Chapter Eight: Burnt Out

*Holding her hands up to the dim light of the lantern, she examined them to their full extent. They had been rubbed raw, become blistered and burned, and ached with a fiery sting. Every time she closed and opened her fist, she could feel her bones creek as they rubbed each other painfully. Her nails, once a decent length for a woman, were now jagged and short, broken from the rough work they had been put through in the last week.

Never before, as long as she could remember, had her hands ever been soft. Growing up in the dojo with her father, she had always preformed chores when she had not been training with the bokken. The training itself had already cut and bled her hands until they had become coarse and calloused, yet they had never been so dry and raw as they were from scrubbing dishes and cleaning the floors of the Akebeko. Was it worth it?

She knew it was, deep in her heart and in her mind, but when she was so tired that she felt dizzy and weak, it was hard to continually convince herself of it. Within the past week Kaoru had worked as hard as she could, trying to earn enough money to pay the taxes upon her dojo. In the mornings she had fished and then sold her catch, and then, if there had been time, she had stopped at another fisherman's stall and gutted the fish for his customers. Afterwards, around the hour before noon, she switched to the Akebeko and began washing dishes and scrubbing the floors of the popular eating-house. In the evenings she first stopped by the Hiami household to give her sword lessons, and afterwards she followed it with a brief visit to Megumi's to check on Sano and Yahiko, and of course, Kenshin. So her life had continued on, much the same way.

But more than Kaoru's daily lifestyle had changed in the last week. She had also had to reform her own person in order to keep up with the demanding tasks that she had to complete each day. Stinting her eating habits had been easy, but she was finding it more and more difficult to keep her energy levels up. Hunger pains had subsided only days before, once her stomach had realized that no matter how it grumbled and whined it would not be fed. And there was also the matter of having to care for the small baby Namida.

Namida ate from whatever of Kaoru's meager wages could be spared towards personal things. But it was more than just a matter of feeding the child. Kaoru had to have her eye on the child every waking moment, and even in her sleeping moments. Namida refused to give up her crying for hours upon end sometimes, and nights she cried constantly, stealing sleep from Kaoru as she stayed awake rocking and hushing the baby, trying to calm her.

Luckily, at the moment Namida was asleep in the muted light of the Japanese lantern, giving Kaoru a much needed break. The night outside was chilly; a large drop in temperature had come since the night Kaoru had stood out in the rain with Kenshin. Kenshin… He was so sick, and she missed him so much. He was an enigma that she had not yet come to fully understand. Kaoru knew that she cared for Kenshin; she knew she loved him. She could imagine spending a lifetime of happiness by his side—were he to ask her. And still other problems plagued her. She was so young, was she absolutely certain that he returned her love? No. She was not sure if he loved her in the same way. How could he, always using an honorific? Yet he saved her life time and time again, worried for her safety, and she knew he only wanted to see her happy. Where did that leave her?

Kaoru only wished to keep Kenshin safe from the rest of the world. So many times had he been torn apart by life changing… his childhood, he had confessed to her, had been a confused and tormented era in his life. His training with Hiko had robbed him of normalcy and innocence, and the revolution era with Tomoe had led him to nothing but bloodshed. But he was here now, away from that past, away from his former man-slaying self. No…

As much as she wished he could leave that part of himself behind, Kaoru knew that Kenshin would not be the same man. The legendary Battousai and the wanderer Kenshin Himura were one in the same person; they had simply managed to spilt within themself and live in harmony together. Kaoru knew that the manslayer still and always would lurk within the depths of Kenshin, and she was drawn to his strength in not only admitting this, but in taking it and restraining it. She loved him, both parts, and only wished that she could protect him from ever having to release the bloodthirsty hidden half of himself. She knew that if he ever did allow the Battousai to completely transform him again he would never return to her, out of his shame. How she wished she could tell Kenshin, convince him that she wouldn't care… that she loved him no matter what he had been or what his other part had done out of need.

"I see you're still up." Kaoru was shaken from her reverie and stood quickly out of worry. Until she realized that she knew the voice.

"Sanosuke, what are you doing here this late?" She called to him from the doorway of the dojo. Sano reached the steps and sat down, leaning against one of the large red columns of the archway the led into the house.

"Checking in on you. Kenshin was asleep when you visited tonight, and after you left he woke. Sent me to check on you, to ask if anyone had hassled you today. So, any hassle you?" His eyes darkened slightly. Kaoru flushed.

"You should tell him not to worry so much, I'm doing just fine on my own."

"You know Kenshin Missy, he worries about your safety. And frankly, I do to. What's this I hear about you scrubbing dishes in the Akebeko? Tae and I had an interesting conversation when I was there today for dinner."

"Sano, that's none of your business. I offered to help Tae out, that's all." Kaoru told him firmly.

"From what I gathered, you asked her for a job. Kaoru, I've been here everyday this week around noon, and you haven't been here once. That's six days you've been missing. Kenshin always asks how my visit goes, and I always have nothing to tell him. I keep saying you must have changed your lessons to noontime, or you would be there. But you haven't been giving lessons, you've been working in the Akebeko washing dishes."

"Sanosuke…"

"I'm not done. This morning I was here early enough to watch you packing your fishing gear on the bank of the river. Fourteen fish? And you sold them all, so obviously you haven't been just out catching your meals. Then you go to gut fish? As if that weren't enough, you disappear on me, until I asked Tae tonight and she said you had been in the kitchen washing dishes. So, my question is this: what kind of a gambler are you in debited to?" He smirked finishing his tirade at last, and Kaoru sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I am not in debited to a gambler Sanosuke! Only you would think that!" She growled.

"With good reason. You're building up funds for something, it's just the most likely reason I can think of."

"Listen Sano, I'm not in debt at all. I just wanted to use the time I have alone to earn some extra money. That isn't a crime."

"You're working yourself into exhaustion, it's as plain to me as it was to Megumi when she told me you looked sick after you left tonight. And why do you still have that baby? I know it isn't yours, so whose is it?"

"The baby and my health are none of your business Sanosuke. And I am not working myself to exhaustion. I'm feeling energetic as can be at the moment." Glaring, she moved her hand to her bokken at her waist to prove her point.

"Sure Missy. That's where the dark circles beneath your eyes came from, huh?"

"Yahiko calling me a Raccoon is quite enough, I don't need it from you too, Rooster head!"

"Now wait just a second!" Sano stopped instantly, his pride wounded by the slam against his hair.

"Dear Kaoru, you keep wretched company as far as I can see. This is the second time I have caught you with a man unchaperoned, what am I to think of you?" A sneering voice wafted from an invisible body.

"Who's there?" Sano turned around, darkly glaring into the mists. He punched his hand for good measure.

"So then, my whore has not told her friends of my existence, even after I met her other lover." A man's dark, tall figure appeared through the fog. The outline of the sword at his waist was clear to both Sano and Kaoru as his hand played around the hilt.

"Jensai, I believe I have made it very clear that you are not welcome here on my property." Kaoru directed her stern words at the man. He only laughed.

"It won't be yours much longer, little Kaoru. Unless of course you and I can come to some sort of… arrangement…" Jensai had swiftly advanced past Sano and now towered directly over Kaoru's tired and tense form. He ran a finger down her face, from her cheek to her chin, and then down her throat to where her kimono stopped.

"Get your hands away from her!" Sanosuke snarled; his face filled with pent up rage. Kaoru could feel the anger radiating off of his body. Jensai ignored Sano.

"If you let me, dear, sweet little Kaoru, make you cry out in pain… if you let me make you bleed, if you let me taste your blood…I might be able to make some arrangements. After all, you are mine, and a man should protect his woman. Let me have you Kaoru, let me take you into my hands and crush that soft, white neck or yours. Let me cut you, bite you, let me break you… And I shall protect you here forever." Kaoru shivered under the mad suggestions the man made, but would not give him the satisfaction of letting him know his insanity frightened her.

"I said don't touch her!" Sanosuke lost his temper and threw a punch at Jensai. The man sidestepped it and continued to ignore him.

"Well Kaoru?" He asked, smiling gently at her. "Let me have you, and I will let you have the dojo."

"Get away from me, from my friends, and from my home. Get off my property. Now!" As she spoke, Kaoru's voice gained strength, and she ended with a furious tone that made even Sano blink. "I never wish to see you again. If you return here once more, defiling my Father's memory, his name, or his home, I personally will see to it that you regret it."

"Very well." He growled with animalistic depth. "You have until seven o'clock tomorrow to turn in the taxes, and if you don't, I burn this place to ash and throw you into prison. See if your friends stay by you when you live in a cell!" With that, the furious man stalked off, down the walkway and back into the mists from whence he had come.

"Kaoru, what the hell was that about?" Sanosuke regained his temper and glared in her direction. "So that's why Kenshin has been after me to keep close watch on you! He knew that man would be coming back to hassle you! Who was he and what did he want?"

"He was a soldier for the government, as you saw. And he wanted the taxes, as he said." Kaoru replied quietly.

"He called you his woman! If anything you're Kenshin's woman, even people like Shishio and Enishi knew that! What did he really want?"

"You heard exactly what he wanted Sanosuke. He wanted either the taxes or me. And he'll be getting the taxes." At least, she hoped he would be. She hoped by the end of tomorrow she would have enough money to pay them off.

"But Kaoru, this is a dojo! There is a temple on these grounds, you shouldn't have to pay taxes on the land!"

"Sano, don't question what you cannot change. Look, I'm sure Megumi is worrying about you. Go back and get some rest. And tell Yahiko and Kenshin I miss them and can't wait until they come home in two days." She gave him a sad smile.

"Missy…" A loud wailing cut him off. Kaoru sighed.

"Namida needs to be changed. I'll see you tomorrow, good night Sano." Kaoru, not waiting for his answer, shut the sliding door behind her and went to comfort Namida.

"Yeah, good night." Sano muttered as the door was virtually slammed in his face. Did she honestly think he could keep this from Kenshin? As Sano made his way quickly back to Megumi's clinic, he shook his head. Why was it that women always tried to hide the truth from their friends? They never wanted to let anyone know their secrets. Or maybe it was just the women he was friends with. Megumi held her secrets, held her feelings hidden deep within her heart. It had taken him so long to drag them out of her, to confront her about her numerous suicide attempts and ask why. Kaoru was the same way. She always tried to smile for them, even when everyone knew she was neither happy nor excited. She withheld everything from them, never wanting them to worry about her well being. What these women didn't realize was that in being secretive, they only made their friends and the people who loved them worry more.

"Sano, why are you in such a rush?" Megumi asked him as he greeted her at the door of her clinic.

"I have to talk to Kenshin, sorry Fox." He smirked lightly as he pecked her cheek and then continued on down the hall until he reached Kenshin's door. He found the Ruoroni sleeping in a fitful swath of sheets and blankets. Shaking him gently, he forced Kenshin to open his eyes and focus.

"Sano?" Kenshin asked. "What's happened?" Instantly Kenshin reached for his sword. Kaoru… something was not right, she was in fear, she was sad… he could sense it. "Where is she?"

"She's fine, back home in the dojo. But Kenshin, while I was there tonight, she was visited by a dirty government slime who she called Jensai." Kenshin's eyes widened, then narrowed, and Sano watched as they became a light violet, hinted with a golden gleam when the light touched them just right.

"Jensai Tomogei." He growled. "Did he touch her? Threaten her?" Sano, taken aback by the fact that Kenshin knew who the man was, hesitated slightly. Then he cleared his throat and began.

"He gave her an ultimatum, give herself to him, or pay taxes. Or she would lose the dojo."

"She doesn't have to pay taxes on the dojo, there's a shrine on the land. It's sacred, the government does not charge for land with such sacred temples on it."

"Well, they're charging Kaoru. Kenshin, some of the things he wanted to do to Kaoru… he said he wanted to taste her blood; he wanted to break her. I sent a punch his way, and didn't even see him move. It was as if he had known it was coming."

"He's a honed swordsman. I had the displeasure of meeting him earlier in the week before Kaoru asked me to come here. He would have hurt her then if she had been alone. I knew he would not leave the matter at that, I knew he would return."

"He won't be back tonight though. He gave her until five o'clock tomorrow. Then he'll be coming back around. Kenshin, Kaoru will be fine tonight, lie back down. I'll go over there and watch out, in case. You may be better, but you're not a hundred percent just yet. Save your strength for tomorrow night, when he does show up."

"Sano, was Miss Kaoru alright? You didn't say whether or not he touched her." Kenshin sat back down on his futon, but did not let his sword fall from his grasp so quickly. He watched as Sano squirmed, and knew that the taller man did not wish to answer his question.

"Well… he didn't hurt her. Didn't even draw his sword and point it at her."

"But he touched her." Kenshin's eyes narrowed again. Sano shrugged.

"His hand might have touched her cheek… that's when I went in to punch him though, so it didn't last long."

"He touched her. He touched her… mine…" Sanosuke watched as the wanderer who had become his friend battled between his duel personalities. The Battousai was enraged by Jensai's forwardness and nerve, and Kenshin himself was beyond upset that a dirty man such as Jensai had tried to ruin Kaoru once again.

"Kenshin, you should have heard him," Sano now fed him the lines. Kenshin had just admitted Kaoru was his. There was hope yet for the two. "He claimed Kaoru was his woman. He literally told her she was his, and that she would come to him eventually. He asked how long her friends would stay near her if he threw her in jail."

"Sanosuke, stop." Kenshin's voice was haggard and dark. He sounded out of breath and not quite himself. Sano had heard this tone before; it was the forceful voice that came out when Kenshin had pent up rage. Sano knew that if he pushed it any farther, Kenshin would indeed forget he was sick and run to Kaoru instantly. He could not do that, not just yet…

"Kenshin, I'm going back to the shrine, to make sure she's alright tonight. I'll be back tomorrow morning for you. If Megumi lets you out of the house tomorrow and I'm not back yet, come by the dojo and find me." Kenshin, chaining his rage, nodded his head. Sano gave him one last look, then turned around and paced out of the room.

"Sanosuke Sagara, care to explain to me just what you are doing? Probably gambling again knowing you!" Megumi glared at him as he walked back out of Kenshin's room. Sano paused. Then he turned and advanced on Megumi. Backing her up against the wall of her clinic, he smirked evilly.

"What if I am?"

"You know very well what!" Megumi hissed. "Foolish Rooster!"

"Conniving Fox." He whispered into her ear. Lightly he blew into her ear, then kissed it ever so gently, feeling Megumi shiver below him. Smiling into her neck, he dropped his kisses lower, and finally lifted his head to face her.

"You are more conniving than I will ever be." She breathed.

"And you like it that way." Finally he descended upon her lips, kissing her brutally and tenderly at the same time. Megumi forced the kiss back with just as much energy, and they battled briefly for dominance over one another. Finally Sano moaned and his kisses became more gentle and drawn out. When they broke apart, Megumi began to pout.

"You let me win… you're going back out tonight."

"How do you know that?" He asked confused.

"You always let me win before you go out to do something dangerous." She whispered, her head titled down so that she could avoid his gaze.

"I'm not doing anything too dangerous tonight. No fights, no drinking, and no gambling, I promise. I'll be back in the morning too. Kenshin will be well enough to leave tomorrow, won't he?"

"Yes. He was well enough to leave today, but Kaoru had told Yahiko that she wanted Kenshin taken very well care of. Sir Ken could do with a break from scrubbing floors and laundry. Kaoru should really being doing that work anyway. Why she forces poor Kenshin to do it I'll never understand."

"You really don't get it, do you?" Sano sighed. He may love this woman, but she was forever criticizing. "Kenshin wants to help Kaoru. He considers it his way to pay for lodgings. And Kaoru doesn't need help teaching; she needs help with chores. That's why Kenshin does it. He doesn't think it's demeaning because he's doing it to repay her for her kindness. He knows she's tired after a long day teaching swords, and only wants to help her."

"Then she shouldn't be teaching swords! She should take up women's work." Megumi scoffed.

"Megumi." Sano growled. "You may be a woman, but you are not a very good one if all you can do is find fault with someone who works in memory of her Father and his honor. Teaching in that dojo is all Kaoru knows, and to strip her of that would be to change who she is. Would you really want that?"

"If it would make her more graceful…"

"It wouldn't—it would merely change her personality. You are her friend because of her personality and character, do you honestly think you could be friends with her if she changed so drastically?" Megumi, seeing that she could not win this argument, cut it short.

"Kenshin will be able to move freely about the town tomorrow." Sano noticed her change in conversation and nodded.

"Good. He needs to see a few things. I'll come for him early tomorrow. Goodnight Fox."

"Goodnight Rooster."

Kenshin lay on his futon listening to Megumi and Sanosuke argue. He had known for sometime, or at least suspected that they had become a couple in private. But their argument over Kaoru's position and his work bothered him. True, it had begun that way, with him trying to merely repay Kaoru for taking him in. But now… he didn't do it just to repay her. He knew that even if he were a freeloader such as Sano she would still allow him to stay. He helped Kaoru because he loved seeing the happy look on her face when she finished after a long day of training Yahiko and walked into the house to find chores done. Making her happy was his first priority, and he didn't really care what it took to make it happen.

And Kaoru was already quite graceful. In fact, she was perfect in his mind. True, Megumi was a woman of breeding. She had been given lessons in how to walk, talk, act, and live as a woman of high status and delicacy. Much the same way his first wife, Tomoe, had been, Megumi seemed the perfect woman. But that was why Kenshin was so attracted to Kaoru. Her wild and carefree style, her friendly and warm attitude, and her ability to fight yet stay true to her morals and not kill captivated him. He was drawn to her innocence behind her strong and loud character. Drawn to the pain of loneliness that he knew she his, just as he did.

So long had he wandered, and never had he met anyone quite like her. She accepted both of him for who he was as one man. She understood his past, yet was able to look past his bloodstained hands and see what he had hoped he would be able to accomplish, that he was repented and still repenting. He only feared that she did not return his feelings as strongly, and that she was not ready to make such a commitment so young. Still, Sano swore up and down that she did love him and that she was ready… perhaps it was time he listened to the fighter for higher? Closing his eyes, he smiled as a vision of Kaoru smiling at him welcomed him into his dreams. *