept her from moving. She lay there for a while. Still as a corpse.
' So this is who I have to look after now. I can't and won't be there for Eriol like I used to anymore. He's marrying someone else who can 'really' warm his bed and love him days on end... not that I can't do that.'
She fingered a lock of his hair away from his face. She needed someone to hold her now more than ever and she was thankful Kai was there.
' No, I'm not going to cry. I can't. If I start, I won't be able to stop. I can't. I just can't.' She held her tears back as best she could even though it filmed her eyes and threaten to slide from her lids. She kept herself immobile and hoped that she could swallow her tears back. It didn't work. The tears still threatened. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.
She wouldn't have opened her eyes, but the creak of her opening door came to her attention and she turned to see... Eriol.
Staring... just staring at her. She made her move. Kai still sleeping spoke aloud as she shifted her body from his grasp.
" Shhh. I'll be back." She wasn't even sure if he heard her, but she said it anyways.
As for Eriol? Yup... still stood there frozen by the door.
She got off the bed and slipped into her slippers and wrapped her arms around herself. She quietly treaded to the door and grabbed hold of Eriol's arm and led him out of the room. It was silent. He looked at her keenly and she stared at him right back.
" What's wrong?"
" Why is it that you always ask me what's wrong when I see you?"
" Because..."
" Because?"
" Because you never come to talk to me anymore unless it's something bad or something good. So... I'm asking you what is wrong before I ask you what is good."
He was deeply wounded. ' You draw away from me... and now I know why. I drew away from you.'
" I---I don't always come to you like that. I come to you when I'm lonely and I miss you."
She grinningly shook her head. " Well, then you haven't visited me for a while."
" What, exactly, does 'that' mean?"
" Never mind."
" ... Ok."
" So... what's wrong?"
" Nothing's wrong. I came to visit you."
She looked at him mockingly.
" Really? I'm perfectly fine."
He frustratingly looked away from her. " God, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"
" Nothing's wrong with me!" She hissed aware not to wake Kai still sound asleep inside her bedroom.
" What? Are you pregnant? Is that why you didn't tell me?!"
She pulled him downstairs until they reached the bottom staircase.
" What are you doing, Eriol?!"
" Just tell me!" He grabbed her by the shoulders. " What is wrong with you, Tomoyo?" He squeezed tighter.
Stunned, she bowed her head down and consented to a wheeze. Her watery eyes looked up. " Nothing... Nothing's wrong. What makes you think something is wrong?" She nervously struggled from his grip to no avail.
" I'm not that dense, Tomoyo! You've been like 'this' all year long! You've avoided me the last time I visited. You've withdrawn yourself and you plaster that damn smile of yours on every time people question what's wrong with you. Now... now, just tell me. Please. Just tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."
His countenance burned red and he came to notice his hold on her. He brusquely let her go. She deliberated on his shirt. She kept her gaze, being a head shorter than him, on his shirt.
" Kaho gave it to me. What's wrong with it?"
Kaho... her name plucked at Tomoyo's strings. She unintentionally let loose a tear. And then another. And then another until guilt snapped at Eriol's heart and he hastily pulled her into him, attempting to calm her.
" Sshhh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Of course, you're not pregnant. I won't force you to tell me what's wrong. Shhh. Quiet. We still have someone sleeping upstairs."
She looked up at him and smiled him a teary smile and a sniff.
" You're right. You're always right."
He smiled back at her and rubbed the sides of her arms with his hands.
" Whoever turned on the heat did a bad job. I'll go fix it. You sit down here. Be back in a jiffy."
He soon returned and set himself next to her on the couch facing the living room fireplace.
" What made you come back so soon? You've only been gone for a week."
" I was worried and no one was returning my calls from Tomoeda so Kaho and I decided I need to come back and check up on --- you."
She smiled, but she didn't take her eyes away from the fireplace.
Her smile made him smile. It always did. She was the fire that fueled his heart. She was his other half that usually knew what his thoughts and feelings were... even though she wasn't gifted with magic like everyone else around her. She indeed was something else.
" Thanks for caring."
" That's what I'm here for. You never could take care of yourself and kept yourself out of trouble. My feelings still stand as they did six years ago. I guess I'll just have to be here and keep you out of harm's way. You know. After Kaho and I get married and we're settled down, we'll move back here. Things could be like they were before."
His face was shadowed by the hearth, but his beam well shown itself through the darkness. However, she in turn did not beam back. She solemnly glanced at him and leaned her head into the crook of his neck and heaved a sigh.
" Those days can never return, Eriol." He drew back surprised.
" Why not?"
" Soon, we'll be pronounced woman and man and we'll have responsibilities. We'll have to part and do our duty in life. We'll have to stay loyal to our loved ones. We won't have time to dally like we used to. You'll have Kaho to take care of and the new company you're starting. I'll have to stand by Kai and start training to take over my mother's company. We just won't have the time for each other and those careless days we used to have together. We're growing up and it's time we went our separate ways."
" Why are you saying this?"
" It won't be forever. We'll still meet each other. It's just the next time our paths cross again, we'll be different people with different lives to lead. Don't worry, time will erase the empty feeling. Soon, you'll be wondering why you missed me so much to begin with."
" Never."
" Never?"
" Never. I'll never forget you. I'll always remember you. You've secured a place in my heart and I---."
" You don't have to say it. I know... I know."
The continued to stare at the fireplace. After a while, he spoke up.
" So is this final?"
" No. Not really. Nothing's ever final. Remember that. As long as you keep it in you're heart, nothing's final. We'll always have those memories. But promise me."
" Promise you what?"
" Just promise me now. Say you'll do it."
He looked down at her head still resting upon his shoulder. Hesitantly, he uttered, " I promise."
She audibly exhaled. " Promise you'll go on. Don't dwell on things for too long. It won't make it any better. Remember, I'll always be there for you if you ever need anything."
Confused, he accepted, " Ok."
Out of the blue, she flat out said, " Go home."
" Huh?"
" Go home. Go back to your lover. Go back to your life."
" I'm leaving tomorrow morning, there's no rush."
" Leave now, before it becomes any more difficult than it already is."
" But ---."
" You promised you'll go on." She looked at him with an aggrieved smirk. " You promised." She whispered.
He took his time getting up. " I--- I guess I'll see you at the wedding." He picked up his scarf and his keys on the counter. He glanced back at the sitting figure on the couch. " I'll see you then."
Her fading voice was carried to his ears. " Goodbye, dear Eriol. Til' then... til' then."
A cold draft made its way into her fire-lit room through the small opening of her window. Coming to conscious, she endeavored to turn, but his warmth kept her from moving. She lay there for a while. Still as a corpse.
' So this is who I have to look after now. I can't and won't be there for Eriol like I used to anymore. He's marrying someone else who can 'really' warm his bed and love him days on end... not that I can't do that.'
She fingered a lock of his hair away from his face. She needed someone to hold her now more than ever and she was thankful Kai was there.
' No, I'm not going to cry. I can't. If I start, I won't be able to stop. I can't. I just can't.' She held her tears back as best she could even though it filmed her eyes and threaten to slide from her lids. She kept herself immobile and hoped that she could swallow her tears back. It didn't work. The tears still threatened. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.
She wouldn't have opened her eyes, but the creak of her opening door came to her attention and she turned to see... Eriol.
Staring... just staring at her. She made her move. Kai still sleeping spoke aloud as she shifted her body from his grasp.
" Shhh. I'll be back." She wasn't even sure if he heard her, but she said it anyways.
As for Eriol? Yup... still stood there frozen by the door.
She got off the bed and slipped into her slippers and wrapped her arms around herself. She quietly treaded to the door and grabbed hold of Eriol's arm and led him out of the room. It was silent. He looked at her keenly and she stared at him right back.
" What's wrong?"
" Why is it that you always ask me what's wrong when I see you?"
" Because..."
" Because?"
" Because you never come to talk to me anymore unless it's something bad or something good. So... I'm asking you what is wrong before I ask you what is good."
He was deeply wounded. ' You draw away from me... and now I know why. I drew away from you.'
" I---I don't always come to you like that. I come to you when I'm lonely and I miss you."
She grinningly shook her head. " Well, then you haven't visited me for a while."
" What, exactly, does 'that' mean?"
" Never mind."
" ... Ok."
" So... what's wrong?"
" Nothing's wrong. I came to visit you."
She looked at him mockingly.
" Really? I'm perfectly fine."
He frustratingly looked away from her. " God, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"
" Nothing's wrong with me!" She hissed aware not to wake Kai still sound asleep inside her bedroom.
" What? Are you pregnant? Is that why you didn't tell me?!"
She pulled him downstairs until they reached the bottom staircase.
" What are you doing, Eriol?!"
" Just tell me!" He grabbed her by the shoulders. " What is wrong with you, Tomoyo?" He squeezed tighter.
Stunned, she bowed her head down and consented to a wheeze. Her watery eyes looked up. " Nothing... Nothing's wrong. What makes you think something is wrong?" She nervously struggled from his grip to no avail.
" I'm not that dense, Tomoyo! You've been like 'this' all year long! You've avoided me the last time I visited. You've withdrawn yourself and you plaster that damn smile of yours on every time people question what's wrong with you. Now... now, just tell me. Please. Just tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."
His countenance burned red and he came to notice his hold on her. He brusquely let her go. She deliberated on his shirt. She kept her gaze, being a head shorter than him, on his shirt.
" Kaho gave it to me. What's wrong with it?"
Kaho... her name plucked at Tomoyo's strings. She unintentionally let loose a tear. And then another. And then another until guilt snapped at Eriol's heart and he hastily pulled her into him, attempting to calm her.
" Sshhh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Of course, you're not pregnant. I won't force you to tell me what's wrong. Shhh. Quiet. We still have someone sleeping upstairs."
She looked up at him and smiled him a teary smile and a sniff.
" You're right. You're always right."
He smiled back at her and rubbed the sides of her arms with his hands.
" Whoever turned on the heat did a bad job. I'll go fix it. You sit down here. Be back in a jiffy."
He soon returned and set himself next to her on the couch facing the living room fireplace.
" What made you come back so soon? You've only been gone for a week."
" I was worried and no one was returning my calls from Tomoeda so Kaho and I decided I need to come back and check up on --- you."
She smiled, but she didn't take her eyes away from the fireplace.
Her smile made him smile. It always did. She was the fire that fueled his heart. She was his other half that usually knew what his thoughts and feelings were... even though she wasn't gifted with magic like everyone else around her. She indeed was something else.
" Thanks for caring."
" That's what I'm here for. You never could take care of yourself and kept yourself out of trouble. My feelings still stand as they did six years ago. I guess I'll just have to be here and keep you out of harm's way. You know. After Kaho and I get married and we're settled down, we'll move back here. Things could be like they were before."
His face was shadowed by the hearth, but his beam well shown itself through the darkness. However, she in turn did not beam back. She solemnly glanced at him and leaned her head into the crook of his neck and heaved a sigh.
" Those days can never return, Eriol." He drew back surprised.
" Why not?"
" Soon, we'll be pronounced woman and man and we'll have responsibilities. We'll have to part and do our duty in life. We'll have to stay loyal to our loved ones. We won't have time to dally like we used to. You'll have Kaho to take care of and the new company you're starting. I'll have to stand by Kai and start training to take over my mother's company. We just won't have the time for each other and those careless days we used to have together. We're growing up and it's time we went our separate ways."
" Why are you saying this?"
" It won't be forever. We'll still meet each other. It's just the next time our paths cross again, we'll be different people with different lives to lead. Don't worry, time will erase the empty feeling. Soon, you'll be wondering why you missed me so much to begin with."
" Never."
" Never?"
" Never. I'll never forget you. I'll always remember you. You've secured a place in my heart and I---."
" You don't have to say it. I know... I know."
The continued to stare at the fireplace. After a while, he spoke up.
" So is this final?"
" No. Not really. Nothing's ever final. Remember that. As long as you keep it in you're heart, nothing's final. We'll always have those memories. But promise me."
" Promise you what?"
" Just promise me now. Say you'll do it."
He looked down at her head still resting upon his shoulder. Hesitantly, he uttered, " I promise."
She audibly exhaled. " Promise you'll go on. Don't dwell on things for too long. It won't make it any better. Remember, I'll always be there for you if you ever need anything."
Confused, he accepted, " Ok."
Out of the blue, she flat out said, " Go home."
" Huh?"
" Go home. Go back to your lover. Go back to your life."
" I'm leaving tomorrow morning, there's no rush."
" Leave now, before it becomes any more difficult than it already is."
" But ---."
" You promised you'll go on." She looked at him with an aggrieved smirk. " You promised." She whispered.
He took his time getting up. " I--- I guess I'll see you at the wedding." He picked up his scarf and his keys on the counter. He glanced back at the sitting figure on the couch. " I'll see you then."
Her fading voice was carried to his ears. " Goodbye, dear Eriol. Til' then... til' then."