Title: He is NOT my boyfriend! Part 5

Pairings: Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione, Seamus/Dean, Neville/Ginny (later), Blaise/?, Pansy/?

Year: 6th

Warnings: Slash (homosexual couples and lesbian couples), WAFF (and fluff, I think), hopefully Draco's not too OOC, and NO plot! (That's PWP!), and Harry might be a bit OOC as well.

Notes: Sorry if this seems a bit quick to some. It doesn't seem that fast to me. Really! This as good as the details get. Remember folks- this is also HUMOR. Otay? It's written for mainly my amusement, and hopefully others. If there are canon errors, then let there be canon errors.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. JKR owns them, not moi. I make no money off of this. Although, Rowling should take a page from my book.

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Millicent and the other sixth year girls came down. Millicent was holding a crate of what looked to be butterbooze and butterbeer.Theodore Nott had brought down a bottle of firewhiskey and red wine, looking very smug.

Draco looked at them all and smiled, "Let the party begin!"

It started more energetic than anyone had thought. The highest bid on there being a death during their party was 500 Galleons. The highest bid on there being shagging during the party was 250 Galleons. Apparently, more people thought that there would be a war instead of hormonal shagging. Those that had bid on the shagging part figured there would be since there would be alcohol. No one had betted on any relationships coming out of the deal, which seemed to be happening right in front of Draco's face.

Blaise was sharing a piece of his chocolate frog with Colin Creevey. Draco bet 100 Galleons that the world was about to end.

Pansy was chatting away with Parvati, who was looking like she was confused. Apparently, she didn't think that Pansy could be intelligent, which was a hard thing for Draco to acknowledge as well. Millicent had her arm slung over Pansy's shoulders, looking very protective. Draco had doubts about them before, but now he was pretty sure that there must be something going on between them.

Speaking of 'going-ons', Draco looked back over at his supposed date and saw him yakking at Ron and Hermione. Ginny was also there, looking nervous. Draco supposed that she had the right to, since in her first year she had a bout with Voldemort. She must not like the way the Slytherin common room reminded her of the Chamber of Secrets.

Draco also noticed, while sipping his wine, that Longbottom was looking glum. He decided that the best way to get Potter's attention was to go bug one of his jittery friends. Draco casually waltzed over to where Neville was sucking down a bottle of butterbeer. As he got closer, he realized that Longbottom was staring at the Weasley girl.

Malfoy sighed, getting Neville's attention, and said, "So, what's new, Longbottom?"

Neville frowned and stared at the drink in his hand.

"My life stinks."

Draco smirked, "I said what's new?"

Neville looked up from his bottle and his pout increased.

"I see," Draco's smirk intensified, "You've got a thing for the Weaselette, don't you?"

"Don't call her that." Neville said defensively.

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, really," Draco fought down a snicker. "I was thinking about helping you."

"You? Help ME?" Neville's eyes widened. "Why'd you want to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know. I am getting rather fond of this whole 'love' thing, ya know? Being with Potter has its advantages. Either that or it's contagious."

"So are you in love with Harry?"

Draco snickered, "Now, let's not get off the deep end here, Longbottom. Let's talk about your little problem."

Neville blushed, "I swear, I don't suck my thumb anymore!"

"Not that problem. But thanks for the information." Draco laughed. Neville turned red. "Now, seriously, you want to win over Miss Weasley or not?"

"How would YOU help? You don't seem to be doing such a hot job of keeping Harry hooked. As a matter of fact. . . he doesn't seem very in love as you both claim."

"Shut up, Longbottom. Is this what I get for being nice?"

"Sorry. I really don't see how you can help me. Ginny is so smitten with Harry that she hardly pays attention to me. I don't blame her. Harry is handsome and he's thin..." Neville sighed, "I wish I were better looking."

"Now, Longbottom, there's no reason for you to do that." Neville looked like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, but then Draco continued… "SHE'S the one who should wish you were better looking."

Neville's bottom lip started to quiver.

"I'm joking! Blimey, can't you Gryffindor's ever take a joke?"

"That wasn't very nice, Malfoy!"

"Look, I really don't know what her tastes in men are. Well, I have an idea…" he looked over to see that Ginny was looking at Harry with yearning in her eyes. Some sort of jealousy raged within Draco, but he did his best to keep it in check. "But what you need to do, is sweep her off her feet. Give her little tokens and gifts. Girls like that sort of thing. They love flowers too, but nothing too huge. A dozen roses is nice, but a single rose can say a lot."

"Wow," Neville said, looking awe-struck, "I don't know what to say. Thanks, Malfoy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't look too much into it. And do not mention it, either. I have a reputation to keep."

"Of course," Neville smiled slightly.

Draco walked back over to his spot by the fireplace. He had his own armchair with his own spot for his wine glass and snacks. When he got there, he saw Millicent sitting in his chair, with her cheek stuff full of something. She looked up at Draco with a wicked grin.

"Where did my chocolate frogs go?" demanded Malfoy.

Millicent gulped whatever she had in her mouth. "First they went to Hogsmeade for a few drinks. And then they're going to the lake for some swimming…"

"Wipe those crumbs off your chin, and get the hell out of my chair."

With a small chuckle, she did as she was told. "What's wrong, Drakey? I thought you liked sarcasm."

"Only when it's coming from me." Draco plopped down on his chair and lifted the wine glass to his lips.

"Well, looks like everyone is getting along so far." Millicent said, "Pansy is still yakking with Patil about god-knows-what. Probably the newest fashion statements. Creevey is continuing to badger Blaise, and it looks like he doesn't mind. Potter, Granger, and Weasley are now talking to Smith, and looks as if Longbottom is trying to get smashed. Although, if he were smart, he'd be drinking butterbooze or wine."

"Well, this is Longbottom we're talking about. He has less backbone than a jellyfish."

"I saw you talking to him a minute ago. What were you saying to him?"

"Oh, he's just hung up on the Weasley girl. I tried to give him a few pointers, but I doubt he'd really be able to pull it off. You know him."

"Pointers? Like what? Giving flowers?"

"Yeah, something like that." Draco shrugged.

"What about this ordeal with Potter? Do you give him flowers?"

"NO! Are you nutters??"

"I thought you two were together."

Draco buried his face in his hands. He had a feeling that this would have to come up. Of course, Draco actually did find Harry to be rather attractive, but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself just yet. So long as Harry and his friends think this was just some sort of cover for him to stay out of prison, he'd be fine.

'Well, Draco, you git,' he thought to himself, 'you did kiss him, and he was about to kiss you without force… maybe…'

Draco stood up, wine goblet in hand, and made his way toward the Gryffindor trio. On the way, he grabbed another glass full of wine. When he reached them, they turned to face him.

"Are you crazy kids enjoying yourselves?" Draco smirked.

"Well, it's ok, I guess." Hermione said. "Even though it seems dreadfully gloomy in here."

"Splendid." Draco smirked. He handed Harry the glass of wine he picked up, "Par vous, monsieur Potter."

"Merci." Harry smiled shyly. He was about to put the silver goblet to his mouth, when Ron's hand suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Wait, Harry. He might have drugged it."

Draco rolled his eyes, "Oh, you figured me out, Weasley," he said sarcastically, "It was my plan all along to drug Potter and get him into my bed. Darn you for foiling my most evil of schemes."

"That better have been sarcasm." Hermione said, her brow knitting.

Draco laughed, "Why, Granger, I do believe you are starting to know me better."

"Heaven forbid," she said with a slight smirk. She sipped her butterbeer.

"Don't worry, Potter." Draco said, smiling, "It's not drugged, or even poisoned. Now why would I do something as stupid as kill off my own boyfriend?"

"Do you have an hour? I could name them all off if you like."

"Lies and rumours, Potter. All of them." Draco grinned. "As you have finally realized, I have a thing for you," he waggled his eyebrows.

"Is that what you call it now?" Hermione crossed her arms, "I thought you really liked Harry."

"Let's not get technical, Granger. Although I know how hard that is for you to do."

"Watch it, Malfoy." Ron growled.

"Now, now, Weasley," Draco jiggled his brow, "Don't make me mad. you wouldn't want to do anything foolish in front of all these Slytherins and your Gryffindor friends for a mere gold coin, would you?"

"I'm not in the mood for your little games right now." Ron said. He sucked down some of his butterbooze.

Draco smiled. "I see." he said, eyeing the bottle in Ron's hand, "How about I make a bet with you then?"

"What kind of bet?"

"A drinking one. Remember how well you held your own last time? How about we see just how much booze you can handle before you pass out? First one to do so will have to go to their first class on Monday with only their boxers on underneath their robes."

Ron couldn't help laughing out loud at the mere thought of Malfoy having to do something embarrassing like that.

"If I do lose, would you give me a Galleon for entertaining you?"

"Perhaps." Malfoy smirked. "We'll see just how entertaining you become."

"I suppose telling you no won't work, would it?" Hermione sighed.

"Nope." Ron said with a satisfactory smile. "Either way, I win." He turned back to Draco, "Ok then, Malfoy, you're on! This is my second bottle of butterbooze. How many have you had?"

"I've had one glass of wine, but no butterbooze yet. I will go and get Millicent to drag a crate over here." Malfoy waltzed over to where Millicent was still sitting- in his chair. "Millie, dear? We need your strength. Could you please bring over a full crate of butterbooze? Weasley and Iare going to have a drinking contest."

Millicent laughed. "You honestly have no interest in anything remotely challenging, do you?"

Draco shrugged, "There's Potter."

"Oh. Good point." Millicent got up and wrapped her arms around the first crate of butterbooze she found. "You're not trying to impress Potter by any chance, are you?"

"Impress Potter? Yeah right. Getting smashed in front of him isn't my idea of being impressive."

"I thought you'd want to score with Potter tonight. Getting drunk ruins things you know."

"Showing up Weasley is more important right now than getting into Potter's trousers."

Millicent shook her head, "Or so you say. You know, Drake, I have a feeling that you're up to something. Am I right?"

Draco smiled, "You know me too well."

Millicent set the crate down in front of the Gryffindor trio and Draco, and then, after rolling her shoulders, she started to walk off.

"And stay out of my chair!" Draco called after her. She raised a hand into the air and gave him the birdie. "No, thanks, Millie. I don't want anything after Pansy's used it!"

This got her attention, as well as a few gasps from Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"I will get you back for that comment, Draco!" Millicent said, looking extremely miffed.

"Shouldn't have insulted me," Draco said with a smug look. She ignored him and went back to sitting in his chair. "I told you to stay out of my chair, Bulstrode! Grr. . . bitch." He turned his attention back to the three Gryffindors, "Anyway, sorry about that. Shall we get started, Weasley?"

"Ferrets first," Ron said with a smile. Since he was allowed to call Draco that, he was taking advantage of it as best he could. Especially since he would probably be making an ass out of himself soon.

"Why, thank you, Weasel." Draco smirked. He finished off his wine, and then popped open a bottle of butterbooze. He took a rather long gulp, and then ogled Ron, "Well, Weasley? Help yourself."

Ron smirked and took a bottle. He tried to look manlier by opening the bottle with his teeth, but it wouldn't budge. He tugged and tugged fiercely, and then gave up in a huff. Hermione sighed, grabbed the bottle from Ron, and ripped the top off of the bottle easily.

"Honestly, Ron, if you're going to embarrass me…"

Ron blushed. "Er, thanks Hermione."

Minutes later, Ron was leaning back against the mantle, and Draco was lazily sipping on his tenth bottle of butterbooze, standing heavily on his right foot. Ron smacked his lips, they have gone dry a long time ago.

"You know," Ron slurred, trying to focus his gaze on Malfoy, "er, did you know… have you been AWARE that alco-me-hol causes stupiditity… stupididdle… stupiddy… er… not smartness?"

Draco chuckled almost none stop, "No shit, Weasel…" Draco sat down into the nearest high-backed chair and slumped his arms, "And they say that people become more attractive the more drunk you are, did you know that?"

Ron giggled, getting Harry and Hermione to look at him funny. They were sitting by the fire, refereeing them, and making sure they didn't get into a fight that would result in them getting injured or killing each other.

"Hey yeah, I believe it, cause you know…" Ron staggered over to where Draco was sitting, and fell on the floor. Draco stifled a laugh and Ron continued, "right now, you're looking incredibly handsome to me…"

Hermione gasped. "Ron!!"

"What? He is, though! I see now why Harry doesn't mind kissing him. Is he a good kisser, Harry?" Ron laid back and looked at his friend in an upside down view.

"Er…" Harry blushed a bit.

"Of course I'm a good kisser!" Draco frowned, "But, just in case you've been in a coma the past few days, I will remind you that I'm seeing Harry, you know, so you keep your hands off me." then Draco chuckled, "I should make myself a sign to put on me- hang it around my neck- PROPERTY OF HARRY POTTER! Anyone caught with any part of their body touching my person will lose said body part."

"Awww… but I'm curious!" Ron pouted.

"Well, you're gonna stay curious, cause I'm not kissing you, Weasley. Redheads aren't my style, sorry." Draco grinned, "But brunettes are." He eyed Harry, who stared back in confusion, "Come 'ere, Harry, baby… come sit in daddy's lap."

Hermione gasped, as did a few other Slytherins watching nearby. Ron pouted.

"Draco!" Harry said, finally finding his voice, "I-I don't think that's a very good idea…"

"Why not, my little lion?"

"Well, for one, there are people watching, and two: you're drunk. There's no telling what you'd do…"

Draco wiggled his brows, "Oh, come on, Harry…" he whined, "I want my sexy boyfriend in my lap. Please??"

"Draco…"

"Pleeeeease, Harryyyyy?"

Harry sighed, shaking his head, "I don't think…"

"Don't make me get up and sit in YOUR lap."

Harry looked thoughtful. What was worse? Sitting in Malfoy's lap, or having Malfoy sit in his lap? It was a tough decision.

"You should sit in Harry's lap!" Ron said, as if he were reading Harry's mind, "Because Harry's clearly the dominant one in the relationship."

"Excuse me??" Draco shouted, "Potter? Dominate? I don't think so! He's so innocent he probably had never heard of the word fornicate before."

"I have too!" Harry said with a pout.

"Of course he's more dominating! Remember that inshhi- inshiddent on the train? Wait, how do you say that word again?"

"Incident." Hermione said.

"Right! Thanks, Hermy-knee! Yeah, on the train… Harry told you off for being a prat!"

"That doesn't give him the right to be the more dominate one!" Draco sneered, "He's too innocent."

"I'm not that innocent." Harry said, pouting.

"There's no way in hell you're the dominant one!" Ron said. "Harry clearly is."

Draco stood, trying his best not to get up too fast, and glared down at Ron, "You want me to prove it? Then watch." He walked, slightly awkwardly, toward Harry and knelt in front of him. They eyed each other for a bit, Harry going red, and Draco moved forward and kissed him hard on the lips.

Harry staggered for a bit, the sudden kiss startling him, and then he found himself on the floor on his back. Draco pressed his weight firmly on Harry as he ravished his mouth. Harry was way more sober than Draco was now, but he couldn't get himself to stop Draco. His tangy tongue and lips brushed his, and Harry could swear that he was suddenly transported to another dimension from the shear heat of the kiss. His legs felt like jelly, his head swam, and his heart felt as if it were about to burst out of his chest. Just as Harry was about to put his arms around Draco's neck and completely surrender to him, someone suddenly announced-

"All right! Draco's getting some!!"

Harry pushed Draco off of him with all his might, and Draco flopped onto the floor with a heavy WHOMP! Draco stared up at the person with immense anger, his face all flushed.

"I- will- kill- you, Zabini!!"

Blaise blinked in confusion. "What'd I do?"

Draco got up, aiming to strangle Blaise, but Harry stopped him by grabbing onto the back of Draco's cloak and held him back.

"Remember the bet that the Hufflepuffs have? Don't give them a reason to win anything." Harry said.

Draco continued to glare heatedly at his friend and then he turned back to Harry. They were both still sitting on the floor, Draco on his knees now, Harry on his elbows.

"Yeah, you're right." Draco looked back up at Blaise, "I'll settle my score with you after the party."

Blaise just shrugged his shoulders, clearly not scared of his friends' words, and he walked off with a smile on his face.

"Smile all you want, Zabini, it might be your last!"

"Hey," Hermione said, poking at Ron's side, "I think he passed out."

"Sweet." Draco smirked, "I won."

TBC