The Unnecessary, Stupidly random DOA4

Okay, don't expect this story to be a story written by two sane people because it ain't. It's very random but we thought it was amusing, goes to show we have a whacked sense of humour. So if you think Kasumi's breasts are just about 10 sizes too big and have always wondered what the letter Hayabusa got actually said before he burnt this is the story for you…

*

Chapter 1: Penetrating the Abyss.

"Oh… I wish I could read," Hayabusa muttered chucking the letter into the fire. "But all those stupid squiggly lines make it really hard,"

He sat down on a rock and farted. "Oh. I miss my hat, now my part's going to get burnt,"

He was just about to pick up his dinner, (a fish on a stick, yum yum), when one hundred arrows shot down at him. "Oh… it's times like this that you need a hat."

So instead he threw his fish and an impossible feat happened when the "super" fish managed to knock them all away.

"Well… there goes dinner," he mused, getting up and picking up the letter.

"Oh yay, this one's in English… and even though I'm Japanese, I can read it."

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dear Mr Hayabusa,

You have been accepted to a dumb school for dumb idiots who can wave around their hands and sticks (without poking out people's eyes). Because you are "special."

So please come to platform 9 ¾ with a whole lot of crap (eg a stick) and try and jump through a solid barrier without knocking yourself out.

Yours Sincerely.

Manuver McGoogles

Deputy Head Mistress of Imaginary School

"Hey wow, I'm special!" Hayabusa declared to the rock he had previously farted on. "Now lets get me a stick!"

*

Kasumi sat, staring reflectively at the horizon… until an emerald green leaf fluttered down, landing on her *extravagant* cleavage. She reached a hand in to pull the leaf out, but somehow it managed to become lodged in between the… abyss. Pulling, cursing and farting all at once, she attempted removing the leaf once more, until a large and heavy something-or-other knocked into her, causing her to fall off the tree branch she was sitting on.

She stood up, hand still down cleavage, to look into the poo brown eyes of her older brother, Hayate. Who is trying to kill her. Sibling rivalry.

"Oh, Hayate…" Kasumi started. "I'm so happy to see you…"

Hayate drew his sword. "The time has come, Kasumi,"

"…can you help me get my hand out of my cleavage?"

"…You must be exterminated,"

"Hello? Leaf? A little help would be nice,"

"I have to kill you, Kasumi," Hayate said coldly.

"Yeah, but before you do, can you help me get my hand out of my boobs?"

"Of course," He puts the sword on the ground, and sticks his hand down her cleavage.

A pause.

"I see what you mean by your hand getting stuck," Hayate mused aloud. "How do you get anything out of here?"

"I don't. If you see a pearl necklace down there, it's mine,"

"Oh,"

"Well that's it, it's all over," Ayane told herself miserably. "But… you know, I'm kind of glad he's gone because, boy was he ugly! Things like that should be removed! On the other hand though, he was my *gulp* father figure thingy. Oh, I think I need to have a cry." She ran into the forest hoping she could "be close to nature" or some cliché crap like that. But instead she came across a very well… disturbing sight indeed.

Hayate and Kasumi were very close to each other, but at least they weren't going for each other throats, today. But however… they were going for Kasumi's boobs.

"Hey guys, save it for the bathroom," Ayane said, raising an eyebrow.

"The bathroom?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah, because then, you can flush Kasumi's head down the dunny," Ayane said. "Why have you both lodged your hands between Kasumi's silicon?"

"It got… uh, stuck," Hayate said sheepishly.

"And why were you even down there?" she asked, wiping away her previous tears.

"I took a wrong turn," Hayate whined. "And she said that if I could get her hand out of her boobs, then I could kill her! But she just got my hand stuck! She tricked me!"

"And why was YOUR hand down your boobs?" Ayane asked, turning to her hated half-sister.

"It's all that darn stupid emerald green leaf's fault!" Kasumi cried. "It fell between my boobs and so I went to get it! And my hand got swallowed up in the… abyss!"

Suddenly, a singing voice could be heard, singing the tune of I'm so Pretty, slightly edited for Hayabusa's purposes.

"I'm so special…

Oh so special…

Oh so special and…" he paused. "What rhymes with special?"

"Weshal?" Kasumi suggested.

"Oh! Thanks!" he continued singing.

"Oh so special and weshal, and gayyyyyy…"

"That's about right," Hayate muttered into Kasumi's breasts. Then he looked up. "Oh? There's someone here?"

"Yeah! ME!" exclaimed Kasumi.

"Anyone ELSE?" Hayate asked.

"Oh it's MEEEEEEE!" said Hayabusa bursting out of a swirl of emerald green leaves.

"It was YOU!" Kasumi exclaimed, livid. "YOU put that emerald green leaf down my cleavage! YOU made Hayate get his hand stuck in my breasts! Which is not very comfortable, I might add! And now that YOU are here YOU and Ayane can help us get our hands out, oh and the leaf, oh and the necklace."

"The necklace?" Hayabusa asked it was his turn to raise his eyebrow.

"Yeah, it fell in there about 5 years ago and it's really pretty."

"Yeah, but I have to get to platform 9¾ and jump through a stupid solid barrier!" Hayabusa complained, holding up the letter.

"Yeah, but I have to cry!" Ayane complained.

"HELP!" Kasumi shouted. "Before I… I… shove your hand down there as well!"

"Eek," Hayabusa said. "Okay,"

"Anything but that!" Ayane cried.

So Hayabusa grabbed Hayate's hand and Ayane grabbed Kasumi's, until a few arguments broke out.

"You poked me!" Kasumi complained.

"You touched me!" Ayane shot back.

"You're ugly!" Hayate said to Hayabusa, trying to get into the swing of things.

"Yeah, well at least I don't smell," Hayabusa shot back.

"Well… it's not my fault!" Hayate cried, sniffing.

"You two suck at this," Ayane yelled.

"I'm not ugly! I'm SPECIAL!" Hayabusa shouted.

"Don't touch me! You were singing about being gay just before!" Hayate yelled. "I want to remain a virgin!"
"You're a virgin?" Hayabusa asked, before Ayane started the 'pull' countdown.

"Three, two, one… PULL!"